Comes & Goes
by AlexaET
Summary: Edward is used to losing everything he ever cares for, but when he decides to save a homeless girl from a terrible fate he learns that maybe, just maybe, love comes and goes in waves. WARNING/SPOILER: This story contains strong themes such as sexual abuse (not explicit) and others. So please do not be offended or hurt. Read at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Hey man, want to go for a beer? Rose and I are planning to go to Benny's," Emmett said as he leaned into my small cubicle, a smile on his face.

"Nah, thanks." I waved him off and I didn't have to see Rose's face to know she was scowling at Emmett for inviting me out.

"Sure?" Emmett asked again, and I could see from the corner of my eye how he was looking at Rose, challenging her to say anything.

_That bitch hates me._

Oh well, the feelings were mutual and Emmett knew that, so I didn't know why he insisted on inviting me to tag along.

"Yes, I'm really tired," I said as I started cleaning my workspace to leave like everyone else. "Last night I finished unpacking and I'm beat."

"Already? Wow you unpacked fast!" he said amused.

"Didn't have anything better to do," I said honestly. "Besides, it's not like I had much shit anyways."

He nodded in understanding and I could see the regret in him for bringing up the topic of my moving.

"Em, I'm done." Rosalie said, annoyance obvious in her voice.

"I'm coming babe." He nodded. "Do you want me to close the front door or do you want to do it?"

"I'll do it, don't worry," I said, not even looking at him anymore.

"Okay, see ya' tomorrow, Edward."

"Good night, Em."

And they left.

As soon as everything was clean and in order, I made my way towards the front door. I made sure to lock everything as well as turn off the light of the 'Open' sign. I left the alarm off as I always activated that from the back door and went back inside.

I looked around at the shop and sighed. It had taken me seven years and a lot of hard work to get the shop in tip-top shape. "Twilight Tattoo & Piercing Shop" was my pride and joy and I wouldn't change it for the world. Who would have thought when I came to New York that I would end up owning a business, but things had happened, the music business hadn't wanted me, so I found something that did. I loved music, but I had found my passion in doing tattoos, so everything had work out just fine. I still played from time to time in a small band me and other friends had, but it was more of a hobby type of thing. We all knew our time had passed, we weren't going to make it 'big' and we were content with that. We all had regular jobs and all, well, if you could call my job 'regular'.

I turned the rest of the lights off and made my way to my office to pick up my stuff and head out for the day. I was not lying to Emmett when I said I was really tired. Everything that had happened had not just tired me emotionally but physically as well.

I made my way out towards the back door and shuddered a bit as a cool wind hit my body. Summer was almost gone, you could feel the chill from time to time, but the weather was still nice enough so I didn't even bother to wear a jacket. It didn't look like the nice weather would linger much though so from now on I had to be more careful. I really didn't want to get sick this winter.

Just as I was closing the door I heard some shuffling noises to my left. I looked but couldn't make out anything.

_Maybe it's a cat._I thought.

But the noise was too strong to be coming from a cat and just when I was about to leave I saw something moving inside the trash container.

_Fuck! Not again!_

"Who is there?" I said, my voice annoyed.

I hated when hobos would come through our garbage to look for stuff. They would leave such a freaking mess outside that I had to clean the next day, if not the garbage collectors would get freaking mad. I didn't understand why people came here anyways; this was a tattoo shop, what were they expecting to find in our garbage?

I was not a heartless asshole. I did feel bad for people that lived on the streets, whenever I could I would give them some money or food if I had any with me. God only knew what had pushed them to live like that, but at that time the only thing I wanted was to head out, grab some food and go to sleep.

I walked towards the trash container, ready to rip a new one to whoever was inside when I saw a small form jump right out and try to run. It was not a successful getaway though, the person fell down.

As I squinted my eyes in the faint light of the alley I saw the person was a girl. Dirty didn't even begin to cover the state she was in. She was filthy from head to toe, and I didn't know if the horrid smell was her or the garbage. She looked so young though; maybe in her teens still. I guess homelessness didn't discriminate.

"Sorry," she whispered as she started trying to stand up, her body shaking visibly.

"What were you looking for? Food?" I asked, less harsh this time.

She stopped and nodded ducking her head down.

I fished for my wallet and took out a twenty. "Here," I said. "So you can buy something."

But she didn't move, she kept her face down, she looked really scared, that much I could tell. She hadn't stop shaking at all.

I walked towards her and placed the bill in her jacket, if you could call that whatever she was wearing, that thing had more holes than anything.

I then turned and walked away, I really just wanted to get home.

* * *

As always T started barking as soon as she heard the jiggle of my keys in the lock and as soon as I was inside she was already jumping on my feet. I crouched and petted her for a bit. She hadn't grown much since I got her over a year ago and even though sometimes she got on my nerves, she was the cutest thing, for a pet that is. I hated pets. Not in a mean way, I just really didn't have the patience to care for them, but T was another story.

"Hey T, how is my girl?" I smiled, it was nice to not be totally alone at home.

She barked some more and then started going in circles following her tail. I rolled my eyes and walked inside. She would always do that; get all excited when I arrived and then ignore me completely.

"Freaking Chihuahua," I mumbled.

I went to the kitchen with the bag of Chinese food I had bought on my way home and started taking the containers out. I was really hungry.

And just as I had done this last couple of weeks I ate alone.

Always alone.

* * *

"It's good that you decided to come today," Emmett said as he took a swig of his beer.

"Everyone was coming so," I shrugged.

"Yeah, we hadn't done something like this in a while," Seth agreed.

"I think we should get together at least once a month. It's good to keep the good vibe flowing." Lesley said.

We were only 5 people at the shop: Rose, Emmett and I where the tattoo artist, Seth was the piercing expert, Lesley was his apprentice and the assistant of the shop. From time to time we would get some freelance artist or a friend of mine that would go and work in the shop for a period of time, but many of those people didn't really like to commit for more than 1 or 2 months, which was fine by me.

"Edward I would like to talk to you."

And I had to snort at that. Rosalie had barely said a word to me since what happened, even though it should be me who had to be pissed at her, not the other way around.

"What do you want?" I didn't even try to be nice, she didn't deserve it.

"Heidi wants to..."

I shut her up right there. "I don't want to talk about her," I said, my voice clipped.

"This is not a personal matter," Rose said. "It's business."

"Well, I don't talk business outside the shop. You know that."

"Edward, don't be an ass," Rosalie hissed.

I shrugged taking a sip of my beer. I didn't care what she thought.

"She wants a tattoo okay?"

"Heidi? A tattoo?" I raised my brow. She hated tattoos, my tattoos to be more specific, she had always complained that no one would take me serious looking that way. Not that I had that many, but she was just picky like that.

"That's none of your business," Rosalie said back.

"Whatever." I shrugged.

"So?"

"So what?" I asked back.

"She wants me to do it, at the shop," Rosalie added. "Can she go or not?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't fucking want to, okay?"

"You always say for us to not mix personal life and business," Rosalie retorted.

I really wanted to punch something right then, if Rosalie wasn't a woman maybe it would have been her.

"You know what? Do whatever you want, but I'm just telling you this one time, and one time only, she can only go in the shop for you to work on whatever the heck you are doing on her, other than that I don't want her lingering around." With a final swig of my beer I stood up, fished my wallet and took a couple of bills out placing them on the table. "I'm leaving guys," I said to no one in particular. "I'll see you later."

Emmett was fuming. I knew he was pissed at Rose, but he was too nice to put her in her place in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry man," he whispered towards me. "I told Rose to tell her no."

"It's okay, whatever," I said back, "Business is business."

He nodded and patted my back.

"Good bye, Edward," Lesley said coming towards me and giving me a hug, "Please be good." I hugged her back. Lesley was a really nice girl. She was honest and always trying to make everyone around her smile, principally Seth, everyone knew she had a crush on him, expect him of course, that guy could be so oblivious.

"See you, Les. Take care, Seth."

"Bye boss," Seth said.

And I had to roll my eyes, I hated when they called me that, and he knew it, everyone did.

I smoked while I walked towards my apartment. I did own a car but I rarely used it, New York was not the best city to drive around, besides it was really close by. Benny's was just a couple of blocks away from the shop and I had made sure to get my new apartment right on the East Village this time around. Previously I used to live in Tribeca and I took the subway which was fine but sometimes there was just too much crowd, which I hated. I really preferred to walk and just be closer to the shop.

I was just lost in thought, trying to crash all the bad things that had happened with the positives things about my move when I stopped on my tracks.

"Hurry up, hurry up!" I heard some voices hiss as I passed the entry of an alley.

"There's nothing valuable here man," Another voice said.

"I don't care. Just hurry before someone comes."

And then I heard some shuffling and blows, after that, yelps, woman yelps and I couldn't help myself and threw my cigarette on the pavement squishing it with my boot.

I don't know if it was instinct, I don't know if it was bravery but I made my way towards the alley.

"Leave her the fuck alone!" I yelled, trying to sound intimidating and removing my jacket ready for what was to come. I had been in my fair share of fights, but I knew street people were that much more aggressive. They didn't care if they just hurt you or killed you, so I had to be careful.

That's when I saw two men, if you could call those scums that, towering over a slumped body. I just hopped they were not armed and that whoever they had attacked was still alive.

But I didn't have to worry about the thugs, because as soon as they saw me they ran like hell. I knew much of that had to do with my physical appearance, a tall guy with tattoos and piercings was always a little bit scarier than a regular guy. And even though my tattoos were covered at the moment I knew they knew they were there. _Fuckers!_

When I was sure they had left, I quickly walked towards the body and crouched down.

"Are you okay?"_ What a stupid question, I know, but that's all I got._

Whoever it was, was covering her face with her arms, her frame shaking so much it scared me. "Ma'am, where does it hurt? I asked a little bit more worried when I saw some blood dripping from somewhere in her face, as it was covered and I couldn't see much.

"Please tell me," I asked again.

And she went from shaking to crying. She started crying, heartbreaking sobs running all over her frame and it broke my heart. I could see she was a homeless person too. Her clothes were not that dirty but they were old and torn and her shoes, _oh God!_ They had holes in the soles.

I slowly placed both of my hands on her wrist trying to be as soft as possible, she was already scared enough. The girl stopped shaking immediately and her sobs went down to whimpers. And when I was able to pry her hands away from her face I had to do a double take. It was the girl that had been rummaging in the shop's garbage about a month ago. I was almost sure. Her face now was cover with cuts and bruises, so unlike last time, but the eyes were the same, the same scared girl.

"Come on," I said quickly. "Let's get you to a hospital so they can care for your wounds."

She started shaking again, "No!" she screamed. "No, please no hospitals." She cried over and over again.

"But you are hurt pretty badly," I tried reasoning with her.

"No," And she looked me in the eye, and her eyes were so sad, so scared, so helpless, "I don't..." She stammered. "I don't have money I..."

I groaned, of course she wouldn't have money and I doubted she had any type of medical insurance. _What do I do now?_I just couldn't leave her there in the street, who knew if those scums would come back, or what if her cuts got infected. _Ugh, what do I do?_

"What is your name?" I asked.

"B...Bella," she whispered.

"Hello Bella," I said as I removed some hair away from her face. "I'm Edward."

"Hi," she said back; and I just knew I couldn't just leave her there.

And it may have been an impulse, and I may had acted stupidly, but that day I did something that would change my life forever.

"Come on," I told her softly as I started placing my arms around her shoulders to help her stand up. She looked in pain, but not scared anymore, for a weirdly reason this girl seem to trust me.

"Where..." She stuttered. "Where are you taking me?"

"I'm taking you to my home."

**A/N.- Welcome to my new adventure! **

**This first chapter is dedicated to my one and only FFBFF Mony (Blueking141) who send me the song that inspired me to write this story. Thank you lovely, you are one of the sweetest persons I know.**

**Thanks as well to the person that has been with me since day 1; my beta Lynn, who came through and agreed to keep working with me. Love ya babes, you know writing a story wouldn't be the same without you.**

**And last, but not least, I want to thank 'Tropical Sorbet' who is helping me with some NY details because I'm clueless!**

**So? What do you think about this? Is it something you would be interested in reading?**

**Wish you all an amazing week, and if you like you know what to do! Leave me some love,**

**Alexa :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"We are almost there, just two more blocks," he said as he struggled to keep me upright and not hurting me at the same time.

"Okay," I whimpered. I could barely talk. I was in so much pain I could hardly think straight. There were portions of the walk I had totally forgotten, like I completely zoned out.

I had one of my arms over his hip; his long sleeved t-shirt in my fist as I looked for purchase. He had been kind enough to place his jacket over my battered body for comfort, the weather was now a little bit chilly, but nothing I couldn't handle.

He as well was hugging me awkwardly, hauling my ass to wherever he lived. We had tried the 'over-the-shoulder' thing for support, but he was really tall I couldn't really reach without straining myself more than I already was.

Everything was so strange. But here I was letting this guy named Edward help me. I knew it hadn't been the pain or the turmoil going on in my head that made me agree to let this stranger take me to his place. It was something else, something I had never felt for anyone before, at least not in a long time.

Trust.

It was a weird thing to feel that about someone I had just met once before in passing, but I did trust this guy.

I had recognized him. With everything that had been going on it had taken me a while, but as soon as I saw his face and all the steel on it I knew it; he was the guy that had given me some money a while back. I had never forgotten him.

No one had ever been that generous to me. There were nice people around, sometimes I will get a dollar or two, but it was mostly thrown to my feet or on my lap, but he hadn't done that. He had walked and placed the money in the pocket of my jacket. That small gesture had meant a lot to me, and as much as I tried not to when he did that, I looked up for just a second and I saw his face. That face that had been engraved in my mind for a while now.

Being on the street for as long as I had been let me know that you couldn't judge a person by their appearance and even though Edward's face was full of anger the few times I had seen him and his body adorned with piercings and tattoos, he had treated me with more humanity than many. Looks can be deceiving; I knew that better than anyone. He acted like a though guy, he looked like a though guy; maybe he was, but so far he had only treated me with kindness.

I knew it was stupid of me, I've seen this guy only two times, if I counted this encounter, and I had already allowed myself to have those feelings of security towards him. I never did that, at least not anymore. But even then I knew there was something about Edward that I couldn't help but trust.

I tried my best to help Edward as he assisted me at walking. He had even asked if I wanted us to take a cab, but I just told him no. Now I was feeling really bad because I could see how much he was struggling with my almost dead-weight. My head was throbbing so much I could hardly make my legs move one in front of the other.

I didn't even notice that we had slowed down until I saw him opening a door with a set of keys. I didn't know where he had gotten them from and I really didn't care. Edward walked us towards an elevator and all I remember is him pressing the number 11.

There was a hall and many doors, we finally stopped in front of one, I guessed the one that lead to his apartment. Just as he was putting the keys in the lock I was able to hear the barking of a dog.

"Don't worry, she is nosy as hell but she doesn't bite," Edward said.

Sure enough, as soon as we got inside I could see this tan-colored fluffy Chihuahua. If the time wasn't so fucked-up I would have laughed, something I hadn't done in a long time. But a guy like Edward with a dog like that didn't really looked like a match made in heaven, but the way that dog jumped and barked as soon as it saw Edward let me know how much it really cared for him.

"T, down," Edward said exasperated as he shook his leg so the dog would go down. "Fuck," he hissed.

The dog let out a whine and stopped its antics, going for its tail and running around and around.

"She always does that," Edward grumbled. "Come on," And with that he carefully removed his jacket from my body and walked us inside the apartment as he started turning some lights on.

The apartment looked really nice, at least what I was able to see through my haze; tiny, but cozy. There wasn't many stuff laying around and everything looked new and clean. It was a beautiful place, so different than the spots I had to sleep in. This was a completely different world from the one I came from.

"So this is it," Edward said softly. "Come on, take a seat on the couch. I'm going to just grab the first aid kit so we can tend to your wounds."

But as soon as he tried to place me on the couch I shook my head no.

"I'm..." I stammered. "I'm so dirty." I really didn't want to make his things bad.

"Don't worry about that, its leather. I can clean it easily," he reassured.

So I relented and carefully with his help took a sit on the black sofa. Edward soon left leaving me alone.

I sighed and looked around. There was a window just to my left and you could see some lights outside, mostly of the front building. I looked at them and I couldn't help the tears that came.

_Why did these things have to happen to me?_

I didn't understand. I never messed up with anyone always minding my own business, but I guessed on the streets there was not much for following moral codes. Besides I knew things had been going really good as of lately, too good to be truth, I had to see this one coming.

The day Edward gave me that 20 dollar bill was the start of a nice strike for me. When he left and I saw the amount of money he had given me, I had quickly hidden it inside my bra, walking as fast as I could towards a shelter. It was already full by the time I got there but I didn't leave and decided to sleep in the alley besides it. I knew the following day was a day they regularly gave clothes away and even though it was hard to snatch some, I was on a mission that day and I was lucky enough to get a clean pair of jeans, a shirt and a sweater.

I had run fast after I got them, not wanting anyone to follow me and steal them. When I was sure no one was following me, I quickly walked towards a motel I had heard about in which for five dollars they let you take a shower. I was dying to take a hot shower, wash my already greasy hair and rid myself of the stench had been wonderful.

I had used the remaining 15 dollars to buy a new blanket, some new panties at the dollar shop and some cookies and bars to last me for a few days. Everything had gone well for a few weeks. I tried my hardest to not eat much of my own stuff, going to any shelter and church where they had free food and getting some money here and there. I had been okay, and then those thugs got to me.

I had never seen them before, but I had felt someone following me for a couple of blocks back. Just as I was about to get out of the alley-ways to try and find a busy street they had pounced on me.

They got so mad because I had nothing of value and they had wasted their time following me, they started kicking me, that was when Edward stopped them. I didn't know if those guys would have killed me had Edward not come by, but I was glad I didn't get to find out.

I knew my life was not that great, it had never been, but I wanted to live. I spent a lot of time wishing that one day things would turn out for the better. I always tried to remain positive.

But as of right now I just couldn't stop crying. This was not the first thing that had happened to me so far, and for sure it hadn't been the worse, but it sucked, and it saddened me that as much as I tried to get back on my feet it seemed I never could.

"Here," Edward said coming back to where I was sitting. As soon as he saw my face his face went sour. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

I shrugged, poor guy didn't need to hear my fucked up life story.

"Yeah, what a stupid question right?" He groaned passing his free hand through his light-brown hair.

"It's okay," I said wiping away the few tears that remained.

"This it's going to hurt a little," he said as he started taking out some stuff from the white box he had with him. "But we need to make sure all the cuts are clean so they don't get infected."

I nodded in understanding.

Edward was so careful with me. He held my face softly as he cleaned it with a wet towel. He then placed some type of ointment and some bandages where he could. I tried my best to look away as he did this, trailing my sight towards the window, the coffee table or his crazy dog that was still following its tail around and around. There was a black guitar next to a recliner couch and I wondered if he knew how to play it.

"Do you..." Edward coughed uncomfortably.

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to..." He stammered. "I mean, do you want to take a shower? I don't know where else you are hurt, but I'm sure the warm water may help you a bit."

I had to look at him then, and he looked so unsure, scared almost. It was then that I was able to really look at him and noticed one thing; Edward was beautiful.

His eyes were green as the grass back at my birth-town, his lips pink and puckered, his nose straight and his hair; his hair was a wild mess to be honest. He had a few piercings that I could see; one on his eyebrow, one on his lower lip and one on his left ear that went all the way from the top to the bottom.

"Would you like that?" Edward spoke.

And then I noticed the piercing in his tongue. I hadn't seen that one before.

"Bella? Are you okay?" he asked again.

"Huh?" I blinked a few times.

"I'm asking you if you want to take a shower," he said again for maybe the tenth time.

I looked down at myself and shrugged. Those stupid assholes had taken my backpack with the little things I had, including my other change of clothes.

"I don't have anything to change into," I said.

"I have some clothes I can let you borrow, they may be big on you, but they'll do."

"I..." I coughed a little. "I don't really want to cause you any more trouble. You have done enough for me," I said softly, my throat was starting to hurt really bad.

"Don't worry about that," he said. "But if you don't feel up to it, it's okay, I understand."

A shower did sound like a really good idea, but I just wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it. My body hurt so much I could barely move and I, in no way, was going to ask Edward for assistance.

"I don't know if I can," I confessed. "My body hurts." Better to be honest.

Edward nodded. "Okay, let me just bring you some painkillers. Would you like that?"

"Please," I pleaded, that would be awesome.

He quickly stood up and left. I heard him rummaging around, opening and closing a cabinet. Then I heard some water running, and soon enough he was back with a bottle of pills and a glass with water.

"Take this." He handed me the bottle. "I think two will work out for you."

I tried to open the bottle, but those things were just hard to figure it out.

"Let me." Edward extended his hand and I gave him the bottle back. He was fast opening it and placed two pills on my dirty hand. I was filthy from head to toe.

That shower was sounding more appealing by the minute.

I swallowed the pills and braved myself. "I think that shower would be okay."

As I've said before, this was not my first experience with brutality and I knew that if I was in pain right now, that didn't compare to the pain I would be in later. Once the muscles relaxed again it was going to be worse, so better to get clean now.

"Sure." Edward nodded. "Do you want me to help you get there?"

I agreed. It took us a while to get to his bathroom. I was in so much pain I had to bite my lip to stop myself from yelping. He noticed though, and he tried to be as gentle as he could.

"Let me just grab a couple of clean towels and some clothes that may fit you," Edward said, leaving me there.

The bathroom was small, just a tub with a shower, a toilet and a small sink, but I was just so happy to have a clean place to wash. The washroom in the motel I had been was kind of dirty. I guessed the owners didn't really see the point on cleaning it that often, as most of the people that went to use that service were homeless like me. For us, having warm water, shampoo and soap was more than enough.

As soon as I saw my face reflected in the mirror I groaned. I looked horrible. My face was bruising badly, becoming purplish-like; the cuts that Edward had tended to were mostly cover but the ones on my busted lip were out in display and looked grossed. I looked a mess.

Edward came back and placed the towels and clothes on the top of the sink. He made sure I was okay and let me know I could use the shampoo and soap he had already there. He as well left the ointment cream there, instructing me to put it on my bruised face and any other place I felt discomfort. I apologized for making him work on it when I was going to just wash it right away, but he waved me off and told me there was no problem at all. He then walked away closing the door behind him.

I hissed in pain as I started taking off my clothes. My body was already bruising, my arms, back and legs had taken the worst blows, I had been smart enough to cover my stomach and ribs, a broken rib was not funny business and I really didn't want to experience that again.

It took me over a half an hour to clean myself, but it had been worth it. The warm water had felt so good, and the feeling of being clean was something I would never get tired of.

Edward had left me a pair of flannel pants and a black t-shirt, they were kind of big on me but they were clean and comfortable. I didn't care to put my underwear back on, it was extremely dirty. I hoped Edward would let me wash my things later. In the mean time I just pushed them with my feet to the corner of the washroom. I couldn't really crouch and pick them up.

As I made my way outside I heard Edward's dog barking and some voices at the door. I stopped in my tracks, worried that I would bother him if he had any guests.

_What if it is his girlfriend? Or any lady friends?_ I remembered then that I barely knew the guy. _What if he is married?_

"Hey," Edward said as he saw me at his bathroom door, a box on his hands. My mouth watered instantly.

"I ordered some pizza, want some?" He smiled.

I nodded and tried not to look like the starving person I was in the inside. "Thanks."

I took my time walking towards the living room. Edward was placing plates, napkins and sodas on the coffee table.

"Fuck T, I'll give you your food in a second, just wait," he scolded the dog that was jumping trying to get to the pizza box, I guessed.

"I'm just going to give this annoying girl her food and I'll be back," he said looking at me.

"Okay." I nodded.

Sitting back down almost made me cry, but once my body hit the soft couch I was able to relax a bit.

"Done," Edward said coming back and taking a seat on the other side of the couch. He quickly started serving the pizza and handed me a plate with a slice and a soda can. "I hope you like mushrooms and ham, my favourite."

"Yes, thank you." I was not picky with food, not at all.

He nodded and started eating.

There was some silence, only the sound of our mouths chewing, but I didn't mind. I was really lost with the food. I swore that was the best pizza I had ever eaten, it was just so good and cheesy, a total feast.

"Want more?" Edward asked handing me another slice.

I nodded shyly and let him placed the slice on my plate.

More silence.

Once I was done I placed the plate on my lap and rested my head on the back of the couch, I had not felt this full in such a long time.

A little bit of time passed, Edward asked me if I wanted more and when I declined he kept eating.

I closed my eyes for a bit and though of everything that had happened in the last couple of hours, I then took a deep breath and looked towards Edward.

"Edward," I said softly.

He looked at me and signaled me to say whatever I wanted to say.

"Thank you," And my heart was in my throat when I said those words, "For helping me, and I'm not just talking about today,"

He gulped and placed his plate on the coffee table. "You don't have to..."

"Oh I do," I interrupted him. "Not many people would have cared, and you did. Thanks."

He smiled and nodded.

"I will leave as soon as you tell me to," I continued. "Please, don't feel responsible or anything like that. You have a life of your own and what you have done it's more than I could have ask you to."

"Are you not comfortable here?" he asked. "Do you want to leave?"

Of course I didn't want to leave, was he nuts?

_A comfy couch in a warm apartment? Or a hard pavement in a dark alley? _It was a no-brainer.

"I just don't want to intrude," I said.

"Look," Edward sighed, a little bit of exasperation in his voice, "I don't want to get into all the 'I don't want to be a burden' bullshit. I brought you here because I thought it was best. You didn't want to go to the hospital. I was not going to leave you there, just like that."

"You could have," I added.

"I could, but I didn't. So if I didn't want you here I wouldn't have brought you to my apartment in the first place."

"You are a good person Edward," I said.

"Nah," He shook his head, "I'm just not as heartless as some people think I am."

"I don't think you..."

"I'm not saying you, Bella," he quickly interrupted me.

"Sorry."

"Look, I live here by myself." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Well T is here too," he said pointing towards the corner were his dog was lying on its back. "Anyways, it's just the two of us." He shrugged. "You can stay for a few days. I won't mind, really."

"Thanks."

Because a thank you was all I could give him in exchange for his kindness.

"You are welcome," he smiled.

And for the first time in a long time I smiled back, and meant it.

**AN.- I really want to thank you all for giving this story a chance. I really hope I don't disappoint and that you keep enjoying it as it progresses.**

**Thanks to my Beta Lynn, who is just freaking awesome! Love ya babes!**

**Thanks to my FFBFF Mony who pre-reads this for me; she is writing this amazign story called 'Whenever You Call'; go and give it a try, it's really really good. I love ya to pieces Mony!**

**You know what to do! If you liked it, leave me some love, Tattward and I will appreciate it :)**

**Love,**

**Alexa**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

I turned on my bed and blindly reached for my cell.

_8:06 a.m_.

I groaned, thinking I could sleep for a while longer. I didn't need to be at the shop until after ten. I just had two booked appointments and I had finished the sketches last night so there was no need to head there that early.

Just like if the bulb had gone on in my head, I opened my eyes and remembered what had happened the night prior; the bar, the walk home, the men attacking the girl.

_The girl!_

The one that was sleeping on my couch right at this very moment; the one I had helped walk home and care for her injuries.

_Bella._

The poor girl looked so broken, and not just because of the beating those fuckers gave her, it was just so much more. Her brown eyes were so sad and empty, they were glassy as if she would burst out crying at any given second, and she did. I had seen her wiping furiously at the tears that managed to come out of her eyes. I bet she was feeling awful.

_Of course stupid Cullen, she is a homeless woman, that was robed and beaten to top that off._

I couldn't really understand how a girl like her would have ended up on the streets. I didn't know her much, hell I didn't know her at all, but with the little I'd seen of her I could tell she didn't look like a girl caught up in drugs or alcohol. Which made me wonder what had led her to ending up living on the streets instead of going to school or do something else.

_She could find a job or something right? Maybe not a well-paying job, but something that could help her on a daily basis_.

Something bad must had happened to her that led her to where she was and it was not my place to judge.

She hadn't judged me at all, so I had to do the same with her. She had even said I was a good person. I didn't know if I should believe her. Everyone seemed to think I was always fucking up everything I did and I was just starting to think they may be right.

We all had fucked up, in one way or another. We had all made mistakes and I knew I had made lots of them in my life. Looking at the tattoos on both of my wrist I shook my head and remembered what I had lost and what I had done. You would think it would had gotten better with time, it never did.

I passed a hand through my hair and decided to go and check up on Bella.

I had tried to get her to sleep on the bed, but she just kept saying that she was comfortable on the couch and to please just let her stay there. In the end I agreed and just made sure to give her a pillow and some comforters to keep her comfortable. When I was making my way towards the room, last night, I hadn't even turn the light off in the living room when I could hear her soft breathing signaling that she was already asleep. _I guess she wasn't lying when she said she was comfortable. _I thought.

I slowly rose from bed and walked barefoot outside my bedroom the hardwood floor creaking under my feet. Walking to the kitchen I made sure to turn on the coffee maker, not that I drank much coffee, but in the morning and with the weather getting chilly, I always enjoyed a cup of it because it was hot.

Just then I remembered I hadn't seen T around. She always woke up when I did, ready for me to give her something to eat. Every day she would be waiting for me right outside my bedroom door and she would not leave me alone until there was food on her plate, not today though.

_Where the heck is she? What if she is sick?_

I didn't think so. She was fine the night before and every time she felt bad she made sure to go and whine my ear off so I made something to make her feel better.

Sometimes I was sure that dog was smarter than many people I knew.

After making sure the coffee was on its way, I walked to the living room where I had to do everything in me to stop myself from laughing out loud.

On the couch with Bella was none other than T herself, with her legs up and her small tongue hanging out of her open mouth. She slept as happy as a baby. Bella had her wrapped up in her arms something fierce and T looked not at all bothered by this. It seemed that I hadn't made much noise because both of them were sound asleep and even when I walked and turned the TV on they seemed not to care and continued with their slumber.

I just couldn't help it and snickered. They still didn't wake. _What the hell?_

But then I stopped and looked at Bella, really looked at her face, and hissed at what I saw. Her face was horrible. It was way more swollen than the night before and the cuts were much more visible. I could see that the purple bruises on her arms were already darkening. _The poor girl must be in so much pain._

I clenched my fist remembering those two motherfuckers. I really couldn't understand how someone could be so heartless as to beat a defenseless person that way. There was something in me that told me that this hadn't been the first time that Bella had passed from something similar. Besides the obvious pain she hadn't complained much. A sinking feeling in my stomach told me that maybe this wasn't even the worst thing that had even happened to her, and for a weird reason I was scared to even ask her.

I tried to shake myself from the rage I was feeling at the possibilities and decided to go ahead and make some breakfast, which for me consisted of toast because I really didn't know how to cook even a freaking egg. Yeah I was useless in the kitchen, sue me.

_I don't have anything in my freaking fridge. I really need to go to the store_.

I groaned as I tried to find some jam for the toast or even a bit of juice for Bella, who knew if she liked coffee. I rarely ate at home, or better said I rarely ate something cooked in my place. It was easier for me to go and buy my food outside. In the part of town I lived now there was not a single block without a vendor or a food establishment.

Heidi didn't like to cook ether, but at least she kept cereal, soy milk, yogurt, fruits and lots of things that tasted like shit because they were fat-free, in the place we used to share. I shook my head and got rid of the memory of her. She didn't even deserve me to give her a thought.

_Coffee and toast will have to do until I go to the store I guess._

With a shrug I balanced the plate with the toast and the two cups of coffee. I was putting the things on the table when from the corner of my eye I saw Bella stir. She seemed a little bit confused at first, but when her brown eyes locked with mine she sighed and smiled softly.

"Hey," I told her, hissing right away after some coffee got spilled on my hand. _Freaking hot!_

"Morning." She yawned and then groaned.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Not really good," she replied in a thick voice, her hands on her face. "Everything hurts."

Just then T came to life and sprinted towards me making sure to have a good bite on my flannel pajamas.

"Wait a second, T. I'll have your food right after I...Fuckkkkk!" She bit my foot, the little fucker.

I left the room in a sprint, T quickly on my heels. I made sure to leave plenty of food and water for her and went back to the living room. I was pissed. T really needed to learn to stop being a brat.

When I entered into the living room Bella was now sitting down and looking at the TV but not actually watching, her eyes looked really far away.

Motioning to the joke of a breakfast I told her, "I made something to eat."

Bella looked at the food. I was expecting her to say something about my description of the mediocre toast and coffee, but of course she didn't.

"Thank you." She looked at me, and her eyes softened.

"It's not much." I shrugged. "I always say I'll stop at the store, but for one reason or another, I never do. I always grab food out, it's easier."

"It's okay, Edward." She smiled. "This is more than enough."

I felt like an ass. Of course for Bella this was enough. I was sure there had been days where she didn't eat anything.

"I'll make sure to stop by the store on my way home. I'll leave some money if you want to order something for lunch."

She shook her head right away. "It's not necessary, Edward, really."

I shrugged. I was not asking her for permission. "I have a landline, and all the take-out menus are on the fridge." I handed her the coffee and some toast. "I'll give you the painkillers after you eat."

She nodded and started eating and drinking the coffee.

We both ate mostly in silence. I was watching the TV, some terrible comedy show that was on. Anything but news, I hated to watch news. My life was bad enough to see the ones of others.

T came back after eating and just went up on the sofa. Bella was the only reason I didn't throw a fit. I didn't like T to be on top of the furniture. That's why I had gotten T her own bed and all the crap that they sell you at the pet-shop. I wanted her to be comfortable, but not on my sofas or on my bed. But Bella smiled as soon as T made her way towards her and started petting her, so I couldn't find it in me to get upset.

I was surprised as well, till that day I thought T just hated women, because really every time a women would come close to her she would rather bark at them or ignore them completely. Heidi never liked T and T never liked Heidi. _They say animals have a sixth sense and shit right?_ I guessed she was right about Heidi after all.

"So do you play?" Bella whispered, so soft I almost couldn't hear her.

"What's that?" I shook my head and stopped looking at T, to look at Bella.

"Do you play?" she asked, motioning towards my guitar that was next to the recliner.

I took a bite of the toast and nodded. "Yeah, I play in a band."

Her eyes went huge. "Really?"

I chuckled. "We're not famous or anything like that. We play in small bars once or twice every couple of months. Nothing big."

"Oh." She nodded. "What is the name of your band?"

"Broken Souls."

"Cool," she said. "And you play the guitar?"

"Yeah, acoustic guitar and vocals."

She looked towards her hands. "You sing?"

"A bit," I replied nonchalantly.

I was not that awesome of a singer, but being honest the other guys on the band couldn't hold a tone if their lives depended on it. Jasper was the only one that sometimes helped with the back-up singing, but just when really necessary.

"I have never heard anyone play live," Bella said.

"Really?"

She nodded and drank coffee.

"Well only on the streets," she mumbled. "Like the people that ask for money, you know?"

I nodded and just had to freaking ask the question.

"Bella?" She looked at me. "How old are you?"

She was taken aback with my question, that much I could tell, but just before I could tell her not to worry and to forget about my question she replied.

"I...I'll be twenty in September 13."

Fuck, she was a kid. Not that I was much older, but still.

"And you?" she asked nervously. "You don't have to answer if..."

"It's okay." I waved her off. "I'm twenty eight."

We didn't talk much after that. Once we finished breakfast Bella took the painkillers and fell asleep again.

I left the TV on and went to take a shower and dress for work. Before leaving I made sure to leave Bella a note telling her I had left for work and signed with my name. I too wrote my cell number and the address of the apartment at the bottom, so she could order food if she wanted to. I left her some money for that.

With a last glanced at her and then at T I grabbed my things and headed out.

_I hoped she is still here when I come back._ That was my last thought before I closed the door behind me.

* * *

"Edward?"

"What?" I asked back, but didn't even move my eyes away from the tattoo I was doing. It had to be perfect, I didn't settle for anything less.

"Heidi is coming tomorrow."

_Fuck!_

"Good," I said coldly keeping with my work.

"Okay," Rosalie said, turning off and going back to her workspace.

_Bitch._

* * *

"_Good to hear from you son."_

I rolled my eyes. He had been to one to call me, not the other way around.

"_I just wanted to let you know that Alice will be in New York next week."_

"And?"

"_Edward..."_

"What?"

"_I was thinking,"_ he hesitated, _"You two could meet for dinner or something."_

Yeah right. "I don't think so Carlisle."

"_Don't be like that Edward. She is your cousin."_

_Thanks to you_. "But she doesn't like me Carlisle. You and I both know it. So why try and keep up with stupid appearances when they are just that, appearances."

I could hear his sigh through the phone. _"I know you two aren't that close, but you are family Edward, please,"_

"Does she even know about this?"

Carlisle hesitated, that was all the answer I needed to hear.

"I knew it."

"_I just wanted to ask you first, before consulting with her."_

I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned. Alice and I where worse than oil and water when we were together, we just didn't mix, I didn't even know how we both managed to live under the same roof for that long.

I knew she resented me, that much was clear, but at the same time I didn't get why she just couldn't understand my situation. I was there because I had nowhere else to go, because my uncle Carlisle had wanted me to go and live with him. He was the only family I had left, or at least the only family member that cared enough to take me in.

With a sigh I realized, like every other time, that I just couldn't be an ass to him. Not to him.

"Tell Alice to call me when she is in town," I finally relented.

"_Thank you, Edward. I'll make sure to tell her."_ And I could almost see the smile on his face; it was plain on his voice. _"I'm not sure yet but maybe me and your aunt Esme will go there in a few months. There is this convention that I'm interested in. I'm going to look if I can get the days off to attend it."_

"That would be nice."

"_Yes,"_ he agreed. _"I miss you son."_

"Same here," I said half-heartedly.

There was a little bit of an awkward silence until he told me he needed to go back to work. With a promise of keeping in touch, as always, he ended the call.

I loved my uncle, I really did, but I really didn't understand why his family was so uptight. He was cool and all, but when his wife was around I just didn't understand his behavior. That's why as soon I was of age, I fled Chicago just to be away from them. They were never mean to me or anything, but I knew me being with them was not Esme's and Alice's choice, whatever. I was out of their home now and had been for almost ten years.

_Not need to go back there,_ I said to myself. That was the last thing I needed.

There was a knock at my office door and then Emmett walked inside.

"Hey man," I said as I got my things to head home.

I wanted to check how things were going on with Bella, or if she was still there. I had called at lunch time but no one picked up the phone. I didn't know if she wasn't there anymore or if maybe she didn't feel comfortable answering a phone that didn't belong to her, so I didn't even try to call back again.

"What's up?" Emmett asked as he took a seat.

"Not much. I'm leaving early."

"Oh wow? Are you feeling well dude?" He sounded surprise.

I rarely left work early, always wanting to be me who closed the shop.

"Yes I'm fine. Just some things I have to check up on," I said dismissively.

Emmett grunted and just by the uncomfortable way he shifted on the chair I knew what was coming.

"Did Rose tell you?"

"What?" I looked at him. "About Heidi?"

He nodded.

"Yes she did. She is coming tomorrow right?"

"Yeah," he said. "Are you okay with it man? I can tell her just to cancel..."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "Emmett, it's okay really." I stood up then. "And I really have to get going. I have some things to do,"

"Right, right, do you want me to close?"

"Lesley will close today," I said.

"Oh," He sounded a little bit confused. "Well I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, tomorrow."

I knew I was not my old self with Emmett. He was one of my best friend, had been since I arrived to New York. But things were different now, since what happened. Rosalie and I had just stopped talking and Emmett was forced to choose sides, so to speak. I didn't resent him, not at all. He and Rosalie had been dating for over six years now, they lived together and all that. He tried to make time for me, I knew he did, but still his priority would always be her.

Not wanting to make matters worse I went back to the front of the shop to say bye to everyone, except Rosalie, and made sure to remind Lesley how to close the shop properly. Seth assured me he was going to help her which was a good thing as Seth had closed the store a few times. Emmett even went and patted my shoulder, like silently telling me everything was okay.

Just as I was walking inside the grocery store I got a call from Jasper, my other best friend and band mate. I had lived with him for a few weeks until I had found my new place.

"_Hey I got us a couple of gigs over at Eclipse, we start in two months,"_he said excitedly_. "We need to practice ASAP."_

"Sure, tell me when and where," I said as I walked through the aisles looking for things to fill the cart with.

"_What about tomorrow night? Mike offered his place,"_ he said.

"That works for me. I'll be there."

"_Good, okay, got to go now. I have a patient waiting for me."_

"Get to work, lazy ass." I laughed. He had the habit of calling while working. Jasper was a shrink, a well paid shrink at that, and an awesome drummer.

"Yeah right," he said. "I called at the shop and you weren't there, so don't call me lazy."

"Whatever," I said laughing and hung up.

At the end of my grocery shopping spree I had to call for a cab. I had too many freaking bags and no way in hell was I going to walk to my apartment carrying everything.

I had gotten an assortment of things for Bella and me, as well as food for T.

I got home quickly and thanked the heavens for the invention of the elevator. I didn't mind going up by the stairs, but not with that many bags on me.

Of course T was barking as soon as she heard the jingle of my keys, and she was jumping on my feet when I opened the door. But instead of ignoring me and follow her tail as always, she sprinted towards the living room.

_Bella is still here._

Leaving all the bags on the top of the kitchen counter I walked to the living room, both my hands deep in my pockets.

"Hey," Bella smiled softly. She was lying on the couch, head buried on the pillow. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you." She smiled.

She did look a little bit better, at least her face wasn't as swollen as it had been in the morning. That was progress.

I looked at the table and sighed. "You didn't eat lunch right?"

She looked at the bill that was still on the table and shook her head. "I really didn't feel like eating. I slept most of the day."

"Well," I said finally. "You are eating right now. I bought a roasted chicken at the store. And things for breakfast for us and T."

And she giggled, she freaking giggled. A sound that made things to my insides, things that I didn't know what meant, but I didn't care to find out.

"I'll just..." I motioned towards my bedroom. "I'll get changed so we can eat."

She nodded and I darted to my room, closing the door behind me and trying to make sense of what the heck was going on with me.

Minutes later I went back into the kitchen and made sure to put T's food out for her. I then picked up plates, glasses, sodas and the bag with the chicken.

Bella was already sitting on the couch and T was already running towards the kitchen.

"Dinner," I said swaying the bag with the chicken and the salads.

"Thanks." She ducked her head. I couldn't help but smile at her.

And for the second night in a row I didn't eat dinner alone.

**A/N.- Hey! I'm so glad all of you have given this story and Tattward a chance! I'm so overwhelmed with all of your support you are the best readers ever! **

**I hoped you enjoyed the chapter and got to know Tattward a little bit more. What do you think of him? Good? Bad? And what about Bella? Or T? Many of you are guessing why I call her T and I've laughed a lot with the guesses. Believe me you will know soon why she is called like that, no one has guessed so far.**

**Thanks to Lynn my lovely beta :)**

**Thanks to my FFBFF and the one to be held-guilty of me writing this fic. Mony (Blueking141) I love ya!**

**Thanks to all of you that read, review and rec. this story. It means a lot to me.**

**Wish you all the best :)**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- ****So guess what? Finally! Yes finally my co-writing project with Mony is out! Our fic is called 'The Roads of Life' by MonyAlexa (link at my fav. list). I really hope all of you give it a chance and go and check chapter 1. This story touches a subject very close to my heart which is illegal-immigration.**

**In this story you will get to meet Eduardo Macias, a mexican guy that decides to risk his life and cross the Mexico/USA border ****illegally**** to be able and help his mom. You as well will meet Bella Swan a California girl that only wants to belong. **

**Believe me we have put so much thought into this story and I'm so excited for what we have in store. It'll be good! I assure you :) Peace Out!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"Can I ask you something?" I asked tentatively.

"Sure." Edward shrugged in nonchalance as he took a bite of his chicken.

We had been eating in silence for a while now, but I really liked to hear him speak. I didn't know why, but his voice was just somewhat calming to me.

"Why do you call her T?" I said motioning towards his dog, that as soon as it had finished eating came back and hopped on my lap. "Does that stands for something or it's just her name?"

Edward snorted. "It stands for something."

I looked at him, waiting for the answered. I was curious now.

Edward looked at me and smirked. "Her full name is Tequila."

Trying not to choke on my own food I gulped it down with a sip of Coke.

"Tequila?" I raised a brown, as I looked at the dog.

"Yep." Edward nodded. "Tequila Cullen, it's on her tag." He motioned towards T's neck.

"Oh, I didn't even notice," I said as I looked down and sure enough, there was a tag hanging from a golden collar, a big T in the center; on the back of it was her full name, next to what I guessed was Edward's phone number. Looking at Edward I asked seriously. "Do you like to drink a lot of tequila or why did you name her like that?"

"I do sometimes." Edward shrugged. "But the reason I named her that is that I was way too intoxicated with tequila when I agreed in taking her in."

"Really?" I couldn't help but looked a little bit surprised.

I hated alcohol. I didn't like when people drank. But I found it curious the way Edward had gotten T. At least something good came from him being inebriated; T had found a home, and Edward a companion. In my personal experience alcohol just fucked up lives.

"It was my twenty-sixth birthday," Edward said, continuing with his explanation. "Jasper, one of my best friends, thought it would be cool to get me a pet for a gift, because the fucker knew I didn't like pets. I was so drunk I let him haul my ass to a pet store and buy T for me. Next day I wake up with a freaking hangover and to top that off I'm the proud owner of a Chihuahua." He shook his head.

I looked at him and then at T, then back at him "So why didn't you return her?"

"I tried," Edward defended, "Believe me I did, but the store would only give me store-credit as a refund. Why would I want fucking store credit in a pet store? Besides she kept just whining over and over again, she would only calm down when I held her, at the end I just kept her." And he looked at T and his eyes showed that he truly cared for that dog.

"I'm glad you kept her," I said softly. "She is sweet."

"If you say so," he said sarcastically and then I could feel his eyes on me. "She likes you, you know?"

I looked at him and smiled.

"Well, I like her too."

* * *

I still couldn't believe it. Three days ago I was sleeping on the streets and now I had the luxury of lying on a comfortable couch, comforters covering me, food for when I got hungry and the most important thing; I had really nice company.

I had this guy that cared for my situation, who had taken me into his home without even asking for anything. Edward was good, I knew he was, no matter what he thought of himself. I could just sense how noble he was, under that though exterior laid a gentle man. And I had T, that tiny dog that had stolen my heart from day one. I had never had a pet in my life and never knew how the presence of an animal could comfort you and make you feel warm, T taught me that.

I tried to enjoy my time in Edward's apartment as much as possible, as I knew this was just a temporary arrangement until I got better. I knew Edward would never tell me to leave his place, but I wouldn't wait for him to do it. Once I was better I was going to leave of my own volition. He had enough problems of his own to deal with me as well. He hadn't told me anything, but I could see it in his face. It seemed like he carried the weight of the world over his shoulders.

I could relate to him a bit. I felt that way too from time to time. But as of late I just tried to go with the flow. _Shit happens right?_ And a lot of shit had happened to me in my lifetime.

I wished I wouldn't have to end like I did. I wished I had gone to school and studied whatever felt right. I wished I had friends and could be able to enjoy just being a teenager. I didn't get the chance to do those things though. I had to grow up real quick when I was thrown to the wolves, maybe even before that. Life at home wasn't that perfect ether. At the end of the day all I could do was just deal with it and keep going.

But this experience would be something I would never forget. Edward and T would always be in my heart, of that I was sure.

I enjoyed being here, and not just because of the free lodging and food. Edward liked to talk and I liked to listen, so I guessed that's why we both felt comfortable around each other. T liked to cuddle, and I had never found anyone or anything that wanted to cuddle with me, so I enjoyed the closeness, even if it was with a dog.

Looking at the clock on the DVD player I realized Edward would soon be home. He told me he got out at six and that it took him less than twenty minutes to get home. Thinking back I realized I didn't even know what Edward did for a living. He said something about a shop, but there were so many possibilities. There was a shop for almost everything these days.

When I met him that first time I remember him coming out of the back door of a business place, but I couldn't recall what it really was. I always tried to stay away from where other homeless people were. People could get territorial sometimes and I just didn't like to fight so I had walked and walked until I had found an empty alley. But I had been through so many I didn't even remember which alley was where I had seen him.

Just then I heard T start barking and sprinted towards out of the couch, not a second later the door was opened and closed with a loud _'thud'_. Edward was home and for some reason I felt a little bit better knowing he was here now.

I knew he told me I could do whatever I wanted and to help myself to whatever he had in the kitchen, it just didn't feel right to me to just wander around his home and take his things. I had helped myself to some food at lunch time, but that was just because he made me promise to eat something.

"Stop with that, T," Edward hissed angrily, "I'm not in the mood today."

T's nails on the hardwood floor were coming towards me and I didn't have to wait for her little body to jump towards me as she whined.

Edward was rummaging on the kitchen. I could hear him opening and closing the cabinets. But what surprised me is the forced he used to do that.

There was a big crash on the kitchen, it sounded like metal against metal.

"Fuck!" he yelled and my eyes went wide.

Something was wrong, of that I was sure.

Hugging T towards me I waited.

More expletives were heard and I wonder if I should just get to the door and make a run for it, but didn't have much time to ponder on that because Edward was already walking towards the living room.

Looking at him I wondered what the heck had happened to him. Many emotions radiated off of him, he looked pissed, frustrated, desperate, lost.

I tried not to move or make a sound. I really didn't know what was going on with him and was scared of set him off. Not that I thought he was going to hurt me, at least not physically, but I just didn't want to make matters worse.

Taking a deep breath Edward put both his hands on his hips and looked at the window, _at what?_ I was not sure.

It was like time stood still for a bit. I kept trying to calm T down as she whined over and over again, and I was not going to lie, I was just trying to find something to do with my hands because I was at loss.

Finally I decided to just take the first step.

"Hey Edward," I said softly, waiting for him to react or something.

He nodded in acknowledgment but didn't even try to tear her eyes from the window.

I waited, and waited, and waited some more. But he didn't move or say anything. He alternated from running his hands through his hair and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Is..." I stammered. "Is there something wrong?"

Maybe the poor guy just wanted me out and just couldn't find a way to tell me. I started feeling guilty. I really didn't want him to feel like he had to take care of me or anything. I was not his responsibility. I was no one's responsibility.

Edward finally looked at me and sighed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just not in a good place today."

I nodded and kept passing my hand through T's fine hair. I didn't dare to speak again. Maybe he just wanted to be left alone.

"Some shit at work today," he mumbled, I didn't know if it was meant for me to hear but I did, and couldn't help myself.

Looking at him I braved myself and asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looked at me then, for a long time. I didn't know what he was looking for but finally he took a deep breath and took a sit on the recliner.

"I saw my ex," he said.

"Oh,"

"She went to the shop for a tattoo." Seeing my confusion he added, "I work in a tattoo shop."

I nodded in understanding; finally I knew what he did for a living.

"Her best friend works there as well. I knew she was going to go, but still." Edward clenched his fist tightly. "Seeing her there..." he groaned.

I kept silent, if he needed to just let it out I would listen, if he didn't want to say anything else I wouldn't push him.

"I don't know I just..." He looked at the ceiling. "It reminded me again of how fucked up I am, of how I always manage to lose what I care for. We were going to get married you know?" And I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I couldn't help the small surprise that bubble in me at his confession.

"I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her and she just decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore. One day she comes home and tells me she is leaving me." He laughed, not a funny laugh, but a frustrated one. "Funny thing that I was the one that had to pack his shit and haul ass somewhere else."

"What's her name?" I asked and almost groaned at my lack of verbal filter.

"Heidi," he said, tone clipped.

I nodded and continue stroking T, until Edward spoke again. "I don't know why I can't just get over it."

"Do you still love her?" I didn't know what was going on with me right then that I couldn't just shut up.

He looked at me and shrugged. "Yes? No? I don't fucking now."

My experience with romantic relationships was weak at best. I had never been in love, I thought I was once, but the guy turned out to be the fakest person in the world. But Edward had, I could see it in his eyes. That woman had broken his heart, and if she had done it, it was because he had giving it to her, he had trusted her with his heart.

"Heidi, my ex, she is a model," Edward said. "I never understood how a girl like her would want to be with a guy like me."

I raised my brow in question. There was nothing wrong with him as far as I could tell.

"Just look at me Bella." And I did.

And just as I had recalled before he was a beautiful man, his eyes were so green they always made me feel at peace and calm, his hair the strangest shade between brown and red, his pouty mouth and soft pink lips...I shook my head and tried to get rid of the way my thoughts were heading.

"Do I look like the type of guy you take to meet the parents?"

But he didn't even let me answer the question.

"I don't," he said. "But Heidi saw something in me that she liked. I met her at the shop when she went and visit Rosalie."

I guessed Rosalie was the friend that worked with him at the tattoo shop.

"They've been friends since they were teenagers and Heidi had just move to New York. She didn't have many friends so of course she would hang out there. If we went out for drinks she would tag along. Rosalie's boyfriend is one of my best friends, his name is Emmett."

I nodded to let him know I was paying attention.

"Sometimes we would do this double-date type of thing, but Heidi and I were just friends, not more, but one day I finally asked her out on a date, just her and me and she agreed." He ran a hand through his hair. "At the beginning I thought she was infatuated with me, maybe date me for a while and fulfill the bad-boyfriend fetish and I was okay with that. But things got serious. A year later, after we started dating, we were moving in together. And on our three year anniversary, I asked her to marry me and she said yes."

I almost didn't want to breath, afraid of disturbing him.

"But one day she came home and told me she couldn't be with me anymore. She said that she was way too young to get married and be tied to someone. That her career was finally taking off and she needed to be free, meaning she needed to get fucking rid of me." He shook his head.

I wanted to tell him I was sorry for what had happened to him, but I didn't know if those words were enough. Maybe they weren't so I just kept my mouth shut.

"I'm sorry." He was the one that said the words. "I shouldn't be bothering you with my fucked up life stories."

"It's okay, Edward," I said sincerely. "I don't mind listening. Sometimes is nice to be heard."

He nodded his head and smiled a tiny smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime," I said back.

He sighed and rested his body on the recliner.

I didn't know how long we just stayed like that; me with T on my lap while Edward was lost in his own mind on the recliner. Silence was nothing out of the ordinary for me, so I was okay with it. Sometimes days would pass without me uttering a single word to anyone, and I would have to talk to myself if just to check out if my voice was still intact.

"So tell me something about you, Bella."

I sighed, there wasn't anything I wanted to tell really.

"You don't have to, I just…" Edward shrugged. "I've bother you with my problems, the least I can do is..."

"Let me bother you with mine?" I guessed.

Edward looked confused at my words and then shook his head running his hands through his locks. "Shit, sorry Bella. I didn't mean it to sound like that."

I waved him off. I got what he said.

"What do you want to know?"

"Where are you from?" He asked.

"Washington," I replied.

"D.C.?"

I shook my head "Washington state, and you?" I asked back.

"I'm originally from Chicago," he replied and I could see thousand of question on his eyes. "Do you have any family here in..." He trailed off and shook his head. "Shit Bella, I'm really fucking this up aren't I?"

Looking at him I could see he was really embarrassed by his question and I knew he didn't mean wrong, he was just curious.

"No, I don't have any family here actually," I said.

He nodded in understanding and sighed. "So what about dinner? Are you hungry?" And I knew he just wanted to get over the topic of questions. Which I was glad for.

I shrugged.

"I'm kind of getting a little hungry. So what about we order something?" he said looking at me expectantly.

"Do you always order your food?"

"I don't know how to cook," he said. "Do you?"

I shook my head. "Not really."

"Yeah so I think take out it is." Standing up he walked towards the kitchen but before totally disappearing he looked back and placed his sight on my lap. "Come on T, let's give my girl some food."

T looked at him and when he crouched and extended his hand she jumped right out of my lap and sprinted towards him. He quickly took her in his arms and placed a kiss on her head.

"I'm sorry," he cooed softly as he walked with her inside the kitchen.

And I had to smile softly at the scene in front of me. Edward was not alone; he at least had T with him. I on the other hand was not that lucky.

Because I remained, as always, alone.

**A/N.- So there you have it, chapter four!**

** What did you think of it? Finally we know what T stands for, and yeah sorry for all of the ones that hoped it was T for Tanya *lol* But this had been my idea since the beginning so I hope you are ok with it. And what about Heidi? What do you think of her story with Edward?**

**Again, thank you all so much for giving this story a chance and reading it, it means a lot to me to know you are all liking it so far :)**

**Thanks to both my girls! Lynn my super beta, and my FFBFF and pre-reader Mony (Blueking141).**

**I wish you all an awesome weekend and remember if you like, leave some love!**

**Alexa :D**

**PS.- Happy Thanksgiving to all of my ladies in the US :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

_I knew it. I freaking knew it!_

When I saw Heidi come into the shop for the second time, I really wasn't that surprised. Sometimes a tattoo took more than one session to be completed. But it pissed me off to no end to see her here and more becuase her tatt was freaking tiny, I had seen the drawing Rosalie did and it was a freaking nothing.

It had been three days since I saw her last and I really wasn't looking forward to have a repeat of that day again, even though at the end, once I got home, it hadn't been that bad.

"Edward, I'm going to the deli around the corner, do you want me to bring you something for lunch?" Lesley offered kindly.

"Sure Les, you know what I like," I told her and handed her some money.

She shook her head and pushed the money back towards me "It's my turn, remember?"

"Thanks doll." I winked at her. She laughed and slapped my arm.

She was the only one I was playful like that with, and that was because she didn't even blink at my advances. Not that they were serious or anything, but it was fun when Seth was around. He would always get all flustered. The stupid guy didn't even realize he liked the girl so I was just trying to help.

Suddenly I heard them; the giggles, freaking giggles coming from Rosalie and Heidi at the other side of the shop. All I wanted to do was to turn around and tell them to fucking shut the hell up, but I was above that. Besides I didn't want to get home all pissed like last time and freak Bella out again.

_Bella._ That girl was the only thing that kept me from bursting in anger the first time Heidi came for her ridiculous tattoo, well her and T had both calmed me down.

I had been pissed and all, but after talking to Bella I just forgot everything and worried about my growling stomach as if nothing had happened. Well not nothing, but at least I wasn't full of rage.

I didn't know what it was about Bella that made me just spill my guts out and tell her about my relationship with Heidi, but once I was done I had felt so much better. And then I felt like a prick because there I was complaining about my life when it was more than obvious that the poor girl had had it rough on her own life.

She had been staying at my place for about a week and she was almost fully recovered. She still had some bruising and shit, but her face was no longer swollen. She could walk around the house too, surprising me one day when I came home and she had clean the place a bit. The best part was that she had already given T her food, so I wasn't greeted by a pissed off dog.

T was another story. That dog had Bella wrapped around her little paws. If I just raised my voice slightly at T, Bella would get all mad. It was hilarious because she didn't tell me anything, but her face said it all. I thought it was the same things for T, she was in love with Bella, that much was easy to see. Maybe the fact that she was now allowed to climb on the couch made her like Bella even more.

"What the heck are you smiling at?"

"What?" I shook my head and kept transferring one of my designs to a stencil for my next appointment.

Emmett just chuckled and leaned on the table I was working at.

"Don't lie to me man. What is going on with you? I hadn't seen you smile like that in a long time."

I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Is it because Heidi is here?" he whispered so nobody else could hear.

Snorting at his comment I said, "No, believe me, it has nothing to do with her."

"But it does have to do with a 'someone'?"

I shrugged again. There was no way I was going to tell him about Bella, at least not now. She was someone special. I could even go all the way and say she was becoming a good friend of mine. Untainted by my past life. I wanted to keep it that way for a while.

"Well at least I'm glad you are looking better than the last time Heidi came to the shop." Emmett laughed.

Shooting him a death glare, I went back to my drawing and thankfully Lesley came right then with lunch.

"I'll go and get something for Rose and myself," Emmett said as he made his way to were Rosalie and Heidi were still freaking giggling.

Lately Emmett and I had grown apart more and more. I hadn't even seen him out of work even once. For starters I had been practicing with the band one day a week and during weekends. Not that Emmett put in much of an effort either, but still, it sucked that our friendship wasn't what it was before. Besides if I was being honest with myself, I had been the first one out of the door these past days. Letting him, Seth or Lesley close the shop and me making my way home to make sure Bella was still there.

Every single day I went home worrying that she would be just gone before I came up with a plan. I was on a mission and wanted to help her as much as I could. I had been thinking about offering her a job at the shop or maybe help her find something around. I knew we didn't need more staff in the shop, but lately Lesley was really focusing on helping Seth, she really wanted to do piercings, so maybe Bella could be able to help in the front desk and cleaning around a bit.

_Maybe I will test the waters tonight about the job offering._

I really didn't want to scare her though, or maybe just piss her off assuming she wanted to work for me. Maybe she didn't even want to work at all. I knew so little about her.

We talked, a lot, but we never again went back to our life-stories, or better said, I didn't because in reality she had never spilled anything about her own life besides the state she was from. We would talk about our likes and dislikes, philosophy and shit like that, but never about our families. I did tell her a bit about Jasper and the band. I even played a song for her once and I couldn't help to smile like a fool when she clapped once I was done.

I had never been an open book, not to too many people anyways. My friends knew bits and pieces but none of them came close to know me completely, partially my fault because it was me who didn't share much. Jasper did know me more than anyone of my friends, and that was because he was a shrink and the fucker knew how to make me spill the beans.

"Here," Lesley said handing me a bag. "Your favourite and a coke."

"Thanks Les, you're an angel."

"Yeah right, enjoy your lunch." And she left to the back of the shop, Seth trailing behind her.

I stood up and walked towards my office. I didn't like food on the working areas. Not for us who worked there anyways. The clients could do what they wanted though. _Clients first right?_

Sitting on my desk I started to check my e-mail really quick, before starting with my sandwich.

There was an e-mail from Alice and I had to roll my eyes at the title _'My sincere apologies'._ She was making some poor ass excuse about being so busy and over booked that she could not see me during her stay in New York even though she _'would have loved to get together and chat for a bit'._ Her words not mine. _Great!_ And I wasn't being sarcastic, I really meant it. I knew my uncle Carlisle must had been fuming that he had gone to all the trouble to ask me to agree and see Alice just for his lovely daughter to say no.

Mike as well sent me a message reminding me that it was my turn to buy dinner for us all. I had to laugh at that knowing what he meant. He wanted a pizza from my favourite place. I didn't know why he sent me an e-mail when he could have just sent me a text, but whatever.

Lots of junk-mail and once everything was cleared and my stomach started to growl I decided to start with the sandwich.

As I was eating my lunch I heard a knock on my office door.

"Come in," I said grunting. _Hate when people disturb my peace and quiet._

"Ed?"

_Fuck. My. Life._

I stood up from my office chair and had to take some deep breaths and gulp the piece of food with my coke. I didn't want to choke.

"What do you want Heidi?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Hey!" She waved at me closing the door behind her and walking towards my desk.

I looked at her; if looks could kill she would probably be six feet under by now.

"I just wanted to say hi. It's been a while..." She trailed off but her smile didn't falter.

"Well hello and good-bye," I said dismissively as I sat back on the chair and took my sandwich from the desk, where I had dropped it when she had come in.

"Don't be like that Ed," Heidi whined. "I just want to remain in cordial terms, that's all."

Pinching the bridge of my nose with my free hand I told her. "I can be cordial Heidi, but I just don't want to pretend that we are friends."

"Why not?" she asked, taking a seat in one of the two chairs in front of my desk. _What the heck?_ "We dated for a long time. Things didn't work out, but we still shared so much."

"Heidi, please just tell me what do you want and leave." I was losing my patience little by little.

She flipped her blond hair to the side. "I'm having a party to celebrate my 25th birthday and I want you to be there."

_Was she crazy or what?_"Why?"

"Because you are important in my life Ed, that's why, plain and simple."

I sighed and looked at her. Heidi was a beautiful woman; blue eyes, blonde hair, amazing body, after all she was a model right? But it was right at that moment, looking at her in the eye when I realized something that changed many things for me.

I didn't care.

I didn't care anymore what she did or did not with her life. I didn't care if she and I were done because the love I had felt for her had just vanished. I loved her, I did, and she was an important part of my life at one time, but not anymore.

So what did I do? I smiled, I freaking smiled at her and nodded my head.

"I'm sorry Heidi. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to that party, but I hope you enjoy your birthday."

If it had been possible her eyes would have popped out of their sockets. She stood up slowly and nodding her head. "Oh...okay."

"Well, if you would excuse me," I said standing up from my own sit. "I have an appointment in," I looked at the clock in my cell phone and said, "Ten minutes."

I didn't wait for her reply and walked out of my office. She knew her way out.

* * *

"And one, two, three..."

The soft beat of Jasper's drums was followed by Mike's keyboard and Tyler's bass. I was the last one to get in the song with vocals and the strums of my guitar.

We were less than two months away from our gigs at Eclipse and wanted to be prepared. We were just four guys. Jasper, Mike, Tyler and me.

We played a variety of music, mostly acoustic and sometimes rock and had been for a long time now, almost 8 years if I recalled correctly.

I had met Mike one day at the first tattoo shop I had worked at. Those days I was an apprentice and a struggling musician. We got to talking and he told me he was a music teacher in a high-school. I told him I played the guitar and as the conversation progressed he invited me that weekend to go and listen the band his friend Tyler was at. We became friends since then, the three of us; Tyler, Mike and myself.

After a little over a year of knowing them Tyler told us he was going to quit the band he was at. His girlfriend, Lauren, had gotten pregnant with their first baby and he really didn't want to be on the road that long. He wanted to get married, settle.. _Priorities right?_ For him it was his girlfriend and baby so good-bye band.

By that time I was more involved in the tattoo world and had already been toying with the idea of opening my own shop as soon as I had the means to do so. I had always liked tattoos, got my first one at age seventeen, much to my uncle's and his family's dismay, but I really didn't take it seriously until I had come to New York and had to use my ability to make ends meet.

So when Mike proposed the idea of just getting together and play for fun I said _'Why the fuck not?'_. It had already been two years since I came to New York and I was coming more and more close to the realization that there was not big executive that would sign me and offer me millions of dollars to record an album. I wasn't even sure by then if I really wanted to make it in the music business or if that had just been an excuse to get out of Chicago.

Jasper was the last guy to join the band and he was none other than the brother of Tyler's girlfriend. He was studying at that time, and knew it since then that he wasn't going to sacrifice anything for music, he liked to play and all, but he wanted to be a shrink more than all, so doing it as a hobby worked for him as well.

And that's how Broken Souls became about.

We all had our own lives and jobs, but music had kept us together for years now. There were times where we wouldn't play for months. Then suddenly we would get small gigs at local bars and start practice as much as we could. It was the best compromise we all could do. We did what we liked without strings attached. We didn't have a manager or anything of that sort. We would all just get calls from friends that needed someone to fill some music spot in their bars and we would agree or not depending on our schedules.

Two hours of practicing and I was ready to leave Mike's place. He had a townhouse in Brooklyn; therefore he had a garage where we could practice so we all made the trip there without complaining. He was married and had two sons, Felix and Demetri, the little devils as we called them. They would always get in trouble and mess with our rehearsals. There was not a day that I didn't see Jessica, Mike's wife, with a face that radiated how tired she was. _Poor woman, with kids like that, who wouldn't._

"So how is T doing?" Jasper asked as he drove, he was my ride for the day. We would alternate and today was his turn.

"Fine, she is still annoying as ever, but has calmed down some as of lately." _Thanks to Bella._

Jasper barked a laugh. "I miss her. I think I should stop by and say hi to her."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I said quickly.

"Why the heck not?" Jasper looked at me from the corner of his eye.

_Because there is a woman in my apartment and I haven't tell you about it._

"Because I really just want to get home and crash," I lied.

"I don't care," Jasper replied. "You can go to sleep while I spend some time with T."

I rolled my eyes but in the inside I was struggling with what to do. _Should I tell her about Bella right now? Or just wait to see what his reaction is when he sees her?_

I didn't have much time to ponder my options because Jasper was parking in some spot he found and getting out of his car.

_I guess I'll just see what he says when he sees Bella._

Yeah I was a pussy, sue me.

"How's Emmett?" Jasper asked. I didn't know if he really cared or if he just wanted to make conversation.

Jasper and Emmett were not that close. They were both my best friends but at the same time they weren't friends with each other. No that they didn't get along or anything; they just didn't shared the same interests.

"Fine, haven't talked with him much," I said.

"That bad, huh?"

"Nah, it's just I can't stand Rosalie."

Jasper chuckled. "Still being a bitch?"

"As always."

"I don't get her," Jasper said. "Why would she be mad at you?"

"That's the same question I used to ask myself. If I'm being honest, I don't care anymore. I have my suspicions though."

"What?" Jasper looked curious.

"The ring," I said simply.

"The ring?" Jasper was confused.

"You know the engagement ring I gave Heidi?"

Jasper nodded.

"Well, I'm not really sure about it, but you know Emmett spills when he is drunk. It looks like Heidi had given it to Rosalie in exchange for some money she owed her. So once I asked for the thing back, Rosalie was left dry."

That did it. Jasper literally went down on his knees on the elevator and laughed out loud. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No." I shook my head. "Emmett told me Rosalie had already taken it to some jewelers; see who gave her more money for it." And I couldn't help myself and join Jasper and laugh.

We were so lost in our laughter that I had even forgotten where I was until I heard T's barks form the door.

_Why is the top lock not in place?_ I shrugged it off and walked inside expecting T to just run back inside as she had done this past couple of days. She would see it was me and just leave me alone without jumping on my leg. But she didn't do that today.

_Something is not right._

"T! How are you?" Jasper asked crouching, but T was not paying attention to Jasper, she was whining over and over again.

Without even thinking twice about it, I walked to the living room.

_No one_.

I walked into the bathroom and it was empty, the kitchen as well.

"Edward?" I heard Jasper's voice from the living room.

"Fuck!" I hissed and passed my hand trough my head. _Where is she?_

"Edward?" Jasper kept calling until I walked to him.

"What?" I said half angry half scared.

Jasper pointed to a small piece of paper on my coffee table.

_Thank you Edward, for everything._

_I will never forget your kindness, ever._

_And please do one thing for me. Be happy, you deserve it._

_Bella_

_PS.- Tell T that I love her. I'll miss you both._

**A/N.- There you have it, chapter 5.**

**We get to meet the 'band' and a little background story of how it came about.**

**And Bella left... why do you think she did it? Will she come back? Will Edward look for her? What are your theories? **

**Let me know!**

**I want to thank:**

**My beta Lynn! Love ya babes!**

**My FFBFF and pre-reader Mony (Blueking141), she is just the most awesome ciber-friend, and her taste in music is awesome! Go an check her stories, the 3 of them are in my fav. list and they are so good, she is very talented!**

**And all of you that read and review this story! Thank you all so much for giving this fic a chance. Now that TBoHE is over and done I hope you all keep in touch.**

**Send you lots of hugs and wish you all an awesome weekend :)**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- I have a banner! It's freaking-awesome and courtesy of the lovely 'FrozenSolider'; the banner and all the pictures of the characters of C&G are at my photobucket (link at my profile). Go and check them out, even T is there somewhere :) **


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them. **

**WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. It's not overly explicit, but please be warned.**

**TIP: I recommend you have ready the song that inspired me to write this fic. which is featured in this particular chapter. 'Comes and Goes' by Greg Laswell (Love that song to pieces! And the link is at my profile.)**

**BPOV**

I was freezing, but I kept on walking.

I didn't know how cold it was, didn't have the slightest idea of the temperature, but it was fucking cold. Every time I took a breath I could see the small cloud of fog coming from my mouth and disappearing into nothingness.

Clutching the small flyer on my hand I buried both my hands in the pockets of my jacket and kept on walking to my destination.

_I am going to get there no matter what._

It was around eight at night and I made sure to walk through streets instead of alleys. I really didn't want a repeat of the beating I had gotten months ago. I had gotten robbed twice after that, but nothing big. There wasn't really that much to steal from me. I had nothing and for the most part they were able to tell and leave me alone. The only thing of value I had was something thefts wouldn't care for; it was a small token of remembrance that was well hidden under my undies.

I knew what I was doing was a stupid idea, that was the reason I had put it off for a few weeks now. But I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to see him, if just for a second. I wanted to know that he was real and not a figment of my imagination. I wanted to prove I wasn't crazy and that he existed just as I remembered.

Maybe I was crazy though, after all I had left the only place I had been able to find peace in a long time. I had stood up and walked away from them both and it had broken my heart to do so. But it had to be done, one way or another I would have to leave and it was best to do it before I got more attached, which was not hard to do. They had both become just so important to me in the short amount of time I was there.

I knew I needed to leave before I fucked up their lives just as I had fucked up mine. They were both happy and didn't need me at all, so what did I do? I left, but not before I made sure to let him know that I was grateful for everything he had done for me, and that I wished him the best, because I was being honest, he deserved it. I needed to leave that good-bye at least, as thanks, because that's all I could offer him. I didn't have anything else.

I may have been homeless, but thankfully it hadn't gotten to the point where I lost my values. Those were the only thing that the streets and fucked up people that had crossed my life couldn't take away for me. I had lost so many things, my innocence and dignity being the first ones to fly right out the door, but I was not going to let anyone rip me of my values, those stayed with me.

So with that in mind I had walked out that door with the same things I had brought with me, same clothing, same shoes, nothing more. And besides that small token I guarded with my life I hadn't take anything from that place with me. I knew I would never use it, but I wanted it there with me, if just of a reminder that it had been true and that there was someone out there that had showed kindness to me.

The streets were buzzing with people. It was Saturday night and even though it was cold everyone wanted to have a good time. I had tried my best today; got my clean change of clothes and got into a department store's washroom and cleaned myself as best as I could. Because even though I was not planning on really getting that close or make a move for him to see me, I didn't want to be dirty. It had helped too because when I asked a couple, that was walking down the street, the directions they had stopped and replied. If I had looked like the homeless girl I was they probably wouldn't have even spare me a second glance. The only things they could see was the huge jacket and beanie I was wearing and my clean face so that was enough for them to think I was part of their world.

The days after I left had been really hard. I was physically healed but I had gotten use to have a comfortable place to sleep, warm food, and above all company, that was the best part really. How stupid of me. I knew it was a temporary arrangement. I knew it wouldn't last, but that didn't stop me from wishing, wondering, dreaming.

I saw the sign of the bar from across the street _'Eclipse'_; and when I walked closer I could see the name of the bands. There it was, _'Broken Souls.'_

I took out the flyer and saw the letters were the same style as the ones in the posters. _Women No Cover from 8 to 10 pm with this flyer._

I didn't know if they would let me in or not. I was not twenty-one yet, but I was not planning on drinking anything. I had collected five dollars during the two weeks so I could at least buy a soda or something if I needed to pretend I was a regular costumer.

There was not a line outside the bar, but there was a huge guy guarding the door and welcoming the few people coming in. Maybe it was too early. I didn't care really. I didn't have anywhere else to go.

Taking a huge breath I tried to walk right to the entrance, but I just couldn't.

_You don't have to do this Bella, just turn around and walk away. What are you going to gain with this?_

_Seeing him. I want to see him._

_For what? So you can keep moping around because you left without even saying good-bye?_

"Hey you! Are you getting in or what?" The huge guy asked, his tone annoyed.

Shaking my head I took out the flyer and showed it to him.

He looked at it and raised his brow. "How old are you?"

"Twenty," I said softly.

I had turned twenty a few weeks after I left Edward's place. I hadn't even noticed until I had seen a newspaper on the floor and read the date. My birthday had passed and I didn't even acknowledge it.

"Do you have ID?" I shook my head and he sighed. "You can't get in without ID."

"I don't want to drink. I just want to..."

"It doesn't matter. No ID no admission."

I gulped and tried to stop myself from crying. "Sorry," I mumbled and walked away.

It seemed I was not going to see him after all.

Tossing the flyer into a garbage can close by I started walking away when from the corner of my eye I saw something that caught my attention. There was a big white truck and people walking in an out of a side door. Quickly making sure the guy at the door wasn't looking at me I walked towards the alley and hid besides the truck.

It looked like the guys were carrying some type of equipment inside the building. I took my time watching patiently, making sure no one would see me get in. The last thing I needed was to get in trouble and make them call the police or something like that. It went like that for a while. They were only two guys and when one went in one came out to retrieve something from the truck, so I knew they would see me if I made my move.

Just as I was about to give up I saw another car arrive and the people that got out started talking to the guys that were unloading the stuff from the truck. I took that as my cue and walked fast inside, making sure not to be seen. No one seemed to pay me any attention and quickly I was walking through a lighted hallway. They were many doors, left and right, but I kept walking straight towards the noise.

The main portion of the bar had already some people in. It wasn't really crowded but you could hear the buzz of the conversations flying around. The light in there was enough that you could see all around you, but not too bright that you could make up the faces really well. There was music in the background, not to loud but not too low. I located where the washroom was and walked towards there.

I removed my jacket and then realized my shirt was not in the best of conditions so decided to keep the jacket on. I had gotten the jacket from one of the shelters I sometimes went to, and it was still in good condition, so that would have to do. I did remove my beanie though and used water to try and placate my frizzy hair a bit. Girls started coming inside the washroom and I decided to just go out.

I looked for a place to stand and I saw a small empty corner close to the stage. There was a table next to it, but it was empty so far. I walked there and waited on the corner for everything to start, for him to come out.

As far as I could gather from the flyer they were three bands playing starting at ten. I didn't know in which order, but I didn't mind the wait. I didn't have anywhere else to go. By the time I came out of here all the shelters would be full and closed so the longer I could stay inside a warm place the better.

More people started coming and even though I didn't like crowds at all it made me feel more at ease that I was able to just fade. First of all I didn't want the door guy to come inside and see me, but most of all I didn't want him to see me.

Soon enough the music started, it was a band with two guys and a girl. Not many people really seemed to pay attention, they mostly kept doing what they did before; drinking, talking, laughing.

The table next to me was still empty but just then some people came and started sitting down. There were a lot of them and some waiters even brought another table and more chairs so they all could fit. Thankfully they didn't cover my view of the stage so I stayed there quietly.

The first band ended their playing and the stage light was turned off. Some guys started changing instruments and the background music started again. I decided I could indulge myself and walked towards the bar. I order a coke and the girl behind the bar gave it to me with a cup with some snacks. They looked like almonds and peanuts. I smiled at her and paid 3 dollars, that left me two. I walked back to the corner and was pleased to see it was empty still. I leaned against the wall while I drank and ate.

When the second band was announced my heart started beating faster. It was them; 'Broken Souls' and the people in the table next to me started to make a lot of noise, cheering and whistling.

And then as I saw him and I felt my breath catching in my throat. He was real. He was there, in front of me.

_Edward._

He looked as beautiful as I remembered him. His hair was a little bit longer, but not by much. He was wearing jeans, black sneakers and a black t-shirt. The tattoos on his arms on display, the piercing on his face shining, and his black guitar on his right hand.

There were another three guys with him and they all took their spots behind an instrument, but I couldn't see anything, anyone besides him. He took a seat on a stool, front and center; a microphone in front of him.

"Good night Eclipse," Edward said into the microphone and I had to smile when I heard his voice again. "We are Broken Souls, and hope you enjoy the music."

He didn't say more, the guy at the drums started with the beat and the song started_._

_Jasper_, I guessed. Edward had talked a few times about his band mates, but the one I can recall more clearly is Jasper, if just for the reason that he had given him T. I knew there was a guy named Mike and another one named Tyler, but I really couldn't remember who played what.

The music was so good. I really couldn't pin-point what style of music it was, I didn't have much knowledge in music genres and stuff, but it was soft and strong at the same time. I loved it.

Some of the people at the table next to me started singing along and I guessed they knew the band really well. I didn't know and I didn't care. I was really lost in the music and Edward's voice. He said he wasn't that good at singing, but he really was. His voice was just so soft and powerful, it was great.

I don't know how many songs they had played when the other three guys stood up and left the stage. I thought maybe they were done and worried that this was it. But Edward stayed there, silent for a minute.

"This next song is completely new and this is the first time I'm playing it in front of an audience. It's dedicated to someone really special to me and I hope wherever she is she is doing fine." Then he mouthed something else, but the microphone was not on his mouth so I couldn't hear what he said.

Everything was silent, or maybe I had just zoned out all the other noise. There was nothing but Edward.

The strums of his guitar made my heart beat faster. He had been playing for a while, but this song was so much different. The melody was just so beautiful and sad at the same time.

Edward closed his eyes and when he opened them again he started signing.

_This one's for the lonely_

_The ones that seek and find_

_Only to be let down_

_Time after time..._

_This one's for the torn down_

_The experts at the fall_

_Come on friends get up now_

_You're not alone at all_

_Oh...oh, oh, oh, oh..._

He closed his eyes and it looked like he was in some kind of pain, and I wanted to reach to him, do something to take it away, but he kept singing.

_And this part was for her_

_This part was for her_

_This part was for her_

_Does she remember?_

_It comes and goes in waves, I..._

I didn't notice that tears had already made their way down my face. It felt so foreign to feel the wetness. I hadn't cried in a long time, since Edward took me to his home that day. But his words were touching my heart, one by one.

_This one's for the faithless_

_The ones that are surprised_

_They are only where they are now_

_Regardless of their fight_

_This one's for believing_

_If only for its sake_

_Come on friends get up now_

_Love is to be made_

___Oh...oh, oh, oh, oh..._  


Suddenly he looked towards the table next to me, but his eyes didn't stay there. They kept moving and suddenly they landed on me. Like if he knew where I had been hiding all this time, his eyes got wide, recognition on his face, but he didn't stop signing, on the contrary he sang with more passion than before.

_And this part was for her_

_This part was for her_

_This part was for her_

_Does she remember?_

I placed my hands on my mouth and sobbed. It was like he was signing that song to me. _Was he?_

_It comes and goes in waves,_

_I..._

_I am only led to wonder why_

_It comes and goes in waves_

_I..._

_I am only led to wonder why_

_Why I try..._

His eyes remained in me, never going anywhere else, and mines were stuck on him too. A small smile played on his lips and mine followed as the song became a little bit more upbeat, more hopeful.

_This is for the ones who stand_

_For the ones who try again_

_For the ones who need a hand_

_For the ones who think they can..._

_It comes and goes in waves,_

_I..._

_I am only led to wonder why_

_It comes and goes in waves_

_I..._

_I am only led to wonder why_

_Why.. I try..._

The song ended and Edward closed his eyes, a contented smile on his lips and I took that opportunity to just go and not look back.

I got out by the front door, and if the door guy saw me I didn't care.

I ran and ran and got lost in the night.

* * *

_**2 weeks later...**_

I knew he was following me. I had turned left, then right and he was still behind me. I had gone to the shelter earlier than normal, but the line was huge and the places had been filled. It was snowing lightly and I knew I had to find a warm place to spend the night or else I'll freeze.

The streets where almost empty, the weather, the time, everything was against me and now this guy following me. I had seen him before around some of the other homeless guys that hanged out around the shelter I went more frequently.

Gulping I tried for a 24 hour coffee shop. I had collected a dollar and fifty cents, maybe I could buy something with that and just wait until he got tired and left me alone.

Walking by the alleys would take me there that much faster, but I was not going to risk it, so I kept on the street, head down, hands deep in my pockets.

"Were ya' going hottie?"

I shivered and kept walking, head down, hands in pocket.

"Hey I'm talking to you. Are you deaf or what?"

"Please leave me alone," I said in a rush and speeded my steps.

"I don't think so." And with that the guy took a hold of my arm and pulled me towards his body.

"Let me go!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, if this guy didn't leave me alone at least I hoped someone heard my scream and did something.

I pushed and kicked and yelled but the guy was way stronger than me and there was no one around.

"Please, please, don't hurt me please! I don't have money. I don't have anything!" I tried to make him understand.

"And who told ya' I wanted your money?" he slurred, I didn't know if he was drunk or high or what the fuck I just wanted him to let me go.

By then he had already taken us to a back alley.

"Please!" I begged. "Help!"

"Shut up bitch! Shut the fuck up!"

"Help me, somebody..." My screaming was cut short but his hand coming in contact with my face.

_No, please no! Not again!_ I prayed for a miracle.

A miracle that didn't come.

**A/N.- *Bite-nails***

**I know it's freaking terrible! I'm sorry, but this is how the story came to me. Just please have a little bit of patience and faith, things will get to the place they have to. Trust me!  
**

**Thanks to:**

**My awesome beta Lynn, whom I love!**

**My freakawesome FFBFF and the one that told me one day 'Hey listen to this song...' And the rest is history, I replayed it over and over again (I still do) And 'Comes & Goes' was born.**

**All of you that read, review, recommend, and add me on twitter, your are all the best! (Find me under the penname _AlexaUrce_) **

**FYI: Some of you may know this, some of you may not so I'll leave the note here.**

** I'm going back to my home-country (Mexico) for the holidays! An entire month! I leave this Friday and won't be back till next year (mid Jan.). I won't have unlimited access to internet there (And no! Don't believe because Mexico is a 3rd world country we don't have internet, we actually do, believe me we have access to pretty much everything technology-wise. I'm sorry for the outburst but sometimes I roll my eyes when people talk down on my country and think we actually ride on horses and wear 'sombreros' daily, I'm way too patriotic! *lol*).**

** Anywho... I'll be staying in my childhood-home with my grandparents and of course since I don't live there anymore they don't find the need to have 'internet', besides since the airlines are so cheap lately I'm just allowed to travel with one bag! Freaking great! So I won't travel with my computer :(. I may be able to sneak some times, at my mom's, my uncles', at the free wireless in downtown and such, but I'm going to see my entire family after 1 year and I don't think I'll have that much time on my hands. **

**But you know me, I always try my best to update, so I may be able to do so once or twice during my stay!**

**I do have the next chapter pretty-much written and I'll try to post it before I leave. It all depends on you and how much you want to read it! So let me know with a review if you want it before I leave or not. And sorry for this ass-long A/N.**

**Wish you all an awesome week!**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**

**PS.- What do you think is the 'thing' Bella got from Edward's place as a 'token of ****remembrance****'? And No! Mony and Lynn can't play :P Peace Out!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

******WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. It's not overly explicit, but please be warned.**  


**EPOV**

_...the fuck?_

'Auuuuu...'

With a groan and still sleepy as hell I stood up from the bed and walked to the door. T hadn't stopped crying for five minutes straight outside of my bedroom and I needed to see if something was wrong with her. Again.

This was the third time she did the same thing, but not as loud and as desperate.

"What's wrong girl?" I crouched in the threshold of my bedroom door and she jumped right into my arms.

'Auuuuu...' she whined again.

"Are you feeling ill T?" I asked, waiting for some sort of sign or reply from her, which she did. The thing was I couldn't actually understand her language.

Checking for any physical injuries I made my way towards the living room and blindly felt for the light switch. I sat on the couch and just brought the throw that I always placed at the back of the couch, towards me and T.

The DVD clock read 2:12 a.m. _Great!_

_I just hope my neighbours can't hear her, they'll be pissed._

A small part of me worried, but for the most part I didn't care what they thought. I had to take care of my girl.

I sighed and petted T, trying to make her stop her cries, but she didn't. She kept whining and moving and I didn't know what to do.

_Maybe she was indeed sick and I was just stalling not taking her to the vet. _

_Yeah I'm the poster man for pet owner of the year._

The first time she did this I really thought she was dying or something. I was getting change to take her to the 24-hour Animal Clinic when she had just stopped and gone back to sleep. She did the same thing the second time too, a couple of weeks later, but on that occasion I had just cuddled with her till she stopped, and after a few minutes she was asleep. I hoped today she did the same and calmed down after a while.

I didn't know, couldn't be sure about it, but I felt like she was trying to tell me something. What? I didn't freaking have a clue. But whatever it was worried me.

Since Bella left T hadn't been her chirpy self. Being honest neither of us were. I didn't know how someone we had just known for a week could have made such a big impression on us both that we had resented her departure.

It had been almost three months and I still didn't have any clue of where Bella was. A part of me had lost hope of seeing her again, and I didn't like it. But some other part hoped that she would come back one day, if just for the sake of knowing she was okay. _Yeah I didn't think so ether._

_But you saw her remember? Two weeks ago at the bar?_

_No it wasn't her! You were just hallucinating._

_No I wasn't, it was her! I saw her there, her big brown eyes were looking right back at me when I was singing her song._

_Yeah right! Crazy fucker._

I passed one hand through my hair and pulled hard. I really was going crazy. But I could have sworn it was her that day at the bar. I had seen her and everything else had disappeared. It was me, her and my guitar. And it was freaking weird because that's the first time I had ever played that song in front of an audience, a song that I had written after she left, for her. But once the song was done and I tried to look for her again, she wasn't there anymore, like she had disappeared into thin air.

I had asked some people around the bar if they had seen her, but no one had. Hugo the door man had said he saw a girl like the one I was describing really early on, but she didn't even get inside the bar that night. So it couldn't be her. But ugh...I was desperate to find her or to know something about her.

_Where are you Bella?_

I had looked for her, for two weeks straight after she left my place I looked for her. I would close the shop and then walk around for a few hours trying to find her. I would ask some homeless people I passed by if they had seen her or knew her. I would give them some money, bribe them to talk, but no one knew anything about Bella and her whereabouts. I had even gone to two shelters with Jasper, but nothing. And the worst part was I didn't even know her last name to try other means to look for her. As stupid as it sounded I had a girl living with me for around a week and I didn't even know her full name.

_Stupid right? That's me._

I still went out sometimes, but not everyday now. The weather was getting worse and worse and I wonder if maybe she had gone to another city, a warmer place. Jasper had been great, that man had helped as much as he could, if just listening to my whining.

I had told him everything after he had found the note with her message. No need to hide things from him, or better said, not possible. He had known something was up since the moment I had read the note and stayed looking at it for over ten minutes without blinking. Maybe he knew something was up since before, he was good at reading people, but he was just as good at not bothering.

Jasper had told me to just forget about her and go on with my life. That people that lived on the streets sometimes found it hard to settle into a regular life again. But I kept telling him that Bella wasn't like that, and he kept reminding me that I barely knew her. He wasn't being a dick, he was just being honest, and it pissed me off.

_But fuck! Why did she leave? I was just going to tell her about the job at the shop that day._

"Please T, calm down girl." It had been over ten minutes and she kept whining.

Scratching the back of my neck I wonder if this time I should really take her to the hospital. I decided to wait a little more, see if she calmed down.

And she did, after thirty minutes T stopped, but this time she didn't fall asleep. She just sat there on my lap. Looking at nothing.

I stretched a little bit and got the remote from the coffee table and turn the TV on. I doubted I was going to fall asleep now, so I decided to just make sure T was doing fine. I wondered if I should take her to bed with me but shut that thought right away. No the bed. She was now allowed to get on the couch only when I was there, but the bed was still a forbidden land for her.

Many people would think I was the worst pet owner. _What the fuck ever!_ I loved T, she was my only constant, and I didn't care what other people thought. But she was spoiled already, I didn't need to spoil her more. But no matter what she was my little girl; the only living thing that could handle me for more than an hour without cursing my guts, and I loved her for that.

I woke up at 9:35 and had to run around the apartment to get ready to go to work. I had an appointment at 10:30 and needed to be there earlier to set everything up. I groaned and felt some pain on my neck. _That's what happens when you sleep sitting on the couch dumbass._

T woke up but was still feeling low. With a sigh I covered her with the throw and let her stay on the couch. My girl had had a bad night and I wanted to pamper her a little. She licked my hand and placed her small head on her front legs.

I showered fast, changed fast and making sure T had enough food until I was back home, I bundled up and left.

I could feel the cold wind hit my face as soon as I stepped out of the building, it was late November and winter was upon us. I made sure to pull my scarf up and my beanie down. I had been lucky so far and hadn't gotten sick, and I wanted to keep it that way. Me being sick was not a pretty sight.

I grabbed a coffee and a muffin in passing and walked the fifteen minutes it took for me to get to the shop. There were advantages of working on a tattoo shop and being able to be late for work, but still I didn't like it. As the owner I felt I had to set an example for the others. It had taken me a while to be able and understand my role as colleague and as owner, but I had been able to figure it out with time. I really hated to be seen as the boss, because the shop was a team work, we all made it what it was. But sometimes I really had to put my foot down and it was not something I enjoyed at all.

When I got to the shop everyone was already there getting set for the day.

"Hey Edward." Lesley came and gave me a one-armed hug. "Are you okay?"

Everyone knew something was up, my mood hadn't change much but sometimes I would space out completely. I couldn't help it or even understand it. I knew it was irrational of me to worry about someone I barely knew. Someone that had left of her own will. But still. There was just something about her that had shaken a protective instinct in me.

But whatever, she had left, I couldn't do anything about that but to live my life as if nothing had happened. It had been too long and maybe she just didn't want to be found.

_What were you expecting Edward? At the end everyone you care for leaves. You aren't worth their time. Haven't you realized it yet?_

"Edward?" Lesley shook my arm a little bit and I had to shake my head to get out of my own thoughts.

"I'm okay Les. T was just not feeling well last night so I barely slept."

"Oh is she sick? Did you take her to the vet?" she asked.

Lesley had seen T only a handful of times and T never gave her the time of day. I wasn't lying when I said T didn't like women, but still Lesley knew how much that dog meant to me, so I could see a little bit of worry in her eyes. Lesley was just nice like that.

"No I haven't. But can you please schedule an appointment for sometime next week? This is not the first time she's done it and I'm worried she may be actually ill."

"Sure," Lesley nodded. "With the same vet right?"

"Yeah, Dr. Uley," I said. He had been T's vet all her life and the only doctor that could handle her and her moods.

Walking to my station I said a quick hello to Emmett and Seth and even nodded at Rosalie. We were still not on the best terms, but so far we had been able to work together without ripping each other's heads off. She and Emmett had even gone to one of the concerts at Eclipse. I knew it wasn't her choice, but sometimes Emmett knew how to put his foot down.

I got on my stations and started setting everything up, and as hard as I tried to stop it, Bella's face came into my mind more than once.

The morning passed by uneventfully. My appointment had gone great. It was this huge tattoo that covered almost the entire back of the guy; that would take at least three sessions to be done, but the client was really excited with my design and that always was a good bust to my ego.

When he left I got a walk-in; a girl that was barely 18 and wanted the name of her boyfriend on the back of her neck. I didn't understand how people could be so stupid as to tattoo someone's name that way, names of people that would probably get out of their life fast, and more at that age, but whatever, she was of age and she was paying so I did my job with my mouth shut. The weirdest part was that the girl was unabashedly flirting with me. I knew she wasn't being serious, many girls weren't. They just liked the feeling of having the attention of a guy like me, the 'rebel guy' as many would say it. Another proof that that tattoo wasn't going to stay there for long. _Whatever!_

As always I was not in the mood for girlish advances and I just dodge her flirting as swift as possible. I was not a prude, not at all. But that time in my life had passed. I was not interested in flings anymore, and less with barely legal girls.

At around four I decided to go back to my office. I checked some e-mails from vendors and providers. My uncle Carlisle wrote saying he was indeed coming to New York to that convention he had talked to me about months ago. I got some e-mails with stupid jokes Mike sent me, that man didn't have anything to do that much was clear, and junk mail.

I went through some paperwork and filed everything in the right place. I had learned over the years that owning a business meant hard work, and I needed to be on top of everything, making sure to store every single receipt and paper for when I needed to file for taxes and shit. The first year of the shop had been chaos and I had promised to myself to be careful from then on. This shop meant a lot to me, and I couldn't fail, I couldn't fail my parents.

Just then my cell-phone started ringing. I checked the caller ID but the phone number was listed as private. I wonder if I should just let the call go. I hated telemarketers and most of the time when it said private it was them. But for some reason I just decided to pick up.

"Hello,"

"_Am I speaking with Mr. Edward Cullen?"_ An extremely serious voice spoke.

_Yeah probably a fucking telemarketer or from the bank. I hate that shit. Why did I pick up the phone again? _"I'm Edward Cullen, yes." I replied quickly and got ready to tell the guy I wasn't slightly interested when he spoke again.

"_Mr. Cullen, I'm Deputy Jones."_

_Deputy? What the..._

"How may I help you?" My voice was clipped trying to hide the worry, _why was a policeman calling me?_

"_Mr. Cullen, I have a question for you. Would you happen to know a Miss Isabella Swan?"_

_Isabella? No I didn't know any Isa... Bella!_ "Bella?"

"_Bella?"_

"Yes, she goes by Bella. Short, brown hair, brown eyes?"

"_Yes, that fits the description of Miss Swan."_

"Where is she? What happened?" _What the fuck was going on? How did this people get my number but most important what had happened to Bella?_

"_First of all, how do you know Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen?"_ He asked.

"We are friends," I said quickly. _We were friends right?_ It's not like I was going to tell him the story of how we met right now, all I wanted was for him to tell me what the heck was going on. But at the same time I didn't want to right out lie.

"_Let me just tell you that we never do anything like this,"_ Deputy Jones said, making emphasis in the 'never'. _"But Miss Swan hasn't stop asking for you and we don't have any other contact information from her."_

"Please," I begged. "Where is she?"

"_She is at the New York Downtown Hospital."_

_The hospital!_ "Is she okay? What happened to her?" I asked as I stood up and started getting ready to leave to the hospital right that second.

"_Can you come to the hospital, Mr. Cullen?"_ he asked.

"I'm on my way."

"_I'll meet you on the third floor. Just ask for me."_

"I'll be there." And I didn't wait for an answer as I hang up.

I got to the hospital in record time. The guys at the shop didn't know what to make of me and I really didn't have time to explain. I just told Emmett to close the shop and left running like a bat out of hell. I took a cab and instructed the guy to 'hurry the fuck up', but I wasn't a dick and I paid him extra, because he did get me there as fast as he could.

Getting into the hospital I went up to the third floor and was just about to ask for the police guy when he came right behind me.

He was blond and shorter than me by a few inches, but he looked like a guy that didn't like bullshit. He eyed me curiously but he quickly covered it up.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I looked at him. "Yes."

He offered me his hand to shake and I did so, but I really didn't have the time for stupid introductions. "Where is Bella?"

"Miss Swan is resting at the moment. Follow me please." His face didn't give anything away and I was this close to shake him and demand him to tell me where Bella was. But I knew that wouldn't take me anywhere. I was lucky they had even contacted me and told me about her.

We went into a small vacant waiting room. Deputy Jones signaled me to take a seat and I did. He then sat in front of me.

"We found Miss Swan at the early hours of this morning. She was attacked."

"What?" My hands were both into tight fists. "Who?"

"The suspect is in custody as of right now. We are just waiting for Miss Swan to be able and identify him."

"Fuck!"

"Are you close to Miss Swan?" he asked, and again his voice didn't give anything away. These guys were well trained to have a poker face in place. I wasn't and I knew I looked down right enraged.

I shrugged noncommittally because in reality we were not that close to each other, but on the other side he didn't need to know this or else he wouldn't say a thing.

"I've known her for while, she stayed at me house for a short time. We are friends."

He nodded in understanding. "Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan was violated."

"What?" I yelled as I jumped from my seat and kicked the chair so hard it flew out of the way. "Where is that fucker? Where is him?" I was beyond angry. _Bella! Bella was raped? What the fuck!_ I was going to kill that motherfucker, he was dead, freaking dead.

"Calm down, Mr. Cullen, or I'll be forced to remove you from the premises."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down when you just told me that Bella was raped?"

He took a breath and sighed. "I know this is hard to hear, Mr. Cullen, but believe me we are doing everything possible to help Miss Swan. As far as we know she doesn't have family or anyone really. And even though I never do this, she asked for you and I had to call you. She really doesn't need to be alone right now." For the first time I was able to hear another emotion in Deputy Jones voice, sorrow.

"How did you know how to find me?" I asked.

He pulled something from his jacket and handed it to me.

It was a note. The note I had written Bella that first day she stayed at my home. The one where I told her I was at work and to order some food for lunch. The one with my name, address and phone number. She had kept it, all this time she had kept it.

"How is she?" I was scared of the answer but I had to ask.

"She is doing fine, considering. She has been calm and cooperative." His voice hinted at something, I really didn't know what.

"Can I see her?" That's all I cared for right now.

"Of course, come with me,"

We walked through a corridor and he stopped at room 327.

"Wait here please," he requested.

I nodded and waited. He got in and I could hear some voices inside, but they were so low I couldn't really understand what was being said. A minute later Deputy Jones and a nurse came out of the room.

"Go in, she is waiting for you. I'll give you a few minutes."

"Thanks," I mumbled as I made my way in.

Getting inside the room I tried to get my emotions under control. Bella needed a friend, someone to be there for her, not a pissed fucker that wanted to beat the shit out of someone, more specifically the fucker that did this to her. I took a deep breath and looked up.

Bella was on a hospital bed. Her head on a pillow as she looked at the ceiling, her hands on top of her middle and her face a mask of calmness, no bruises or swelling visible so far. But I knew this time the scars ran deeper than her skin, and it pained me, it pained me a lot.

"Bella?" I asked softly as I closed the door behind me.

Her face turned to face me and just like that tears started falling from her face. She extended one of her hands towards me and smiled a watery smile.

"Edward."

**A/N.- So here it is, chapter 7 as promised!**

**So finally, after 2 long chapters they are reunited! What do you think is going to happen now?**

**And since no one was able to guess which was the 'token' Bella had taken from Edward's place, well there you have it! It was the note he wrote to her that first morning!**

**Thanks to:**

**My beta Lynn! Love ya babes.**

**My FFBFF and one of the sweetest persons I know, Mony! You know how much I love ya! I'm going to freaking miss ya!**

**All of you that read, review, and rec. this story! A special thanks to the awesome Patti who made a manip of Edward & T! Awww... sweetest thing ever! (Pics. at my photobucket)**

**So my flight leaves in a few hours! I'm excited! I'm heading to Los Angeles and spending Saturday there doing some Christmas shopping. And then on Sunday hopefully I'm headed to my hometown! I can't wait to be with my family and hug them so much! And not going to lie I'll probably gain like 10 pounds with all the food I'm going to eat for sure! **

**I wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR; and I wish all of you get to spend it with your loved ones, full of happiness, joy and peace! Let's not forget this is a time to reflect and see how lucky we are for what we have, we may not feel lucky sometimes, but that's life right? As well Christmas is a time to pray for things to get better around the world, let's hope they do and let's share, share, share what little or lot we have...if you don't celebrate Christmas, at least you get to eat lots of holiday food right? *lol***

**Lots of love,**

**Alexa**

**P.S- A review would be an awesome Christmas gift for me *wink***


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. It's not overly explicit, but please be warned.**

**BPOV**

"Edward," I whispered, my hand going up on its own accord. I wanted to touch him, to know he was real and not just a figment of my delusional imagination.

Tears started falling from my eyes. _Relief?_ I didn't know, but the fact that Edward had cared enough to come and see me meant a lot to me and made me break my facade.

"Bella," he whispered back, walking slowly towards me and as soon as he reached my bed he clutched my outstretched hand with his and I started sobbing.

He didn't waste any time and placed his free hand on my forehead, removing some hairs away from my eyes and passing his hand over my face in a calming motion, making sure not to startle me or scare me.

But I wasn't afraid. Edward could never scare me; on the contrary he made me feel safe.

"Everything is going to be okay, Bella. I won't let anyone hurt you," he said so softly and so honestly that I believed him.

I looked up at him, at his beautiful face. It was just as I remembered, just as that day at the bar. But there was a slight difference this time. His eyes held something I couldn't decipher and I didn't care to do so at that moment. So I just basically launched myself at him and clung to him with so much force I doubted he could pull away even if he wanted to.

"Ed...ward..." I sobbed. "I was so... so...scared..."

I didn't know how he was able to move around, but suddenly I was wrapped around his arms, my face on his chest as he kept rubbing his hand on my back, trying to calm me, comfort me, and between everything that was going on and the shit that was my life, I was able to give in and relish in his presence.

"I'm here now," he repeated over and over again. His voice was soothing, but tight at the same time, like if he was in the verge of losing it, just as I was, but he didn't, he kept his ground and kept me from falling apart even more than I was already.

I cried for a long time, feeling everything come crashing down on me. What had happened to me, the horror of that man touching me with his dirty hands. I yelled, and yelled and no one heard me, no one saved me this time and he had done what he wanted with me.

I didn't know who had called the police and I didn't care, the damage had been done and there was no turning back. I was just left to drown in my own pain and for minutes, or hours, I didn't know how long I just lay there, broken, drained, with not even a single tear left to spill, or so I thought until now.

The policeman that got to me first, told me his name but I really wasn't in the right state of mind to understand, or care for that matter. I just remembered seeing him and then some paramedics surrounding me and not much else. I tried to just block everything out and kept thinking of something else besides the horror of my situation.

_Anything but that._

I tried to go back; back in time and remembered when I was a little girl, when my dad was well and my mom was still with us. We would go to the park, when it wasn't raining, and play for hours. They would buy me cotton candy and I would always choose the color pink. I remembered the day my dad taught me how to ride a bike and I fell. He had freaked out so much, but after his breakdown he had taken such good care of me, taking me to the ER immediately even though my leg wasn't broken or anything. I grasped for happy moments, but besides some portions of my childhood there was not much else, my life sucked, big time.

_Edward._

_Edward and T._

I remembered them both, that week, even though short, it had been one of the most comfortable and easy moments in my adult life. T would always be lying on my lap and we would play and she would bark and I would laugh. Edward would come from work and we would eat dinner together and talk. He had played the guitar for me once and his voice was just so soothing to me.

_The concert!_ I remembered how he had looked me in the eye and singed that song for me.

_Edward. Edward. Edward._

That's all I tried to focus on to run away from the horror.

I didn't remember at what point I had come back to reality because by then I was already on a hospital bed and people were touching and poking me. I didn't care by that time. I was numb. I was hopeless I didn't have any more energy in me to keep on fighting it. I heard words as 'rape kit' and 'internal tear', but I tried my hardest to just block it out.

It was just too much.

Once the doctor and nurses were done with whatever they were doing, the same policeman I vaguely remember to have seen came to my room with a lady. He said his name was Matt Jones and that he wanted to ask me some questions. He introduced the lady as a counselor, her name was Irina or something like that.

They both asked questions, and I answered them. Deputy Jones asked me about the guy that had attacked me. I had to give him a little credit, he was trying to be as gentle as possible with the questions, but there wasn't anything gentle about being taken against my will. At the end what little I knew I told him. They would probably do nothing about it, but I still answered. I told them I'd seen him before and tried to describe him as best as I could. I felt nothing as I talked. I was emotionless and just so tired of everything.

When they asked me if I had any relatives or friends that they could call, to go and be with me for support, I shook my head.

I didn't have anyone, I was all alone. That's when Deputy Jones asked me who Edward was and when I tried lying through my teeth and told him I didn't know any Edward, he showed me the only thing I had taken from him when I left his house; the note.

It looked like I had been saying his name a lot during my state of semi-consciousness, and then the nurses had found the note somewhere between my bra, hidden where I had placed it. The note had his name, and since I'd been repeating his name over and over again, Deputy Jones was curious about him.

He asked me over and over again who he was and when he almost hinted at Edward being my attacker I totally lost it and told him that he would never hurt me.

So he asked again, who Edward was.

_And what did I do?_ I caved. I had been weak and I told Deputy Jones that he was a person that had helped me once, a good guy that had gone above and beyond to be there for me when I needed a hand. When Deputy Jones asked me if I trusted Edward I didn't hesitate and nodded and not a second later I asked him to call Edward and see if he would come if just for a bit. He did, and to my utter shock and surprise Edward had come.

I fisted my hands in Edward's shirt, letting some of the pain wash away with my tears. It didn't work though, I still felt as dirty as before. I tried to get rid of the thoughts of that asshole doing those things to me, it was hard, it didn't work. I needed to get rid of his stench on me, I need to...

"He...he...I tried to run...but..." I hiccupped and wasn't unable to really say anything.

"Shh, Bella please don't think about that right now. I won't let him hurt you ever again. No one will ever hurt you." His voice went from sweet and soothing to full of venom, and for a weird reason I found myself feeling more secure in his arms.

_Safe, Edward was safe._

I knew Edward couldn't stop things from hurting me, that was just how my life was, but for the time being I let myself forget about everything and just relish in the peace I felt when he was near.

Time seemed to pass, I wasn't sure how long but neither of us said anything. We just stayed like that; Edward holding me as I tried to get a hold of myself.

There was a soft knock on the door and not even waiting for a reply a nurse made her way inside. She looked to be in her late 40's, with whitening hair and care bears scrubs. I was looking at her from under Edward's arm, but didn't even make a motion to move. She looked at Edward and her eyes widen slightly, but she quickly recovered and started placing some stuff on the bed side table and soon enough she was talking to Edward. Maybe she thought I was sleeping or something.

"I need to take some blood. We need to run some tests," she said seriously and her voice was a little wary.

Edward nodded and looked down at me. "Bella, sweetie..." he said as he started moving his arms from around me.

I didn't like it. I wanted Edward to keep holding me.

"It's going to be quick, don't worry," The nurse said as she caught sight of my face and how I really was not happy about being disturbed.

The nurse then looked at Edward and how he carefully disentangled himself from me making sure I was comfortable lying on the bed again. He then walked to the other side and made sure to pull a chair close by so he could be next to me. The nurse's stance changed then and she smiled softly.

"My name is Ann, by the way. You are Isabella right?" she asked sweetly, trying to make this moment a little bit less uncomfortable. It didn't work much, it sucked.

I nodded.

She then looked at Edward. "And you are?"

"I'm Edward, Bella's friend," he said as I reached my right hand towards him, he held it without a second thought and I felt myself relax if just a little bit.

_Friend._ Edward had said he was my friend. A tiny smile made its way on my face and my heart warmed a little. I had a friend.

Ann was really gentle with me, and from time to time I would see her look at me with a sad expression on her face. The other nurses had been so emotionless, like they didn't care, maybe they didn't. Or maybe they had just seen so much that they weren't moved by things. Ann was really careful with me. I knew she felt bad for me, I could see it in her eyes and I tried my best to at least be good for her and not move much as she took the samples.

"Are you hungry?" hhe asked me.

I shook my head. It had been a while since I had eaten, but still I didn't feel hungry. Food was the last thing on my mind.

"When was the last time you ate, Bella?" It was Edward asking this time.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Yesterday?" It sounded like a question.

"You have to eat then," he said sternly, but softly at the same time.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Dinner will be served in just a moment," Ann said. "I can send you two orders if you want, so you can share with your friend." She looked at Edward.

I looked at him and he shrugged. "Sure."

Once done, Ann left, promising to send two trays with dinner.

A minute later I was back in Edward arms and not a second later Deputy Jones and Irina were walking inside again.

_Why do people keep disturbing me?_

As soon as the counselor saw Edward her eyes went wide, but she quickly lowered her gaze and looked to the other side pretending to look through some papers. She then asked Edward, kind of harshly, to leave for a bit. But when she saw that he wasn't happy about that and that I wouldn't let him go anywhere, Deputy Jones just told her to let him stay if I felt comfortable with him there. I said I wanted him there and that was that, Edward stayed with me.

With a sigh and reminding me to keep calm, Deputy Jones told me they had caught a suspect. I flinched but Edward hold kept me steady, and from the corner of my side I was able to see how his knuckles almost went white of how tight he was fisting his hands.

The police-guy said I had to go to the station and press formal charges. I would then need to recognize the guy so he could be prosecuted and thrown in jail. I didn't know if it was worth it, but Edward encourage me and promised to be with me every step of the way if needed be, so I had agreed to do what they had suggested and press chargers.

Dr. Gerandy came later on. He said I was doing fine and that they would be able to release me the next morning if everything progressed as expected.

"Do you have a place to go, Isabella?" Irina asked suddenly.

I fidget with my hands. "I..."

"Yes, she is coming with me," Edward said matter-of-factly.

I looked up at him, my eyes wide in wonder. _Would he take me to his place again? Would he do that for me?_

His eyes said it all. Yes, he would take me with him without a second thought.

"T misses you," he whispered so low I was the only one that could hear. "And I did too."

And again, a small smile made its way on my face. I knew it was not a happy time, but just knowing that for the first time I wasn't alone, made me feel that less crappy.

"Is that right, Isabella? Are you going to leave with Mr. Cullen?" Deputy Jones asked this time, breaking the small moment.

I looked at Edward one last time, making sure he was convinced this was a good idea, that he did want me to go with him. His expression didn't falter. He smiled slightly and nodded encouragingly.

"Yes," I finally said. "I will go with Edward."

With a gentle squeeze he let me know he was pleased with my answer.

"Good, good." Deputy Jones nodded. He looked kind of glad that I was with Edward, so different reaction than the counselor, I wondered why. "So I'll take all your information Mr. Cullen and I'll give you my card so we can keep in contact, is that okay?"

"Sure." Edward nodded and started telling him everything he asked and Deputy Jones handed him a business card.

I was just so amazed by Edward. This man, that barely knew me, was doing this for me. He was going out of his way to help me without even thinking about it twice. He was putting himself out there for the second time, to help me.

_Me. A nobody._

Deputy Jones was the first one to leave, followed by Dr. Gerandy who promised to be in early the next day to discharge me. But Irina stayed behind and again she tried to ask Edward to leave the room but I just wouldn't budge_._

_Fuck her, who did she think she was?_

"Isabella, I think it would be good if you saw the help of a professional," Irina said.

I stiffened.

"It would be beneficial for you and your circumstances," she encouraged.

I shook my head.

"I have a friend..." Edward interjected. "He is a psychologist. Maybe he can help Bella..."

"No!" I said forcibly. I didn't want anyone's help. I didn't want to see a shrink. I wasn't crazy!

"Isabella I think..." Irina tried to talk, but I didn't let her continue.

"No! I don't want to!" I yelled back.

"Please Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. "Calm down sweetie, just take deep breaths."

I tried to do as he told me and took deep breaths in and out.

"I think we should let Bella calm down a bit Miss..."

"Mrs. Walker, Irina Walker."

"Mrs. Walker," Edward said.

"I'll just leave these pamphlets and articles here," she said handing Edward some papers. "I think help would make a lot of difference. My business card is there as well and you can call me if..." Her voice tired and detached. She sounded like if she were reading off a script.

I sighed and tried to block her voice. It looked like she was talking to me, but she was looking at Edward with a disgusted look, that she tried to cover. Not a really good job though.

I could see the judgment in her eyes, the same judgment I got most of the time. But Edward didn't deserve it. He was a good person despites his though exterior. She didn't have a clue who he was.

Irina finally finished with whatever she was saying, gathered the rest of her things and left with a curt 'bye'.

"What a bitch," I mumbled softly, which made Edward chuckle.

"I'm used to it, don't worry," he said with a shrug.

"But you shouldn't. They don't know you," I said.

"And you do?" He raised a brow.

"You are good to me," I replied sincerely.

He smiled and placed a soft kiss on my forehead and I almost gasped at the contact. It felt so nice.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." He chuckled, but then his face fell and he sighed. "Why did you have to..." He trailed off.

But I knew what he was going to say. He was going to ask me why I left.

"I don't want to talk about that," I sighed. "Please, not now," I begged.

He nodded. "Okay," he relented.

I knew he wanted to ask me stuff, and I did think he deserved an answer, but I just couldn't find it in me to do it right at that time.

Just then dinner was served and, while I thought I wasn't hungry, I found myself inhaling the food I was given. Edward on the other hand left most of it.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked.

"Yes, but this food freaking sucks," he groaned.

"I think it's good." I shrugged. It was food, that's all that mattered. I wasn't picky.

Edward looked at me and sighed and was about to say something when his cell phone ringed. He looked at it. "It's Jasper. Is it okay if I answer it?"

I nodded and he quickly picked up.

"Hello? ... Yes ... At the hospital with Bella ... I can't ... Jasper please!" He was irritated. "Not right now. Don't be a prick! ... I'll explain later ... Yes ... Tomorrow ... Can you please just go to the apartment and give T some food. Poor thing must be starving ... Thanks man ... Okay ... I'll talk to you tomorrow ... Yeah she is fine." The fine didn't sound some convincing. "Okay, bye."

Edward passed a hand through his hair and groaned. "Sorry," he said. "It was my friend, Jasper."

"Do you have to go now?" I asked, dreading the answer.

He shook his head. "I'll stay with you until they discharge you in the morning."

"No," I gasped. "Please, Edward, don't do this for me. I'll be fine here."

He shrugged and walked towards the TV that was on the top corner of the room.

"Let's watch something," he said ignoring my words altogether.

I sighed and let him off. I knew there was not point in arguing with him, and if I was being honest with myself, I didn't know if I wanted him to leave. _Don't lie to yourself, Bella, the last think you want is for Edward to leave your side._

We spent a while just watching some TV, there was no need for chit-chat and I was grateful Edward didn't push me to talk. I must have fallen asleep because next thing I remembered I was screaming and yelling for help.

"Bella, wake up, Bella!" I heard a beautiful voice said to me.

But I couldn't wake up. I was trapped in a nightmare I wish I could escape from.

_I could hear his steps as he made his way over the room that I shared with another girl. I was 15 and she was only shy of 10 years old. I was so scared I couldn't even whimper, but I prayed he would just turn around and leave. No such luck. When he made his way to my bed he pressed his hand on my mouth and smelled my neck, he then started removing my clothes and..._

"Bella, please sweetie, wake up! Is just a dream, just a dream." His voice was frantic.

"Edward! Help me Edward, please..." I cried.

"I'm here. I'm here! Shh... I'm here."

Finally I was able to open my eyes and gasped for air.

"In... out, in... out," Edward repeated after every time I inhaled and exhaled.

I kept with his rhythm and finally I could breathe right again. But it took more than that for me to stop crying and stop panicking, but it had been so real. _The nightmares._ It had been a while since I had experience them, but I shouldn't be surprised. After what had happened to me last night they were sure to come back again. I just hoped I was able to beat them into submission faster than before.

I couldn't sleep after that. I didn't even try; and Edward being the awesome guy that he was stayed awake with me. I told him to go back to sleep, but of course he didn't. Instead he started talking to me about inconsequential things, the weather and how he needed to go and buy warmer clothes because this winter was going to be harsh. I asked him about T, and he said she had missed me and that he was sure she was going to be over the moon once I was back. I let myself have a little bit of hope and stop thinking about the bad things. They were there, and they weren't going anywhere, so I could ignore them for a bit and relax.

When morning rolled in Dr. Gerandy made his way and with one last checkup he discharged me, telling me someone would call me for an appointment once all my tests were back. I didn't find it necessary, but Edward of course had given Dr. Gerandy his contact information, assuring him we would be there. It didn't pass by me the fact that he said 'we'.

Before I was able to leave I had to fill some forms the administration office had given me. They were for some type of aid thing, so I didn't need to pay for my stay. It looked like Deputy Jones had been able to pull some strings to help me with that. He was a kind man.

Ann came before we left and she kindly gave me a pair of clothes so I could leave with something clean. I didn't have anything left but the ratty clothes I had been wearing before. I thanked Ann for her kindness and she waved me off, just telling Edward to please take care of me, he promised he would.

We finally left the hospital and took a cab. Edward made sure to stop and buy some breakfast for us both. I had to chuckle at him, that guy lived of take-out. He came back quickly and directed the cab driver to his apartment.

When we arrived I felt my chest tighten. I was back to the only place I had felt safe in so long and I felt that even though things were not good, they were a little better.

Edward helped me walk. My body was fine for the most part. I wasn't hit as bad as the last time, when he had found me on the alley, but I still found it hard to walk fast. At least my face was less bruised, just some slaps and my lip was kind of busted. This time the injuries were beyond my skin and I knew it. They were not going to fade fast, if at all.

As we approached the door to his home I felt my heart beating faster and when I heard those barks I couldn't help but smile. And when Edward opened the door and T started jumping on my feet and barking over and over again, I couldn't help myself and sank to my knees as I hugged that little dog to my chest.

In the background I faintly heard Edward whispered. "Welcome home."

And for the first time I thought, _Maybe I'm not all alone anymore._

**A/N.- Surprise!**

**A small Happy New Year present for all of you my ladies (even thoug is already January 7... anywho...)**

**I am still in Mexico, just one week to go and I will be back in Canada. **

**Where is home when your heart is in two places at the same time? The one you are building with your love or the one you were raised all your lifen in? **

**Sigh... Do not want to get all emotional on you my ladies.**

**Just wanted to thank my awesome beta Lynn, my freakawesome FFBFF and pre-reader Mony and all of you that read, review and leave me sweet messages in twitter (Find me there under the penname _AlexaUrce_).**

**Lots of hugs to all of you and r****emember if you like it leave some love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Tomorrow is my little sister "Quinceañera" which is when a girl turns 15 here in Mexico and you do this huge party and celebrate the big way! I even have this awesome fake-nails on me and guess what? I can not type properly! Ugh! They will have to go when I start writing again. **

**Oh and just so you know is freakishly hot here! Like super hot! Around 40 C or 104 F. Yeah baby I am in Mexico Pacific Coast indeed!**

**Peace Out!**


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

With a sigh I let the warm water pour down my body and blindly reached for the shampoo. I scratched my hair, making sure it got all soaked and played with my tongue ring in the meantime, if just for the sake of focusing on something mindless at that moment. I knew doing that was not a good idea, as I had already chipped one of my teeth by playing with it, it was a while back and I had taught myself to just leave the tongue ring alone, but now I just needed a distraction.

_Ugh! _I groaned in relief as I felt a little bit of the tension leaving me.

It had been a long night.

I was freaking tired, hungry and worst of all I was enraged. But I couldn't show that, at least not to Bella. She had too much in her plate for me to add to it. I needed to keep cool and collected and pretend everything was going to be okay. I wished everything would turn out fine, but I wasn't sure. The situation was just too fucked up in my opinion and even though I've seen fucked up things in my lifetime, this was in the top three; that was for sure.

Just thinking about it made my hands go into tight fist as I thought about beating the shit out of that stupid bastard motherfucker that had touched her.

_He didn't just touch her. He..._

_Shut up!_

Thinking about that word was going to make me lose it and I knew my temper was hanging by a thread as it was. I didn't even know how I managed to comfort Bella at the hospital. At least I liked to think I comforted her some.

All I wanted to do at that time was go to the police station and kill that fucker with my own hands until his lifeless body laid there, with no hopes of he ever touching her again, or any other women for that matter. Scums like him didn't even deserve the waste of space and air. I pulled my hair hard and tried to regain my composure.

It's just that seeing Bella like that, sobbing and broken, had taken a toll on me, and stirred feelings in me that I couldn't explain.

_Protectiveness?_

Must be, I didn't really understand it.

I barely knew her and I felt an urge in me to makes things better for her. There was just something about Bella that tugged at my heart. And even though I knew little to nothing about her situation, I knew she didn't deserve many of the things that life had thrown at her.

I needed to do something to make things better for her.

My stomach growled then, reminding me that I needed to eat. So I quickly finished with my shower and made a run for my room.

I hated to change in the bathroom. For starters it was freaking small, everything was small in New York, and I could never find a place to put my clothes safely, they would always end up on the floor or in the sink and get all wet and disgusting. So making sure that Bella was not around I hurried, the five steps it took me to be inside my bedroom.

I changed in a pair of flannel pants and a black t-shirt. I got my cell phone and pressed five in the speed-dial.

"_Twilight Shop, this is Lesley."_

"Hey Les, it's Edward."

"_Boss! What's going on?"_

I rolled my eyes. Seth was rubbing off on her with the 'boss' thing. "I just want to let you know that I won't be in the shop today, something came up and I can't make it."

"_Are you okay? Is T okay? Did she get sick again?"_ I could hear the slight worry in her voice. _"I can call to the vet and see if they can take her in today,"_

"No Les, we are both fine. It's something else..." I trailed off, not wanting to say more than necessary.

"_Okay, so what do you need me to do?"_

I knew she wanted to ask more, but Lesley was not one to pry and that's why I liked her to be in charge of the front desk. No one wanted noisy people picking up the phone.

"Please cancel my appointments for today and tomorrow. Move them for some time next week and tell my clients they'll get a 10% discount because of the hassle. I think there is just one today and two tomorrow so it's not a big deal." I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"_Sure,"_ She hesitated for a second. _"So you won't be in tomorrow either?"_

"I'm not sure yet, but probably not, so better safe than sorry,"

"_Edward,"_ she said so softly I knew she didn't want anyone in the shop to hear. _"Are you sure you are fine?"_

"I'm okay, Les." I decided to at least be a little bit honest and disclose some of the truth of my absence. "It's a friend of mine. She just got out of the hospital and doesn't have anyone else to care for her right now. I need to help her."

"_Oh well, in that case I'm glad she has someone to look after her."_

"Just please don't tell anyone at the shop, yeah?"

"_No worries, my lips are sealed. So what do I tell the guys?"_ she whispered again.

"Just tell them I got the flu or something," I said. "I don't know, just please make sure Emmett doesn't go over board and comes to my home to check on me." I knew the likes of that happening were slim to none, because as of lately we hadn't been hanging out much, but I still wanted to make sure he wouldn't come to the apartment. He was a good friend and I knew he still worried for me.

I just wasn't sure Bella would be too comfortable if my friends started coming into my place right now. I needed to talk to her about it, because I really thought maybe Jasper could help her some.

I had been terrified last night when she was having a nightmare and I couldn't do anything to help her snap out of it. She did need some professional help, I was sure of that. Shit like that wasn't something that you just forgot with time.

But she was adamant that she didn't want to see any shrink, at least she had said that to the counselor, so I didn't know if she would agree at seeing Jasper. At least I would like for her to let me talk to him. I needed him to help me understand what I had to do to help her.

I really needed to talk to her and see what I could do to make things a little bit better. But I knew maybe I should let her rest for today. She had just gotten out of the hospital.

_But don't they say the sooner the better?_

_Fuck! What should I do?_

I really was at loss of what the heck to do with the situation.

"_Edward?... Edward are you there?"_

"Mhmm... what? Sorry I didn't hear you, what was that?" I shook my head and tried to focus on whatever Lesley was trying to tell me.

"_I said that I'll see what I come up with,"_ Lesley said.

"Thanks Les, I'll see you Friday and please just make sure someone closes the shop properly."

"_Don't worry. I'll make sure everything is in order, just take care, Edward."_

With a swift good-bye I ended the called and walked outside the room ready to eat some of the breakfast I had picked out for Bella and me. I was starvingm but I just couldn't eat without taking a shower first because, being honest, I hated hospital smell and I reeked of it. Besides, Bella had been totally taken with T so she didn't even mind that breakfast had to wait.

I smiled at just remembering those two. When Bella walked through that door T went wild, jumping on her leg and barking her little lungs out. And what did Bella do? She sank on her knees and grabbed that dog as if it was her lost child she hadn't seen in years. I was going to chuckle at the scene until I saw Bella's back rising uneven and realized she was sobbing. I had to help her stand up, with T included, because she wouldn't let go of her, and walked them both to the living room.

I could hear the faint sound on the TV coming from the living room and as I walked there I noticed that Bella had already set breakfast on the coffee table, she had even put T's food on the foot of the table so she didn't had to eat by herself in the kitchen.

Figures, she was going to feed the dog first.

"Ready?" I walked towards both my girls.

_My girls?_

_Your girls?_

_Shut up!_

"I set everything, I hope it's okay with you," Bella said shyly.

"It's better than okay," I replied with a smile, so she knew I didn't have a problem with her moving around as she pleased. "I'm starving, so let's dig in!"

"Mmm..." Bella stammered.

"What?" I turn to look at her as I stuffed my plate with bacon, eggs, sausages and toast.

"Is it okay if I use your shower after breakfast?" She looked kind of uncomfortable at asking. "I really feel di..." She trailed off and her face went emotionless.

"Sure," I nodded. "If you want you can go now, breakfast can wait." The last thing I wanted was for her to be uncomfortable.

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I can wait until we eat."

"As you wish," I agreed as I took a sip of orange juice.

Bella stood up with T and placed her close to her food as she made her way towards the kitchen. "I'll just wash my hands," She pointed towards T, "I was holding her."

"Okay."

I tried to train my sight to the TV, but from the corner of my eye I was able to see how Bella walked. I flinched internally, she was limping a bit and it looked like standing up and sitting down wasn't something easy for her, either. I gripped my fork with so much force that the stupid plastic thing cracked.

_Fuck!_

I stood up and walked towards the kitchen to grab a real fork, not this joke of things that they gave you with take out.

"Is there something you need?" Bella asked as she saw me. She was standing in front of the sink washing her hands.

I showed her the pieces of plastic fork. "It broke." I shrugged.

She nodded and bit the side of her bottom lip. She looked deep in thought. I didn't want to intrude in her personal moment so I turned around and opened the drawer with the cutlery looking for a freaking fork.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she said softly.

I turned to look at her and saw her eyes glistening with tears.

It was then, when for the first time ever I noticed how innocent she looked, like a lost little girl that just needed someone to hold her hand.

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. I..." I didn't know how to convince her that I was doing this because I wanted to, because I felt like helping her. "I'm here for you and I'll help you with whatever you need."

She nodded her head, by that point tears were streaming down her face.

"Come here," I said making my way slowly towards her. The last thing I wanted to do was startle her, so I tried to make my movements pronounced so she knew where I was heading.

But she didn't seem scared, she quickly raised her head and when she saw my arms a little bit open she walked and wrapped hers around my mid-section.

"Thank you," she sobbed.

"It's okay, sweetie, everything..." I wanted to say that everything was going to be alright, but that sounded like a fucking old line that everyone said when they didn't know what to say. I knew first hand sometimes thing just weren't alright and there wasn't anything we could do about it. "I'm here for whatever you need."

After a few minutes Bella's whimpers slowed down and we made our way to the living room.

When I sat down and got my plate Bella sighed. "Sorry Edward, your breakfast must be cold by now."

I took a bite and shook my head. "No, it's still good."

She smiled slightly and started serving herself some of the food. By this time T was already on the sofa next to her.

"T, let her eat in peace," I said to my dog.

She just looked at me and then turned her face towards the TV ignoring me completely and placing her head on Bella's lap, while her body was lying flat on the couch her tail moving from side to side as if mocking me.

_Little fucker._

Bella chuckled and I had to stop eating and looked at her, if just to see her face with a light smile instead of tears. She was looking between T and me, her brown eyes wide with amusement.

"She missed you, you know," I said nodding towards my dog.

Bella smiled softly and looked at her. "I missed her too."

I had to bite on my tongue ring to stop myself from asking her why the fuck she left. I almost asked her last night, but she just said she didn't want to talk about it at the time and I had to respect it. I was not sure if right now was a better time, and after she had just broke down minutes before I thought it was better to wait and eat breakfast before any more serious conversations took place.

We ate in comfortable silence, the sound of the TV as background as we watched some stupid cartoons about a girl that had a monkey as a friend and she spoke Spanish and had a talking back-pack.

_Do kids actually watch this shit?_

I was going to change it, but Bella's eyes were trained on the TV and she seemed to softly move her lips when the cartoon-girl asked to repeat after her some words.

I shrugged and decided to serve myself some more because I was still hungry.

"What time do you have to go to work today?" Bella asked as the commercials rolled.

"I'm not going in today," I said gulping my bite of food with juice.

Worry came into her eyes and I raised my hand to stop the rambling I knew was coming. "It's not big deal. I just had one client today and he can go in next week for it so," I trailed off.

"But..." She stuttered, "Your boss... What if he gets mad at you and..."

I chuckled. "I don't have a boss, Bella."

"What?" She looked confused.

"The tattoo shop I work at," I raised my brow and she nodded to let me know she was paying attention. "It's mine. I'm the owner."

Bella's mouth formed a small 'O' and her eyes went wide with surprise.

"So don't worry," I said, trying to get rid of the awkwardness that was threatening to come. "I already called my assistant and she'll make sure to move the appointment to another day. Everyone is there so it's not like the shop is left unattended."

She nodded and kept eating slowly. I sighed and wished I could read minds or some shit because I wonder what was going on in her head. She looked deep in thought, but I doubted she would tell me the truth if I asked her. Bella was a person of few words, at least when it came to her personal life.

"That...is that...?"

"Yes?" I asked, urging her to continue.

"Is that the place you came out of that day? The day you gave me the money?"

I gulped. We'd never talked about this before, it was a silent understanding. I knew she had recognized me and I deduced she knew I knew who she was. But I didn't want her to think I was throwing it on her face, so I just never mentioned it.

"Yeah, that's my shop," I answered.

"I never thanked you for that day," she said softly.

I looked at her and smiled. "No need, Bella. I just wanted to help."

And that was that.

We finished eating and Bella carefully made her way towards the shower. I gave her some of my clothes so she could change into something clean and comfortable and left her to do her thing.

"Come on girl," I said to T, who was outside the bathroom door like if guarding. "T, come on." I tapped my hand on my leg. She didn't move. "Whatever!" I sighed in frustration and walked towards the living room.

Just then I heard my cell phone chirp.

_**Call me fucker! J**_

Jasper. He had called me the night before, with everything that was happening I forgot we had rehearsal and of course since he went to pick me up at the shop and I wasn't there he called. When I told him I was at the hospital with Bella he went all nuts asking me what the fuck had happened and telling me he was on his way. I had told him not to be a prick and that I would call him the following day. So I guessed I did owe him a call. I pressed speed-dial, some part of me begging for prick to be with a patient and therefore having his cell-phone off, but of course I wasn't that lucky and he answered.

He had a meeting with I-don't-know-who and he was just on his way to his office so he had his phone on.

After the lame attempts he tried to do at sounding nonchalant and talking about the band and shit, he caved.

"_Was she robbed again?"_ he asked his voice totally serious. And even though he didn't know Bella I knew he was concerned. _"Is she alright?"_

I sighed. "She is..." _How could I describe Bella's state right now? No freaking clue._ "She is doing fine considering." I went with the same words Deputy Johns used with me.

"_What do you mean, considering?"_

"She is hurt, but not in the same way as last time," I remained vague. I hadn't talked to Bella, and it was not my situation to tell.

"_Hurt? But not in the same way?"_ Jasper was thinking out loud and he didn't speak for a while. _"And how did they contact you?"_

I told him about the note I had written to Bella that first day she stayed at my place. I then told him that they found it when they were tending her in the hospital in between her clothes and that the police guy had called me after that. Fucking mouth of mine, didn't shut up and I talked more that I should. _Freaking Jasper, freaking shrink._

"_The police were involved? And they removed her clothes? Man, it must have been..."_ He stopped and I suppressed a groan. _"Edward, don't tell me that they..."_I could almost hear the gulp in him as everything clicked. _"Was she ra..."_

"Don't!" I yelled and jumped from the couch. "Don't freaking say it, Jasper." I passed my free hand through my locks and pulled at the ends, hard. I walked towards the balcony and pulled my smokes out.

"_Fuck man!"_ Jasper groaned. _"Serious shit,"_

"Really?" I asked sarcastically as I lit the smoke, but my freaking hand was trembling so bad it was hard to do the job, and the wind wasn't helping. _Fuck!_

"_Where is she now?"_

"Taking a shower." I took a drag, "She was discharged this morning and I brought her here. No freaking way was I letting her go back to the streets."

"_And what are you going to do now?"_

"I don't fucking know man," I said. "We have to go to the NYPD station tomorrow to press charges and stuff." I took a deep breath. "She needs help Jasper. This shit, is too much...I don't even...fuck! What should I do?"

Of course Jasper being the fucking good friend he was offered to see Bella, free of charge and all, not that I cared I would have paid for that shit myself. But I told him about her resistance of seeing a shrink. He told me that maybe I could introduce him to her just as my friend, and see where things went from there. That forcing her to going to a professional wasn't going to help if she didn't want the help, but at the same time it was important that she got it. I was so freaking confused, in one side he said we should let her decide, but in the other he told me she should... _the fuck!_

I heard T's soft barks and some movement inside the house. I made sure to place the cigarette in the ash-tray I kept in the balcony.

"I have to go man."

"_Okay, but please Edward, call me if you need anything."_

"I will, Jazz, thanks."

I quickly shut my phone and walked inside. Bella was on the couch hugging T as her body shook with sobs. T was licking her hand and whimpering softly next to her.

I crouched in front of them and placed my hand on her knee slowly, the last thing I wanted was to freak her out.

She raised her head slowly, her eyes red and rimmed with tears as she sniffled.

With the most care I could manage, I wiped her tears with my thumb, and when she leaned her face on my palm, I placed my other hand on her other cheek. I just tried to be there for her, there was nothing else I could do. I was powerless, at loss at what to do. I sucked at comforting people. I had never done anything like this before. I was never a comfort for anyone just as I had never found comfort in things besides my music, my art and my dog. But Bella seemed to find some peace in me and I would be damned if I didn't try.

We didn't speak for the longest time, and for the rest of the day we just stayed there, lounging, watching TV, or at least pretending to. T and I never left her side. We were there, supporting her as much as we could.

Deputy Johns called about 5 in the evening. He told me that Bella needed to be there the next morning to be able and recognize the suspect. Bella looked totally emotionless when I told her and it scared me that it just meant she was bottling everything inside. I knew that feeling more than anyone. I knew what it was like to keep the feelings inside until they exploded.

When night came, I was able to convince Bella to take the bed. Unfortunately I had to agree to something I never thought I would ever agree to, T slept on it too.

Bella was adamant to sleep with my girl and if she didn't sleep in the bed with her she would take the couch, so I freaking agreed. But not without looking at T and telling her that it was just for the mean time. _Yeah I talked to my dog, sue me._

"No please! Please, please, please... I'll be good!"

The screams and the barks woke me up.

_Bella!_

I ran towards my room and turned the light on, worrying that something had happened to her. And there she was, on my bed, thrashing and turning and kicking and screaming. T was on the foot of the bed barking.

"T, shhh..." I shushed her, because I couldn't concentrate with the screams coming out of Bella and T's barks. Thankfully T stopped and just whined softly from her spot.

"Please! Help me! Edwarddddd!"

My heart freaking clenched. She was calling my name. She wanted me to help. I walked faster to the bed and took a hold of Bella's arms that were flying blindly, left and right.

"Bella, Bella! Sweetie, shhh..."

"Don't hurt me... don't touch me..." She sobbed.

"It's just a dream, just a dream, Bella wake up." I tried to make her snap out of her nightmare, but at the same time I didn't want to push her, not knowing what would happen if I was too rough at waking her up.

It took a while, but after talking her nonsense she started to calm down.

"E...Edward?"

"Yes sweetie, it's me... calm down please." I maneuvered myself so I was sitting on the bed and she quickly pressed her body towards mine. She clutched her hands on the front of my shirt as she cried.

"Bella," I sighed as I passed my hand through her hair, just as my mom did me when I was a kid and I had a bad dream.

I wondered if my mom was watching over me. I hoped she did, at least from time to time, and even though I never did, I prayed. I prayed that I could find a way to help this sweet woman in my arms.

I needed to help her heal. I didn't know why. I just knew I needed to do it.

Once she calmed down some I tried to make her lie back again, and she did, but when I was leaving she reached for my wrist and grabbed it.

"Stay... please..." She whimpered. "I'm scared..."

And how could I deny her? I just couldn't.

So as carefully as possible I jumped in bed with her, making sure to place her comfortably under the covers as I stayed on top of them. The last thing I wanted was for my body to get any freaking ideas if I slept with a warm body next to me. T quickly started to whine and I had to grab her from the floor and place her on the other side of Bella, if just to make her feel better. I knew T helped her too.

"Better?" I asked softly.

She nodded.

I closed my eyes and let her snuggled next to me. We were not hugging, but her body was pressed next to mine. I was drifting off to sleep when I heard her voice whispering.

"It wasn't the first time..." It was so soft I was not even sure if she was still awake or if she was just talking in her sleep.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, her eyes were open looking at the ceiling.

"What was that?" I asked, wondering if she really was talking to me.

Her eyes fixed on mine and what I saw there broke my heart ten times more.

Pure unadulterated desperation.

"This was not the first time," she said again.

"The first time for what sweetie? The nightmares?" I asked confused.

She shook her head.

"Then, what? You can tell me Bella, you can trust me," I reassured.

She looked at me, scared, sad. But at the same time she nodded and with a shaky hand she took a hold of mine. I clutched my hand with hers and gave it a squeeze, a silent support, and encouragement.

With a shaky breath, Bella sighed as tears poured down her already tired eyes.

"This is not the first time that someone has raped me."

**A/N.- ****I'm back! Yes finally I'm in Canadian snow (cause let me tell you I haven't seen land since I arrived, too much snow).**

**First of all I want to thank all of you for holding onto this story and not giving up on me, it meant a lot to me all the nice messages with nice wishes I got during my vacations! I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you but I was barely able to remove my teenage cousins from their computers to be able and check my mail *lol* And I totally dislike to write from my phone, it's not an ability of mine so that was not an option. **

**Anywho...**

**Comes & Goes is back, Tattward, Bella and T are ready to continue with their story so hold on tight and bare with me. As always trying to update once a week and I'm going to do my best to keep it that way :) And just a small reminder that this is a 'Fictional-Story' so I'm sorry if I'm not that accurate in many of the legal/psychological stuff, I'm trying my hardest and appreciate everyone that wants to help! **

**Thanks to my beta Lynn who has been there for me since day 1 and of course to my awesome FFBFF Mony (Blueking141) who is one of the most pasionate writers I've ever met, so if you haven't check her stories do it now! All of them are at my fav.'s list.**

**My trip was freaking-awesome! I got to see all my family and hang out with my 2 best friends, eat tons of awesome food, enjoy nice warm weather and wow, the time went so fast! Sigh... But let's not complain because I missed my hubby like crazy and I'm sure he missed the sound of my typing hahahahaha, so here I am.**

**And don't forget, leave some love!**

**Peace out,**

**Alexa :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. It's not overly explicit, but please be warned.**

**BPOV**

I could feel his body going rigid. He was holding his breath and I worried I had made a mistake.

I wasn't planning on just blurting it out like that, but I just couldn't keep it inside me anymore. It had been eating me alive for so long and with these new developments I didn't know what was going to happen with me, maybe I'd go insane. Maybe I already was.

One way or another, Edward needed to know what he was getting himself into. He needed to know how fucked up I was, so he could make an informed decision and let me stay here or just let me go. I didn't want to complicate his life with me being here, that was not my intention, but if I was being honest with myself, I did want to stay.

So I had to tell him the truth...my truth.

"What did you just say?" Edward finally asked. His voice almost a whisper and I wondered if he was talking to me or to himself.

It was confusing.

I was confused, but he had asked a question.

I shuddered and felt the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes. I had to say it again, if he wanted to hear it, I would say one more time, no matter how much it hurt.

"This is not the first time I've been ra..."

"Please," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "Please tell me that isn't true, Bella."

I sobbed. What else could I do? I wanted it all to be a bad dream; a nightmare that didn't take place in reality, but only in my imagination.

Unfortunately it wasn't like that. My life had gone from bad to worse and I couldn't find the escape I so desperately looked for.

"I'm sorry..." I cried. "I shouldn't... have..."

"Don't apologize, Bella. You did nothing wrong. Please calm down," Edward said as he encircled me with his arms.

He tried to keep it together, and I knew that was more for my benefit. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't hiding it well, the way he spoke, his posture, everything screamed he was angry.

_Maybe disgusted with me?_

_Yes that must be it._

_But he is hugging me._

T didn't waste any time. I felt her moving on my back as she started making her way to the top of my head, next to my pillow, and placed her little head on top my hair. She whined softly in my ear as if cooing to me, telling me not to cry.

I cried softly. I was so tired of everything. All I wanted was to forget.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked softly.

I thought about it for a while. "Do you even want to know?" I asked back. "It may take some time."

"I have time," Edward whispered. "But only if you want to tell me. I would never ask you to say to me things you aren't ready to share."

I raised my head and looked in Edward's eyes. I almost sobbed back harder when I saw the sadness reflected in them. I thought I would see anger—I could cope with that—but seeing that sorrow just made me feel that much worse. I had never seen Edward's eyes so grim, and it broke my heart to know I was the reason the shine was gone. His eyes were so beautiful, he was so beautiful, he deserved to smile.

"Please don't be sad," I whispered.

He shook his head. "Don't you worry about me, Bella, please, not me." And his hold on me tightened.

I let myself relish in the feeling of his arms.

_Safe._

Every time Edward was near, I feel a wave of calmness surrounding me, but it was when he was touching me when I felt protected. I didn't know why, nor did I try to understand the feeling, I just enjoyed the moment now that I could. Because maybe after hearing my story he wouldn't want anything to do with me.

Taking a deep breath I raised my body. Edward and T quickly pulled away and let me move freely. I carefully placed my back on the iron bars of the headboard. Edward asked me to lean forward so he could place a pillow behind me so I would be more comfortable because of the iron bars. It never ceased to amaze me how thoughtful he always was. He always went above and beyond to make me feel cared for. A feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.

Edward's exterior just didn't match with how he always was with me. He looked so tough and badass, sexy and strong, I bet he had a line of ladies begging for his attention. But here he was, at his place, on his bed, consoling me, a no one.

Edward sighed and did the same I had done, raising on his elbows and getting in a comfortable sitting position. He, as well, placed a pillow behind his back and leaned against it. He left a little bit of space between us, and I was thankful for the space. I needed to think for a bit. But Edward still placed one of his hands on top of mine, showing me he was there, listening to what I had to say. T quickly jumped on my lap and curled there and as always I instinctively started petting her head with the hand that wasn't below Edward's.

"Bella," Edward said as he took a deep breath. "Before you tell me anything I want you to know that you don't have to feel obligated with me. I mean..." He sighed. "I'm here if you want to talk, but I don't want you to feel pressured and...fuck!" He groaned. "I don't even know what to..."

"I know," I said softly interrupting his ramble. "But if you are willing, I want to tell you about me." I was ready.

Edward looked at me, really looked, and then nodded, resting his head back and moving his head so he could see my face. I on the other hand looked down at my hand that absentmindedly was petting T.

I knew I had to detach myself if I wanted to be able to go through with it. I've never told my story to anyone. No one had ever cared enough to ask, but Edward had, so I would tell him.

Taking a deep breath I had a small pep talk with myself. I knew it was going to be hard, but I just had to say it and not think much about it.

I didn't know how I was going to do that, but I would try.

"When I was thirteen I was taken away from my home," I started my story. "Child Protective Services took me away and placed me with a foster family in a town close to mine."

"Why?" Edward asked. I looked at him and he quickly shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't..."

"It's okay." I waved him off. "I think I should start from the beginning."

_Yeah that would be best._

He gave me an encouraging smile and nodded.

"I was born in Forks, Washington. It's a tiny little town close to the Olympic Peninsula."

I closed my eyes and went back to my home-town. That part was okay, it still hurt, but I could cope with those memories. Forks was small, and many people hated it, but I loved it. It was surrounded by forest, by green, by rain. I used to love rain. Back in the day when it didn't mean me getting soaked and freezing cold, when I had a house and could see the drops of water from inside a warm place.

I sighed and continued with my story.

"My parents, Renee and Charlie Swan, got married right after high-school. A year later I was born. We were a happy little family; at least I thought we were." I shrugged. "My mom was a stay at home mom, and my dad was a policeman. But one day, everything changed. My mom never arrived to pick me up from elementary school," I said. "They tried calling her but nothing. They had to call my dad and he went and picked me up. When we arrived home, my mom was gone."

I looked at Edward and saw him looking at me. I knew he wanted to ask something, but he didn't.

"She just left a note saying she just couldn't do it anymore. That it wasn't the life she wanted for herself." A tear came out, and I wiped it away quickly. I had told myself I wouldn't cry.

"She took every single penny her and my dad had saved over the years. I was nine at that time." I sighed. "My dad wasn't the same after that. He tried, I know he did, but he resorted to alcohol, that was his escape." I shook my head.

That was the main reason I hated alcohol, it had fucked up my dad's life and consecutively mine.

"He thought I didn't notice, but I did. He had always liked to drink his beer at dinner, but now it was more than a six-pack per night. It progressed to full bottles of rum, tequila, it got so out of control over the years that by the time I was twelve he was fired from the Police Department. He had to do odd jobs here and there so we could eat."

"What about rent, where did you live?" Edward asked softly.

I shook my head. "The house we lived at belonged to my dad's parents. When they passed away the house was left to my dad. So that was okay, at least we had a roof over our heads."

Edward nodded in understanding.

"He was a good dad to me. He would always pick me up from school, feed me, and make sure I did my homework." I sniffled lightly. "But the town I am from is so small, everyone knows what is going on with your life, and of course everyone knew about my dad's drinking problem. One day when I was at school the principal called me to his office. I thought I had done something wrong, but I couldn't think of anything. I always tried to be good..." I gulped.

"It's okay," Edward rubbed his thumb over my hand. "Take your time."

"A woman was waiting for me there. She told me I had to go with her and that was that. I was placed in a foster home in a town nearby, Port Angeles. I didn't understand it. I asked for answers but nobody would tell me anything." I passed my hand over my nose, trying to clean it roughly.

Edward quickly pulled a tissue from his bed side table and gave it to me.

"Thanks," I said as I cleaned my nose.

"I stayed there for a couple of months waiting for my dad to come and get me. He never did. So one day I thought that if he wasn't going to get me I was going to go and find him. So that's what I did. I ran away and snuck on a bus. I made it back to Forks. But once I got home," I stopped and shook my head at the memory. "He wasn't there," I whimpered.

"Your dad?" Edward asked.

I nodded. "He left… he left me Edward," I sobbed. "I knocked restlessly. I even sat down for hours waiting. He never arrived. After a while I went and asked the neighbor. She told me he had up and left a little bit after they had taken me. That no one knew about his whereabouts. She gave me food, told me to calm down, and minutes later the police was there. She had called them; and what did they do? They took me again. But this time they placed me with a foster family all the way in Spokane, at the very east of Washington. They didn't want me close by, in case I tried to run away again. But why would I run? Where would I run? I didn't have anyone anymore." I let some tears fall down, they were just too many to help it.

"My life wasn't easy, but I coped. I went to school, did what was asked of me, was hit a couple of times by the dad in the home. He liked to drink as well and sometimes when he got mad he would just take it out on us."

"Fucker!" Edward hissed as he squeezed my hand.

"But you know? By the stories of many of the other kids that were there, I knew that place wasn't as bad as others, so I tried to behave. And always tried to keep out of his way when he was drunk, so it was okay."

"It was not okay, Bella," Edward said harshly.

I shrugged.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. "It's just pisses me off that you had to go through that."

I shook my head. "That's not the worst part yet."

He took a deep breath and I knew he was trying to regain his composure, so I kept going.

"When I was fifteen, out of nowhere, I was moved to another foster home in the same city. It was a younger couple than the one I had been before, they..." I stammered. "They had only two other kids there,"

I took a huge gulp of air and trained my eyes to the wall in front of me. I needed to get through this part. The worst part of all. With a determination to just get it over with I recounted the next part of the story.

"James and Victoria, those were their names. They..." I stammered, just remembering those names, most of all, his name, brought chills to my body. "They were nice at the beginning, very welcoming and caring. Or so I thought." I shivered. "I shared a room with a little girl named Bree, and it was nice. Since before I had to share with 3 other kids, boy and girls. But in that new place I had my own bed and they would let me take showers daily. There was another boy but he had his own room and we barely exchanged a few words, he was small too, around eight years or so,"

Edward hand tightened atop mine, like if he could sense what was coming.

"One night..." I gulped. "Jam...he came into my room and he..."

"Fuck!" Edward growled making T and me jump in the process. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Bella. It's just..." He shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

I looked at his eyes and they were lighted with rage. But again, it was Edward, it didn't scare me.

"Did he...?" He let the question linger. I knew what he meant.

I shook my head and he seemed to calm if just a tiny bit.

"Not that day," I whispered.

And again he went stiff and his eyes flamed. I kept going before I lost it.

"For a while he would just come and watch me. I thought he just wanted to make sure we were asleep, because he never said or did anything. He would just sit on my bed for a couple of minutes and leave." I bit my lip. "But one night he did it. I was half asleep when I felt him removing my bottoms. He placed his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't scream and told me if I did he was going to… kill me." I stammered. "He... he raped me that night."

I closed my eyes, willing myself to keep it together as I'd planned. But I couldn't. I just couldn't and I broke down, wrapping my arms around Edward as I cried my heart out, sobbing and mourning for the innocence I had lost. We stayed like that for a while and I could feel Edward's body stiffen, but his hand was gentle as he passed it through my back.

When I was able to get a better hold of myself I spoke again. "A kid named..."

"Bella please," Edward painfully said, and just from the tone of his voice I knew he was crying too. "You don't have to tell me."

"I want to," I said. "Please let me..."

He nodded and we again resumed our positions, but my head now rested on his shoulder. "A kid named Jacob Black came to live with us. He was older, seventeen. He was a runaway, but James and Victoria were good with control. They homeschooled all of us and hardly let us out of the house, always vigilant of every move we did. I tried to escape a couple of times, but the punishment was worse each and every single time so I just gave up."

"I swear to God," Edward hissed. "I swear I'm going to find that motherfucker and kill him!"

I looked up at him and saw his eyes rim red so I wrapped my hands tighter around him, willing him to calm down. He didn't deserve to be angry on my account.

"Please tell me someone did something? Please tell me those two good-for-nothings are rotting in jail Bella." His voice was tight.

"I was able to run away," I said as consolation.

"How?"

"Jake and I became quiet close. He liked cars and talked a lot about them. I didn't really care for cars but I listened to him, just trying to get rid of all of the awful memories. One night when Jam..." I flinched. "When he was trying to do it again..." I gulped. "Jacob came into the room. He didn't know what had happened to me. I never told him," I whispered. "Jake hit him hard with a baseball bat. I thought he had killed him or something, but to be honest with you I didn't care."

"I hope the fucker is dead," Edward whispered so low I didn't know if it was meant for me to hear.

"I tried to cover myself and just cried and cried."

"What about the girl that slept with you? She never heard anything?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, but Jacob and I were suspicious that she was sick on the head. She was always wandering by herself and in her own little world, and at night there was nothing that could wake her up. Poor thing. At least James left her alone."

"What happened then?"

"After Jacob made sure no one else had heard a thing, he told me to get my things. I didn't have much so it was easy. We ran away that night, together."

"You and Jake?" Edward asked.

I nodded. "He had stolen some money and stuff from them and was just waiting for the right time to flee. He wasn't actually planning on taking me, but after what he saw, he just did." I shrugged. "I guess I got lucky. I wanted to take Bree too, but Jacob didn't agree, and I was so scared I just left with him," I kept petting T, poor thing had been tossed left and right, but she always came back to my lap.

"We went to Phoenix, stayed there for a couple of months. Jake found a job as a mechanic assistant and I found one in a small convenience store. We..." I sighed. "I fell for him and we started dating. "

I had thought Jake was the love of my life. I saw him as my hero, my saviour, he was the only thing I had.

"Jake didn't really like it there. He said Phoenix was just too damn hot. A friend of his boss offered him a job in a shop he had in Brooklyn and when he asked me I agreed to the move east. There was nothing in Phoenix for me anyways. I was really just going through the motions and trying not getting caught by the police since I was still a minor. By the time we made it here I was almost eighteen. I got a job in a cleaning company. It was okay, not that great but it worked out. With that and Jake's job we were both able to get a little apartment. It was tiny, just a big room with a make-shift kitchen and an even tinier bathroom. But it was ours and we were happy. Or so I thought. Jacob started changing,"

Edward tensed up again. "Was he abusive?"

I shook my head. "No, he never hit me or anything like that."

"Okay."

"But one day, when I came back from work he was waiting for me, his stuff stuffed in some plastic bags. He found someone else and moved on."

"He left you?" Edward asked, incredulity dripping from his voice.

"Yes," I nodded. "He left me some money, wished me good luck and left."

"Son of a…" Edward said under his breath, but I heard him loud and clear.

"I tried, I did Edward, I swear to you..." I started crying all over again.

"Shh... please sweetie, calm down." I didn't understand how he could sound so reassuring when I could feel how he just wanted to hit something or at least flee.

"I had to get a roommate. I couldn't pay for the place myself. And then the economy crisis happened. I ended up losing my job and since I was paid cash I couldn't file for government aid. I could barely make ends meet as it was, so of course without a job it became impossible, and then my roommate left. I was evicted and left on the streets. I tried to look for jobs, doing something, whatever was honest, I didn't care if I had to clean washroom, dishes, but I was not the only one out there looking for something. And since I didn't even have my high-school diploma I didn't even get call-backs."

"How long have you been living on the streets, Bella?" Edward asked.

"A little over a year I think." I shrugged, I was not even sure.

"Fuck, Bella!" Edward sighed. "I don't even know what to...Ugh! I swear I want to go and kick those mother fuckers! Every single person that ever hurt you." And I believed him, he looked totally and utterly pissed.

"I'm sorry."

He looked at me, his eyes dark. "What are you apologizing for, Bella? This isn't your fault."

"But I'm disgusting Edward. I'm dirty. I am…"

"No! Bella no! Please don't say that," Edward yelled and I flinched instinctively. "Sorry, sorry…" He was at loss of what to do and just took a deep breath and looked at me.

"I…" I stammered. "I understand… if you… if you want me to… leave."

His eyes went from anger to sadness again. _No, please no sadness._

He shook his head. "No Bella," he said. "I don't want you to leave. I want you here, with me and T. You aren't alone. Do you hear me? You have us both by your side. We'll take care of you, sweetie."

All the bravery I lamely used with the story came crumbling down. I cried and cried and Edward held me through it.

"You are safe now, Bella. I swear to you, I'm going to protect you, no matter what. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I didn't even have to think it twice. "I trust you."

Because as strange as it sounded, and even though I had only known Edward for a little while I trusted him.

I trusted Edward with my life.

**A/N.- So there you have it, Bella's story. **

**I really hope all of you enjoyed the chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know is emotional and all, but at least we know why Bella ended up in the streets, poor thing...sigh.**

**Huge thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn, who is sick (hugs bb) and stills sticks with me!**

**My awesome pre-reader and FFBFF Mony! (Blueking141) You know how much your support means to me bb! I love ya! BTW She is a freakawsome writer, just saying, if you haven't read her stories go and check them out at my fav.'s.**

**NillaSwan, (the mastermind behind Loner), and Alexa's-Wad's PIMP extraordinare! She just opened a 'Twilighted-Thread' for Comes & Goes. So go and check it out! (Link at Profile)**

**And all of you that read, review and rec. this story of mine! Your support is invaluable. **

**Wish you all an awesome weekend and remember, if you like, leave some love!**

**Peace Out,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Find me on twitter _AlexaUrce _:)**


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Miss Swan, can you please follow me?"

Bella looked at me and I nodded in encouragement. "It's okay, Bella. I'll be right here waiting for you, don't worry."

I could see her bottom lip quiver a bit, and it pissed me off that I couldn't do anything about it. She had been through so much shit already, and I knew this was going to be extremely hard on her. But this had to be done. If she wanted the law to help her, or better said, if _we_ wanted the law to help us, Bella had to go in that room. Without me. And I had to suck it up and look as calm as possible.

It was a weird thing, for me, how I suddenly felt so protective of Bella. How I felt entitled to be here, next to her, fighting for her and with her. This was not just Bella's problem anymore, it was mine as well.

I was in too deep and I didn't even know why or how I had gotten to that point.

"Please," she whispered to no one in particular and I had to clench my fist just to stop myself from taking her hand in mine and running away from that place.

She had suffered enough, cried enough.

_Fuck! What should I do?_

The only thing that made sense right then was that this had to be done, sooner or later, and in this case sooner would have to do because we didn't have much time.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan but Mr. Cullen isn't allowed in the room while you identify the suspect. That's a rule we can't break," Detective Reynolds said for the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes.

I wanted to punch him in the face. Could he not see the fear in her eyes?

Aro Reynolds was the detective that had been assigned the case, and we had been introduced to him as soon as we arrived at the police station. He looked to be in his late forties, a short man with black hair and white skin. He seemed really intelligent, but he was pissing me off.

"Let's go, Miss Swan. I promise you we'll try to make it as quick as possible. We won't keep you in there for a second longer than needed, I assure you." This time it was Deputy Johns who tried to coax Bella into going with them inside the room.

Bella nodded, but her eyes were cast down towards the floor as she fidgeted with her hands. She was nervous, and with good reason.

I wanted to punch Deputy Johns too. But then I had to remind myself that if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be here, next to Bella.

If I was being honest with myself I was actually very grateful for how tactful he had been towards Bella's case. It was more than obvious that he was worried for her situation. Not all policemen were as nice, I had my fair share of encounters with some of them and more than a few were plain dicks. They thought because they wore a uniform and had a badge they had the right to tell you whatever they wanted to, even if they were wrong. Just today as I was coming inside the police station there was more than one policeman that gave me the stinky eye, _Fuckers!_ _Judging me by my looks_. But Deputy Johns wasn't like that, he had been pretty decent to me since the first time I met him and I knew we had been lucky with him deciding to help us in this case even though the job was now in Detective Reynolds' hands.

Whatever, I had to deal and support Bella, that's what mattered right now, so punching something or someone would have to wait until later.

"It's going to be fine, Bella. I won't move from this place at all, I promise," I said trying to look calm.

She looked at me then, her brown eyes shining with the unshed tears that were threatening to fall. I quickly stood up from my seat and knelt in front of her.

"I'm scared," she whispered so softly I knew she didn't want anyone, but me, to hear. "I don't want to see him Edward."

"I know sweetie, I know. But you are not alone. Deputy Johns and Detective Reynolds are going to be there, and I won't be more than a few steps away. If at any time you just want to stop, tell them," I looked towards them, it was Deputy Johns who quickly nodded, "And they will take you out of there."

Bella sighed and nodded again, but this time she looked a little bit more determined to go along with this. I stood up from my kneeling position and offered her my hand which she took slowly, as if wanting to prolong the time before she had to go into that room.

I knew this was not going to be easy, but that motherfucker had to pay for what he did and Bella needed to identify him so we could press formal charges against him. This part of the process needed to be done as much as Bella and I didn't like it. Bella had even gone all the way to tell me she didn't care if the guy went to jail or not, she was just so scared. But of course I wouldn't budge and begged her to do this, for her, and for all the other women that had suffered similar situations. At the end she had relented and we were able to leave my apartment to come to the police station. I did feel a little guilty for making her do this, but I vowed to be there for her every step of the way.

I just hoped they did have the right person here. Maybe the guy they had wasn't even the bastard who hurt Bella, but we had to know that now before he was released on bail. If they released him now, who knew if the police were going to be able and find him later.

The motherfucker needed to pay for what he did and now.

And then I wondered if we would need a lawyer or something like that.

_Another thing I need help with._ I sighed.

I was clueless as to what to do in cases like this. I knew close to nothing about law, which pissed me off as my father had been a lawyer, a very good one... _Ugh!_ I didn't want to think about him right now, it was not going to help me calm the fuck down.

Finally after a while Bella released my hand and walked beside the two men, not before casting a glance at me. And it broke my heart because you could plainly see the terror in her face. _Shit!_

Once they had disappeared from my sight, I sat again and rested my head on the back wall. I was freaking worried, scared and enraged, all at the same time. The emotions running through my body were what had kept me awake the entire time because I knew deep inside of me, or maybe not that deep at all, I was tired as hell.

I was more exhausted than I had been the day prior, when I spent all night at the hospital with Bella. That was two nights in a row with no more than a few hours of sleep, and not even restful hours at that.

Last night, after Bella had finished telling me her story, it had taken everything in me to keep control of my actions. I had to leave Bella for a bit and go out to the balcony where I smoked three cigarettes in quick succession to stay as calm as possible. Fortunately I had been able to rein the feelings in me and go back to Bella a little bit calmer. Overall I hadn't reacted that bad. It could have been much worse.

_Right... I don't think your bedroom door thinks the same, as well as the lamp that you smashed into it._

_Whatever the fuck! I was beyond mad._

Yes I couldn't help it and my bedside lamp had ended up in pieces on the floor next to the door. The door too had ended up with a huge hole on it, so before I was able to destroy the little property I had and freak out Bella even more I had to walk away from there and think. And since I was not about to leave Bella alone in the apartment, the balcony had been my getaway place.

My feelings were all messed up. I didn't know what to think and what to do. My mind told me I should just calm down and go back to Bella, she needed someone, she had been alone for too long. But the other part of me just wanted to go and find everyone that had hurt her and rip them a new one.

_Protective much? _Yes, and I didn't even understand it, but I felt it and that's what counted.

And shit if I didn't feel even worse when I came back and saw that Bella had already cleaned the mess I had made. The hole in the wall was still there, but the remains of the lamp were all but gone.

Freaking T was not happy; she kept giving me this look that said I was not in her good grace and that I was going to pay. If I wasn't pissed off enough I would have been scared because that girl could make me pay by pissing in my shoes. Which she had done lots of times when I made her unhappy. But whatever, I had to deal with that when it came to happen.

When we were finally settled in bed again, since Bella had all but begged me to stay with her, sleep had totally evaded me. Bella was not any better. She tossed and turned more times that I could count and T had decided to sleep above Bella's head, afraid that she would be squeezed between so many movements. So I had to deal with her paws scratching my head a couple of times.

During the night, my mind wouldn't shut up as I kept replaying over and over again Bella's story. That poor girl's life had gone from bad to worse and she seemed unable to catch a break. It hurt so much to see her in pain, she was suffering so much and she didn't deserve any of that; and if my mind hadn't been made before, now I was even more determined to help her as much as I could. This time Bella wouldn't run away before I had the chance to help. Hell if she ran away I would go and look for her night and day and bring her back.

She was not running away again. Not on my watch.

No matter what I was going to help Bella Swan, of that I was sure of.

The night had been long and when I finally had felt asleep it was time for us to head to the police station. So yeah, no sleep whatsoever.

It seemed that I dozed off for a bit while waiting for Bella, the detective and Deputy Johns to be done, and it wasn't till my cell phone started vibrating in my jeans' pocket that I came back from my slumber. I quickly took it out and almost groaned when I saw who it was.

_Carlisle Cullen._

"Hello?"

"_Edward! Did I wake you up son?"_

"No... well, yes... I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep..."

Carlisle chuckled. _"It looks like the party last night was great, huh?"_

I rolled my eyes. "None of that." _Far from it._ I thought to myself. "How are you?'

_"I'm doing fine son. How about you?"_

"I'm okay, kind of tired," I yawned.

I was far from okay, but I was not about to tell my uncle that.

"_Too much work?"_

"Something like that,"

"_I see,"_ There was an awkward silence until Carlisle spoke again. _"Oh well, I just wanted to let you know that your aunt Esme and I will be there on Monday."_

_Great!_ This time I couldn't suppress the groan but at least I was able to cover the mouthpiece. I was an ass, but with my uncle I tried to cover a bit. He didn't deserve my shit.

"Where are you staying?" I asked.

"_At The Ritz. The convention is going to be held there, so it's the easiest thing to do,"_ he said.

"Mmm..." I really didn't know what to say to that.

"_I am really excited to see you, is been a long time."_

I sighed. "Yeah I know. I'm sorry about that. But you know that with the shop and the band it has been hard for me to take a break."

"_I know, I know. But I would really like for you to at least take a couple of hours off so we can see each other. I'm going to be there until Sunday, and the convention ends up on Wednesday so I will have four days free." _There was a pause and I knew whatever was coming was not really pleasant, I could almost feel it._"Esme wants to do some early Christmas shopping while we are there. Alice is coming on Friday to spend the rest of the weekend with us, so it will be nice to get all together don't you think?"_

No, I didn't think so. But of course I couldn't tell that to Carlisle, the poor man was on edge as it was. I needed to cut him some slack.

"Don't worry Carlisle. I'll make sure to get some time off so we can spend it together. I'm really looking forward to seeing you." And I wasn't lying when I referred to him. It had been a long time since I saw my uncle last and I really did missed him. He was the only family I had left, or at least the only family member that cared for me enough. I did have other uncles, aunts and cousins in Chicago and all over the place, but none of them cared if I lived or not, Carlisle did. And in my book he was my only family.

"_Edward?"_

_What now? _Nothing good came when he said my name in that tone

"Yes?"

He took a deep breath. _"Where are you spending the holidays?"_

_Shit!_ I knew where this was heading. Carlisle had been begging me for years to go back to Chicago and spend at least one of the holidays with them. But no matter how much he asked me I would always find a way to decline his invitation. This year was not going to be the exception.

"Here," I said matter-of-factly. "You know I barely close the shop, besides I can't. Not this year."

"_Please son, at least come home for Thanksgiving. You could come back home with us and spend the full week here in Chicago. Tell me and I'll book your flight right away,"_

"That's not my home anymore and you know it."

"_It's been too long Edward, too long. I'm sure your parents..."_

I had to interrupt him right then and there. "No Carlisle... just please...don't talk about them..."

"_I'm sorry, it's just..."_ He sighed and I knew he was just as tired as I was of this conversation.

We had talked about it over and over again but I just couldn't find it in me to go back to Chicago. Too many memories, too much emotions, I just couldn't. Every time I had seen Carlisle after I left Chicago, all those years ago, it had been because he came to New York. He had even gone to San Diego once, where I had gone to a Tatt's and Piercings' convention. I knew he was making an effort, and I appreciated him for that. But as much as he tried I wouldn't change my mind, at least not now.

"_I have to go now, but please Edward, think about it."_

"I'm sorry Carlisle but I won't change my mind." What was the point in lying to him?

"_Okay son, please take care, and I will see you soon." _His voice sounded defeated, again.

"Sure, and you too take care. Call me when you get here, at least to know you arrived okay."

"_Will do."_

And with that the phone call ended.

I couldn't help it and feel like such a dick. My uncle didn't deserve me to be that way; he had always been there for me, always. After my parents...

I didn't have much time to ponder my actions and feelings because soon after the phone call ended, Deputy Johns walked towards me and asked me to go with him. I was scared shitless when I saw how his face was red even though he tried to act as nonchalant as possible. And I couldn't even find it in me to ask him what was going on, I could have sworn the question was stuck in my throat as we walked down a hallway full of doors.

Finally we stopped in front of a non-descriptive door and where quickly asked to come in.

It was an office, Detective Reynolds' office to be more exact. Bella was sitting on a chair in front of the desk and I could see how she had a tissue pressed to her face. She was crying.

_My poor girl._

I made my way towards her and sat on the chair next to hers.

"Bella?" I said softly.

It took a little bit of time, but she finally raised her head and I could see how her face was full of tears.

"E...E..." she couldn't even speak.

"It's okay sweetie, I'm here." And that's all she needed to wrap her arms around me, bury her face in my chest and break.

Bella openly sobbed and I could see how the other two men in the room where uncomfortable with it. The detective tried to be as professional as he could as he handed me a box of tissues and said to take our time. Deputy Johns on the other hand seem to get redder and redder and I wonder if he wanted to kill the motherfucker who hurt Bella as much as I did. I doubt it, because I was sure no one wanted to hurt him as much as me.

When Bella was able to calm down a bit, Detective Reynolds started talking and it didn't take long for me to realize something. Bella had recognized the fucker. He was here. It was him. And the thing was, this was not the first time that piece of shit had been in jail.

Detective Reynolds started telling us how they had been following him for a while now, it looked like he sold drugs and shit, but unfortunately for them he had good connections so he was always released.

Bella had stopped crying as she looked at the wall behind the detective while he spoke.

"His name is Riley Biers, and even though he has been lucky in the past, I assure you he won't get out of this one as easy. We will do everything in our power to make it that way."

I swear I felt like I was inside a bubble because I barely was able to catch up with what the detective was saying after he said the scum's name. I felt dizzy and enraged and fuck; I really needed to calm the fuck down before I scared Bella.

We were assured that the asshole was going to stay locked up until he was ready to go to court. For that Bella had to make a formal declaration of the events right then and there in front of the detective as well as press formal charges. She didn't seem to be up for it, but as much as it hurt I had to convince her, again, to just do it. So she did, and it was freaking painful to watch. I just had to keep reminding myself that 'it had to be done'.

An hour later, Bella and I were on our way to my apartment. We were both exhausted, Bella more than me though, and it was no wonder we both fell asleep while watching TV on the couch as soon as we arrived.

At around five in the evening I started coming back to reality. Bella was deep asleep, her back pressed to my chest as she cradled a sleeping T on hers. The TV was still on and I just turned my head to watch whatever was being shown. I didn't want to wake up Bella, she had finally been able to sleep without any bad dreams and I wanted her to rest as much as she could.

Twenty minutes later Bella started to stir. She looked embarrassed by our position, but I made sure to let her know it was okay, besides I had been sleeping too, so it was not like I had been uncomfortable or anything.

She seemed to calm her embarrassment down and not a second later both of our stomachs started to growl at the same time. Without even realizing it Bella and I started to chuckle, which was a good thing because it helped lighten the mood if just a bit. The thing was that with everything that had been going on we hadn't even eaten besides some pieces of toast and coffee before going to the police station, and I didn't think Bella even finished half of hers.

We were in great need of some food. As always if we wanted to eat we had to order something because my fridge was dry. After begging Bella to tell me what she wanted to eat, we both agreed on a pizza.

Bella asked me permission to take a shower while the pizza arrived and I of course told her she didn't need to ask me, she could do as she pleased. I went to my room and grabbed something for her to wear, making a mental note to take Bella to the store and buy her some clothes. I knew she may not agree that easily, but she needed something that fitted her. Between the clothes that the nurse had given Bella before leaving the hospital and whatever I borrowed her she didn't really have anything of her own, something that fit her frame and made her feel comfortable.

While she was in the shower I called the pizza place and order two large ones. Better safe than sorry, I was starving.

The pizza came and I set everything in the coffee table at the living room. I even went all the way and placed T's food on the foot of the table, just as Bella had done the day before.

Ten minutes passed and I decided to go to the balcony and smoke one cigarette while I waited for Bella.

Fifteen minutes...twenty minutes...twenty-five minutes... thirty minutes... since the pizza arrived and Bella didn't come out of the washroom. I was starting to get worried so I decided to go and see what was taking her so long.

As I walked towards the bathroom I tried to listen for something, but not even the water was running anymore. I finally knocked and when Bella opened the door I was not surprised to see her in tears, but it didn't stop my heart from clenching. It pained me every time.

I quickly pulled her out of the washroom. It seemed that she had taken her shower and changed on the clean set of clothes I gave her. Her hair was all wet and she smelled like soap.

_My beautiful girl._

I brought her to the living room and as soon as we sat on the couch she started openly sobbing. And again I was at lost as what to do. Bella needed help, and unfortunately the help she needed wasn't one I could give her. Because I didn't know what to do.

I was useless.

_It was now or never._

"Bella," I said softly, as she seemed to calm down a bit.

"I'm so... sorry," She hiccupped. "I don't know what's wrong... with me... I can't..."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Bella. After what happened it's more than understandable, but sweetie..." I sighed, "You need someone to help you cope with..."

"No! Edward no! Please!" She cried and pushed me away from her as she moved to the far corner of the couch and wrapped her arms around her legs. "It doesn't work, is not worth it..."

"Please Bella," I begged. "Don't worry. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, it's just so hard for me to see you suffering this way. It pains me, and I just don't know what to do." I needed to be honest with her.

"I'm sorry, I'll be better! I promise!"

And it broke my heart, because she was hurting, because she thought she was doing something wrong. And of course she wasn't, this wasn't her fault at all, she was the victim here.

I freaking needed to help her. But I couldn't do it on my own.

I would if I could.

At that moment I was just so desperate I I just blurted it out.

"Bella, do you remember I talked to you about my friend Jasper?"

"Yeah." She sniffled as she nodded her head.

"I don't know if you remember but he," _Fuck_ I didn't know if it was a good idea to say it or not. But I had to give it a chance. "He is a therapist."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth she quickly tensed up.

"Please Bella," I pleaded, "Listen to me, okay?"

She didn't even stir.

"You don't have to see him as a professional if you don't want to. But would you please let him meet you? Maybe he can at least give you some piece of advice of how to cope with this..."

She started shaking her head.

"Bella, you don't have to talk to him about it if you don't feel comfortable doing it. You can meet him and see how it goes, just as my friend, that's all. Let me promise you this, we won't even talk about what happened to you. I won't bring it up if that's what you want." I was grasping at straws. I needed her to agree.

Bella didn't move nor blinked for a while, she just stared into space.

"Bella, say something please,"

"I don't want to see a shrink," she said flatly.

I had to pass my hands through my hair, my tongue-ring between my teeth while I tried to think on what to say.

"Okay." I sighed. "Just forget what I said."

I was almost given up when she looked at me and I didn't know what she was looking for but she finally sighed and closed her eyes.

"I know this is hard for you too Edward. If you want me to lea..."

"No Bella!" I quickly stopped her. "I don't want you to get any ideas. I want you here, with me, with T. But please, help me a little bit here. I don't know what..." I trailed off.

She looked thoughtful for a second and silent tears started streaming down her face. I wanted to comfort her, but at the same time I knew I needed to let her work this on her own.

"Okay." She finally nodded after a while. "I will meet your friend, but just as a friend okay?"

I quickly agreed. "That's all I'm asking you for. We will go at your pace."

"Thank you," she said softly. "For everything,"

"Anytime, Bella," I said as softly as her. "Anytime."

Finally she had agreed, and even though small, I knew this was an important step for her recovery.

I knew things were not going to be easy, not at all. But I'll be damn if I didn't try my hardest.

Because Bella was worth it.

I knew she was.

**A/N.- Isn't Tattward/Tongueward sweet? **

**I really hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**I know they are many questions in the air, much stuff to discover (such as Edward's tatt's and the meaning behind them, his hidden piercings *giggles*, his past, and so much more about the other characters...) but believe me when I say everything will come out in due time. So please be patient.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn, who by the way has a new story called "Achluophobia", a Bella afraid to the dark. Go check it out!**

**My FFBFF and pre-reader Mony, which as many of you know is an awesome writer! Go and check her stories, the three of them are at my fav.'s list. You know how much you mean to me bb. Without you this story wouldn't be here.**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. With special thanks to all my twitter girls, you are all so awesome. (Find me on twitter under the penname _AlexaUrce_)**

**Next week is my B'Day! Yey! Let's see if my hubby is going to take me out to dinner, I so want to go and eat some sea-food! **

**Wish you all a great weekend :)**

**Alexa**

**PS.- If you like, leave some love :) Tattward or Tongueward (as known in the twitter world) will appreciate it :)**

**Oh and don't forget to check out the thread for 'C&G' at Twilighted! Nilla was kind enough to open one for this story. Love ya sweetie!**

**Peace Out!**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"I'm almost done T," I said as I looked at her and ran a plate under the water at the same time.

She just looked at me and walked out of the kitchen, as if bored with what I was doing.

I sighed and kept doing the dishes. We had just eaten breakfast, which in Edward's home consisted of toast, coffee, and orange juice. For me, those things were more than enough, but of course Edward needlessly had apologized for not having much in his fridge. I hadn't known him for that long, but there was something that I had learnt in the little time I'd known him.

Edward didn't cook.

_At all._

And he ate take out.

_A lot._

If I was being honest, I didn't know how to cook myself. No one ever taught me, and when I lived with Jacob, he was the one that did the cooking while I was the one in charge of cleaning and doing laundry. I didn't even know how we came to that arrangement, it was just the way it was and I never tried to change it.

Of course, I was not completely useless. I knew how to make a sandwich, fry an egg, and with the proper instructions, I knew I could learn to do something a little bit more elaborate. At that moment I wished I had the means to buy some food and try to cook something for Edward. He just had been so nice to me; I wanted to do something nice for him, a home-cooked meal was the least I could do. I knew it would have been little in comparison, but at least I wanted to show him how much I appreciated everything he had done for me.

"Bella, I have to go now," Edward said as he entered the kitchen.

"Sure," I replied with a small nod.

We had woken up early and before eating breakfast he had gone to walk T. I offered to bring her myself, but he insisted he would do it, saying he had neglected T this last couple of days and that he needed the little exercise. I felt bad because I knew a big part of that was because of me. But as always, Edward waved it off saying it was not my fault.

It had been funny to watch them go and I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw Edward dressing T with a blue sweater that fit her perfectly. She just looked super cute and she was so excited to go out that she let Edward dress her. He just rolled his eyes at me and told me I hadn't even seen the best part. So when he showed me the booties that matched the sweater I all but lost it. Edward confessed to me that he had actually bought T a lot of stuff in the pet store and that he liked 'his girl' to be properly covered when it was cold. I thought he was sweet and couldn't help but smile at them both.

For a while I toyed with the idea of joining them, but in the end I decided I would let those two do something on their own. I had been in the middle of them enough. Besides if Edward was going to run I was sure to slow him down.

Once they came back we all ate and Edward quickly finished and excused himself to go and get ready for work, and I thought the least I could do was pick up the remains of breakfast and wash the dishes.

"I should be back no later than six, but if..." Edward started saying.

He was putting a scarf around him as he got ready to leave. It was getting colder by the day and I shuddered at the idea of being on the streets, as I had been before, enduring that harsh weather. I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts and looked at Edward.

He was moving his mouth as he kept saying something but all I could focus on was the tongue ring that was peaking a little out of his mouth.

_That must have hurt him a lot_.

Then I realized how stupid I sounded in my own head. Edward had more than that piercing, four as far as I could tell; the one on his eyebrow, the big one that crossed his ear, the one in his lower lip and of course the aforementioned tongue-ring. Besides he had tattoos and I was sure those had hurt too when they were done. I hadn't actually seen them closely, because he wore long sleeve shirts most of the time, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious.

"Bella?" Edward stopped his motions and looked at me with a confused look.

"Huh?" _What did he just say? What is that on his hands?_

"I said that I should be back no later than six and that if you needed anything to just give me a call on my cell phone. I wrote you the number in this piece of paper." He waved a small piece of paper with something written on it.

"Oh, okay." I nodded. I didn't really know what to say without embarrassing myself any further.

"Are you sure you are okay? I can stay if..."

"No Edward, it's okay. I just spaced out for a bit," I said quickly as I waved my hand in dismissal.

I didn't want him to think he needed to take more days off because of me. I was fine.

_I am fine_.

Maybe if I repeated it enough in my head it would come true.

Edward nodded and kept looking at me as if wanting to make sure I was really okay. He then shook his head and got something from his jacket's pocket.

"Here," he said as he placed something on the counter.

I looked at it and raised a brow. "Keys?"

Edward nodded. "They are the keys to the apartment. This big one is for the main entrance, and these two small ones are for the door to the apartment."

My throat tightened at his actions. Edward was giving me the keys to _his_ apartment.

"Edward... you don't have to."

He looked at me and smiled softly. "This is your home too Bella, and I want you to be able to come and go as you please. Just promise me one thing."

"What?" I would promise him anything_. How could I not?_

"Promise me that you will be here when I come back."

It was such a simple request, but it held so much meaning.

I closed my eyes, willing the tears to stay at bay. "I will be here, Edward. I promise."

"Thanks," he said with a smile and a look of relief.

I shook my head. I should be the one thanking him, not the other way around. But I knew better than to try and change Edward's mind.

"Anyways, I'll leave you money for..."

"No! Please Edward," I pleaded.

He had done enough for me I didn't want him to give me money too.

I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I really needed to find a job to help. I had already decided to stay here, with Edward and T, at least until I could get on my feet; so the least I could do was help with some of the expenses.

"Okay," Edward said. "But once I'm back we are going to go and buy some groceries together. Is that okay with you?"

I nodded my head.

"Good," Edward smiled, "Because I'm really tired of eating toast and coffee every morning. If I'm being honest with you I'm sick of that shit already."

I chuckled. "It's not that bad."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes it is! Anyways, I need to be on my way. There is lots of pizza left over from yesterday, so feel free and dig in, okay?"

"Yes, thanks," I replied. "Edward?"

"Mhm?" He mumbled distractedly as he placed a beanie on his head.

"Why don't you take the keys? I really don't need them. I won't go out or anything like that," I said.

Edward looked at me. "I have my keys Bella. That's the spear set, and it's yours now." He quickly placed some gloves on his hands and started checking his pockets to see if he had everything he needed. "Well I have to go, be back later, Bella."

"Bye," I said as I watched him leave.

"Bye T! Be a good girl for Bella, yeah?" I could hear him as he opened the door of the apartment.

T barked for a bit as if replying to Edward and then the door was closed.

With a sigh I finished the dishes. Once they were done I took the keys on my hand, walked towards the living room and sat on the couch. T didn't waste any time and quickly jumped on my lap. I started petting her as I rested my head on the back of the couch. Clutching the keys with the hand that wasn't petting T.

The TV was on, and I didn't think I had been watching it for more than ten minutes when my mind started wandering to the previous day. I shuddered at the memory and was glad that part was over. It hadn't been an easy experience.

Detective Reynolds and Deputy Johns had to take me to a room that had a two-way mirror, or at least that's what they said it was called.

At first there was no one on the other side; all you could see was a room with gray walls and nothing else. There was another policeman inside with us; he had a lap top as well as a tape recorder. There was a microphone with a button next to it and I wondered what was all that for. The detective told me that the suspects were going to start coming into the other room, but that I didn't have to worry about anything. They couldn't see me from the other side of the mirror. By the time they asked me if I was ready all I could do was nod my head. I was frightened. Moments later a door opened in the other side and one by one different men start coming out.

And then I saw him.

It wasn't hard to spot him. I'd seen him a couple of times before, outside of some of the shelters I occasionally went to. I had already told that to the police, so they knew I was well aware of who it had been. Suddenly my breathing started to quicken and soon enough I felt my body sway. Deputy Johns helped me stand up right, and when he asked if I was okay all I could do was sob as I mumbled 'It's him.'

They asked me to point him out but I was too shaken up and could barely see through the tears that were blinding me. I sat down for a bit and they gave me some water. After a few minutes I was able to calm down some. Detective Reynolds asked me if I was ready and when I nodded he didn't waste any time. With the microphone inside the room he instructed the suspects to turn left, right and so on. But it was not necessary; the guy was there, second to the left.

Even though I had seen him before, I hadn't really paid attention to him, but when the detective instructed me to look at him, really look at him I did it.

The guy was tall, fair skin, blondish hair and blue eyes. His face looked childlike in a way, but deep inside I knew there was only evil in him. He seemed to be in his early twenties. So young and so evil. I pointed at him and they made him step forward. I flinched, it was like if he was looking at me, like there was no mirror and I got scared. I almost had another panic attack, but Deputy Johns stayed by my side reassuring me that he couldn't see me or hear me from there. Once I assured them, again, that it was him the guy that had attacked me, they let me sit with my back to the mirror and I broke again.

I didn't want to see that man again in my life.

T started whining, and it was then that I realized I was sobbing at the memory.

I just couldn't understand why it had happened to me. _What had I done to deserve it? One time wasn't enough?_

I shook my head and wiped my tears. I was tired of crying. I tried to remember if I had cried that much the first time it happened, but I realized that it had been totally different. James had warned me to keep my mouth shut and not to tell anyone.

_Who was I going to tell anyways? His wife? Bree? The other boy that was there and was barely eight?_ There was no use, none of them would or could help me.

I remembered feeling confused and crying myself to sleep. I would have nightmares most times than not and would wake up crying my eyes out, but no one came and helped me, so I had to calm myself down and go back to sleep. During the day I acted as normal as I could. I was numb and just went through the motions, worried that it will happen again. James would look at me and smile, I would just flinch and go as far away from him as I could.

Then Jacob came into the house and I just tried to bury the memory in the deep corners of my mind. I guessed I just tried to ignore it, pretend it didn't happen in a way and the nightmares stopped. Once Jacob and I ran away, I was more worried about the police catching me and sending me back than anything. So when Jacob and I started dating and he started touching me more intimately I felt uncomfortable, but I let him do it, afraid he would leave me alone, or worse sent me back to that home.

He explained me how things went and with time I learn to accept it as a part of life, even though I didn't like it. I could do it without panicking and I thought maybe I was not that 'fucked-up' after what James had done to me. Jacob never forced me; he even asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it. He tried to be gentle and asked me if I was enjoying it. I lied, I always did.

I took a deep breath and stood up with T in my arms.

"Enough," I said to myself.

I couldn't think about that anymore. I was hurting I knew I was. Maybe that's why I had agreed to see Edward's friend, Jasper. I didn't believe in therapy though.

For starters I had been forced to see a psychologist after I had run away and gone look for my dad, that one time. Every week I'll be forced to go and see a woman that didn't care for what I had been through, but wanted to charge the money for it. She would ask questions and write on a pad, then someone would come and interrupt and she would leave the room and come back to tell me it was time for me to leave. I was hurting so bad and I only wanted someone to listen, not even person that was being paid did, I wasn't worth the time or effort. Three months later they told me I could stop going and that was that.

Jacob didn't believe in shrinks ether. He had been in therapy for a long time. His dad used to hit him and his mom when he was a child, so when social services removed him from his home they send him to a shrink right away. He told me all the stories and how they asked too much, how it was a waste of time and it didn't work at all.

But maybe, just maybe we had been wrong, or we just had to deal with person that weren't good at what they did. I needed to find out myself. If I wanted to change my life for the better, my head would be a good place to start. So I had agreed to meet this Jasper person, at least as Edward's friend and then I would decide what to do next.

With a sigh I placed T on the floor and made my way towards Edward's room. She followed me closely and I had to smile at that, she was so small but so intuitive. She knew how much I needed her and she was always there for me. Just like Edward.

Once inside the bedroom I saw that the bed was unmade and there were some clothes just thrown carelessly on the floor. There were still some remains of the lamp Edward had thrown at the door. I shuddered, he had been so mad. I tried to clean it all up before he came into the room again, but it looked like I didn't do a very good job at that.

Edward had apologized for getting upset, and he had reassured me he hadn't been mad at me but that he just needed time to breath. I understood.

He promised to protect me and not let anyone hurt me again. Edward was my safe heaven. I believed him.

With a new determination I decided then that I needed a distraction, and what better thing to keep my mind busy than cleaning.

I walked towards a small room in which Edward had showed me were the washer and dryer. Inside of there, besides the machines, I found a package of disposable dusters and garbage bags, a mop, a broom and a vacuum. There was soap, bleach and other stuff that I didn't know what they were for. I started taking out whatever I knew I would need and put myself to work.

Starting with Edward's room I made the bed, placed the dirty clothes in the hamper, passed the duster on the side tables and made sure to clean the trash. I then went to the living room and then the kitchen.

Even though Edward didn't have much edible food on his fridge, he did have tons of containers. I didn't need to take more than one look at them to know that most of the food was not good anymore. I threw container after container in the garbage and had to cover my mouth to not vomit. _It stunk!_ I then proceeded to clean the refrigerator and collect the garbage in one big bag. The washroom was the last thing I cleaned and it took me over half an hour, but it was worth it at the end.

At the end I just passed the vacuum in the areas that had carpet and mopped the floors.

Once done I realized more than three hours had gone by and I was hungry. I got some pizza and placed it on the microwave. While I ate I wondered what Edward would think of the apartment. Some part of me worried that he would get mad at me, maybe he didn't like people touching his stuff. But other part, a bigger part of me, was excited.

I had done something for Edward, something small, but something nonetheless.

Just as he had said Edward came back a little before six. His eyes almost came out of their sockets when he saw the state of his home. And even though he said it wasn't necessary for me to do that, the smile on his face was the biggest reward I could have gotten.

Minutes later Edward lent me a jacket, a scarf and a hat and, after dressing T again in her gear, the three of us made our way to the grocery store. Since it was just a couple of blocks away we decided to walk our way there.

There was a moment where I couldn't help myself and shivered. It was still early, but the sun had long set and it was getting dark. Edward realized this and bent his arm so I was able to wrap mine around his, I instantly calmed down and smiled while thanking him softly. How he knew what to do to keep me grounded? I would never know, but it worked.

T walked in front of us, happy of being out. She would sniff something and Edward would have to wait and see if T wanted to do her 'business' there. We were like that for a bit until she finally liked a place, which happened to be a fire-hydrant.

I tried to enjoy the moment as much as I could. My emotions were all over the place. I would be okay one moment and burst into tears the others.

When we arrived at the store Edward tied T to a small place designated for dogs. It was inside the store so I knew she wouldn't be cold, but I still felt bad when she started whining at our retreating forms.

We both tried to hurry up, but it took us a little more than half an hour to get out of there. Much of it was because Edward and I would fight over all the things he wanted to get for me. I agreed on a toothbrush, deodorant and some sanitary napkins. It was embarrassing but I had been bleeding slightly since the night of the 'incident' and even though it was almost gone the pads that the nurse had given me where over. Edward of course didn't make a big deal out of it and it helped me feel a little bit less uneasy.

But when he started placing a hat, a scarf and socks in the cart, I started to get worried that he was going kind of overboard. I kept quiet though. It was not until he asked me to grab a package of panties that I all but told him to please stop with his shopping spree. I knew he was being nice, but I felt embarrassed and flustered. He laughed at me and told me to just 'get the damn things'. His words not mine. He then asked me to choose two shirts and a pair of sweats.

I knew grocery stores sold more than just groceries. Sometimes I bought my stuff from there since they would be cheaper than a department store. But I never expected Edward to purchase things for me. When I told him as much he told me that it was just for the time being, until we could go to a proper store to get me real clothes.

On the outside I was fuming, but deep down I just wanted to hug Edward and thank him again for everything he was doing for me. I knew the clothes of the grocery store were not that great, they were just basic things, but for me they meant so much.

I had clothes! New! And my very own!

We went back to the apartment in a taxi. We had a lot of bags and Edward said that it was too much to carry. And of course we stopped in a Chinese place to buy some take out. I really had to roll my eyes at that. We had just bought groceries and we were getting take-out.

"I think I like this," Edward said looking at his fridge with edible food now.

Edward had been so hungry that he had told me to leave the groceries for after dinner and we were just finishing putting everything away.

"Yeah, now you don't need to buy so much take out." I eyed the garbage with the take-out boxes.

He shook his head. "Bella this is just basic stuff. I don't think I can do much with it."

"I don't really know how to cook ether. But I can learn."

"I didn't mean that Bella."

"I know," I said. "But I would really like to do something to help. I don't know." I shrugged. "You are doing so much for me Edward. Let me at least do something small for you."

"Are you insane?" he said. "Shit! Sorry I didn't mean that."

"It's okay." I waved him off.

"Just look at my apartment," Edward said as he looked around the tiny kitchen. "It has never looked that clean."

"It was not dirty," I said back.

"Maybe not dirty, but it was not that shiny."

I chuckled. "I used to clean remember?"

"Huh?"

"I used to work cleaning offices and apartments."

"Oh yeah, I remember." He frowned and at that moment I would have liked to know what he was thinking. "Did you like it?"

I shrugged. "It was okay. I didn't finish high school. I didn't have a lot of options."

He nodded.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" He looked at me.

"Maybe... I was thinking..." I trailed off.

"Tell me," he said softly.

"I would like... I want to maybe... look for a job?" I didn't know if it was a question or not.

"I think we should sit and talk about this," Edward said seriously.

I nodded and we both walked towards the living room. I was a little nervous. I didn't know if I was going to be able to find something, or even if I was going to be able to hold it. I didn't really feel in the right mind set, with everything that had happened. _But what could I do?_ I couldn't let Edward support me until who knows when.

"Do you have any idea what would you like to do?" Edward asked as soon as we took a seat on the couch.

I shook my head.

"Then I have a proposition for you."

I raised my brow. "What?"

"Work for me,"

"What?" I was totally shocked at what he had just said.

"Hear me out." Edward looked wary.

I just nodded my head and motioned for him to continue.

"I was thinking... I don't know... It's just an idea..." It was his turn to stutter.

"Tell me," I said.

"Bella, would you like to work in my tattoo shop?"

_Huh?_

**A/N.- Oh man! What would Bella say? What do you think she should say? **

**I hope you liked the chapter. If you did leave some love! (Tongueward/Tattward will be happy about it) If you didn't, well, constructive criticism is always welcome!**

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome and beautiful Beta Lynn! Love ya babes!**

**My one and only FFBFF Mony (aka. Wanda) You know there isn't anyone else but you! And without you this story wouldn't be here and Comes & Goes wouldn't be the most-listened song in my iTunes. I *heart* you hard my girl.**

**To all of you that read, review and recommend this story. As well as all my twitter girls. (Find me on twitter under the penname _AlexaUrce_)**

**So...**

**HAPPY B'DAY TO MEEEEEE!**

**Yes today is my birthday number twienty-*cough*cough* Yeah I'm THAT Young! *lol***

**And as my own B'Day gift to me I wanted to post this chapter early! Hope you are happy about that :)**

**Wish you all an awesome week,**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Bella?" I asked as I ran a hand through my hair.

She had been staring at her fidgety hands for a while now. I could see her mouth open and just when I thought she was going to say something, she would closed it again. I was kind of losing it. Patience could be my enemy sometimes.

"Bella, please," I whispered. "Say something,"

I was not really planning on talking to Bella about the job proposition just yet, but when she told me that she wanted to look for a job I knew it was a 'now or never' type of situation.

We had just come from the store and it wasn't lost on me how uncomfortable she was when we were getting things that she needed for herself. And when I paid for the purchases I could see how she looked at the floor awkwardly.

So I guessed she did need to feel that she had some independency in all of this. I mean I was providing her with a place to stay, food, and necessities, and even though I did everything without thinking of getting anything back, I knew it would make her feel uneasy if every time she needed something she had to ask me for it. Making her feel dependent was the last thing I wanted to do.

I wanted Bella to feel safe, but at the same time I wanted her to feel free.

I knew offering her a job in my shop may not have been an ideal solution; she still had a long way to go, and a lot to deal with before she would be better. But at that moment, with everything that was going on, I thought it was best for her to at least feel secure wherever she was. And since apparently I made her feel secure, I thought this may work.

Besides, even though Bella had promised to not leave this time, I was worried that she would just up and leave. I couldn't have that, I couldn't allow it. So without much thought I had told her about my idea and so far I didn't know what the outcome was going to be.

I could see Bella opening her mouth again and just when I was giving up on her speaking she finally said something.

"I... I mean..." Bella shook her head and then took a deep breath. "You want me to work at your shop?"

I nodded slowly.

"But I don't know anything about tattoos, Edward."

I chuckled involuntarily. I didn't know if it was the stress, or the relief that Bella hadn't gotten mad at me for my proposition, but I couldn't help to release the deepest breath I had been holding in me.

"Bella you wouldn't need to do tattoos," I said.

"Oh! So what would I do?" She asked, and I could see the corner of her mouth going up a little.

It may not have been a smile, but I could see she wasn't totally against the idea.

"Well..." I touched my lower lip piercing with my thumb and index; twisting it and turning it.

_This is going to be the tricky part._

I didn't want Bella to feel bad for the job position I was offering her. I knew it was not much, but I hoped it was at least a start for her to be on her way to a new beginning.

"It would be a position as an assistant," I said softly.

Yeah I knew I was acting like a pussy and sugar-coating the position with a fancy name, but what could I have said? _I want you to be in charge of cleaning the shop?_

"Assistant? To who?" Her voice sounded more animated, and it made me feel less crappy for asking her to clean shit at the shop.

"To everyone I guess." I shrugged. "We have an assistant, her name is Lesley, but the truth is she is focusing now in body piercings and the likes. Besides we have been getting a lot of work lately, so she really needs someone to lend her a hand, that's when you come in."

Bella nodded. "And what would I need to do?"

"First of all it would be nice for you to help with the costumers." Bella's face soured a little bit at this but I kept on going before she got discouraged. I knew this wasn't the ideal time for her to be in a lot of contact with other people, but I knew Lesley would be able to do that for now. "It's not that hard, besides Lesley loves to be at the front desk. I bet she wouldn't mind handling that for the most part."

Bella nodded in understanding, but I could see her face looking a little bit defeated.

_Fuck!_ I needed to fix this and fast.

"There are five of us at the tattoo shop. Lesley is our assistant as I told you previously, Seth is the piercing expert and Rosalie, Emmett and I are the tattoo artists. Each of us have our small working area, they are small cubicles, but not the ones you'll see in an office, they are way less private. Once in a while we have guests that will come in and work with us for a period of time, but for now there is no one besides us. Anyways," I said. "Each of us is responsible to keep our work area clean, but sometimes with everything going on is hard to keep things in shape so you would help us with that as well as retrieving things that we may need and can't reach while we are with a client. There is the restroom too," I gulped, _here it comes,_ "And it needs cleaning at least twice a day."

I saw her listening intently so I kept explaining. "The storage room needs to be well organized and you would need to make sure that we don't run out on supplies. If we are low we have to make an order and when packages come, you would need to put that away as well. The front desk needs to be free of clutter, but with the art well displayed so the patrons can see them and maybe get interested. Stuff like that." I shrugged.

There was a brief silence. I looked at Bella, trying to gauge her reaction, but since she didn't talk I decided to just ask the question.

"So what do you think? Would you be able to do that?"

Bella had been thoughtful for a while, when suddenly T came out, from wherever she had been, and jumped onto her lap. Bella had been so lost in her own thoughts that she almost jumped from the couch.

"T!" I yelled at the dog. "Don't do that."

Of course the dog looked at me and then rested her head on Bella's leg. Totally ignoring me. _Whatever the fuck!_

Bella chuckled and started petting T. She then looked at me and smiled. "I think... I think what you said is something I could do."

"Really?" I was so caught off guard that I was sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I think I may be able to do all the things you told me. But..." She swallowed.

"But what?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know if I'll be really good with clients, I mean," She shuddered, "I don't feel totally uncomfortable around people, but I don't think I can be..."

I knew she did feel uncomfortable with people around her, but she tried her hardest to just keep her cool. She was the strongest woman I had ever met.

"I understand," I said quickly. "I'm sure Lesley wouldn't mind doing that for the time being."

_For the time being._ Because deep down I hoped Bella would start some kind of therapy that would help her. I wanted her to be well. I knew it would take time, but I wanted it to happen one day.

"There is another problem," Bella said.

"What would that be?" I asked.

"I don't have any kind of identification with me. I don't have a birth certificate, social security number, nothing." She shrugged.

"Don't worry, we can figure out a way to get all of that." I wondered how hard it would be to get those things.

At the moment I decided to not dwell on it, just as I had told Bella we would figure it out. But I did want those papers, and soon. I knew I could pay her cash, but I didn't want that. I wanted to provide her with insurance and benefits that would only come from her having her papers in order. If I was going to help her, I was going to do it the right way.

I could see Bella nod, but then she turned her eyes downcast as she kept petting T. "Edward, do you really need me there? Or are you doing this just to help me?"

"Both." I wanted to be honest. "We really need someone there to help us. Fortunately the shop has been doing well and I know we could use the extra help. It would make things run more smoothly. And I'm not going to lie to you," I looked at Bella and smiled softly, "I want to help you Bella, as much as I can. You know that I," I took a deep breath. "I was thinking about offering you a job before you left that first time."

"You were?" I could see her eyes going wide and not a couple of seconds later tears started to flow.

_What the fuck just happened?_

"Bella?" I asked.

When she didn't respond I inched my body closer to her and placed my hand on her back.

"Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?"

Her body suddenly started shaking with uncontrollable sobs and all I could do was rub her back trying to soothe her.

_Freaking great! I think I did something and fucked up! But what the fuck did I do?_

Once she was a little bit calmer, Bella looked at me, her face tear stained.

"So if..." She hiccupped. "If I hadn't left, maybe this...wouldn't... have happened to me..."

_Shit! Why did I mention that to Bella? Of course she was going to start thinking about what would have happened if she hadn't left._

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"Why are you... apologizing for?" she asked her voice thick with sentiment.

"Because I shouldn't have reminded you of that. It is in the past, Bella. We can't change the things that happened to us, but I will do my damn best to help you get past it. It will take time, but I'll be here."

I knew that more than anyone, as much as I would have liked to go back in time and change so many things that had happened in my life, I couldn't do it. And it freaking sucked. They said time healed all wounds; I wasn't sure about that ether. I didn't think something like what Bella went through was something that you just forgot about it with time, it was deep shit.

Bella nodded and wiped the tears from her face, we stayed silent for a while and I wonder if I should say anything else. But if I were being honest I was worried about putting my foot in my mouth again and make Bella more upset. So I waited for Bella to speak again.

"I know I can't change it, but sometimes I wish I could." Bella sighed and looked at me, I nodded in understanding and it broke my heart to see her that way. She didn't deserve that much pain. No one did.

Suddenly Bella's face changed from sadness to one of determination and cleaning her face of the tears that were left she said softly, "I want to work with you Edward, if you will hire me."

She took me by surprise, but I couldn't help the smile that spread on my face. "Great! I think it will be a great start for you."

"When do I start?" She seemed set on moving forward and it made me hopeful that maybe I was doing something right.

"Maybe we can start in a couple of weeks. We can start with a few days a week and go from there. What do you think?"

She raised her brow at me. "Why in a couple of weeks? Can't I start this coming week?"

I sighed, another situation we had to talk about. "Bella, I'm going to be honest with you. I think you need a little bit of time to..." _How the fuck do I say this?_ "...to process everything that has happened to you. I want you to take all the time you need."

"I don't need any time. I'm fine Edward."

_Of course she was,_ I thought sarcastically.

"Bella..."

"Please Edward." Bella looked at me, her eyes boring into mine's. "I need to do this, for me. I don't want to be here all day. It doesn't help me. I think too much, I..." She trailed off.

"I don't know, Bella." I played with my tongue ring.

_Fuck!_ I was coming back to that old habit of mine faster than I thought possible, but I was so worried Bella would end up having a panic attack or something while at the shop. There were just too many people coming and going.

_Just now you are thinking about that stupid? Now that you have offered her the job?_

"Please, please Edward," she begged.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, but you will be at the back, not in the front desk. At least for now."

I glanced at Bella and saw how she quickly nodded.

"And..." I started.

"And what?" Bella asked.

"We will start with a few days per week. I don't want you to overwork yourself, not now." I looked at her and hoped she could understand my hesitation.

She thought for a second and a small smile came to her lips. "Deal."

So it looked like we had a deal.

* * *

"Les, I need to talk to you for a second,"

"Sure Edward, what's up?" she asked as she looked through the agenda in the front desk.

I looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention to us.

Emmett was with a client while Rosalie assisted him so they were both busy on that. Seth was cleaning his workspace as he had just had a couple of girls in for a job. So it was safe.

I knew in due time everyone would know about this but I wanted to keep it quiet until I talked to Les. At the end of the day, she was going to be the one helping me with this. I needed her to be on board, because if she wasn't happy with it I didn't know how I could make it work. I would do it regardless, no matter what I was determined to help Bella, but if Lesley was on board it would just make this that much easier.

"What would you think of having someone come in to help you?" I raised my brow at her. I could see the confusion in her eyes and I quickly added something I knew she couldn't resist to. "Maybe taking work off of your hands so you can focus on body-piercing a little bit more. I think it's time to add another piercer to the shop."

"Ahhh!" And of course her huge scream made everyone at the shop look towards us.

Emmett and Rosalie just shook their heads and kept doing whatever they were working on, Rosalie of course with a scowl on her face, but I could hear Emmett chuckling in the background. Seth on the other hand looked at Lesley as if trying to figure out what was going on, but when he saw me looking at him he quickly averted his eyes to his own thing.

"Lesley," I hissed. "Keep it low woman!"

"Sorry, sorry," She waved her hands in the air, "But really Edward? Would you let me help Seth more?"

I nodded. "Maybe with time you could have your own clients. But," I raised my hand before she could speak again, "It will take time. You know you need your accreditations, but I think it may work."

The smile that graced her lips was blinding. "Oh my God Edward! I love you!"

"Yeah, I know you do," I chuckled at her excitement. "Anyways, you would still be in charge of the front desk. But the rest of the work would be less."

"Do you have anyone in mind for the job? Or are you going to look for someone? Because I have this friend..."

I nodded and she immediately stopped her rant. "I already have someone for the job."

"Oh, okay," She looked confused but quickly recovered. "Do I know her? Or him?"

"It's a she," I said. "Her name is Bella. She is a friend of mine." I smiled at that.

Lesley was deep in thought. "Bella? I don't think I know her."

"No you don't," I said. "Besides she has never worked in a place like this, so I will need your help so she can learn the ropes of this place. She is kind of shy and isn't really comfortable with being with too many people," I wasn't totally lying, but I didn't want to give many things away, "She will come in sometime next week. She will work just a few days a week and we will go from there, see how she handles everything."

I could see Lesley had more questions to ask, but as always she kept her mouth shut and nodded in understanding.

"Sure Edward, I will do anything you need me to do to help this Bella chick." She then smiled. "I don't know why, but I think this girl is more special than you are letting on. Am I right or not?"

I didn't even have time to reply to that because just then the phone rang and Lesley had to pick it up.

"Twilight Shop, this is Lesley, how may I help you?"

_And what would I have answered to Lesley if I would have had the time to reply?_

I hadn't the sightless idea.

* * *

"Can I come in?"

I could see the face of one of my best friends peeking around the door.

"What the fuck are you doing here, lazy ass?" I smiled as I saw him come inside the office.

"Unlike you I have all Saturday off," Jasper said as he sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. "And since I was bored I decided to come and visit you. Are you almost done? Maybe we go and grab something to eat."

"I'll be done in a few. Just let me file all this crap." I motioned towards the papers on my desk.

"So," Jasper said. "The guys asked about you, you know? Since you were absent the other day."

I passed one of my hands through my hair. "Yeah, Mike called me the other day, but I didn't pick up the phone. What did you tell them?"

"That you were sick," He shrugged. "I don't know if they believed me, but at least they didn't ask any more questions, so is up to you to keep with the lie or tell them the truth."

I nodded and kept with what I was doing, I really didn't know what to say.

"Anyways, the last practice will be on Mike's place as always. Tuesday and Thursday, the week before the gig. Just to make sure everything is perfect."

"Sure, I'll be there."

"I can't believe we just have one gig left man. I'm going to miss playing," Jasper sighed.

In three weeks, we would play our next and last gig at Eclipse, at least the last one of this year. Mike was going to Boston to visit his in-laws for the holidays so he was unavailable and Tyler said he really wanted to spend more time with his family during the holiday season, so he didn't want to be juggling his time between practice and gigs. Jasper and I didn't mind, we knew family always came first. But I would miss playing, that was for sure. I couldn't wait for our next job.

"Me too. Let's hope we get something early next year." I said.

"I know," Jasper agreed. "Eclipse has lots of bands in line, so we're lucky Felix likes us enough to book our band that often. But three weeks, that's too long, I want to play tonight!" Jasper drummed his finger on the desk.

I just rolled my eyes at him and kept doing what I was doing.

"Edward? We're leaving now. Do you need me to close the shop?" Emmett asked as he walked into the office.

"Nah! I'll do it myself, don't worry. Just please, turn the sign off, would you?" I asked him.

"Sure, no problem. I'll see you Monday then, see ya' Jasper," Emmett said.

"See you man," Jasper replied.

I just nodded my head and mumbled a 'Good-bye'.

"You're still distant?"

I shrugged. "Is just isn't the same you know?"

"I can tell. You were used to be attached at the hip and just look at you now."

I ignored his comment and kept working. If I was being honest it did hurt me the way Emmett's and mine's friendship had gone to the toilet after all the Heidi debacle. It didn't matter that I had met him way before he even met Rosalie, she was the girlfriend and since I was not her favourite person we rarely did things together anymore. We had gone out a few times, in group and just the two of us, but things had changed. I just hoped with time things would get better.

Jasper started drumming his fingers on my desk, again, and even though it shouldn't have it irritated me to no end, it did.

"Can you freaking stop with that?" I hissed.

Jasper raised both his hands in surrender and slumped back into the chair. "Are you on your period or what?" he asked and I gave him a look that clearly said 'shut the fuck up you asshole.'

Jasper took out his phone and started doing god knows what.

"I'm done!" I finally said when I filed the last receipt. "Let me just call Bella."

"Sure." Jasper acted as if it wasn't a big of a deal, but I could see as soon as I mentioned Bella his ears started tweaking.

I dialed the landline and waited for the phone to ring. I had already told Bella to just look at the caller ID when there was a phone call so she could see if it was me.

"_Edward?"_

"Yeah," I sighed at hearing her voice on the other side. It was nice to know she was still there.

Jasper looked at me and the prick started chuckling. _Fucker!_

"_Hey,"_ Bella said.

"Hey," I smiled. "How are you?" I stood up from the chair and walked out of the office. I didn't want Jasper to start making fun of me.

As I walked out I saw everyone had already left. I made my way to the front desk, far away from the office door. I didn't want Jasper to eavesdrop.

"_I'm doing okay. I just took T for a walk around the block,"_she said proudly. _"We had a good time. But it's getting really cold."_

"I'm glad both my gi... I mean it's nice to hear you both had a nice time. And yes it's getting really cold." I made a mental note to take Bella to the store soon so she could get a decent jacket.

"_Your neighbourhood is nice. But we didn't wander much. I was afraid of getting lost,"_ she said softly.

"It's better to stay close," I agreed. "So I just wanted to tell you that Jasper is here at the shop with me," I said hesitantly.

"_Oh,"_ I could hear Bella's voice wavering a bit. She was getting nervous.

"We are going out to get something to eat. I was wondering... Would you like to come with us?"

"_Me?"_

"Yes, you."

"_I don't... I don't know,"_

"Don't worry," I said as soothingly as I could. "Just as friends remember?"

"_Really?"_

"Of course, Bella, Don't you trust me?"

"_I do,"_ she said instantly.

My heart soared at her admission.

"We don't have to stay long if you feel uncomfortable."

"_Okay Edward."_

"We'll be there in about twenty minutes, is that okay?"

"_Sure, I'll be ready by then."_

"Ok, see you then."

"_See you Edward."_

I disconnected the call and walked back into the office.

"So, Jasper, get ready," I said as I sat on my chair and started locking everything in the desk.

"For what?" he asked with a curious look in his eyes.

"Today you are going to meet Bella."

**A/N.- Oh, oh... let's hope the meeting goes well!**

**I really hope you all liked the chapter, if not blame my Pre-Reader Mony (Blueking141) who said it was good to go! Hahahaha... just kidding.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence) who even though busy, always takes time to go over my chapters.**

**The aforementioned Pre-Reader Mony, who is always encouraging me to write even though I would rather eat pop-corn with hot-sauce and read fics. I love ya to pieces bb!**

**All of you that read, review and pimp this story! With special thanks to my twitter girls (Find me under the penname _AlexaUrce_)**

**I have so many plans for this story. I know right now it may be a little 'slow' but just remember Edward and Bella are getting use to being around each other and I think it's important to see how that goes. I don't write 'fillers' whatever I write has a purpose, so just please bare with me. If you've read my previews story TBoHE you may know I don't like to rush into things, but I do get there eventually. So no worries about that :)**

**Thank you all so much for making my twenty-*cough*cough* B'Day super special! I couldn't help but smile at all your nice words. I would always be thankful to 'Twilight' for bringing me to this place where I've found so many awesome people, just like you.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend,**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**P.S.- Don't forget to leave some love for Tongueward/Tattward! And let's be honest, reviews always encourage and make me smile :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

With shaky hands I placed the phone back on the dock.

I could feel my heart pounding erratically in my chest as I felt a chill run down my body from head to toe.

I didn't know why I had agreed to meeting Edward's friend today. Or maybe I did know why. Edward had asked me to, and I just couldn't say no to him.

I walked towards the washroom and looked at myself in the small mirror above the sink.

I looked awful.

My brown hair was way too long and frizzy, my skin was really pale and extremely dry, and my eyes…my eyes were dull and with dark rings under them. Between the life I had led before and the recurring nightmares that didn't let me get a good night's rest as of lately, I couldn't make the dark rings go away. Not that I would look any better without them, I wasn't anything special.

For a second I thought about maybe calling Edward back to tell him I wasn't feeling good so he and his friend could go out by themselves, but just the thought of lying to him made me feel guilty. I didn't want Edward to worry, and I knew if I told him I wasn't feeling well or something, he was going to come home and look after me, he was sweet like that. Besides I had promised him I was going to meet his friend Jasper at one point or another, so I just had to suck it up and keep my word. At the end of the day that's the only thing I had left, my word, I had to make good on it.

With a sigh I got rid of the clothes I was wearing and jumped into the shower so I could at least be presentable when introduced to Edward's friend.

I tried to take deep calming breaths as soon as the water started pouring down my body. I didn't know why, but since what had happened, every time I took a shower I felt even dirtier than before and as much as I tried to get rid of the dirtiness it just didn't go away. I would always end up a crying mess thinking that no matter how much I washed, I would still be tainted from the inside out.

Strange how just a few days ago the thought of a shower would just make me smile since it was a luxury for me I would relish in the water running down my body every time I had the opportunity to do it. I would smell the cheap shampoo and soap I used to wash myself with and just stay under the spray as long as I could until the water ran cold.

Now it was more like a get in, get out type of situation. I liked the feeling after, when my hair was damp and rid of the smell of days without washing, and when my skin looked its natural color and not marred with the filth of days, I did like to feel the freshness. The problem was the mechanics of it, getting clean, when I felt I just couldn't. The soap couldn't wash away the dirt within me.

I wondered if I would be able to get over it. I wanted to get over it and I hoped I would be able to do it with time. It looked like maybe it was going to be possible because today it hadn't been as bad as prior days.

Maybe it was because I was more nervous about what was going to happen after that I barely register that I had ended showering. I was shaking slightly, but my hands soon found the towel that was hanging on the railing of the shower curtain and I quickly dried myself.

I could feel the tears wanting to come out, but I pushed myself to move out of there and I jumped out of the tub looking frantically for something to change into. Just then I realized I hadn't even gotten clean clothes and I groaned at the thought of having to walk to Edward's room at that moment.

_What if he was here with his friend already?_

I opened the door as quietly as possible and tried to hear for any noise. T was outside in the hallway, in the same position she had been when I got in, so I deduced that we were still alone. With a last glance to both sides of the small hallway I walked towards Edward's room, T quickly on my heels, and closed the door.

All in all it looked like my mind had been so preoccupied with the introduction to Edward's friend, that I was able to get out of the washroom without another break down.

Ten minutes later I was ready. I placed my dirty clothes in the hamper which was overflowing with unclean clothes. I had forgotten to ask Edward if I could use his washer and dryer as well as ask him for instructions on how to use them. But I reminded myself to do it later on. I wanted to help with that since I couldn't help any other way yet.

_Yet, soon I will be able to_, I thought.

I couldn't help myself and smiled slightly just thinking about what Edward and I had talked about the day before.

When I had told him about me wanting to find a job for myself I never thought he was going to be that supportive. I mean I didn't expect him not to let me do it, at the end of the day it was my decision, but I thought maybe he would think I was not capable of finding a job, after all how long had I been without being able to get employment. He knew I didn't even finish high-school and had only worked cash-jobs here and there. But I wanted to help and I needed him to understand that.

I didn't need to worry about Edward's reaction though, because without me even thinking of that possibility, he offered me a job at his shop. And I was left speechless.

At the beginning I didn't know if I should have accepted it or not. And not because I didn't want to, but because I was worried he was just doing it to help me, and not because he really needed someone at his shop. He was doing enough for me and I was not going to let him pay me for a job he didn't even need me to do.

Edward was honest with me though. He told me he did want to help me, but at the same time he needed the help, or better said, his assistant Lesley did. And when he told me that he had been thinking about offering me a job before I left, I couldn't handle it. It hurt my heart to think how much thought he had put to my wellbeing, and what did I do? I left. And what happened after that? I didn't even want to think about it. It hurt too much to know it could have been avoided.

Shaking my head to get rid of those thoughts, I looked at myself in the mirror inside the room and sighed as I wiped away the lone tear that had found its way out.

I didn't look that great but at least I looked clean enough.

_Clean on the outside that is._

I was wearing the new pair of sweatpants Edward had bought me as well as a blue shirt that fitted me well enough. It was nice to wear clean and new underwear too and I made sure to place the open panties-packaged in the small drawer Edward had emptied for me. I got one of the sweaters Edward had lent me before and put it on top, it smelled like him and I relished in his scent. It always calmed me to feel him near. My shoes were an old and broken pair of Converse, but I didn't have another pair so they'd have to do.

I wondered what Edward's friend would think of me. I wasn't anything special and Edward was the total opposite; he was handsome and charming, strong and sweet at the same time, he was an interesting person, he knew about music and the world. I didn't know much besides hardship. I deduced his friend must be much the same as him and I worried he would think I was worthless of his time, and most of all I was worried he would tell Edward I was not worth the effort.

I knew Jasper was in Edward's band and as much as I tried to remember him from the time I had heard them play I just couldn't place his face at all. In reality I couldn't place anyone's face besides Edward's. That night I had only gone there to see him, not anyone else.

I went back to the bathroom and combed my hair, trying to get rid of knots in it. When that was done I just let my hair fall naturally and placed an elastic band around my wrist for when my hair was dry.

T had been sitting next to me when she suddenly stood up and ran outside, barking her little lungs out. I knew what was going on.

Edward had arrived.

I started feeling the nervousness invading me again and as much as I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down if just a bit, I just couldn't find it in me to walk outside and face whatever was, or whomever, was there.

A second later I heard the front door open and T kept barking over and over. I almost could see her jumping, excited that Edward was home. Some part of me was excited too, that he was here, but the other was terrified, scared and unsure.

There were some hushed voices and my stomach started hurting. I knew then that Edward wasn't alone. I had known this already, but I had tried to cling to the hope that maybe his friend had decided not to come with us or something. No such luck.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice.

I tried to speak, to tell him I was getting ready, but nothing would come out.

"Bella?" His voice took a slight worried tone and soon enough I was hearing footsteps coming towards where I was.

Taking a deep breath I made myself release the comb I had been holding onto, I carefully left it on the counter and walked into the hallway. Just as I was coming out, Edward's body collided with mine, his arms quickly taking a hold of my shoulders and steadying me so I wouldn't fall.

"Sorry," I whimpered.

"Bella," Edward sighed with relief. "You are here. When you didn't reply I though... I... It doesn't matter." he said as he looked at me.

His green eyes were shining with a light I hadn't seen before and a small smile played on his lips; and just like that I forgot what I had been worried about and smiled at him. Edward had such a power over me and I didn't understand why or how he had gotten it, and if I was being honest with myself, I didn't even care or mind.

Edward was here, I was safe.

"Sorry," I said, again. "I was just finishing getting ready."

Edward sighed. "I understand, are you ready now, or do you need more time?"

He still had both hands on my shoulders and all I could do was simply shrug.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked as he saw how my face fell slightly.

"Do...Do I look okay?" I sighed.

I knew I was not wearing proper clothes. I mean sweats and dirty converse where not a proper attire to go to eat dinner out in the city, but I didn't have anything else. I just didn't want to embarrass Edward in front of his friend.

Edward took a step back without letting go of me and smiled. "You look fine, Bella," he said as he tucked a lose strand of hair behind my ear. I shuddered at the contact and my body broke with goose bumps. I wondered why that was.

I then looked at Edward questioningly. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "More than sure you look bea..." He quickly shook his head and smiled at me. "Ready to go? I'm starving!"

"Okay," I nodded, "I'm ready."

We walked towards the living room and I had to stop myself from chuckling at what I saw. T was in the living room, twirling and twirling following a treat Edward's friend had in his hand. She had her eyes totally on the prize and you could see how she tried to jump to just get it, but Edward's friend would just raise it so she couldn't catch it.

Edward's friend was sitting on the couch, but you could see his legs stretched, like making a barrier for T so she wouldn't get away. He was a tall guy; that much I could tell. He had blondish hair and when he looked at Edward and chuckled I could see his eyes were of a honey color. His face looked relaxed and carefree; I hoped his personality was like that too.

"Stop that, Jasper. You are going to make her puke," Edward said, half annoyed half joking, he then walked towards his friend and took the treat out of his hand and then gave it to T who quickly ate it.

"Ah, fucker! You ruined my fun," Edward's friend said as he punched Edward on the arm.

Edward punched him back and kicked his leg so T could move freely. "Whatever dumbass, let's go. Bella is ready."

"Okay," Edward's friend said as he quickly stood up and looked towards where I was standing.

I quickly averted my eyes towards the floor and started fidgeting with my hands; the nervousness again taking a hold of my body as I kept trying to stay calm.

"Hey Bella, this is one of my best friends, his name is Jasper. Jasper this is my friend, Bella." Edward said.

_Edward is my friend_. I smiled.

"Hey Bella, nice to meet you," Jasper said politely.

I didn't want to look rude so with all the strength I could muster I raised my eyes to meet his.

I was expecting Jasper to walk towards me and maybe try to shake my hand, but he didn't, he was just waving from his place, a kind smile on his lips.

"Hi J..." I stuttered. "Jasper, nice to meet you."

There was a little bit of an awkward silence until Edward cleared his throat and said we should leave before the restaurant we were going to go got too crowded. Jasper shrugged and with a small pet towards T, he walked outside the apartment. Edward looked at me and waved his hand signaling me to follow him.

Just as we were about to leave, I remembered I hadn't place food for T, so I asked Edward to wait for me while I did that. Once T had her meal I made my way out and kept myself as closer to Edward as possible, and as far away from his friend as I could, without looking rude.

We quickly got a cab and I had to thank Edward for doing everything he could to make me feel comfortable, such as riding in the middle sit. Jasper kept making fun of him and even though I was still a little uncomfortable I was able to relax some listening at their easy banter.

We went to a Thai Restaurant called '_Mango Thai_', the place looked really casual and no one in there was really dressed up, so that made me feel less uncomfortable with my attire.

The place was quite busy by the time we arrived, but we didn't wait for more than ten minutes to be seated in a booth. Edward let me sit first and then slid in the sit next to me while Jasper sat in front of us.

We ordered drinks and were looking through the menu when Jasper addressed me directly for the first time since we had arrived to the restaurant.

"So Bella, Edward tells me you are from Washington, is that...Auch! Fucker!" Jasper glared at Edward.

I looked between the both of them and notice the glares they were giving each other. I knew it had to do with Jasper's question towards me and I wondered how much Edward had told him about my story. Just like if he was reading my thoughts Edward shook his head at his friend and leaned towards me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I swear I didn't tell him much about you," he whispered, a hint of panic in his voice. "I'm sorry I should have asked..." But I looked at him and smiled, halting his rant.

"Don't worry, Edward, I understand." And I did. I mean I knew Jasper was one of his best friends, so it was to be expected that he would say something to him about the girl he had living at his place.

Edward sighed in relief and smiled at me. "I'll tell you later, but don't worry, he is a nice guy."

I placed my hand atop his and gave it a little squeeze. I then looked towards Jasper and nodded. "Yes, I'm from Washington, a little town called Forks."

Jasper looked a little bit confused with the exchange between Edward and me, but he quickly recovered and smiled.

"Forks?" Jasper chuckled. "I wonder if there is a town call spoons or knives."

I shrugged. I didn't know about that.

Edward shook his head. "You are stupid. I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know Jasper had the intellect of a five-year-old, and I'm almost sure kids that age are smarter than him."

I giggled at their banter, and just like that the tension was over. The waitress brought our drinks and Edward asked for a little bit of more time to make our order. We got immersed in a comfortable conversation. Jasper started telling me how he had lived in New York all his life. He had one sister named Lauren, who was married to Tyler, another guy from their band. He told me too about how he had studied psychology, but he didn't linger on that topic. I knew he was trying not to make me feel uncomfortable and I was grateful for that.

"So Bella, has Edward invited you to our last gig?"

"Last gig?" I asked. "What last gig?"

"No," Edward said after taking a sip of his beer. "I haven't told her yet. But I was indeed planning on telling you Bella. We have a gig three Saturdays from today, is our last one so I would like if you would come."

"Really?" I asked totally caught off guard.

"Yeah, it would be cool, Bella. You can hear our music." Jasper said.

"I've heard your music before, that one time I went to..." I blurted out way before my brain caught up with my mouth and when I trailed off I could feel the intense gaze of Edward's eyes on me.

"What did you just say?" Edward asked slowly.

"Oh so it was you?" Jasper asked, a hint of surprise in his voice. "And I was already thinking that Edward was going nuts when he told me he had seen you there."

"So it was really you?" Edward asked me, incredulity filled his voice.

I raised my eyes and looked at him. I could feel the tears threatening to come out, the words caught in my throat, so all I could do was nod.

Somewhere in the background I heard Jasper excuse himself and say he needed to make a call or something, I was not really paying attention to him at that moment.

"Bella," Edward sighed. "Why didn't you wait for me? I was looking for you. I asked everyone around... I thought I had gone crazy."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "I just didn't want to bother you."

He shook his head and oh-so-slowly placed both his hands on my cheeks, cleaning my tears away with his thumbs. "When are you going to understand that you will never be a bother to me? Never," he promised.

A choked sobbed escaped my lips as Edward pulled me towards him. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I just wanted to see you. I missed you," I confessed.

"I missed you too, Bella, so much," he whispered in my ear.

"I liked... the song you sang last... the most," I hiccupped after a while.

"I wrote that for you," he simply stated, and of course I clung to him even harder, realizing that he had cared enough to do a song for me.

"Thank you, Edward. It was beautiful," I whispered.

"Just like you," he said.

I shook my head and was about to tell him that he was mistaken when the waitress came to ask if we were ready to order. I buried my face in Edward's chest as he told her to give us a few more minutes. His tone giving away the annoyance he felt at the waitress for interrupting us.

After a while we finally broke the hug, but we kept as close as we could as I placed my head on his shoulder and he rested his hand atop mine and over his leg.

Jasper came back a bit after that and soon we started discussing about what food to get. I had never eaten Thai food so Edward and Jasper started telling me which dishes were their favorites. I ordered a Mango-Shrimp with steamed rice and Edward promised to let me try his Lime Chicken Stir-Fry, which he said was really freaking awesome. Jasper order something with beef but I didn't really got the name.

Even though I had been really nervous about meeting Jasper, as the night progressed I realized I shouldn't have worried. Jasper may be a shrink, but as a person he was kind and easy going. We kept talking through the meal, Edward and Jasper more than me, that was for sure, but I did try to at least be part of the conversation from time to time. Edward told him about me working for him, and Jasper teased saying I should be worried about the asshole boss I would have to deal with, Edward told him back and I was slightly amused of how they pushed each other's buttons.

They talked about their band and when Jasper inquired again if I was going to attend their last 'gig' I of course said I would. Edward beamed at me and said that he was going to take me to one of their practices if I wanted to, I quickly nodded and, if possible, his smile widened.

"So what are your plans for Thanksgiving?" Jasper asked Edward.

Edward shrugged. "Don't know."

"Why don't you and Bella come home with me and my family? You know my mom always cooks more food that we can eat, and she would love to have you there. She has been asking me to bring you."

Instead of replying him, Edward turned towards me. "Would you like to go, Bella? Spend Thanksgiving with Jasper and his family?"

I looked at him and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Come on, Bella, it's going to be fun," Jasper encouraged.

"His mom cooks awesome food. I know you'd like it," Edward added and I knew he did want to go.

"Okay," I said, and a new conversation about Thanksgiving food started.

Soon it was time to pay the bill. Edward paid for all of us, telling Jasper that next time it was going to be his turn. We took a taxi back home, but when we arrived to Edward's building Jasper didn't get out of the cab saying he was going to call it a night.

We said our good-byes to him and went inside the building.

"So what did you think of Jasper?" Edward asked as we settle into the couch.

"He seems like a nice guy," I said.

"As nice as me?" Edward raised a brow and for the first time I realized the piercing on his eyebrow twitched when he did that.

"No, no one is a nice as you, Edward," I said softly.

"Well I think you are really cool yourself, Miss Swan."

I smiled and I knew I was blushing at that moment. I let my gaze fall to my lap and Edward chuckled.

As I raised my head to look at him again my eyes got fixed on both his wrist. Edward's sleeves were both pulled up to his elbows and for the first time I was able to get a closer look at the tattoos that he had there.

I mean I knew he had tattoos, I'd seen them many times, but I had never seen them up close. On his left side I could see some small birds flying and on his right side was a tree. As I looked even closer I realized there was something written in both his wrists, under each of the tattoos I had been looking at, but I couldn't really make out what the words said.

"What's that?" I asked without even thinking about it.

"What?" Edward sounded confused.

"What you have written on your wrists, under the tree and the birds."

Edward suddenly stiffened and pulled both his sleeves down.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean to pry."

"Don't apologize, Bella. It's okay it's just..." Edward sighed and just a few seconds later I could see how he pulled his sleeves up again. "My parents' names," Edward said.

"Huh?" I was confused.

"They are my parents' names, one on each wrist."

I took both his hands atop each of mine and looked at the names written in a beautiful and elegant script.

_Elizabeth _

_Edward Sr._

"You and your dad have the same name?" I asked as I looked towards Edward.

He nodded slightly and my heart broke at the sadness in his eyes.

"Where are they?" I asked. "Do they still live in Chicago?"

Edward shook his head, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"What's wrong Edward?" I suddenly asked, placing both my hands atop his wrists, like caressing the names of his parents.

"My parents are no longer in this world Bella. They're both dead."

"Oh Edward! I'm so sorry," I gasped. I then rose on my knees and embraced him, trying to give him if just a little bit of comfort.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head on my chest. He didn't make any sound, but I could feel he was crying silently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him and remembered how he had asked me that same question a few nights ago.

Edward raised his head and looked at me, his eyes red and blotchy, but still so beautiful.

He nodded his head.

And I knew it was time for him to tell me his story.

**A/N.- Oh...oh! What is Edward going to say?**

**I really hope you all liked the chapter, and most of all the meeting with Jasper. **

**So if you liked leave some love, if you didn't constructive criticism is always welcome :)**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn, who after all this time is still by my side :) I love ya babes!**

**My Pre-Reader FFBFF and the person to blame for my new-fixation with Mumford & Sons, Mony (Blueking141). She is just a big inspiration to me and she just wrote a O/S about a Soldierward called 'Midnight Soundtrack'. Go and check it out it's freaking-awesome! I was crying, smiling and melting at the same time. It's just ugh... super good! I love ya Wanda!**

**All of you that read, review and rec. my story! You are the best readers for real! :)**

**Don't forget I wonder around twitter (_AlexaUrce_) so come and say 'Hi'.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend :)**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- If you wonder what 'kind' of piercings Tattward/Tongueward has on his face go and check the pictures at my photobucket, the type of steel I see him having are there. And don't forget there is a thread in Twilighted for this story so go and check that out too. (Both links at my profile)**

**Peace Out!**


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

I felt like a pussy.

A freaking pussy.

There I was, crying in front of a girl who had been through hell and back and I couldn't make myself stop from crumbling.

Story of my life.

_I suck._

At least I wasn't right out sobbing, but the tears, freaking traitors, wouldn't stop.

Every time someone mentioned my parents, I would just lose control of my actions. After years of trying to control myself I mostly had been able to just get pissed and halt the conversation before it got out of hand. On other occasions, I would just run away and hide from everyone. I didn't like people seeing me fall apart.

But not this time, not with Bella.

In reality she hadn't asked me about my parents; she had asked about the tattoos on both my wrists, but that was enough for my walls to crack.

I wore long-sleeve shirts for the most part, not liking people asking me about my ink, it was mine and I didn't like being questioned about it. I knew it may sound stupid on my part, why would I put tattoos on my skin if I didn't like people talking about them? Well the reality was I did them because of me and not because of anyone else. I did it to not forget what I had lived and no one else needed to see that shit but me.

Sometimes, when I would actually wear a short sleeve t-shirt, I would wear thick leather bracelets to cover the names that were written on my wrists. Those were the most personal tatts I had, the ones that tried to disguise the dumbest thing I had done in my life.

The roots that sprang free from my right wrist, above my father's name, and the free birds on my left wrist, above my mother's, were visible sometimes, but whenever someone asked I'd just say it was a reminder of my own upbringing. That was the only explanation I would give and with time the people around me had learned not to ask for more.

I had some tattoos that I didn't mind people asking me about, but I knew if I let them ask and most of all if I answered, they would start questioning me about my other ink and they would feel entitled to an answer and I didn't dig that shit. So yeah the less they saw, the less they asked, and that was fine with me.

The steel I didn't mind to talk about, the piercings on my face were for everyone to see, but being honest not many people really asked me about it, and if they did it was mostly if it had hurt. It did. Like everything inside me. Maybe even less. Physical pain was nothing in comparison with what my heart harbored.

"I don't know where to start," I confessed to Bella, who had patiently waited for me to talk again.

But I was just so confused; I didn't know what to say or how to begin telling her about my parents. I had never told the story to anyone. The people around me back in Chicago knew it so it was not necessary to tell them. The couple of therapists I had seen just heard bit and pieces of the story and they just focused one on thing; helping me get over my parents' deaths. It had been almost fourteen years and I still couldn't get over it. I had told Jasper and Emmett a part of my past, but not everything and the other friends I had made here in New York just knew that my parents were deceased and that I was from Chicago; that was all they needed to know.

But I couldn't be like that with Bella. Not with her. She had opened up to me, told me everything in her life, I couldn't lie to her or close myself to her. In reality I didn't want to. I wanted to tell her, only her, about the demons that had been crawling inside me for a long time now. I wanted to share my past with her, just as I was sharing my present.

I may have not be able to tell her everything, but I would try to at least tell her a part of my own story.

To show her some bits and pieces of my own broken soul.

Bella tried to disentangle herself from my grip, but I wouldn't let go, I needed her close to be able and do this. She looked at me and I'm sure after seeing the panic in my eyes she decided to just let me hold her close. She moved a bit so she was sitting right next to me and I thanked her with a kiss on her forehead as I wrapped both my arms around her.

"Tell me whatever comes to mind," Bella finally said. "You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to, just what you feel comfortable sharing with me."

"I do want to tell you, Bella, everything..." I said. "I just don't know if I can right now."

"It doesn't matter if you don't tell me everything, Edward," Bella reassured. "Whatever you want to share with me. I'm here to listen."

I took a deep breath. "Well I guess..." I gulped. "You already know my parents' names; Elizabeth Anne and Edward Cullen. My father was a well-respected lawyer and my mother was a music teacher back in Chicago."

I looked at Bella, she seemed thoughtful. "So that is where you got your love of music from? From your mom?"

I nodded my head. "Yes. She played many instruments, but her favourite was always the piano. She tried to teach me and I did learn, but I never enjoyed it as much as playing the guitar. She was fine with that because we would both play our own instruments and make our own music. It was silly sometimes, but it was our thing you know? My dad on the other hand was a hard worker, but whenever he had time he would spend it with me. He would always encourage me and tell me I would be able and achieve whatever I wanted, if I just put my mind into it. He said he was proud of me..." My voice cracked.

Bella placed her head on my shoulder and I placed my head atop hers, breathing in her sweet scent. I had never realized before how good she smelled. Like trees and warmth.

"They met through mutual friends, fell in love, got married." I sighed. "I was born two years later."

"Only child?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I said. "I knew they wanted more children. My mom always told me she wanted me to have more siblings, but I don't know why they just couldn't." I shrugged and tightened my grip on Bella.

I then closed my eyes and went back to that night when my life had changed entirely.

"When I was fourteen years old I went to spend the night with my best friend, Peter. We mostly hung out at my home, but that night Peter had convinced me into going to his place and play the new game his parent's had bought him for his birthday," I told her. "It was a Saturday night and my parents decided to enjoy their night alone and went to an Orchestra performance in downtown Chicago. They...never...they..." I bit my tongue ring and tried to get a control of my emotions.

It was just so hard.

I took a deep breath, and just let it out. "They...never came back home."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Bella said slowly and I could feel her arms wrapping around my own body.

"I never saw them again. They were just...gone," I mumbled.

"Accident?" Bella asked shyly.

I shook my head. "They killed them."

Bella gasped and that was enough to make the tears fall free again. It just hurt so much, no matter how many years passed, no matter that I was now a grown man, it freaking hurt to the core. They had been the best parents I could have ever asked for, they both loved me and I loved them more than anything and just like that they were taken away from me.

The two most important people in my life were stolen from me.

"I wonder sometimes if I hadn't gone and spent the night with Peter, if maybe they would still be..." A small sob escaped me. "...alive."

"Edward," Bella said in a comforting voice. "Don't think like that. It wasn't your fault." Her hold on me tightened and I did the same, I needed the comfort.

After a while I spoke again. "I know, there wasn't anything I could have done, it's just...ugh!" I groaned in frustration. "You know why they got killed?" I asked angrily. Not at Bella but at the situation.

Bella shook her head.

"Because two fuckers wanted to get money the easy way," I said in an angry hiss.

"They tried to rob them?" Bella asked dumbfounded.

"Yeah. It looked like they were already getting inside their car to go back home when it happened." I roughly passed my hand over my nose to clean the snot that was already coming out. "They stole whatever valuable things they had with them and just..." I gulped, "killed them."

"Did they catch them?" Bella asked after a few seconds of silence.

"They are in jail," I said. "At least I think they still are. But you know what? I don't even know if I care anymore. It doesn't matter how much time those two motherfuckers spend in jail, my parents..." I bit my tongue ring again to stop myself from sobbing. "They will never come back. They are gone forever."

Bella didn't say anything, she just buried her face in my shoulder and I shivered at the feel of her breath on my neck. We stayed like that for a while, me trying to pull myself together as Bella stayed there with me.

"Do you want to hear the rest?" I asked Bella after I felt able to speak again.

"If you want to," Bella mumbled. "I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me."

" I want to," I said, because I really did want to tell Bella. I wanted her to know.

"Okay." She raised her head and as our eyes connected I could feel the understanding in her eyes.

We both had lost people, the two most important people in our lives, in very different ways, but we had been forced to live without them for so long now.

"My mom had two siblings, my aunt Jane and my uncle Alec. They weren't that close to us, but they had been the first ones contacted after what happened because my other uncle, my dad's brother, wasn't in town and it took a while to get a hold of him." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Anyways, when Peter's mom dropped me off at home, my aunt Jane was already there and when she told me what had happened I just went...numb I guess." I shrugged. "She told me I had to go with her, because I was a minor and couldn't stay by myself. So I did. Jane wasn't used to being around kids, never mind with a teenage kid that had just lost his parents. My uncle Alec had said since the beginning he didn't want the responsibility, so my aunt was stuck with me for those first days. It was terrible," I said, remembering those days far too well. "She didn't want me there and she didn't try to hide it. She left me alone for the most part, but you could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at me..."

"What a bitch," Bella hissed. Her eyes went wide and she looked at me with worried eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean...it's just, you had just lost your parents and..." She trailed off.

I shook my head, wanting to stop her for worrying. "You are right, she was a bitch. Still is I guess." I shrugged. "I haven't seen her in a long time. And being honest I don't care for seeing her again."

Bella nodded in understanding.

"They day of the burial, my father's brother asked me if I was comfortable with my aunt Jane." I sighed. "I told him that I didn't care, because at that time I really didn't even give a shit where the fuck I was. I was not in my home anymore, my parents were gone. I didn't give a damn about anything else. But when Jane came and told me it was time to go, I wouldn't move. How could I leave my parents alone in that place?" The tears started coming again. _Fuck!_ I roughly wiped at them with one of my hands. "Jane started losing her shit and yelling at me to just stop being a brat. She never realized we weren't alone, my uncle Carlisle had stayed behind and when he saw what was going on he decided I was going to stay with him. Jane was more than happy to agree, to get rid of me, and that day I left with my uncle. He would have got me anyways because when my parent's will was read they had asked for my uncle Carlisle to be my guardian if something ever happened to them."

"Your uncle Carlisle was your dad's brother?" Bella asked as if to be sure.

"Yeah. I didn't see much of him while growing up. He was... I mean he is," I corrected, "A surgeon, he was always busy. He and my dad were close though, but they just saw each other when the other one had time and it was mostly for lunch and stuff. I was a kid. I was at school whenever they would get together. My dad talked a lot about him and all the things they did when they were kids. But as I said I barely saw him during my childhood years. He never forgot about my birthday though. He would always call me on that day and congratulate me. On Christmas there was always a gift from him under the tree. He was cool, we just didn't get to spend much time together you know?"

Bella nodded. "What about holidays? Didn't he spend it with your family?"

"His wife, Esme, always made him take trips when he had free time. She always complained about how little time they spent together, so of course whenever he had some vacations she would try to get him for herself and their daughter, Alice. I mean I understood so whatever, it's not like I really cared. When you are a teen spending time with your friends is much more exciting than spending time with family."

Bella shrugged and I felt like shit because I just then realized that while my early teenage years had been fairly normal, hers had been full of hardship and suffering.

"Was your uncle Carlisle good to you?" Bella asked, taking me away from my internal scolding.

"Yes, he was really good to me," I said sincerely. "He even took a month off to just be with me, I guess. Help me get used to the new life I had to live."

"What about his wife and your cousin? Alice was her name?"

"Yes, Alice." I loosen my hold on Bella and she quickly removed her hands from around me, but I didn't let her go completely and took a hold of one of her hands. "They didn't say anything about me being there, at least at the beginning. If I remember correctly, Alice was twelve at that time so we didn't have anything in common, not that I would have spent time with her anyways. As I told you, after my parents died I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't care for anything or anyone. I took to drawing during that time. It was the only thing I did that would bring me some peace of mind, if any. My uncle Carlisle took me to see a shrink and I just wouldn't talk. I would take a drawing pad out and just start drawing whatever I felt like, but I wouldn't speak."

I looked at Bella and saw her eyes going wary. I didn't want her to feel like I was a hypocrite when I told her she needed professional help, and here I was telling her I had not cared to look for help myself. But I was just a lost kid and couldn't really understand what was going on around me, the only thing I did understand was that I would never see my parents ever again.

"That's when the problems started," I continued. "Alice started resenting me; the time her dad would normally spend with her was now spent with me, trying to make me come back to life so to speak. My aunt Esme would want to plan a party, a trip, or something and my uncle would tell her they couldn't do that while I was in the state I was. They would fight and of course my cousin would go and tell me it was all my fault. I acted like I didn't really care for what she had to say and just ignored her for the most part. But it hurt, Bella," I confessed. "It did."

It hurt to know that I was causing problems in my uncle's family, a family that had been perfect before I had set foot in their home. It hurt to know that besides my uncle Carlisle, no one liked me, no one wanted to understand me. I was lost. I was alone.

Bella squeezed my hand. "What about your aunt Esme? Did she at least try to make an effort?"

"Sometimes it looked like she was making an effort, but other times she would treat me like a puppet. She would try to make me attend placed I didn't want to go and wear clothes I didn't like to wear. She is so freaking stuck up."

"Stuck up? How?" Bella asked curiously.

"Esme's family comes from old money. She was raised to be a social butterfly so to speak. She loves the attention and people looking at her as if she is the perfect mother and wife. When I came into her house, I messed everything up. She got mad at me because I wouldn't do what she told me to." I sighed and passed a hand through my hair.

"And then one day, I got tired of everything that was going on in my uncle's home. I changed," I said. "Instead of being the introverted boy I had been since my parents' deaths, I turned into the opposite. I started going out every night, hanging out with people way older than me. My uncle, Carlisle, had given me his old car and I started driving, so I was never home. Some of the guys I hung out with were okay, but there were others that were just not good news, and unfortunately I started spending too much time with many of them. By the time I was sixteen I was already smoking weed a couple of times a week and drinking more often than not."

Bella had been really quiet listening to me.

"During that time I meet a guy named Marcus. He was a tattoo artist and smoked pot, was high all the time, but he was cool and never did anything heavier than that. He told me not to do anything else, that it would just fuck up my life forever, and even though I could have cared less at that time, if my life went to waste or not, I listened. So whenever they tried to offer me heavier things I would just decline. But I did drink a lot. Sometimes I wouldn't even remember how I drove myself back home. I knew it was completely stupid on my part, but I was just...I don't even know, lost I guess." I shrugged.

I felt Bella shiver and I knew hearing about me getting wasted wasn't something she liked to hear. After all she had been removed from her father's care because of his own drinking habits.

"Anyways," I continued. "Marcus asked me if I wanted to learn how to do tatts and when I said yes, he would lend me his machine and I would use a synthetic skin to practice. That's how I learned the basics of it," I said. "After a while I had purchased my own tattoo machine and started doing tatts on my friends. They weren't that good as I was just starting, but they wouldn't complain since I did it for free. Marcus did my first tattoo a couple of months after I started."

"Did it hurt?" Bella asked.

"Like a bitch," I replied. "But it was worth it."

"What is it?" Bella asked. "Can...can I... see it?" She whispered so softly, I wasn't sure if she meant for me to actually hear it.

I just nodded and turned my back towards her. I griped the back of my t-shirt and pulled it up so my back was uncovered.

"Wow," Bella said. "They are beautiful." I then felt soft fingertips cover a part of my back and I couldn't help but close my eyes and sigh. Her touch was so soft. "Wings." Bella sighed.

I nodded. "My mom always said I was her angel. So I just thought it was a good idea to get them there, if only for her. It's stupid, I don't know." I let my shirt fall and Bella quickly removed her hand from my back.

"It's not stupid, Edward," Bella said as I turned to look at her again. "You are an angel. You saved me."

"I'm not...I didn't," I tried to say but her small hand on my cheek stopped me from continuing.

"You are saving me right now, letting me be here with you and helping me get through everything that has happened. You are my angel, Edward." She said it with so much sincerity that I couldn't help but place my hand on top of hers and close my eyes as some tears sprung free for both of our eyes.

It was silent for the longest of times, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence at all, it was serene, peaceful and so intimate, in the most innocent of ways.

I finally let go of Bella's hand and we sat back again. She asked me what had happened next and I finished telling her about my past.

"One day my cousin Alice found my tattoo machine, next to a bag of pot," I rolled my eyes at the memory, always sticking her nose in my business. "She told my aunt Esme and of course she almost shit herself. She went nuts and made me throw everything away. My tattoo machine included."

"Why?" Bella asked. "I mean I can understand they made you get rid of the pot, but the machine?"

I shrugged. "My aunt said she didn't want things like that at her home. She grounded me and since my uncle Carlisle was at some type of convention, I had to do what she said because she had taken away my car and house keys. My aunt told me that my..." I swallowed. Hard.

"What did she told you?" Bella asked after a few seconds had passed without me continuing.

"She told me..." I took a deep breath. "She told me that my parents would be so ashamed of me." I clenched both my hands into fists.

I heard Bella gasp and shake hear head, but before she could say anything I kept talking.

"I got so pissed, I stole some alcohol from my uncle's study and started to drink and I then..." I stuttered. "I did something I'm not proud off." I lowered my gaze, ashamed. "I...I..."

"It's okay," Bella said, and when I looked at her there was a soft smile on her lips. _Understanding._ "You don't have to tell me now. Maybe later, okay?"

I nodded and pulled her towards me again. I really didn't think I could tell her that part of my story just yet. But I would one day.

After a while I placed both my hands on her face and gave her a watery smile. "Thanks."

"For what?" she asked.

"For being so understanding."

"Thanks," she said then.

"For what?" I asked this time.

"For confiding in me. For trusting me enough to tell me all of this."

"No Bella, thank you for listening. It's hard, but I want you to know me, the real me." I said honestly.

Bella wiped the tears I didn't know were coming out. I couldn't stop crying and by that time I didn't really care.

I let go of her face and we just sat side by side like before, her head on my shoulder and mine atop her head.

"After what I did," I sighed. "I went to therapy again. This time I did put a little bit more of an effort into it. I started playing my guitar again. Composing even. My aunt didn't say anything about that so I kept doing it. I stopped hanging out with the friends I used to and found another group of friends closer to my age. They said I was good with the guitar and a few months later I would even play in some local places. My aunt Esme was pissed that I would play for everyone to hear. I guess she was worried one of her friends would see me or something, but my Uncle Carlisle encouraged me. He would go with me sometimes and I don't know, I started believing that maybe I could do something more with my talent. So when I finished high school I packed my bags and came to New York. I wanted to be a musician, a recording artist."

"Really?" Bella asked. "Did you?"

I shook my head. "Nah, it didn't work out. I had to look for a side job because singing in the subway wasn't helping with paying rent and putting food in my mouth."

"And what did your uncle say about you leaving?"

"He was upset that I left like that, but I knew a part of him understood why I did it. I've never been back there."

"Never?"

I shook my head.

"And how did you support yourself during that time?" Bella asked.

"I had my inheritance. But I didn't get the full thing until I turned twenty-one. I did get some money every month, which was a good amount, but living here in New York is expensive and I wasn't one to spend carefully. By the time it was time to pay the bills, I would be mostly out of it. I needed to find a job to help and that's how I ended up working at the tattoo shop. I was just an apprentice and the pay wasn't that good but it worked. I meet Emmett in there, we've been friends ever since."

Bella nodded letting me know she was still listening.

"At the end of the day I realized I wasn't going to make it big in music so I started taking tattoos more seriously. I met Mike during that time and we decided to form the band, if just to follow our love for music. Just before I turned twenty-one my boss told us he was going to close the shop, he had been having some financial problems and needed to sell it. I knew at that time that I just had to have it, and after talking to him and asking him just to wait for a couple of months, till I had the money my parents had left me, we made a deal. I bought the shop."

"How long has it been since you bought it?" Bella asked.

"Seven years," I said.

"You are proud of it aren't you?" It sounded more like a statement.

"I am." I smiled, the first real smile in a while now. "It hasn't been easy and I swear that first year we almost went broke. But I couldn't do that with my parents' money. I couldn't fail them. So I worked hard, I still do and it has paid off so far."

"I bet your parents, wherever they are, are very proud of you, Edward," Bella said so softly I wasn't sure if she intended for me to hear. "You are a good man."

"Thanks," I felt my throat constricting, "I hope they are," I confessed.

Bella turned her head and placed a kiss on my chin, I could see her eyes growing wide at the realization of what she had done.

"I'm so..."

But before she continued I placed a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you Bella."

She smiled and I could see a little bit of blush on her cheeks. Then a yawn escaped her mouth and I knew it was time for her to go to bed.

"I think it's time for you to go to sleep sweetie,"

She looked at me and nodded. "Are you coming too?"

"Do you want me to?" I asked. We had been sleeping in the same bed the last couple of days, but I didn't want to assume.

"Yes please," she said shyly. "I feel better when you are there with me."

"Okay then." I could never say no to her.

That night I dreamt of my mom and dad. They were looking towards me, a smile on both their faces. I smiled back and raised my hand towards them. But they were too far away for me to reach them. I then felt two arms wrapped around me and my mom's smile grew wider, when I looked down I couldn't help but smile myself.

It was Bella.

**A/N.- *Sniff* I'm a sap and do tend to cry while writing emotional chapters, and reading them and... yeah I'm a crier!**

**So there you have it my ladies and gentlemen (are they any guys around reading this? I hope so!). Edward has a story too and I can't wait to know what you all think about it.**

**Where you expecting it? Was it what you thought it would be? Or not? Let me know!**

**Thanks to...**

**My lovely and beautiful beta, Lynn (LittleMissInoccence), I couldn't do this without you babes! **

**My super-duper-love-ya-to-pieces Pre-Reader and FFBFF Wanda... I mean Mony (Blueking141) Hahahaha... You know a thank you isn't enough bb, I love ya! If you haven't read her story 'Whenever You Call', you really should. It's awesome and Brokenward it's just so helpless sometimes, you want to hug and protect him. Sigh... so yeah totally rec. that story and anything she writes. She is just that talented :)**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. I can't thank you enough for all your support and love, it does mean a lot to me!**

**If any of you want to check out my idea of Tattward's-ink for this particular chapter, head to my photobucket, the visuals are there :)**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend,**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Come to twitter and say hi :) Find me under the penname: _AlexaUrce_**

**And please leave some love, Tattward/Tongueward really needs it, and let's be honest I do enjoy reading your reviews!**

**Peace Out!**


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"I'm freaking tired," Edward groaned. "I don't understand how people like to suffer through that kind of shit, most of all women."

I shrugged. "I don't know ether, but I don't think it's just women, there were lots of men too."

"Well yeah," Edward said, he then started chuckling. "But you saw the crazies fighting for that god-awful hat? Fuck if they weren't wild!"

"Yeah, that was something else." I had to agree with him at remembering the two women making a scene in one of the stores. There was only one hat left and they both wanted it. Poor sales lady didn't know what to do and she had to call security. It was embarrassing and I wanted to leave right away, but Edward just moved us to the side and we watched the entire scene playing in front of us. I had to be honest, it had been funny.

We had just arrived from the mall and Edward and I were beat from walking all day long. Edward more than me though, I was kind of used to the walking part, at least I had been, having to spend all day wondering from place to place and sometimes walking miles just to get to a shelter or a place that I knew gave free food. So the walk today hadn't been that hard for me, besides I couldn't really complain, I enjoyed being out with Edward, it was like all the bad things that happened to me took a back seat. No, I didn't forget about them, they were there and they would probably always be, it's just being with Edward made me feel secure and hopeful that things would get better. He had that effect on me.

When I was alone it was a different story, but I really didn't want to think about that. Not today.

Edward was on the recliner with his feet atop the coffee table, he looked tired, but overall he looked so relaxed. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed and a lazy grin was on his face. He had never looked so at peace before to me.

I wondered if a bit of his demeanour had to do with the talk that we had had the previous night. I knew it had been hard, I could see it in his eyes, bloodshot and utterly sad, while he spoke about his parents and all that had happened to him after they died. But at the same time I knew that talking about it must have helped him. When I told him about me, I had broken down too, but the feeling I had after letting all that out, was one of relief.

Remembering the hardships on life was not easy and sometimes it took time to realize that it was not our present anymore, that is was in the past. Some of the scars we carried were just too deep, and would always be there, no matter what we did or how much time it passed, but the feeling when we finally shared that burden with someone was worth it, at least I had felt that way and I hoped I was able to make him feel the same. I wanted him to know that I was there for him. I would always be.

I just couldn't believe all the things that had happened to Edward. He was just so full of life and had the biggest heart I had ever known, who would have thought all he had gone through. I couldn't even begin to understand why his family had been so hard on him. It looked like with the exception of his uncle, Carlisle, everyone else hadn't taken the time to help him through the hard times after losing his parents. I had lost mine too, in a really different way, but I had lost them nonetheless. I knew my parents may have been alive somewhere around the States, but I doubted I would ever see them again in my life. I had lost them forever too. And the saddest part was, mine had walked away on me, at least Edward knew his parents loved him dearly.

I shook my head and tried to get rid of the upsetting thoughts. No need to make this day go downhill, if not for me, for Edward.

I looked towards the bags that were thrown all over the living room and sighed. We had purchased a lot of things, or better said Edward did.

Since I was supposed to start working at the shop the following week, Edward said it was a good idea to go and buy some proper clothes for me. I of course wasn't comfortable with him spending more of his money on me, but I assure him, and mostly myself, that I would pay everything back as soon as I started working. I knew Edward didn't care if I paid back or not, he was selfless like that, but I did and I would pay back.

At least the bags weren't all full of my stuff. Edward had too taken the opportunity to get things for him. He had bought a couple of jeans, long-sleeve-shirts like the ones he liked to wear, a pair of boots, and the hottest leather jacket I had ever seen. He looked really good in it and when he asked me if he should get it I all but nodded like a fool. I knew I wasn't the only one, I was not blind and I could see girls glancing at him, some with wonder, some with want, but he never paid attention to anyone, anyone but me, and I had to smile at that. I didn't know why but it warmed my heart just to know he found me worth of his time. Worthy of being his friend.

I too had gotten some pairs of jeans, shirts, two pair of shoes and a pair of boots, a really nice winter jacket and some other stuff I needed. Edward had been surprised for how much I had gotten with less than half of the money he spent. I told him my secret was to look for the 'clearance' sign at the back of the stores and he just shook his head at me telling me not to worry about the price of the things, but it was just the way I was. I had always been good with stretching money at its fullest since I was a kid and my dad could barely make ends meet. Then when I lived with Jacob he would give me money every two weeks and I'll have to make it work and have the groceries he needed to cook and the bills paid. And every time we went clothes shopping we had to work with the little money we had left and we did it every time. It was just a matter of being patient and look through the racks until you found a good sale. Sometimes it was harder than others, but you just had to learn to live with what you had.

"I can't even imagine how it is going to be in a couple of weeks when Christmas shopping officially starts," Edward said suddenly. I had thought he had fallen asleep of how comfortable he looked, and because he had been quiet for a while now. "All the stores will be really crowded."

"I guess," I said. "Do you go Christmas shopping?"

Edward shook his head. "Heidi used to buy everything we needed to give away to our friends and her family and I would just give her money so she could get whatever she wanted. I'm not one for going and buy gifts."

"Oh." I lowered my eyes. I didn't know why but I felt a tug in my stomach every time he mentioned his ex. I didn't know her, but I didn't like her. I just couldn't begin to understand how someone would have been able to leave Edward. Including his ex and the rest of his family, with the exception of his uncle. If he had been mine I would have never let him go.

_But he is not yours Bella! He'll never be._

As if T could feel my uneasiness she chose that moment to jump on my lap after eating her dinner. We had eaten out so she had to eat by herself. T wiggled her tail from side to side and I couldn't help but chuckle at her. She was just too cute and melted my heart every time.

"Bella don't let T just jump all over you like that. She is getting too spoiled," Edward groaned.

I rolled my eyes, like he didn't do the same with her. Just because he was a little bit stricter with her didn't meant that T didn't have him wrapped around her little paws. I had seen him many times cooing at her when the thought I wasn't around. T was his girl, no doubt about it.

"I don't mind," I said simply as I petted T and nuzzled her on my chest.

Edward shook his head and with a sigh turned the TV on, I could see him trying to fight a smirk on his face, but he didn't do a very good job at that. I smiled softly as I laid back on the couch and watched the movie Edward had chosen.

We had been silent for a while when Edward spoke again.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I yawned.

"With everything I forgot to... to tell you...mmm," He stuttered.

"What?" I sat down completely after hearing the wavering in his voice. I was getting a little worried at his nervousness.

"My Uncle Carlisle and his family are coming tomorrow."

I knew my eyes were ready to jump out of their sockets. "Wha...what?"

"My uncle has some type of conferences here so he is coming, the family is tagging along."

I swallowed. "Are they staying here?" I asked softly.

Edward shook his head. "No, they are staying in a hotel."

"Oh, okay," I said stupidly as I let out the breath I'd been holding. "I thought maybe they were staying here and..."

Edward stopped me before I could continue. "No Bella, don't worry about that. I just wanted to...ugh," He groaned. "I'm worried about how things will go down. If it was only my uncle I wouldn't care. Heck! I'm even excited to see him. I truly care for him. But I don't know about my aunt Esme and Alice..." He trailed off.

"When was the last time you saw them?" I asked. I knew then that Edward was feeling uneasy and just wanted to talk to someone. I would always listen to him. Always.

"A while," Edward sighed. "My Uncle Carlisle a little over a year. I saw him last in San Diego. I was at a Tattoo and Piercing convention and he went there just to spend some time with me."

"That was nice of him."

Edward nodded. "Yeah, he is cool." I could see him smile slightly.

"What about his family? Your aunt and cousin?"

He looked thoughtful. "I saw my aunt Esme three years ago, she came to the city with my uncle Carlisle just to see me. Alice," He passed a hand through his locks. "A lot more than that, around five years, it was really awkward."

"That's a long time," I said.

"I know. And the thing is the three of them are going to be here at the same time. I just don't want any drama."

"Don't worry," I said, trying to sound reassuring. "Everything will be fine."

"I hope you are right," Edward said. "If not for my sake's for my uncle's. Sometimes I feel like shit for putting him through all of that. He doesn't deserve it, and I feel it's all my doing,"

"It's not your fault Edward," I reassured. Because it wasn't. He had only been a kid when his parents passed and his uncle had stepped up to the plate. Unfortunately his family hadn't been that patient.

I wouldn't say his aunt and cousin where out to get him. They just didn't understand and didn't make the effort. Edward had been honest and said how difficult he had been during those years after his parent's passing, first being all introverted and then going on a rebel attitude. But still, he was hurting. I could understand his emotions being all over the place.

He shrugged. "Whatever, I won't see him probably until Wednesday and Alice won't arrive until Friday. It'll probably just be lunch and then my aunt and cousin will find an excuse to leave."

I nodded, not really knowing what else to say to make him feel more at ease. It just hurt me to seeing him so lost.

We didn't talk much after that. Edward slumped back onto the recliner and we continued watching the rest of the movie. After it was over and we couldn't stop yawning, we decided it was time to go to bed. We got all the bags and carried them towards the bedroom. Since I was not going into the shop until Tuesday, I told Edward I would put everything away the following day while he was at work. As always he fought me telling me it wasn't my responsibility to look after the apartment, but after I begged him to at least let me do something around the place, he had relented.

Edward and I still shared his queen-sized bed and I couldn't help the embarrassment every time when he asked me if I was sure I wanted him there with me. I didn't want him to think I was a clinger or something like that. It's just I needed him there, he made me feel so safe. The nightmares were there still, every night and every time he would hold me until I stopped crying and was able to fall asleep again. He never complained.

Edward was truly and angel, just like his mom had said.

He was my personal angel.

* * *

"Come on T, it's time to go back," I said as I tried to pride the ball away from her mouth.

She kept pressing her teeth harder, not wanting to let go but I knew it was time to head back. Edward would be back in a couple of hours and I had a surprise for him. It wasn't much, I knew that, but I still wanted to do it.

Suddenly I saw a rush of black come towards me and I instinctively jumped back falling on my ass.

"Sam! Sam!" I heard a woman yelling. "Leave it alone!"

A woman then came into my vision. She started crouching down and when I followed where she was headed, I realized the black thing was a dog. A dog that was fighting with T for the little red ball I had used to play with her.

"I'm so so so sorry!" The woman said apologetically, her back towards me as she tried to pry the dog away from the ball. "Sam, leave that ball alone, is not yours!" She seemed to be struggling a bit.

Finally it looked like the woman was able to take the ball away from her dog, as she stood up with the dog on her arms. T took that moment to come right towards me, her face victorious as she clutched the ball on her mouth.

I took her in my arms, ball and all, and stood up. I used one hand to clean my behind while with the other I pressed T to my chest. Finally when I couldn't clean more I took the ball from T's mouth and she fortunately let it go without a fight.

I looked up and realized that the woman was still there, dog in hand. She looked at me through a pair of black glasses. Her face apologetic.

"I'm really sorry, are you okay?" she asked worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine don't worry," I said honestly as I smiled slightly at her, if just to appease her.

The woman in front of me was tall and lean; she had a red knee-length jacket and a white hat. The dog on her arms was a Chihuahua too, just like T, but its hair was shorter. That dog didn't have anything on T, she was way cuter.

"It's just been a while since I was able to walk Sam. We just moved to the city a few weeks ago and I had been so busy...ugh... anyways it looks like he was overexcited today, he even broke his leash." She sighed as she fumbled with the leash that indeed was broken in half. "I'm Angela by the way."

"Bella," I said shyly as I shook her extended hand.

"Your dog is really cute. What's his name?" she asked.

"Her name is T," I replied, making sure she knew it was not a 'him', T was a girl.

"Oh well, this is Sam," she said bouncing her dog. "And it's a he. I don't know what happened to him today, I guess he is just happy to be in a new place."

I nodded and smiled softly.

"Do you know if there is a pet store around here?" The Angela woman asked. "I think I'll have to buy a new leash, this one is totally ruined. And I can't be carrying him all the time."

"I don't really know, but there is a store three blocks away," I said signaling to the direction the store was. "Maybe you can find one there."

"Maybe, I will go and look at it. Are you from around here?" she asked.

I nodded. "But I haven't been here long,"

"Yeah same as me. I moved here from Ohio just three weeks ago. Barely know my way to and from work. I really need to know the neighbourhood a little bit more."

I nodded again, not knowing what to say.

"Well Bella, I have to get going, see if I can find the leash in the store. Again, I'm so sorry for Sam's behaviour."

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

With a swift good-bye to Angela and her dog Sam were gone. I looked towards T and saw she was looking at their retreating form. With a shake of my head at the weird lady and her dog, I made sure I had everything with me, including T's red ball, and the small supermarket bag. I then made our way back to the apartment.

I had a surprise to prepare. At least I hoped I didn't screw it up.

* * *

T's barks were the signal of Edward arriving home. I quickly washed my hands and made sure, for the umpteenth time, that everything looked good.

I sighed. _As good as it would get_, I thought.

"What is that smell?" I could hear Edward mumbled and then his footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

I fidgeted with my hands and looked at the floor. I wasn't even sure anymore of what I had done. _What if Edward didn't like it?_

"Hey Bella what is...?"

I lifted my head and tried to smile. "Surprise?" It sounded more than a question, I was really nervous.

But when Edward looked at the counter and then at me, I was able to breathe again. He was smiling.

"Did you cook that?" He said pointing to the two plates on the counter.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't know if it's any good but I tried."

"Well if it tastes as good as it smells I bet its delicious."

"I hope so," I said nervously.

"Let me just go and wash myself first and then we can eat. Is that okay?"

"Of course." I nodded.

Five minutes later I had everything set up in the coffee table. Edward didn't have a dining-table so we always ate there. T had her food on her small bowl and I prayed I hadn't made a fool of myself.

It wasn't anything elaborate. Just two marinated chicken breast that we had gotten on our trip to the store and spaghetti with mushrooms cream. I had been surveying the pantry with what Edward had gotten at the store and when I saw the can with the mushroom cream and saw '_Recipe Inside_' written on it, I couldn't help but read it. It didn't seem hard, and the only thing that we didn't have was the spaghetti. Edward had left a twenty dollar bill for 'emergencies' and I took the liberty to use it to buying the pasta, promising myself to replace it as soon as I had the money. I then made a small salad with lettuce, tomatoes and carrots.

This was the first time I attempted to cook, and I hoped I didn't fuck it up. I just wanted to do something nice for Edward.

When he took that first bite of food, I could feel my heart beating fast, but when he hummed in approval and gifted me with one of his smiles I was able to relax.

I knew it wasn't the best food in the world, and I hadn't done much, but to boil the spaghetti and mix it with the cream. As well as warm the chicken breast in the pan and chop the stuff for the salad. But it was a home-cooked meal and Edward even had another serving.

"Bella, this is really good," Edward had said through a mouthful of food. "Don't spoil me or you'll have to cook more often."

I wanted to spoil him, he deserved to be spoiled. And in that moment I decided I was going to learn how to cook. If just to see that smile on Edward's face.

"So I talked with everyone today," Edward said after taking a gulp of his Coke. "They know you are coming in tomorrow."

I nodded and bit my bottom lip.

"Don't be nervous, Bella. I assure you everyone is cool..." He stopped for a moment and sighed. "Well being honest most of them are cool. Rosalie is a fucking bitch, but just to me, so don't worry. She won't have any problems with you being there, on the contrary she looked fine with the idea of the addition to the shop. We really need the extra help."

I felt a little bit of relief at his words. I didn't want to have problems with anyone and I worried that the Rosalie chick would hate me just because Edward had hired me.

"Why do you and her don't get along? Is it because of your ex?" I asked curiously. I didn't want to pry, but I preferred to know what I was heading myself into.

"I guess." He shrugged. "We used to get along just fine, but since Heidi and I separated she started behaving that way."

"But is your shop," I said. I couldn't imagine me being disrespectful to my boss, no matter how much of a friend he was, or how much of an asshole for that matter.

"I know," he said. "And believe me, she has been close to me firing her ass, but so far she hasn't done more than to scowl at me. I can deal with that. She is a damn good tattoo artist, besides she is with Emmett. I'm not sure if he would stay at the shop if I ever fired her. But believe me, if she does something fucked up I will fire her. Even if Emmett leaves too."

I nodded in understanding. "Are you two close? Emmett and you I mean."

"We were before all the shit that happened. But anyways, you do not have to worry about them. You will work aside Les, and she is a really cool person. I don't think you'll have any problems."

I hoped he was right. I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to disappoint Edward.

I didn't want to disappoint myself.

* * *

The next day we woke up at seven in the morning so we could both get ready and go to work.

_Work._ I could hardly believe I had a job of my own. I yawned as I made some scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. The coffee maker was already on and the juice out of the fridge. Edward had gone out to walk T as I wouldn't be able to do that with her in the afternoon.

As per Edward's advice I was going to work three days a week; Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays. I wanted to do more, but at the same time I was scared, so I agreed that it was best to start that way. Better not to push my luck and the little sanity I had left.

I felt tired but exited at the same time. I had barely slept the night before with everything that was going on in my own head. Dread, uncertainty, wonder, hope? I was a mess when I went to bed and couldn't let my mind shut down.

When I had finally fallen asleep, the nightmare came, but this time I had been able to wake up before I started screaming. Edward was curled on the bed, his arms wrapped around his pillow and his expression one of deep calmness. Taking long and deep breaths, I laid my head back and looked at his face, focusing on him and only him, I tried to match my breaths with his and soon enough I was sleep again.

That was the first night I didn't wake him up with my screams and I hoped it wasn't the last one.

At twenty till' nine o'clock, Edward and I were headed to the shop. And fifteen minutes later I was able to see the red-brick building that accommodated different type of stores, a boutique, a flower shop, a deli store and there in the end corner was the sign 'Twilight Tattoo & Piercing Shop'. The sing 'Open' was showing and I knew then that we weren't the first ones to arrive.

We stopped right in front of the door.

"Ready?" Edward asked as he looked at me, his hand on the handle of the door.

I took a deep breath and swallowed. "Ready." _As ready as I would be._

Edward opened the door and motioned for me to go inside. I hesitated for a second but was able to finally take that first step.

The first step to my new beginning.

**A/N.- So Bella is finally on her way in to Edward's shop.**

**What do you think it's going to happen? Is she going to do a good job or not? Is the crew going to embrace her? Or are they going to make it hard on her?**

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence) who by the way is so freaking awesome she did two banners for C&G, go and check them out, the link to my photobucket it's in my profile! Thank you babes, I love ya! **

**My one and only FFBFF Mony/Wanda (Blueking141) who is celebrating her B'Day this Sunday! So go and tell her Happy B'Day, because is a BIG ONE! You know how much I love ya and how much you mean to me bb. Thanks for always being there.**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. All of your support and encouragement is what keeps me writing.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend!**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**

**PS.- Leave some love. Tattward/Tongueward and I would appreciate it very much!**

**Peace Out!**


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

I held the shop's door open for Bella.

I could see her eyes downcast, she was nervous, that much was obvious and understandable. She wasn't what you would call a 'talkative' person, but today in particular she had been quieter since we woke up. Which reminded me of how she hadn't woke me up the previous night after having one of her always present nightmares.

_Had she had a nightmare at all?_

_Was I just too exhausted that I didn't wake up while she had to calm herself down?_

_Fuck!_ Just thinking about her, crying and desperate, with my fucking ass asleep by her side made me want to kick myself.

I didn't really want to push it right now though, so I decided not to say anything. She already had a lot of things on her mind and I didn't want to add to it. Maybe I would see tonight if it happened again, that I wouldn't wake up during the night, then I would ask her what was going on.

I did want to tell her not to worry, and that everything was going to be fine at the shop, but at the same time I knew hearing that shit wasn't going to help her right now, she was just too nervous to actually listen. All I could do was to be there for her. So that's what I did.

I had a lot of hope that everything was going to work out fine, that no one would make her feel uncomfortable. I had already talked to everyone at the shop and let them know that we would have a 'new-addition'. Everyone seemed fine with it and didn't ask much about the decision of hiring someone new. I thought that had a lot to do with Lesley saying over and over again how she was now going to have more time to work along Seth and become a professional piercer within a couple of months, which made a lot of sense for the extra help. I knew how to do piercings myself, but I didn't really have the time to do both things plus the administrative part; so it was Seth the one that had to do the steel mostly on his own. So having Lesley helping him would be great. Seth of course had smiled widely at the idea of Lesley becoming a professional piercer. If someone wanted Lesley to fulfill her dream, more than herself, it was Seth. I wondered when that stupid guy was going to finally ask her to be with him. _Whatever, not my business._

Bella was only to come Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays, at least for now and I had already told Lesley what I wanted Bella doing at the shop. A new order of supplies had arrived the previous day and I had asked Les not to open the boxes until the following day, so she could show Bella on Tuesday how to do it properly, as she was going to be mainly in charge of being in the back and not in the front desk for now.

So I was positive than even though it would take some time, Bella would really feel comfortable here. At least that's what I hoped.

I looked towards Bella and saw her taking a deep breath and finally raise her head, she looked at me and I smiled softly, hoping she could read in my eyes everything I couldn't tell her.

_I'm here for you, Bella_.

A look of determination crossed her features and something inside me burst with pride. My girl was strong. Stronger than any person I knew. Because I knew that this wasn't easy for her, I could feel it. But still she was doing her damn best to move forward with her life.

After a few seconds Bella finally took the first step into the shop. The door closed behind us and I finally took the time to look around.

Lesley was already there, typing away in the front desk's computer. Music was playing softly from the audio system and everything seemed in order. When Les saw us walk in, she smiled.

The shop's doors opened at 9 o'clock in the morning and Lesley was in charge of doing so in time. The thing was we, the tattoo artists, rarely arrived at that time, since regularly we didn't have any scheduled appointments till after 10 o'clock and walk-ins at that time of day were rare. Seth did arrive mostly on time, and I knew that had a lot to do with the fact that he got to spend a little bit of alone time with Lesley.

Today I had wanted to come early though, so Bella could get around the shop comfortably, with no clients and no bitchy Rosalie. I wasn't worried about her, Rosalie's problem was with me not with Bella. But still, I wanted my girl to feel at ease and meet the crew little by little.

"Morning!" Lesley said as we walked inside.

"Hey Les, how is it going?" I smiled back at her and walked towards the front desk, waving Bella to follow me.

"Good, just making sure everything is in order." She signaled to the computer where she was working. "Seth is at the back, Rose and Em haven't arrived yet." She told me, but her eyes were on Bella now.

I passed a hand through my hair and sighed. "So..." I swallowed. _Here it comes_. "Lesley, this is my... this is Bella," I corrected. "Bella, this is Lesley."

_Fuck I almost slipped._

"Nice to meet ya' girl," Lesley said as she extended her hand towards Bella.

Bella looked at me and I smiled, trying to act all cool and composed when in the inside I was freaking out. I nodded in encouragement and she quickly turned and shook Lesley's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Lesley."

I could see Les's eyebrow going up in question, but fortunately she quickly changed her expression and acted like nothing had happened. Like if she hadn't seen the exchange between Bella and me.

"Boss, you are early today! How come?" Seth came from the back of the shop.

"Miracles happen sometimes," I said as I raised my fist towards him and he did the same.

Lesley did the introduction this time. "Bella, that's Seth. Seth this is Bella, our new girl."

_Our new girl? No freaking way! She is MY girl._

I frowned in the inside not understanding this feelings that were rising inside of me. I had never felt that possessive about something or someone and it scared me a little.

"Good to have you here Bella," Seth said. Fortunately he was far away enough and since I was in the middle he just nodded towards Bella in hello and didn't try to shake her hand.

"Thanks," Bella mumbled shyly and looked down to her hands.

"Well I have to set everything up. I have a client at nine-thirty," Seth said as he walked towards his workplace. "And welcome Bella, hope you like it here. Our boss in an ass, but..."

"Hey!" I defended. "Watch it kid!"

Lesley and Seth started laughing and when I looked at Bella and saw the soft smile on her face I didn't mind I was made fun of, it was worth it, just to see her smile.

"Well, I don't have a client until eleven," I said. "But I do need to work in the final details of the sketch," I said "Bella," I called to her.

Lesley quickly turned her eyes towards the computer and made herself busy. Bella walked closer to my side.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a low voice.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"Okay, so you are going to work next to Lesley. Feel free to ask her everything you need. And if you feel uncomfortable or something," I said in almost a whisper. "Look for me. Not that the shop is that big, but please. I'm here if you need anything."

"I know Edward, thanks, but don't worry though," Bella said. "I'll be fine."

I nodded. "Lesley," I said a little bit louder this time.

She looked at me and I looked her right in the eyes.

"Show Bella around, and please," I begged her with my eyes. "Make sure to explain her exactly what she has to do around her. Make her feel welcomed."

"Sure Edward," Lesley agreed and I knew she understood what I wanted to convey.

"Good luck B," I placed my hand atop Bella's shoulder and smiled at her.

She looked questioningly at me at the new nickname I was sure. I just shook my head and chuckled as I squeezed her shoulder a little and finally released my hold on her. I walked towards my work-station, not without looking back at her and giving her a little wink.

_Good luck my girl!_

She smiled at me.

* * *

"Thanks Ed, it looks awesome," Greg said as he looked at the completed tattoo on his back.

"Glad you like it man." I nodded as I removed the gloves and threw them on the garbage bin.

It had taken a few appointments for me to finish it, but it was done and I was proud of the work. The tattoo covered all his back and had many intricate details and lots of color. It had taken us over five sessions, but Greg never complained. He was cool to work with, because I was sure it must have hurt him a freaking lot and he still sat still while I worked on it. The only tattoo I had on my back were the wings and those just covered the upper portion. They had hurt like a bitch, but I had been kind of drunk, or better said really drunk when I had it done, so even though I remembered it did hurt, I fell asleep a lot while Marcus worked on it.

"Bella, go ahead and do what I showed you. I'm going to finish some stuff here and I'll be right up with you," I heard Lesley said.

I looked and saw Bella nodding and walking towards the back. I couldn't help but feel a little bit relieved at how things were going. When Emmett and Rosalie arrived, Les had been the one introducing Bella and it looked like that went fine.

Lesley had been next to her almost the entire day and when lunch time came around they both went to the deli to grab subs for everyone. Bella seemed really quiet and more times than not she would be looking down and fidgeting with her hands, but overall she was doing better than I expected. I tried to keep to myself and not interfere with anything. I did check on her more times than I would be able to admit but other than that I tried to act nonchalant. No one at the shop knew just how close Bella and I were; and even though I knew Les had her suspicions, I didn't think she would imagine we were actually more than friends, but roommates too.

I didn't care whatever the heck everyone thought, but I just didn't want them to think I was favouring her, which I obviously was. _The fuck this was my shop and I could do whatever I wanted._ But still no one needed to know that, at least not now, it wasn't their business.

Fifteen minutes after I finished with Greg, I went to my office to check on some paperwork, there was only one hour left before the shop closed, and I wanted to catch up with my e-mails. Just before I started checking my inbox my uncle Carlisle called, letting me know he was already in the city. With a promise to get together at the end of the week, we ended the call and I turned towards my computer again.

I groaned at the amount of junk mail I always got and as per usual. Mike sent me some stupid joke I didn't care about and I erased it on the spot. _Fucker doesn't have anything better to do._ I shook my head.

There was an e-mail from Heather Farmer, the head of the 'National Tattoo and Piercing Expo' organization committee. The following year the expo would be in Seattle and they wanted to know if I was interested in a spot, and a damn great one. I had to smile at that, the shop was doing so good and I couldn't feel better about it. We were a small shop, just three tattoo artist and one piercer, but a freaking good one at that and our work spoke for itself. We had even had some celebrities here and there, and the word was spreading. I closed my eyes and remembered Bella telling me that my parents would be proud of me. I really hoped they were.

I decided to leave the mail in my inbox and talk to the guys first before I made any decision. There weren't a lot of us as it was; I needed all of them to be on board and this would mean closing the shop for a few days. Which was one of the reasons we rarely participated in this type of expos with a well displayed booth. Some years I would go with Emmett, others he would go with Rosalie. Seth and I had been in a convention in San Diego last year, and this one it was Lesley and Rosalie who had gone to an event in the summer. I thought it was time we all did it together as a team.

"Edward?" Emmett came bragging into the office, he sounded a little bit out of breath, but I didn't really pay him much attention.

"What?" I said, my sight trained in the monitor as I read a mail from a suppliers who wanted to show me a new brand of ink they had available.

"I was...and then...fuck!" He cursed.

I finally looked at him and when I saw the panic in his face I shoot up from my chair, with so much force that I made the thing fly backwards.

"What the fuck happened Emmett?" I could hear the dread in my own voice.

"She..." He didn't need to say more, I just knew it.

_My girl._

_Bella._

"Where is she?" My voice cracked.

"In the storage room, but she..."

I didn't even let him finish as I fled from the office not caring about anything but getting to Bella. I took the small stairs two at a time, as the storage room was located above the shop. As I took the last step I stopped dead in my tracks and pulled my hair with so much force I was sure I had taken some hair with me. But the physical pain wasn't anything in comparison to what I felt at seeing Bella's form inside the room.

Bella was standing up, she had her front pressed to one of the shelves, as if she wanted to get inside the shelf itself and disappear. Her body shaking and whimpers coming from her, it looked like she was saying something but I couldn't really make it out. They were some small boxes that had fallen from the shelf, scattered around her.

It broke my heart and I wanted to kick myself for ever thinking bringing her here was a good idea. She wasn't ready and I knew it, but I had been freaking optimistic, for once in my life. _Fucking great!_ Watching her in pain tore at me and it was not worth it for her to be in so much pain. She didn't deserve this.

_But what had happened? She had been fine so far. What made her got into a panic like this?_

Taking a deep breath I tried to calm myself, but fuck I just wanted to make her feel better. So without even thinking much about it I walked closer to her but still keeping some type of distance, I didn't want to make her even more upset.

"Bella?" I said softly.

She pressed herself more into the shelf and another small box fell down and she flinched. I didn't know what the box had and being honest I didn't care.

"Please..." She whimpered. "Don't hurt me."

I closed my eyes and felt my heart breaking a bit more.

"Bella, it's me... Edward." I tried to make my voice as soothing as possible but even I could hear the desperation in it.

I took another step forward, not knowing if I was going to make matters worse, but I needed to be close to her, to make her realize she was safe.

"Everything is okay, Bella. You're at the shop remember?"

Finally she stopped shaking, but I still remained in my spot.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice low.

"Yes sweetie, it's me," I reassured her.

She turned her head slightly and looked at me; her face tear stained and her eyes red-rimmed.

After making sure she was calmer, I took the last step towards her and carefully raised my arms at her. I hadn't even gotten them halfway up when Bella threw herself at me and even though I was a little bit taken aback I pulled her flush towards me and hugged her fiercely. I thought she knew deep down that I would never hurt her. I wanted her to know that in these arms, nothing could ever harm her.

"Everything is okay, B, I'm here now. Please calm down," I cooed in her ear.

She clung to the back of my shirt and as her body shook with more of her sobs I heard steps coming from downstairs and Bella's body immediately stiffened.

I turned my head towards the door and saw Emmett stepping into the threshold of the room, looking at us with a wary expression. Poor guy was freaking out, I couldn't blame him.

"Is she..." He stammered. "Is she okay?"

Bella pressed herself more towards me and I of course tightened my hold on her until I didn't think I could hold on any tighter without hurting her. Her face pressed in the crock of my neck. I placed my nose atop Bella's head and took a deep breath. She didn't deserve this much pain. _My poor girl._

I then turned towards Emmett and tried to composed myself. "What happened?" I asked as patiently as I could.

"I," Emmett took a step forward but I shook my head so he stayed put. "I came up to get more ink, Bella was just organizing the shelf," He pointed to the shelf she had been pressed into. "I walked inside and when I say hello she just started to shake in fear. I tried to calm her down but it got worse. She started calling your name over and over again and I just...I didn't know what to do..." He trailed off.

I nodded. "Who else knows?"

Emmett shook his head. "No one. I went with you right away. I waited a bit in your office and then decided to come see if I could help."

"Good. Please just..." I said. "Don't say anything to anyone."

Emmett looked confused but when he looked at me and saw how serious I was he nodded.

"Do you need me to help you with something?" he asked.

"Just make sure no one comes upstairs for a while. It'll just be a minute."

"What happened? Did I do something wrong?" He looked really worried.

"She's fine." I took a deep breath and said. "I'll tell you later Em. Just please..." I begged.

He looked at me and I could see how he was trying to understand what I was really trying to say. The caring Emmett, my best friend was now in front of me and I knew he would do whatever he could to help me. If that meant stay quiet and not asking questions he would. It's not that he had become and asshole towards me or anything like that, on the contrary I knew he tried, but something had just switched and it had been hard to go back to what it was. I still considered him my friend, how could I not after so many years? But I worried the close friendship we had was over and done with.

Right now seeing him in front of me, and most of all, seeing how he was worrying for my girl, I thought maybe there was still hope. Maybe our friendship was salvageable. But right now I couldn't really entertain that thought. I needed to take my girl out of here and into our home. I needed to make things better.

"No problem. I'll just," Emmett said. "I'll be downstairs making sure no one comes up."

"Thanks Em," I said gratefully.

He nodded in understanding and with one last glance at Bella he left.

I could feel Bella's body relax as soon as Emmett had left the room. She sniffled a little and turned her head so she could look me in the eye.

She looked so utterly heartbroken that I had to do everything in me not to fucking turn into a pussy and cry next to her. I had to be strong for her. I had to.

After a bit of just looking at each other Bella spoke.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Bella hiccupped. "I'm sorry Edward."

"Shh..." I ran one of my hands along her back. "You don't have to apologize. Everything is okay. I'm here now."

"But... I...I failed you," she cried.

"You did no such thing B," I said. "You could never fail me. Never."

"I was just putting everything on the shelf and then," She shivered. "Emmett came inside... I didn't hear him approach... and when I heard his steps behind me... and then he spoke... I..." She hung her head and started crying all over again.

"I understand sweetie, please don't cry."

But of course she did cry some more and again I felt myself wanting to do the same. But instead of doing so I just hugged her and let her purge all the feelings inside her. Once she was calmer I decided it was time for us to leave. I needed to take her out of here.

Bella tried to clean her face as best as she could, it didn't help much. It was more than evident that she had been crying her eyes out. We went downstairs and I asked her to just wait for me in my office. I would just take the back door so no one could see what had transpired.

Making sure she was comfortable in the office I went outside. Everyone was already finishing organizing their workspace and when I caught Emmett's eyes he just nodded letting me know no one had heard or known about what had happened in the storage room.

"I'm just running up the storage to tell Bella is time to go," Lesley said.

"No," I raised my hand stopping her. "I'll tell her. Just," I waved. "Don't worry."

"But she is..."

"Les," I hissed. Patience wasn't on my side at the moment. In reality I rarely had patience with anyone, but as of lately Bella seemed to be the only person that made me have some of that in me. "I will let her know it's time to go. Just pick your stuff and whatever..."

"All right," she said and turned to the front desk. She looked confused but didn't press for anything else.

I went to my workspace which was mostly in order. I busied myself for a while and then said my good-byes.

"I'm leaving," I said to no one in particular. "Emmett can you please close the shop for me."

"No problem, Ed," he said. He then walked closer and in a low voice said. "I'll go upstairs and pick the boxes so no one notices."

"Thanks Emmett, really," I said honestly.

"No problem bro." He smiled back.

"Well, good night everyone," I said.

"Night," Seth replied.

Les waved at me, Rosalie grunted and Emmett went to finish cleaning his space.

I walked to my office and knocked. "It's me," I said, so Bella would know.

She was sitting in my chair and was just looking at the wall.

"Let's go. sweetie."

I could see a tear coming out, but she wiped it away quickly. "Okay." She nodded.

We walked outside by the back door and as soon as Bella saw the dumpster she looked at me.

"It was here right?" She asked.

I knew what she meant. That was the place we had both first seen each other.

"Yeah." I took a hold of her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

She smiled softly at me, and behind all the pain she was feeling at the moment, I could see the gratefulness reflected in her eyes too.

"Let's go home," I said.

She nodded. "Let's go."

The clouds made the day darker than it should be, considering the time of day. I knew the sun hadn't set yet but it looked like it had. As we approached winter the days were shorter and soon it would be really dark by this time of day. Bella shivered as we walked through the alley and without even thinking about it I released my hold on her hand and slung my arm around her shoulders. She seemed hesitant at first, but after a while she placed her hand around my waist. I placed a soft kiss atop her head and smelled her hair again.

And as we rounded the corner I could see a pair of eyes looking at us from the distance. I didn't need to see them twice to know who they belonged.

_Heidi._

**A/N.- ****Oh... oh! What is going to happen now?**

**Bella's first day at work didn't went as smoothly as Edward hoped... sigh...**

**So let me know what you think about it and if it was just as you thought it would be.**

**I hope you are all happy that I posted early. But you know when inspiration comes it's easy to write. And with all your nice words and encouragement is not hard to find that inspiration! So keep the love coming, please!**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn, who has been spoiling me lately doing banners for C&G, thanks babes! You're awesome! If any of you want to look at them they are all at my photobucket. (Link at my profile)**

**My awesome FFBFF and Pre-Reader Mony/Wanda (Blueking141)... a lady of many names and many qualities, one of those is writing, so if you haven't read her stories give them a try. They are awesome, all of them, and each one so different from the other. There is something for everyone there! Happy B'Day bb, you know how much I love ya! And thanks for just being you...**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. I can't really thank you enough for all your support, it means a lot to me.**

**Wish you all an awesome week,**

**Love,  
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**Alexa **

**PS.- Don't forget to go and check the C&G Picture Album! The link is at my profile. And if any of you would like to add me on twitter you can find me under the penname _AlexaUrce_.**

**Peace Out!**


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." Edward started saying.

"No, this was all my..." I tried to interrupt.

"It wasn't your fault, Bella." Edward passed a hand through his hair. "I knew you weren't ready and I still agreed to let you go. I should have waited and I didn't. I just..." He groaned. "I don't know what to say, B. I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

I shook my head and wiped away the tears that were falling. Edward was berating himself for something he didn't even do.

I felt terrible.

I had failed him.

I had failed Edward.

"Bella," Edward said softly. "I'm almost sure I know what you are thinking. And if you are blaming yourself, pleased do not do it, just please," he begged.

"I just..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I wanted you to see I ...I could do it." I hiccupped.

Edward came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You did great B, you really did," he said. "Besides, you do not have to prove anything to me. This is all for you, and only for you understand?"

I shook my head. "I had a p... panic... attack." I collapsed on his arms and cried some more. "I can't even believe... I mean..." I sobbed.

I didn't even fully understand what had happened. One minute everything was okay, I was placing the boxes with supplies on the shelf, I was fine, I was even proud that the day was almost over and even though it had been a little uneasy at times, I had been able to do my job at the shop. And then the next minute I'm feeling someone behind me and when I heard the male voice, I just went into a panic. I didn't remember much after that until I heard Edward's voice calling my name and was able to realize where I was.

I wiped more tears roughly from my face. I was so tired of crying. Just when I thought they were not more tears to cry, they would just come out, and as much as I tried they wouldn't stop. I felt like I went one step forward and then two steps back. I just wanted my head to stop making me feel this way. I wanted to get better. _But how?_

"Bella, what you did today was something I would never have been able to do if I was in the same position as you. You tried, that's what's important. You're so strong, B."

I knew he was just saying that to make me feel less crappy, but I knew better. I was weak and stupid for even thinking I could do something with my life. I didn't deserve Edward's efforts. I was useless and fucked up. I could barely keep up with my own self.

After getting out of the shop, Edward had asked me if I wanted us to get a taxi and this time I couldn't say no. I was just too weak to walk, my mind and body shutting down on me. But as always Edward held me, he didn't let me fall. I was able to feel how tense he was though, because as soon as we got out of the shop and walked towards the street he suddenly stiffened and took us both out of there, he barely talked after that. And I just knew he was upset at me for making him pass through all of that. Everything had caught up with him and I knew he realized I had embarrassed him in his shop in front of Emmett. By this time everyone there should have known about what happened and Edward would be questioned about his reasoning on hiring a crazy-girl.

I knew he wouldn't say anything to me though; he was just too nice to tell me how disappointed he was.

One part of me wanted to just get my things and leave him be. He had put so many things on hold because of me and I didn't want to bother him anymore. He deserved to have his life back, to be able and go to work without worrying about me, to come back and have his bed to rest in. Not a girl that couldn't sleep alone and woke him up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare.

But the other part of me wanted to stay, to hold onto him and never let go. I had never felt this way about anyone before, nothing could make me feel as safe as I did in Edward's arms. I used to feel that way with my dad, when I was a little girl and he would cradle me in his arms, but still this was different, more powerful, deeper even. I just didn't want to ever let go. Jacob wasn't much for showing affection, he only held me tight when we were intimate and once it was done he stopped. Hugging and holding hands in public, or even when we were alone, was something he didn't like much.

And it wasn't just the feeling of security I felt when I was with Edward, there was something else, something I couldn't define. A weird feeling inside me when he was around, my stomach would get tight and then when he smiled at me I would feel goose bumps all over my body. When he held my hand I could swear he had electricity inside because I tingled, and when he hugged me I just wanted to stay there, forever. But the most powerful feeling was when he kissed me, it didn't matter if it was on the cheek or on my forehead, I felt like every time he did it, he left a piece of him with me.

"Tell me Bella, what are you thinking?" Edward asked suddenly.

I took a deep breath and shivered at the feel of his breath on my skin. He had his nose pressed against my hair and I could have sworn he was smelling it. I must have been crazy indeed.

"I don't know...I just don't know what to do," I said honestly.

He sighed. "Bella," his voice sounded apprehensive, "Have you given any thought to what we talked about before?"

"About what?" I didn't really understand what he meant. We'd talked about different things.

"About going and talk to someone."

I shrugged.

"It's just," He sighed, "I don't like to see you like this, sweetie. And as much as I want to help, I know that isn't enough."

"Don't say that," I pleaded. "You've help me so much, Edward. I cannot even begin to tell you how much." I pressed myself closer to him.

"But you need professional help, B. I can help and I will help as much as I can, but there is only so much I can do. Please, think about it. You can try it and if you don't like it, we," He sighed, "We will see what else can be done. But please, go and talk to someone, someone that knows what they are doing. 'Cause I'm just lost here, B."

I whimpered and rested my head on his chest. "I'm scared," I confessed.

A part of me did want to do it, but what if it didn't work? What if I went through all that and it didn't matter because I was just too fucked up to get better. I didn't want to hope things would be better because in my life it just didn't happen. Everything had gone from bad to worse, nothing ever good happened to me.

_What about Edward?_

He was the only exception.

Edward was the only good thing that had happened to me in a long time. He had come into my life in an unexpected way and even though it hadn't been long since I had known him, I couldn't think of my life without him. Even when I had left and wandered on the streets again, the only thing that kept me going was Edward, the thought that there were good people in the world, just like him. I had lost faith in people, they always discarded me when I was of no use, but Edward had never asked me for a single thing, he always gave and gave. He was proof that good people did exist.

"I know you are scared. I am too," Edward said. "But don't forget I'll be there by you every step of the way."

"Would you?" I asked hopeful.

"Of course I would silly girl."

"Promise?"

"I promise, B."

I smiled at the new nickname he gave me. I didn't know why he called me that, and at the end of the day, I didn't even really care. Just the way he said my name or called me a nickname told me how much he cared, his voice was always soft and I felt warm all over.

Taking a deep breath I raised my eyes and look at him. "Okay. I will Edward. I want help."

Because I had to try.

_For Edward_

Because I had to try.

_For Me._

* * *

"So everything seems fine, Miss Swan. Do you have any questions you want me to help you with?"

I shook my head.

"Well then you're free to go. Do you want a copy of the results to keep in your personal file?"

I wiped a few tears and nodded. "Yes, thanks."

Dr. Gerandy looked at me with a warm and soft demeanour. "Miss Swan, I know this may be a really personal question, but how are you coping? Are you going to any type of counseling?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, but I will." I fidgeted with the tissue that I had between my hands. "Edward has a friend, he is a psychologist..." I trailed off.

"Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes," I said.

"Good." He nodded. "He seems to be very fond of you."

I looked at him. "He is a really good friend." _My best friend._

"I'm glad you have someone to help you through this process," Dr. Gerandy said. "Well, Miss Swan, I'll tell my secretary to make the copies for you. You can wait right outside." He motioned towards the door and with a quick good-bye I was out of his office.

As soon as the copies were made, I walked outside the clinic and took a taxi back to Edward's place. I had gone to the hospital by myself since Edward had to work and I didn't want him to take more time off because of me. They had called from Dr. Gerandy's clinic early in the morning, saying my test's results were ready and that I could go and pick them up as soon as I could. I had decided to just get over with that and decided to go that same day. Edward had tried to convince me to at least do it while he was in his lunch break, so he could go with me, but I had turned down his offer. I knew he didn't actually have a lunch-break, more like they ate whenever they could and having been at his shop for one day I saw how busy he was. He didn't need to waste more of his time on me. At the end we had come to a compromise and I had to agree to go to and from the clinic in a taxi. I tried to get him to let me go on the subway, but Edward wouldn't have any of that. I too had to make sure and call Edward once I made it back home so he would know I had made it back fine.

When I arrived at the apartment, T was already there waiting to go on her walk. I wasn't really feeling up to it, but she needed her walk and I really did need the fresh air. So after calling Edward to let him know I was okay and that everything had gone somewhat fine, I dressed T in one of her jackets and we both walked towards the park that was just four blocks away from Edward's.

T walked happy ahead of me, sniffing some places here and there and barking at some people that would try to approach her. Mostly women, and I didn't understand why that was.

As we walked I tried to contain myself from bursting into a crying mess. It was just that being in that hospital again and having a doctor explaining me about the tests that had been done on me, the results and such, wasn't easy. I had to relive what had happened to me, not that I didn't do that every single day, but still it had been hard to hear about all the things that had been done to me, again, and all the possible things that could have been done to my body permanently. Ann, the nice nurse from last time, had done a quick check-up on me, it had been so uncomfortable and challenging. But she said everything looked fine and that it looked like I was healing quiet quickly. I had some small bruises here and there, but other than that my body was fine.

I wished it was that easy to heal in the inside. I wished my brain caught up with my body and decided it was enough. But things didn't just work out that way.

There were some positive things in the middle of the bad. Besides some anemia and being a little underweight, I was a healthy person. So that was a good thing, at least I hadn't gotten any illness from that m... I didn't even want to think about it. It was just too hard.

If I hadn't been sure before now, I was even more determined to really take Edward's word and go and talk to Jasper. If I wanted a life at all, if I wanted to change my life for the better and maybe one day be able and move on, I needed to do this.

"Bella?"

I was startled by the feminine voice and almost jumped right out of my skin. T started barking right away and as I looked at the person that had called my name I sighed in relief.

"Hey," I said as I crouch and lifted T, cradling her on my arms and trying her to stop barking. She quickly placed her head on my chest and whined. "It's okay, T," I said softly.

"You remember me right? Angela?"

"Yeah of course," I said quickly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." She frowned. "Are you okay? You looked a little bit lost there."

"Yeah I..." I swallowed. "I was just lost in my own thoughts."

"I'm sorry I disturbed you then. I just wanted to say hi, and to thank you for the directions to the super-market the other day," she said apologetically.

"It's okay," I said. "I was just distracted, and I'm glad I could help."

"Are you going to the park?" She said pointing her thumb towards where the park was.

I nodded. "I need to walk T for a bit."

"Good," She said. "I try to walk Sam every day, but it's hard you know. With work and everything I barely have time. Sometimes I think I should have had left him with my parents, but I don't know, I would have missed him you know?"

"Yeah, I know." And I did, I had miss T so much, and she wasn't even my dog.

"Do you live close by here?" she asked.

"Yeah two blocks down." I pointed towards the general direction of the apartment building.

"Oh, so it looks like we're almost neighbours," She smiled. "I just live down this street. You see that brown building, where that US Post truck is parked?"

I looked where she was pointing and nodded.

"So yeah that's my place. It's just a flat. I don't even have a separate bedroom, but it's cozy." She looked at T and just when she was about to pet her, T started barking again.

"T!" I admonished softly. I didn't really like to raise my voice at her; she was just so tiny and sweet.

Angela just giggled and waved me off. "It's okay. It looks like she is really protective of you."

"A little," I said.

"Well, I have to go now. I'm supposed to be on my lunch break but I forgot some papers at my place." She shook her head. "I've been here for almost a month and I still feel I can't keep up."

"Oh," I didn't really know what to say to that.

"Maybe I'll see you around the park some day or something?" It sounded more than a question and I knew she wanted to know if I was alright with it.

Being honest I didn't know how I felt about it. Angela looked like a really nice person, but coming from where I had come from I knew you couldn't judge a book by its cover. But something in me told me this woman in front of me just felt lonely, and I knew so much about that feeling. I was blessed though, and had gotten Edward and T in my life. But maybe Angela hadn't had that opportunity, so I thought maybe I would just say yes and see what happened. Besides a park was a public place, I didn't see anything dangerous about that.

"Sure," I said finally.

Angela's smile widened. "Great! So I'll see you around Bella! Nice talking to you."

"Bye, Angela."

And then T and I were on our way to the park.

* * *

"I talked to Jasper today," Edward said as he took a bite of food.

"Mhmm..." I took a sip of coke and waited for him to continue.

"He says that he can help you but..."

"But what?" I tensed a bit.

_What if Jasper told him I was just too fucked up for help? What if he just didn't want to waste his time?_

"He told me you may feel more comfortable if you talked with a female, instead of him."

I was confused. "Who?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know her. I just know it's one of his colleagues in the practice he works at. I think she was his teacher too, when Jasper was in school, so she must be good I think." He swallowed and looked at me. "Jasper said that she...she specializes in cases like yours."

"Like mine?"

Edward nodded. "She works mostly with people that have suffered with any type of... physical abuse."

"Oh." I lowered my eyes.

Edward was silent for a bit and then sighed. "So what do you think? Would you feel comfortable talking to her? Or would you prefer Jasper?"

"I don't know," I said as I played with the food on my plate.

I had already been toying with the idea of talking to Jasper. I didn't know him that well, but he was a good guy. I had been able to feel somewhat at ease when we went to dinner. But changing the plans? I didn't really know if that would work or not.

"Besides," Edward said. "Jasper says that you and him seeing each other outside his office, I mean you are my friend and he is too, so there is the possibility of you and him becoming friends too. We're going to spend Thanksgiving at his place. He said it may feel weird for you if he was your shrink and you told him all this things and then you saw him at a gig or at dinner." Edward shrugged. "But at the end of the day is up to you, B. He would gladly help you, of that I'm sure."

I raised my brow at Edward's words. _Friends with Jasper?_ I never thought of him as a friend of mine, but it did make sense. Even if we didn't become that close, he was Edward's best friend and I was Edward's friend and roommate too. Besides Jasper was the expert he must know better. If Edward trusted his opinion I would too.

I sighed and looked at Edward. "I'll try,"

"What?" He looked confused.

"If Jasper thinks is better for me to go with this other shrink I'll do that."

Edward's hand went atop mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Just remember, you are not alone B."

As long as he was by my side, I knew it was true.

* * *

"Edward?" I asked as I rinsed the last plate in the sink.

"Mhmm?" he responded as he placed the leftovers in the fridge.

"Am I going tomorrow to the shop?"

"What?" He looked surprised by my question.

"Tomorrow is Thursday. You told me I'll be going Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, but after what happened I don't know if you want me to go still," I said shyly.

He sighed and stopped doing what he was doing and leaned on the counter.

"I don't know if that is a good idea B."

"Are you..." I swallowed. "Are you firing me?"

"What? No!" he said quickly. "Of course not Bella, I just, I don't know if it's a good idea. Maybe after you talk to the therapist and things get better,"

I lowered my eyes. "I just want to..." I sighed. "Just forget it, sorry."

He placed his index finger on my chin and raised my head. "Look at me."

I did as told.

"Do you want to go?" he asked, and his eyes reflected the concern he felt for me.

I nodded slightly. "I just want to try," I said. "But I understand if you don't want me to do it. I bet everyone at the shop knows what happened and they may..."

"No," Edward interrupted me.

"What?" I was confused.

"No one knows, B. Well no one besides Emmett that is."

"Why?" I asked. I really had thought the words would spread quickly; the new crazy chick going into panic mode.

"Because Emmett is not like that, B. He was really worried about you." He sighed. "And because I told him not to tell anyone."

I turned the water off and leaned on the counter. "Did he ask you about it?" I asked sheepishly.

Edward nodded.

"And what did you tell him?"

"Nothing," he said. "It's not my story, B."

"What do you think he would say if he knew?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know."

I pondered for a few minutes and taking a deep breath I said, "You can tell him, Edward."

"What?" He looked shocked.

"You can tell Emmett," I said. "He is one of your best friends and I don't want you to lie to him because of me."

"I don't know, Bella. I don't feel comfortable telling him what happened to you."

I shrugged. "You don't have to tell him everything."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah,"

I didn't want Edward to lie to his friends and I knew besides Jasper, Emmett was his best friend too, or it had been before all the things with his ex happened. I didn't want more things to make them grow apart. I trusted Edward enough to know he would never say things about me to people that would hurt me.

Edward came closer to me and just as if my body knew what to do it molded itself into his embrace.

"You can go tomorrow if you want to," Edward said in a whisper.

"Really?" I asked, smiling into his chest.

I could feel his head nodding atop mine. "If you feel up to it, your job is still there."

"I do want to go," I confessed. I didn't want to give up, not now.

"Then tomorrow we're both going to work."

"Thank you, Edward."

"Anytime, B." He placed a kiss on my head.

In that moment T came into the kitchen and made her way in the middle of Edward and me. Between our feet. And that was the moment I really realized I wasn't alone anymore.

I had them both, Edward and T, and with them by my side I was hopeful things would get better.

It would take time, hard work, and many tears, I was sure of that. But I would get there, eventually.

I hoped.

**A/N.- So there you have it! **

**Poor Bella, many things are going on in her life...sigh. At least she has agreed to get help. What do you think about that?**

**Let me know! I always love to read all your theories and thoughts!**

**And for those of you who were worried about Heidi, well, she wasn't close enough. She saw them 'from a distance' and of course Edward wasn't going to purposefully walk by her with Bella! Or what did you thought? That he would?**

**Ugh...there are many things I want to say but I need to shut up cause I don't want to spoil it for you! *lol* There is just so much going on, so much to come... so hold on tight and enjoy the ride!**

**Thanks to...**

**My lovely beta Lynn! Who has been spoiling me lately with banners for C&G. So if you want to check them out they are all in my photobucket (link at profile). Thanks babes, you're the best!**

**My awesome FFBFF, pre-reader, music-wizard and more Mony! Wanda, what can I say? I just love ya' to pieces, you know that!**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. As always your words of support mean the world to me and help me keep going. Inspiration is that much better when you have a support system and you're all the best!**

**Wish you all a great weekend. And prayers to everyone in Japan and all those places being hit by the tsunami! **

**Leave some LOVE!**

**Alexa :)**

**PS.- For those of you who don't know besides C&G I'm writing another fic! Yes, it's called 'The Roads of Life' and I co-write it with Mony (Blueking141) who many of you know is an AWESOME writer! We have a joint account (MonyAlexa) the link to the story is in my profile so go check it out! It's totally different from what we've both have done and I really do hope you all give it a chance.**

**Peace Out!**


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Thank you so much Caius," I said with a sigh of relief.

I passed a hand through my hair and rested my back against the leather chair. One less thing I had to worry about, it felt good.

"_No problem, Edward. I told you I would try to help that girl as much as I could,"_ he said, his voice full of sincerity. _"I'll call you as soon as I figure this out. It shouldn't take me more than a week or so, hopefully."_

"Good, I'll wait for your call, then. And if you need any more information just call me, okay?"

"_Sure. Have a nice day Edward and tell Bella I say hi," _he said.

"I will." And with that I ended the call with Deputy Johns.

I felt a little bad for bothering him like that, but Caius, we were on first name bases now, had told me that I could count on him if I ever needed anything and I had taken him up on his word sooner rather than later.

I really needed Bella to have all her paperwork in order, birth certificate, social security number and the likes so I could set her up with all the benefits that I, as her employer, could provide. The thing was I didn't have the slightest idea of how to get those papers. I tried surfing through the internet, but every single thing I read was different than the other and I just got to a point where I was back on square one. Bella had told me that after running away she always worked cash-jobs, even when she was a legal adult, so I didn't know if her being a 'runaway' of the state would make it harder for us to get a hold of those documents. I was just so confused that I had all but given up when I decided to give it a try and call Caius to see if he could lead me in the right direction. Fortunately he said it was something he would be able to help us with and not to worry about it at all, so I decided to trust him. My plan was to just leave everything in his hands and wait for a couple of weeks, if by then he hadn't been able to help, I'd see what I could do about it. Maybe I would even pay a lawyer or someone to help. But for now, I would wait and see.

With a sigh I went back to work on the e-mail I was writing to one of my suppliers, it could get tedious sometimes, but I couldn't slack.

I was really tired though. The day had been stressful at its best. For starters Bella had come to work, again. At the beginning I wasn't sure it was the greatest idea, but she wanted to do it, and for a strange reason I was a pussy when it came to her, I couldn't tell her no. So all day I had been working while at the same time making sure she was doing fine. So far so good. She had been working alongside Lesley and even though she still looked tense, even more than the last time, she was doing a damn good job at masking it. I didn't know if other people noticed it, but I did.

Then, today we had all been able to take a break at the same time since none of us had a scheduled appointment during lunch time, so I took the opportunity to talk to the crew about the possibility of going to Seattle the following year, as I said before I needed everyone on board to pull this through. We would all need to work together in preparation and fly west. Everyone seemed excited, pitching in ideas and all, well everyone but one, Rosalie the bitch.

I didn't even know what else to do when it came to her, and I if she kept pulling my strings, I would snap and she would be out of the shop in a blink of an eye. The worst of all hadn't even been the way she rolled her eyes and looked at me. No, the worst part was how she had been looking at Bella today. _What the fuck ever!_ It hadn't been like that on Tuesday. I didn't know what had changed in the one day Bella hadn't come to the shop, but I wasn't going to just stand by while she looked at my girl that way. I didn't know if anyone else noticed, but I did. Again, I may sound like a freaking stalker for not taking my eyes away from Bella, but I just wanted to make sure she was doing all right. I wanted her to be comfortable and safe. I wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her ever again.

"Can I come in?"

I looked towards the door and saw Emmett there. For a second I was worried something bad had happened, but when I glanced at him I knew he was here for different reasons. His face said it all, he was pissed. Well, so was I.

I motioned for him to come inside and take a seat.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

I sighed and leaned back on my chair. "Why are you apologizing for? You know it's not you who should be doing that. I just," I took a deep breath. I didn't want to lose it that early in the conversation. "I don't know what to do Em. She is a really good tattoo artist and she's your girlfriend, but if she doesn't change her attitude I think I will have to let her go,"

Emmett's shoulder slumped and he nodded. "I'll talk to her."

I turned my face towards the computer and gave him what little privacy I could, so he was able to sort through his thoughts. I knew he must have been feeling like shit, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. I had never liked to play the boss-card, but sometimes I just needed to put my foot down. There just wasn't any other way.

"We've been having some problems," Emmett mumbled.

"What?" I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly.

Emmett looked at me. "Rosalie and I have been having some problems."

"Why?" I didn't want to pry, but at the same time I wanted him to know that if he needed to talk about it I was there for him.

"Because I want a family and she isn't ready yet. I think I'm realizing that she may never be,"

I nodded in understanding. Emmett had been talking about actually marrying Rosalie and start trying for children a year back or so. He didn't even want that big fairy tale wedding, which would make Rosalie run for the hills. He was okay with going to Vegas and getting hitched there or just going with a justice of the peace and make it official, but Rosalie didn't want any of that, not even the small version of a wedding. She said she was happy as they were. Emmett had said that if that's what she wanted he was okay with it, but it looked like he had changed his mind. I didn't get it, he knew this from the start and I told him as much.

"You know she doesn't even want kids Em. She's told you that since day one."

I didn't want to be an asshole, but when he had met her all those years ago she had said that she wasn't interested in kids, then or ever. Emmett didn't care as they were just getting to know each other and he didn't even think it would become that serious, but when their relationship grew he told me he didn't mind what she wanted. He then changed to saying when he wanted a family he would just convince her to go for it. It looked it hadn't worked out the way he had planned it.

"I know," he said. "But whatever, I think I just have to get over it. I just wanted to make it official, that's all."

I nodded. If he wanted to stay with her he would have to just deal with it. Emmett was a strong man, but the thing was Rosalie was the same way, so I didn't really know who was going to give in first. Emmett could put his foot down on many things, and he often did so, but you couldn't make a person do what you wanted, and she just didn't want marriage and kids and as much as I disliked her I knew, she had been honest with him from the very beginning.

"So..." Emmett sighed and looked at me, all sadness gone and replaced by curiosity.

"What?" I asked. If he wanted to change topics that was fine by me.

"Are you and Bella... you know..."

I looked at him confused until he let out a nervous chuckle and wiggled his eyebrows.

_No that topic._

"What the fuck?" I looked at him, my eyes almost popping from their sockets. "No!" I was pissed now. _Why would he think that? _And why did he wiggle his brows? Like if Bella was some piece of ass I was fucking around with. No way in hell was I going to let him imply that about my girl.

He raised both his hands in surrender. "Sorry man it's just..."

"Just what?" I didn't even let him finish whatever he was going to say as I yelled at him.

"I don't know I just," He shrugged, "I thought maybe there was something there."

I knew him better than that, and that wasn't it. So I kept my eyes on him and waited for him to crack. He did.

"Someone saw you alright," he finally said. "They told Rosalie about it."

"What did they see?" I said through clenched teeth. "And who was it?"

Emmett eyes were huge now. He knew he was in deep shit. For starters he knew I was not going to let him leave this room without telling me what the fuck he was talking about and second when he told me, whatever the heck he knew, Rosalie would be on his ass for telling me. So one way or another he was fucked.

It looked like we had a staring contest going on, but I didn't let up and he finally shrugged. "They saw you, walking with a 'girl'," He made quotations on the word girl, "You were both walking and wrapped around each other."

"And who would have...?" I balled my hands into fist and hit them on the desk. "Fuck!" I knew who it had been, how didn't I see that one coming? "Heidi!" I all but growled.

Emmett didn't say anything, but by his expression I knew I had it right.

"It was her, wasn't it?"

He just nodded. "She and Rosalie were going to go out on Tuesday so she came here to pick her up after work."

I groaned. Yeah I had seen her when we got out from the back alley, but I hadn't even tried to go close to where she was. For some reason the thought of Bella having to see her made me uneasy. I didn't want my girl to be tainted with the sight of her, so I had just lead Bella the other way and we had grabbed a taxi. I hoped Bella hadn't noticed the tension I was feeling, because even though Heidi was my past, it didn't stop my stomach from hurting when seeing her.

_Freaking Heidi_, so she had seen us and had run and told Rosalie about it. Everything started clicking in my head and I knew right then why Rosalie had been acting differently today.

"Is that why Rosalie has been scowling the entire day?" I was beyond pissed right then.

That was one of the reasons I didn't want people at the shop to know I was close to Bella, at least not now. I didn't want stupid gossip to go around and make her uncomfortable. I knew I wouldn't have problems with the others, but Rosalie was another story. _I really should just fire her ass._

"What? I don't understand," Emmett said.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't try to act like you don't know, Em. Rosalie has been acting out today, and not just with me but with everyone else too, including Bella."

Emmett of course went into defensive mode, not that I expected anything less. He rose from the chair in front of me and pressed both his palms down on the desk. "I think you are just overreacting Edward." His eyes boring into mine. "I know she hasn't been nice to you, but she doesn't have problems with anyone else. Maybe you should just try harder."

"Whatever, Em." I waved in exasperation; the last thing I wanted was to start a fight with him right now. "And don't ask me to try harder, because you know damn well that I've been trying to get along with her."

He shook his head and I could almost see the anger coming out in fumes. I didn't know if that anger was towards me or just at the realization that I was right. I had never gone out of my way to make Rosalie like me back, but I did try to maintain a professional atmosphere around her. She was the one that was always bitching at me and snarling at my back. As of lately she had calmed some, going all the way as to mumble a hello and a good-bye form time to time, but today everything had just switched and now I knew why. I didn't understand though. So Heidi saw me with Bella, so what? It wasn't her problem. We weren't together anymore. Why the fuck do chicks have to make such a big deal about things? And the thing was there wasn't anything going on between Bella and me. At least not romantically.

I looked at Emmett and saw he was still looking at me.

"What if I let her go?" I asked suddenly. "Would you go to?" It was a question that had been nagging at me for a while.

Emmett stayed still for a while and then lowered his eyes.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"You know I don't want you to go Em," I said honestly. "You've always been here with me, since I was a directionless teenager that just needed to get some money. You know I love you like a brother, but I don't know if I can take this shit with her anymore. And if she starts with Bella I just..."

Emmett's eyes were less harsh, now, but he was still ready to lunge at me if needed be. "Why are you so protective of her?" he finally asked.

I motioned towards the chair that he had vacated. "Please sit down."

He stayed in the same spot for a bit, after a while he finally sighed and took a seat.

"Bella and I aren't romantically involved if that's what you think," I said. "But we are close. She..." I took a deep breath. "She is living with me."

Emmett looked more confused than before.

"Something happened, something really bad," I continued. "Bella didn't have anywhere to go and I took her in. But we aren't dating. I'm just trying to help her."

"What happened?" he asked.

I threw my head back and looked at the ceiling. "Something bad, Em."

"How bad?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Bella had given me the green light to tell Emmett about what had happened, but I just didn't know if I had the strength to do so. It hurt to think about it.

"She was sexually abused." I just blurted it out without even realizing what I had done.

"What?" I could hear the incredulity in his voice and closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away.

"You heard me," I said harshly. "And don't make me say it again because just thinking about it makes me want to punch something."

"Shit man. I didn't know that."

"I know." I nodded, my face still up towards the ceiling.

"How long ago?" he asked curiously.

"A couple of weeks,"

Emmett gasped. "No wonder she got all freaked out when I went to the storage room. Poor girl, man."

I finally looked at him and nodded sadly. "Yeah, she got scared, but she is so fucking strong, Em." I smiled at the determination in everything she did. Even if she crumbled she would go back up and try again. I was in awe of her.

"I'm sorry." Emmett looked upset. "I feel like an ass for making her feel that uncomfortable. I didn't mean to but..."

I shook my head. "It's okay, Em. She knew you weren't going to hurt her or anything like that, but still, she is going through a rough time right now. She will start going to counseling and hopefully she will be able to control her reactions a little bit better."

He nodded in understanding. "And why is she with you?"

I knew he had many more question but as of right now I couldn't answer them all. It was almost time to go and I really needed to go and see if Bella was alright, it had been a while since I saw her last.

"I promised I'll tell you, and I will," I said. "Bella told me it was okay if I told you what had happened, but I won't do that right now. It's almost time to go and this is not the place nor time to talk about that."

I wasn't planning on telling him everything in detail, but I would tell him some part of the story, at least the part on how I had met her.

"Okay," Emmett said.

"I know I don't have to ask you but, please," I looked at him and pleaded with my eyes. "Don't tell this to anyone." Meaning, _don't tell that bitch, girlfriend of yours._

"I won't."

And I knew he was being sincere.

"And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I would leave."

"Huh?"

He smiled softly. "If you let Rosalie go and it was her fault, I would stay. You're like a brother to me too. I know I haven't showed it much lately, but I care about you man. I really do."

"Thanks, Em."

"Maybe beers sometime this week?"

I shook my head. "My uncle Carlisle is in town."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "And the family too."

"Good luck," he chuckled. He knew my uncle's family and me weren't in the best of terms.

"I know," I groaned. "But maybe next week."

"Next week then."

* * *

"I can make something at home, Edward. I think there was some tuna there."

"No. I want pizza today. Don't you want some?" I asked with a smile on my face. "Besides we are celebrating tonight, so you don't have to cook."

Bella chuckled. "What are we celebrating?"

I kissed her head and tighten my hold on her as we walked towards home. "You."

She buried her face on my chest and I guided us through the streets. "You don't have to do that. It's not that big of a deal."

"Of course it is B," I said. "Humour me, please."

She nodded and we walked us to our home. _Our home._

I had never felt so at home as I did with Bella in a long time. Even when I was with Heidi it felt more like a place where we just went to shower and sleep. When I would eat dinner it was mostly by myself because Heidi was always busy with jobs and stuff, and when she was free we would just go out with friends or something. In the morning she would be sleeping as I got ready to go to work and I would just grab something for the go.

But now, even if Bella wasn't going to go to work that day she would wake up and eat breakfast with me. Heck, she would cook it herself because I was useless in the kitchen. She had told me she didn't really know how to cook, but in the last few days I've realized she may have been lying because the things she cooked were delicious. She had waved me off saying it was just simple things and that many of the recipes she got them from boxes, but still, she was making an effort to make me eat less takeout and I appreciate it more than she could have ever imagine.

It had been a long time since I felt so cared for, since someone had taken upon themselves to take care of me and my needs. The last person had been my uncle Carlisle, and it had been totally different. Bella made me feel important, the way she looked at me made my heart go erratic and it scared me so much.

I wasn't stupid; I knew my feelings for Bella were deepening. It wasn't just friendly feelings, it was more, so much more. But I didn't want to even try and dig more. It was not the right time for her. If all I could be was her friend I would gladly accept it.

Unfortunately my body wasn't catching up fast enough and I would have to wake up and make a run for the bathroom so Bella wouldn't see the semi tent in my sleeping pants. It made me feel like a pervert and I just wanted to punch my dick into submission. Poor thing had been neglected for a while now, but I wasn't going to just go out and find someone to fuck with. I wasn't like that, not anymore. So at night I would tuck Bella under the covers and I would sleep on top of them with a throw covering my body, no need to tempt my body even more by sleeping under the covers with her.

Bella's nightmares hadn't stopped, but she said that they were not as bad as before, so finally I had convinced her to let T sleep on the floor. She had agreed but we had her small dog-bed inside the room. Whatever, I wouldn't fight about that. Whatever my girls wanted my girls got. Except sleeping in the bed for T. I loved her to pieces, but I didn't want her to get use to that shit.

As we got home, Bella and I parted ways. She said she was going to take a quick shower while I order the pizza and made sure T had her food ready. Once Bella was out I told her I was going to jump in the shower as well.

Just as I was coming out of the bathroom I heard the buzzer go off.

"Can you open the main door, Bella? It's the pizza," I yelled from the hallway.

"Okay," Bella replied.

A minute later I walked to the living room and saw Bella setting everything for dinner. She looked cute in her pajamas and slippers, and I just couldn't help myself at smiling at her. It just felt so natural, having her here, in my apartment, our home. Getting ready to eat dinner together with T next to us. I could get used to it. To us three, like if we were our own little family.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll get that." I said to Bella.

She nodded and I quickly went to my room to retrieve my wallet. I walked towards the door shaking my head at T who was already barking her little lungs out as she followed me.

I opened the door and looked down to my wallet as I got some bills out. "Here you g..." My words got stuck in my throat and my hand stilled in mid-air, as I saw the man in front of me.

"Hello son," he said with a smile.

"Carlisle?"

**A/N.- *Gasps***

**So what do you think is going to happen next? Let me know! It's always nice to read your feedback and theories :)**

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence). You know I love ya babes and if you ever need anything I'm here for you!**

**My Pre-reader, FFBFF and M&S lover Mony (Blueking141). I love ya Wanda Lovett! Without you I wouldn't drool at the sound of a banjo...sigh *lol***

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. Your support means a lot to me and makes the writing that much enjoyable. **

**Wish you all an awesome day,**

**And please leave some love,**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Don't forget to check out my new story 'The Roads of Life' which is being co-written with Mony. The link of the story is at my profile as it's being posted in a join-account. Please give it a chance :) **


	20. Chapter 20

_**C&G has officially reached 1000+ reviews! And I just want to say THANK YOU :)**_

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"I'll get that," Edward said.

I nodded and he rushed towards his bedroom; to get the money for the food, I guessed. T was quickly on his heels and barking already. I had to chuckle at her, she was really something, and I wouldn't want her to be any other way. She was just so perfect the way she was.

The both of them were just so perfect to me.

I kept arranging everything on the coffee table for our special dinner and made sure T was included too, as I placed her food close by.

Silly Edward wanted to celebrate today with pizza. I wondered if he was just looking for an excuse to finally get some take out because as of lately I had been trying to cook dinner almost every single night, something I was enjoying more than I would have ever thought. Most of the things I made were simple enough, but I thought they weren't that bad. Edward had told me that what I cooked was actually really good, but who knew, he could have just been saying that as to not making me feel bad. He was too nice to tell me if my food tasted horrible.

Or maybe, just maybe, Edward really wanted to celebrate today like he had said, and he still liked my food. I decided to just not dwell on it and enjoy dinner.

I couldn't help, but to feel accomplished. I had been so scared that I would have another panic attack during work today. If that had happened, I wasn't sure I would have been able to go back there. To embarrass Edward again. I couldn't subject him to that every single time.

This had been my second chance and I had to prove myself this time. So I made sure to look right, left and back every few minutes, not wanting to be startled again, and when I went to the storage room, I tried to keep an eye on the door at all times. Thankfully I hadn't been in there for a long time.

I had been embarrassed when Emmett arrived, the memories of what had happened flooding my mind instantly. I wondered if he would see me in a bad light; maybe not even want to look at me after he had seen me go all crazy on him. But thankfully, he acted as if nothing had happened, saying 'hi' to me with a smile and going to work right away. This made me feel a little bit better, but I still felt really nervous.

The other guy, Seth, was nice and he was really busy as well so we hadn't actually interacted much beside polite greetings. I knew he was the only person that did piercings full time and I understood why Edward wanted Lesley to help him, he did need the help. The shop had been busy and he had barely had time to eat the food that Lesley had bought for him during lunch time.

Rosalie was quiet, and like the other day she barely exchanged a few words with me, but this time I could feel her looking at me way more than before. Physically she was ok I guessed; tall, blond, the two days I'd seen her she wore jeans, boots and tank tops, her tattoos in full display as well as her steel. Her eyes were blue and I could almost feel them boring into me, like if she was trying to figure something out. It made me feel wary, but I tried to brush it off as simple curiosity on her part. I was the new girl after all. One way or another, if I was being honest, I didn't like her. She had been really disrespectful towards Edward when he had talked about some type of convention he wanted everyone to attend. I didn't really know where or when because I had been busy cleaning something at the back, so I didn't hear. But when Edward told me to join them I did and I could see the tension in him as Rosalie kept making inappropriate comments every once in a while, just to get to him. Edward tried to keep himself from lashing on her. How he did it? I didn't know because it wasn't even my business and I wanted to slap that girl. I didn't like her treating Edward that way. I didn't want anyone to treat him that way, ever. So even though I didn't like to judge people that easily, I thought Rosalie was indeed a bitch.

Lesley on the other hand was a really nice girl, with all her tattoos and piercings. She was kind, never making me feel stupid as she had to explain over and over again how to do some of the things at the shop. She told me about her future plans and how she couldn't wait to be a piercer herself. I wondered if I would ever be able to do what she did around the shop, in due time for her to be able and focus on putting piercings. I really wanted to be, but I wasn't sure that would be possible.

I wasn't sure I would be ready in time, if ever.

I had found everything fairly easy to do. Cleaning was something I was used to, and stocking the shelves wasn't that difficult. The hardest part had been the computer and I still didn't get it. I'd never had one. Before I was homeschooled, I had learned a little about computers at school, but I really didn't remember much. Lesley said that I would be able to learn with some practice, and maybe she was right. But dealing with costumers wasn't something I thought would be easy for me. Lesley talked to them in person or on the phone with such ease. She was polite, but fun at the same time. When the costumers arrived, I would busy myself with something in the back of the shop or I would just stay silent behind Lesley at the front desk. She made it look so easy, and the costumers were nice with her. The regulars would ask who I was and she would introduce me briefly. They would smile but leave me alone, for which I was grateful.

So overall and, being honest, I couldn't complain. Today had gone very well and much better than the first time I had gone to the shop. And if Edward wanted to celebrate I would do it. It was hard to say no to him, especially when he smiled that way. Oh, who was I kidding? It was hard to say no to Edward period, no matter if he smiled or not.

With a sigh I took a seat on the couch and waited for Edward and T.

It was a strange feeling for me, how with the little time I'd been living with Edward I already felt comfortable enough to wander around the place, as if it was really mine as well. Edward had told me this was my home too, but it was hard to feel that way when I wasn't contributing in any way. But little by little I felt like I was getting there and I hoped soon enough I was able to put a little bit towards the expenses too. At least for now I took pride in helping him around the apartment, and he seemed pleased with it, though he told me more than once that it wasn't my job to clean after him. But I liked it. I liked to take care of him and T. It made me happy.

I could hear voices from the door, but I couldn't really understand what was being said, since the TV was on. I laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes for a bit. I hadn't really realized how tired I was.

The voices continued and I wondered what was taking Edward so long.

_Maybe they brought the wrong pizza_, I thought.

Just then I could hear footsteps, and the voices getting closer. I sat upright in a second and wondered who was there with Edward. The pizza guy, or any delivery guy for that matter, never came inside the apartment before.

"Bella," Edward said, his voice held a hint of uncertainty.

I turned around and could feel my eyes growing wide at what was in front of me.

There was Edward, and another man right next to him, looking at me with a confused look on his face.

I'd never seen him before, but I just knew who he was, it was plain as day.

_Edward's uncle._

There was just no doubt in my mind that it was him. He was tall and lean, with blonde hair and blue eyes. But his face... his face was so much like Edward's, but without the steel and with a few age-lines, that almost gave away his age. I had stared at Edward's face long enough to memorize it; the shape of his eyes, his nose and jaw were so alike the man next to him.

"Carlisle, this is my friend Bella. Bella, this is my uncle Carlisle," Edward said, breaking me from my thoughts.

And then everything came crashing onto me and the realization that I was indeed in front of Edward's uncle hit me and I just froze. Slowly I turned my eyes towards Edward and could see the worry in his own eyes. I could feel the apology in them as well. He didn't know he was coming and was worried for me.

"Nice to meet you Bella, Carlisle Cullen," his uncle said as he took a few steps forward, but he didn't get too close before Edward sprung by my side and placed his hand on my shoulder, while he took a seat on the arm rest, next to me.

His uncle looked a little taken aback by what was going on but he stretched his hand and all I could do was look at Edward, pleading with him to tell me what to do. But he looked as caught off guard as me.

I looked at the man and raised my hand slowly, and he should have been blind not to see the way my hand was shaking. When he took it I almost felt like I was going to faint, but when Edward trailed his hand down my back I was able to contain myself until the exchanged was done.

"N...nice...to to meet... yo you..." I stuttered.

He let my hand go and I pressed myself closer to Edward.

"I'm sorry," Edward said towards his uncle. "We just weren't expecting company."

"Oh," his uncle said. "I'm sorry Edward. As I told you it was just a spur of the moment decision. I really wanted to see you, son, but if you and Bella want to be left alone I'll be..."

"No," I shook my head, making both men turn their attention towards me. "Don't mind me," I said quickly.

I looked at Edward again, and I guessed he understood me. Even though I wasn't comfortable I wasn't about to ask Edward to make his uncle leave.

"It's okay, Carlisle. We were just going to eat dinner, that's all. You're welcome to stay, right?" He pressed his hand harder on my back, as if asking for my input.

All I could do was nod and mumble a 'sure'.

Edward's uncle seemed really confused by what was going on in front of him, but he tried to play it off and changed the conversation to the weather. Safe topic, I guessed.

Edward's uncle sat down and I volunteered myself to retrieve something for him to drink. He said he would have a coffee and I went to the kitchen as fast as I could. T followed me and I felt a little of comfort at knowing she was by my side.

Once there I had to brace myself on the counter and take deep breaths to gather my bearings. I didn't want to make a scene in front of Edward's uncle. I wasn't going to embarrass Edward that way.

I started the coffee maker, which Edward had taught me how to use, and tried to relax if just a bit. That guy out there was Edward's uncle. He was the guy that had helped him through his hardest time, he was a good person, and I shouldn't be scared. I was fine, I was fine... _I am fine._

The door buzzer went off and Edward yelled for me not to worry. I could hear him moving around and then his steps getting closer.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." He came towards me and placed both hands on my shoulders.

"It's okay," I said softly, my voice shaking slightly.

He shook his head. "I didn't know he was coming. Both of us were supposed to get together tomorrow for lunch and on Saturday for dinner with his wife and daughter. He just said he wanted to see me and my new apartment and..."

But I stopped him by pressing my hand on his mouth, and the feeling of his lips on it almost made me forget what I wanted to say. Almost.

"It's okay, Edward. He is your uncle. He wanted to see you. I get it." I tried to reassure him as much as I could.

"Yes, but I know how uncomfor..." He was unable to finish because there was a knock at the door.

"Go," I told him. "I'll be there as soon as the coffee is done."

"You don't have to. If you want to just wait here or in the bedroom, I'll tell him to leave."

I shook my head. "Don't do that, as soon as the coffee is ready I'll be there."

"Are you sure?"

All I could do was nod.

He didn't look convinced, but with squeeze to my shoulders, he left me and went to the door. Again T ran faster than him and was already barking at the door.

Five minutes later, I was walking with a cup of coffee, a spoon, and the sugar container.

Edward and his uncle stopped talking as soon as they saw me. Edward had a small smile on his face while his uncle looked... intrigued? I couldn't really quiet place it.

I went and place Mr. Cullen's coffee in front of him and after he thanked me, I went to sit next to Edward on the couch. I was thankful that Mr. Cullen had taken the recliner so I was able to be close to Edward, being next to him helped me feel less uneasy.

There was an awkward silence, and all I could do was fidget with my hands as I looked down.

"You guys eat," Mr. Cullen said. "I had dinner with Esme right before coming here, so I'm full."

"Do you want to eat, B?" Edward asked softly.

"Do you?" I asked back.

He sighed and started serving the pizza, giving me one plate and taking one for him. He then started asking his uncle questions between bites, and I knew all he wanted was to keep him occupied so I didn't have to say much. He placed his hand on my thigh often, when he wasn't busy eating, and it did calm me a lot. I could see from the corner of my eye how his uncle would look at his nephew's actions and then tried to look away. I just wondered what he must have been thinking about our interactions, but other part of me didn't really care. Edward was my calm, I needed him.

"So Bella, Edward tells me you work at his shop, is that right? Did you meet there?" Mr. Cullen asked suddenly.

Edward almost chocked on his pizza, but I quickly pounded my hand on his back, and gave him his Coke so he could take a drink. He took the drink and swallowed with discomfort, but was able to settle.

"I'm sorry," his uncle said with a chuckle. "Didn't mean to scare you there, son."

Edward waved his hand off. "You just took me by surprise that's all."

Mr. Cullen nodded and kept sipping his coffee. He didn't say anything, but the way he looked between me and Edward told me he was really waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I said sheepishly. "I work at the shop and..." I really didn't know what else to say.

My hands were sweating and I knew telling him Edward had found me on the streets and that I was now living with him, wasn't a good idea.

"Bella lives with me," Edward said out of the blue and taking me by surprise.

"Oh really?" Mr. Cullen asked a little bit shocked.

I nodded, not even looking at him while Edward said. "Yes, she is my roommate."

For a few seconds none of us spoke. I kept glancing at my pizza and even though I had been hungry before, my appetite had suddenly vanished.

"Well, I'm glad you aren't all alone son," Mr. Cullen finally said.

His voice sounded honest, so that made me feel less nervous. But at the same time I knew he was implying something else and even though I was waiting for Edward to set things straight he never did, so neither did I. In reality I didn't care what people thought, but this was Edward's uncle.

"Yes, Bella is a great person to live with," Edward said to his uncle, but his eyes were on me. I could feel them and I looked at him shyly. "She is a really good friend, too."

He was smiling at me and I couldn't help myself but to smile back. If I could, if only I was able to speak in that moment, I would have told him that meeting him had been the best thing that had happened to me, and that living with him felt so natural I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else.

"Mhmm," Mr. Cullen cleared his throat and I realized Edward and I had been looking at each other for a while.

I just looked back at my pizza and stayed silent.

"How is Esme? And when is Alice arriving, again?" Edward asked suddenly.

That did it and Carlisle started talking about his family. I was almost sure Edward didn't actually care much about everything his uncle was saying, but if he wanted to distract his uncle it had worked.

I learned that Edward's cousin, Alice, was a journalist in Chicago. By what Mr. Cullen said she worked and traveled a lot and they didn't see her that often, so this trip was kind of a vacation for them. Edward' aunt, Esme, had been planning a big Thanksgiving dinner and when his uncle asked Edward if he was going to attend, things got a little bit strained.

I ate my pizza slowly, if just to do something with my mouth that didn't involve talking. After a while, and when I saw Edward was done eating, I excused myself and took everything to the kitchen. I spent more time that needed tidying up everything in there; I just didn't want to go back to the living room just yet.

Finally after what felt like hours, there wasn't anything to do and I had to go out there, but before I did that I heard movement and then voices approaching. I looked towards the entryway of the kitchen just when Edward was walking in, followed by his uncle.

"Bella, it was really nice meeting you. I was telling Edward you are welcome to join us on Saturday for dinner. I think Edward would be more comfortable if you went with him," he said with a smile.

I really didn't know what to say to that. _Me? On a family dinner?_ I didn't think it was a good idea, or if I would even be able to do it.

"We'll see Carlisle," Edward said quickly.

I again didn't speak.

"I have to head back to the hotel, but I do hope I get to see you soon, Bella."

I nodded and thankfully this time he didn't approach to shake my hand. With a small wave and a mumbled 'nice meeting you too' from me, he walked out.

When I heard the door finally click, I released a huge breath I didn't even know I had been holding. Edward quickly came to me and again apologized for everything that had happened.

"Don't worry Edward," I said. "It was fine."

"Don't lie to me, Bella. I could feel how nervous you were." His eyes looked so worried.

In a bold move I took his hand and we both went back to the living room, T behind us. We sat on the couch and when Edward opened his arms to me I couldn't help but go all too willingly. And everything was right again.

"He looks like you, you know," I said after a couple of silent minutes.

"Who? Carlisle?"

I nodded into his chest and could feel him shrug.

"He and my dad were really alike, at least physically," he said almost in a whisper.

"And do you?" I smiled softly.

"What?"

"Do you look like _him_?" And I knew he was aware of who I was talking of, his dad.

He seemed to think it for a moment. "Yeah, everyone said so."

"Did he have your same hair?" I giggled.

Edward chuckled. "If you are talking about the fact that my hair seems to have a mind of its own, yes," he said. "But my hair and eye color are all my mom's. My dad's were blue, just like Carlisle's, but his hair was a little bit darker than my uncle though."

"I bet your parents were really good looking," I said without even thinking.

"Why would you think that?" And I could hear the hint of a smile in his voice.

"Just..." I shrugged and wanted to kick myself for saying that.

"Tell me," he whispered.

But I couldn't really tell him that I thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I just couldn't, it was way too embarrassing to say it out loud.

"I think you know why," Is all I said.

"No I don't."

_Ugh_, he wanted me to say it, but I kept silent.

He suddenly moved and I wondered if he had gotten mad at me, but move out of the way to let him stand up. Without a word he walked towards the hallway and I stayed motionless, worried I had done something wrong. I didn't dare to move.

I could hear his steps, and knew he had gone into the bedroom.

"What did I do?" I asked T, who was on the floor looking at me, her head slightly to the side.

I didn't have much time to ponder what had happened though, because Edward was then coming back. He looked nervous for some reason, as he clutched a yellow envelope on his hands. I hadn't move a bit since he had left and he took his spot back on the couch, wrapping his arms around me as I slowly lay back against his chest, sighing in relief when I knew he wasn't upset with me.

His hands were in front of me so I was able to see as he opened the envelope. There were some things inside and he raised it a bit to be able to find whatever he needed. Finally, he took out something.

"Here."

"What is this?" I asked as I took a small picture in my hand.

My smile grew wider when I saw what it was.

It was a picture of Edward's parents and himself.

His mom was so beautiful, and just like Edward had said, her hair was almost the exact color as his, but hers was long and straight, her eyes big and green and her smile could light up a home; she looked so happy. His father was a handsome man, and I had to do a double take because he did look a lot like Edward. He was smiling as well, and had his hand around his wife, and the other one on top of Edward's shoulder. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes when I looked at him. Edward must have been around six or seven years old when that picture was taken. He just had this big smile on his face, a smile I had never seen before. A tooth was missing and it only made him look that much more adorable. He looked so happy.

"Wow," Was all I could say.

"Yeah," Edward sighed. "I was six, and we had just moved to our new house." He pointed at the beautiful house at the back, which I hadn't really paid attention to until he told me it was there.

"It's really beautiful."

"Yes," Edward agreed. "It was my mom's dream house."

"What happened to it?" I asked.

"It's still there," he said. "I just couldn't sell it you know. I just couldn't. When they passed, the house was automatically paid for. I thought about renting it for a while, but I couldn't go with that ether. My uncle hired someone that goes there every few months to clean, making sure everything is well taken care of. He goes there too, once in a while to check everything up."

"Do you ever think of going back?" I asked hesitantly.

"No, yes...maybe," he said. "It's just too hard."

I nodded.

"But..." he started to say but suddenly stopped.

"But what?" I asked.

He seemed to be thinking for a moment. "Maybe if I didn't go alone, it wouldn't be so hard." He placed his face closer to the back of mine and inhaled deeply. "Maybe if you went with me..."

I quickly turned my head to look at him, "Me?"

He smiled softly and nodded. "Not today, or tomorrow, but maybe one day?" He looked so unsure.

I thought it for a moment and all I could do was smile back and nod. "Of course I would."

I would do anything for him.

"Really?" he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yes," I reassured. "Whenever you are ready and if you still want me to, I'll go with you."

He seemed content and I laid my head back again on his chest, looking at the picture as if it would disappeared any moment.

"Thank you, Edward, for showing me this," I said as I pointed towards the picture.

He placed a kiss atop my head. "I have more pictures here," He waved the envelope, "But I think for tonight this will do."

"Okay," I said. I would take whatever he gave me, and wouldn't push him.

T, who had been sitting in the floor, chose that moment to jump on top of me. Edward quickly took the picture from my hand and placed it back in the envelope.

"T!" he chided. "Be careful."

She barked back at him and placed her little head on my lap. She then yawned without a care in the world and closed her eyes.

I giggled and Edward couldn't help but chuckle himself.

"I like it," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"This," He sighed. "You, me and T. I like it."

"Me too," I said.

And I did. I liked how the both of them made me feel.

Because for the first time in years, I really felt like I was part of a family.

**A/N.- So there you go. ****Bella finally meets Carlisle and Edward opened up a little bit more!**

**What do you think about it? I really look forward to your feedback. Is always nice to read it.**

**I'm glad many of you are ok with the 'pace' of the story. I know it may be 'slow' for some, but it's just the way the story comes to me. Same with the characters, not all are the same as cannon, and I'm as well thankful that you like it that way. Things will move forward, soon enough, so no worries. **

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence). You know I love ya babes, and I'm here every time you need it.**

**My awesome FFBFF and pre-reader Mony (aka. Wanda Lovett). Which by the way tends to distract me while I try to write, showing me videos, pictures and what not of my banjo-crush! No fair! But keep doing it! *lol* **

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story! Every single review is read by me and I really appreciate it, don't doubt it. To all of you that leave a review under 'anonymous' and I can't write back to, well thanks so much! I do read those too!**

**So keep the love coming! **

**Wish you all an awesome weekend,**

**Alexa :)**

**PS.- Don't forget to go and check out my story The Roads of Life, which I co-write with Mony (Blueking141). The link as at my profile. Peace Out!**


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Enjoy your meal," the waitress said to us with a polite smile.

"Thanks," my uncle and I mumbled at the same time.

Carlisle and I had decided to just eat lunch close by the shop in a small Italian restaurant I had gone before, since I needed to be back at work in a hour. Besides if we went to one of the places he frequented, I would have to dress up and I wasn't up for that. I would have to do that tomorrow for the 'family-dinner', and that was too much as it was. I didn't even want to go in the first place, but I wasn't going to be an asshole either and tell my uncle to not count on me, so I would have to deal.

_It's just one night,_ I thought, again.

I couldn't complain though, I was glad to see my uncle. It had been a little over a year since I had seen Carlisle last and I had really missed him, I really had. Because even though I may be a jerk sometimes to everyone and to him specially, he was the only family I had left. The only relative dear to my heart.

"I'm really glad you are doing fine, Edward," Carlisle said after a few minutes of mindless conversation. "After you told me about what happened with Heidi all those months ago, I didn't know what to expect."

"I know," I nodded, because I knew he worried about me, sometimes too much, "But it has been easier than I would ever have thought."

"That's good to hear, son." He looked thoughtful for a second and out of nowhere asked. "Did you really love her? I mean it's just..." he sighed. "You were going to get married. I bet it hasn't been easy and maybe those feelings still linger... or not."

I was kind of caught off guard by his question, but I answered him anyways.

"I did love her," I was being honest; there was a time when I did love Heidi. She had been an important person in my life, someone I loved, "but not anymore," I said out loud. "I just thought that asking her to marry me was a good idea. We had been dating for three years and living together for two." I shrugged. "I saw it as the next step, but I really don't think it would have worked out. We didn't have the same goals in life. She realized that before I did, that's all. I can see that now."

It was stupid really, how after being with her for over three years I was just realizing how we had never connected in a real deep way. We liked each other physically and enjoyed our time together. We had cared for each other, yes, but it was sad to see that had been it. Our feelings weren't that strong. Our priorities weren't in making our relationship work, on keeping the love alive so to speak. Because I was at fault too and I had to be honest about it. In reality we didn't even spend that much time alone with each other after those first months when we moved in together, we just started growing apart. Between her jobs out of town and me being at the shop almost all day, weeks went by when we barely saw each other, and when we had free time we just spend it with friends, rarely alone. Sometimes we were more like roommates than lovers and I had been fine with it. At least we had realized that before it was too late. It would have sucked if I had married her just to find out it was just not the right thing to do. At the end of the day we had both loved each other, the thing was we fell out of love, and that was that.

"I understand," my uncle said.

"Yeah, it was hard for the first few days, getting used to be alone again and all that."

_Or maybe not,_ I thought. Because being honest, being alone didn't bother me at all, sometimes I even welcomed it. I thought it had been just the shock of seeing a long term relationship end the way it did, the way Heidi had done things was something I still didn't understand. But no point to dwell on those things though, it was the past and I didn't really care anymore.

"You are not alone, Edward, you have your family. We love and care for you."

I had to roll my eyes and could see his face getting agitated at my cynicism.

"I know you do, Carlisle, but let's be honest, no one else does."

"Don't say that." He sighed.

"Whatever," I said. The last thing I wanted to do was to have this discussion with him, we had had it before, it never lead us anywhere. "Everything is going well for now. I can't complain."

And I wasn't lying. Yes, there were so many things going on around me, things that were not even close to being okay. But for the first time in a long while I felt like my life had a purpose. For the longest of times I just went with the flow and did what I was supposed to do; work hard at my shop, hang out with my friends almost every weekend, spend time with my girlfriend and attend functions with her, play in the band, go to sleep and then repeat. Many of those things I did enjoy, but some of them I did them because I had to do them, I was expected to, but not because I wanted to.

Now it was different, now I felt like I knew what I wanted, or better said who I wanted.

_Bella._

I wanted her.

In the short amount of time I'd known her, she had changed my life and I wanted to do the same for her. I wanted her to be happy and overcome all the bad things that had happened to her. It wouldn't be easy and she may not be able to get over everything, but I would be by her side. I was not going to push her, not at all, but I would let her lean on me every time she needed it. I'll let things progress as they had to and if at the end all she wanted from me was a friendship, I would take it. I would take whatever she gave me.

Last night had been an eye opener for me. Just being there with her talking about my parents and not getting upset about it, going as far as showing her their picture, it was a huge step for me. And after all was said and done, we just stayed there, lounging on the couch. It felt so natural, it felt so right. Bella in my arms felt right. And I just knew it.

I still didn't understand my feelings for her completely; I couldn't say I was in love with her, not just yet, but I didn't have a doubt in my mind that I was heading to that direction. I thought even my dog could see that.

I smiled softly as I took a sip of my drink and a bite of my food. Bella had that effect on me, just thinking about her made me want to smile like a fool.

"By the way," Carlisle looked at me, "Is your friend, Bella, coming tomorrow?"

I shook my head right away. "I don't think so."

"Why?" he asked.

"What do you mean why?" I shrugged. "She doesn't have anything to do with that dinner. Besides, you saw her, she is really shy. I don't think she would feel comfortable."

I didn't think Bella would really want to go to that dinner. I didn't even know why my uncle had invited her. Or maybe I did but I just wanted to deny it. My uncle Carlisle had seen right through me. He had realized how much I cared for her, but I wasn't going to come right out and say it. It was too soon, way too soon.

"I just," He sighed, "I just thought that maybe you would feel better with her there. It's obvious that she has a positive effect on you."

I looked at my uncle and he was smiling softly. _Yes, seeing right through me._

"I just don't think it's a good idea," I mumbled.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't find comfort in the idea of Bella going with me to that 'family dinner'. Just being with her made me feel all kinds of calm, like nothing was that bad if she was by my side. _Damn!_ I had even agreed to consider going back to Chicago if she went with me, not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought that was a possibility.

Heidi had asked me multiple times to take her there, to show her where I had come from, but I never relented. She knew my past, of course she did, but not as Bella did. No one knew my side of the story like Bella did. When I met Heidi, I told her briefly about me; that I was an orphan and didn't have a close relationship with my living family, except my uncle Carlisle, who she had meet just one time. She knew my parents had been somewhat stable economically and that thanks to the inheritance I had been able to buy the shop. I told her about how a friend had taught me how to do tattoos, but I never really explained to her the surroundings of that. She never really pressed me to tell her and I never felt the need to bare my soul to her.

It had been different with Bella. She had shown me hers and I had shown her mine, and I didn't feel like if I was burdening her with my problems, more like sharing them with her. And it had felt so right. Like everything with her did.

Bella had just this beautiful soul, a soul that had been put down so much, but still shined.

I saw Bella and didn't see this freaking hot chick in front of me; it wasn't a physical thing, at least not entirely. She was beautiful, damn right she was, but that wasn't what made my heart beat faster when I saw her. Besides her pure soul, whenever I looked at her, I saw a girl that besides all that she had gone through, she still had a warm smile when she looked at me, a girl that had suffered so much in her life, someone that wanted to get better and fight against all the demons that haunted her.

Bella was a woman I wanted to wrap up in my arms and protect from everything.

_My girl._

And just like that I realized I didn't just want her to be mine, I wanted to be hers too.

* * *

Half an hour later we were fighting for who was going to pay the bill, my uncle let me do it telling me dinner the following night was on him; I agreed.

We walked to the shop and he spent some time there while I showed him around. He had been at the shop before, but every time there was something new to show him and I couldn't help and feel proud at his praises. It did mean a lot to me, what he thought about my business, after all he was the closest thing I had to my father.

Carlisle did ask about Bella, again, but I had luck on my side and Emmett chose that time to come and talk to my uncle. He left a while later with the promise to see me the following day.

By six o' clock I was out of the shop and on my way home. As I took a drag of my cigarette I couldn't help but quicken my step. I wanted to get home.

_To my girls._

* * *

"How was dinner?" Bella asked sheepishly as soon as I plopped down on the couch next to her.

I threw my tie on the coffee table and undid the top shirt button. Freaking dressing up was not my style, but for the sake of my uncle I did it. _Ugh!_

"Fine," I said, and without even thinking what I was doing, I lie down on the couch, placing my head on Bella's lap.

She stiffened immediately and I was about to sit up when she tentatively placed a hand atop my head and started passing it through my hair, letting me know she was okay.

I smiled lazily and sighed in contentment but when I looked down I saw T was looking at me. She was annoyed that I had taken her spot on Bella's lap.

_Take that little fucker! _

"I'm glad," Bella said. "It didn't take you long, though. I thought maybe you would be here until after midnight."

I chuckled. "I left as soon as I could, which wasn't hard because Esme and Alice were really tired after spending all day doing stuff around the city. Besides they leave tomorrow afternoon so they wanted to wake up early and do I don't know what, before they had to go back to Chicago."

"Are you seeing them tomorrow?" she asked.

"Nah," I sighed. "I already said my good-byes. My uncle said he may come again in a couple of months, at least for a weekend, so I'll be seeing him soon."

"Mmm..." Bella hummed and I closed my eyes in contentment.

It was Saturday night and I had just arrived from the dreaded 'family-dinner'. Bella and I had both agreed she wasn't going to go. I really didn't want her to, if just for her sake. I just didn't want to risk it if Esme and Alice were being all bitchy to me, because of course that would just had made Bella feel all kinds of uncomfortable. But at the same time I wanted to give her the choice, so I had asked anyways, and when I did she hadn't said anything verbally, but her face did. She didn't want to go. So that was that. This wasn't the right time for her to meet them. I hadn't even planned for her to meet my uncle, but she had and that was enough for now.

Maybe one day if they came back or if I decided to go back to Chicago, she'll meet my aunt and cousin. Who knew what the future held, all I knew was that I wanted Bella in mine.

I had to hand it to my uncle though; dinner hadn't been as awful as I thought. I could go all the way to say it had gone well, and I didn't know if Carlisle had talked to them or what but it hadn't been that unpleasant. Seeing my aunt Esme and my cousin Alice hadn't been that bad and even though it had been awkward at the beginning, we tried to remain polite. My aunt even went all the way to give me a hug when she saw me, Alice just nodded in acknowledgment and that was fine by me. One thing was to be polite and the other to be a hypocrite.

Alice talked about her job for the most part, which bothered my aunt a lot. She was a journalist and worked in a Travel magazine, I didn't even know the name of it and I didn't really care. She had been stuck to her cell-phone almost the entire time and my uncle wasn't pleased with her ether. Esme talked about her friends and the charities she was at, gossiping of people I didn't even give a shit about. Boring stuff.

I told Bella all about it and she would laugh when I tried to imitate my aunt and the way she spoke, almost as if she was Queen Elizabeth herself.

"Is she really that way?" Bella asked all wide eyed.

"Sometimes," I chuckled.

Maybe I was exaggerating in some parts, but I liked to hear Bella laughing.

"What about your cousin? Is she the same?"

"No. Alice will go along with what my aunt says, but on the inside I don't think she actually enjoys it that much. She is more into her books and research. She is a geek at heart..." I trailed off when I had to yawn.

"Are you sleepy?" Bella asked.

I shook my head. "I'm hungry."

Bella giggled. "But you just came back from dinner. How can you be hungry?"

"I know," I rolled my eyes, "But the freaking tie was chocking me, I could barely swallow my food."

That made Bella start laughing and I couldn't help but do the same. T started barking from her spot on the floor and that just made us laugh even harder. After a while we were able to calm down and I looked at her with a smile of my face.

_This feels so damn right._

"I have some leftovers. Do you want me to warm it up for you?" she asked shyly.

"Did it work out?" I asked.

Just this evening, on our way back home from the shop we had stopped at the super market. I had asked Bella if she wanted to buy some take-out to eat, but she had told me she would rather cook something. Knowing I was going to eat dinner out she had said she wanted to try a recipe she had seen on the TV. And if my girl wanted to cook she could, so I took her to the super market. Besides we were running low on some stuff and since she had taken to cooking at home more often that I had expected, I took it as a chance to buy whatever we needed for the week. Once in the cashier line I saw a cooking magazine and had bought it too. I wanted Bella to see I supported her in everything she wanted to do.

"Yes," Bella nodded. "I think it's good, but I don't know if you will like it..." She was looking nervous now.

"I want to try it," I said. "I'm just going to change and I'll be back, okay?"

"Okay," Bella said. "I'll just warm it up quickly on the stove."

I went to my room and changed into a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt. I even went all the way to put the dirty clothes in the hamper. Bella had taken to cleaning, and even though I didn't care if things weren't organized, I felt like shit to mess with her hard work. That made me smile, no one had taken care of me the way Bella did in a long time, I didn't know if she meant to do it or if it was just the way she was, but it warmed my heart.

She cared for me, maybe not as much as I did for her, but she cared.

Walking back to the living room I couldn't help but hum at the wonderful smell that came from the kitchen and when I finally ate some of the food it was even better than I had expected.

"This is freaking delicious, B," I said as I took another bite.

"Thanks." She looked down at her hands, embarrassed for the praise.

"What is it called?"

"Spaghetti Carbonara," she sighed. "I know it's simple but I wanted to try."

"I love it," I told her honestly.

She looked at me. "Really?"

"I think your food is really good." I nodded enthusiastically. "Have you ever thought about studying further? Maybe you could be a chef or something like that?"

Bella shook her head. "I don't know. I've never thought about it. I don't even have a high-school diploma."

"I think there is a way you can take an exam and get it. If you are interested, maybe we can look into that," I suggested.

She shrugged.

"We can talk about that later. Just give it a thought, B."

She nodded as she fidgeted with her hands. "Maybe I can talk to the counselor about it, see what she thinks?" she asked, uncertain.

"I think that's a good idea," I agreed.

I had called Jasper as soon as Bella had given me the green light about her seeing the shrink Jasper had recommended and he had set the appointment for Wednesday at 9 in the morning, much to my request. I wanted to be there with her and at least that way I wouldn't need to take much time off work. I didn't mind at all, but I knew Bella felt like she was imposing, so better to make it easy for her. I would take her to her therapy, wait for her, drop her home and go to work.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.

"A little," she confessed. "But..." She sighed.

"But what? You know you can tell me," I said as I placed the empty plate atop the coffee table so I could take one of her hands in mine.

She finally raised her eyes and looked at me. I could see her emotions were all over the place, uncertainty, fright, hope.

"I do want to get better. I want to fight this Edward," Bella whispered so softly.

I couldn't help and smile at her because that was a freaking huge step. The fact that she was scared, but still wanted to do this gave me so much hope it scared me as well.

"What if doesn't help though?" She looked so uncertain my smile quickly disappeared.

I swallowed hard and had to think for a minute.

"If it doesn't help," I said, "We will look for another option."

"We?" she asked.

"We." I reassured. "It's me and you now, B."

I could see the tears start to form in her eyes, but before the first one felt down she launched herself at me and I didn't hesitate in embracing her.

"Thank you... Edward..." She hiccupped. "I know I have said it many times, but you don't even know how much your support means to me. How much _you_ mean to me."

"You too, mean a lot to me, Bella."

_More than you will ever know._

**A/N.- So Edward is finally accepting his feelings for Bella, what do you think about that? Things are going slow but they are moving so I think thats a good thing right? **

**I know many of you were expecting this big explanation about the dinner with the Cullens, and more so the meeting between Bella, Alice and Esme. Well it didn't happen, at least not now. Alice and Esme aren't important in Edward's life, nor was he going to subject Bella to that dinner, they will meet, eventually. I hope you understand that and aren't disappointed, but that's just the way the story goes. Tattward whispers to me and I just type *lol***

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnoncence). Thanks babes, your support and feedback is invaluable.**

**My pre-reader and FFBFF Mony (Blueking141), who is always there listening to my rants, even though she has tons of homework or needs to write her own story ('Whenever You Call', if you haven't read it go and check it out). I love you Wanda!**

**All of you that read, rec. and review this story. Your support means a lot to me and it makes me want to work that much harder!**

**So keep the love coming :)**

**Have an awesome day,**

**Alexa**


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you are okay, B?" Edward asked hesitantly.

I nodded my head and could hear him sigh, unconvinced with my answer. Still, he kept rubbing soothing circles on my back as T kept whining softly from the bottom of the bed. She couldn't climb by herself and I didn't have the energy to lift her. Edward was just trying to make me feel better and pulling T up was the last thing on his mind. He was sitting next to me as I lie on the bed, we had been that way for the past ten minutes and I couldn't find it in me to move. I was completely drained from the morning events.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"What's that?" Edward asked; unable to understand my muffled voice, as I had my face mostly plastered on the pillow.

_His pillow._

It smelled like him and I tried to take deep breaths every time, his scent helping me calm down some, but not entirely.

I turned my head slightly and when I finally looked up at Edward, I was able to see the pain reflected in his eyes and my heart hurt that much more at seeing him like that. As much as I tried, it seemed everything I did, I did it wrong and it ended up hurting Edward. That's the last thing I wanted to do, the problem was I didn't know how to fix it.

I didn't know how to fix _me_.

But I had to suck it up, at least for now. He needed to leave and I wasn't going to stop him. He had a life of his own, he had things to do and it wasn't fair that I was always in the way.

"I'm okay, Edward, really." I tried to sound as convincing as possible, but he wasn't buying it, that much I could tell by the way he was looking at me.

I didn't know how, in the time we'd know each other, we had seemed to be able and communicate without words; we could know each other's moods with just a look. It was like we were able to read each other's minds sometimes. It wasn't always the case, but it happened more often than not. A look into his eyes and I was sure I was able to see deep inside. I wondered what he saw when he looked at me.

_Did he see the cracks of my broken soul?_

"I think I should call Les and..."

I shook my head quickly. "No, please. Just go, Edward. I'm fine." He frowned at that, again, not believing me. So I opted to just be honest. "I'll be fine. I just need some time. There are just so many things on my mind right now. I don't even know where to begin," I finally said. "I just need to rest for a bit, so don't worry about me, please, just go."

With a sigh and without taking his eyes away from me, he nodded. "Okay, but just promise me to call if you need anything. I'll make sure to have my cell phone with me at all times."

"I will."

"Sure?" he asked.

I just nodded.

"And don't cook today. I'll bring some Chinese food on my way back. I just want you to rest. Don't even worry about T. I'll walk her when I'm back."

"Okay," I agreed.

Edward sighed and placed a hand atop my cheek. He then stood up and carefully wrapped the comforter around my body, making sure I was warm and comfortable.

"Thanks," I said.

He gave me a nod of acknowledgment and crouched down to pick T and placed her next to me. She licked his hand and he smiled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said. "Since we'll be closed for the long-weekend I may have to stay longer. But it won't be more than an hour or so." He placed his hand atop T's tiny head. "T, take good care of Bella."

T barked as if she had understood and I had to smile at that. _What would I ever do without them?_

Edward leaned down and placed a soft kiss to my forehead and my body exploded into goosebumps, as it always did when his lips touched me. "Please rest, B."

"I will, don't worry." The last thing I wanted was for him to be worried about me all day. He needed to be focused on his work, not wondering how I was.

Edward then gathered his stuff and left the room. A minute later I heard the apartment door opening and then closing and finally the sound of the lock, which let me know that he was finally gone.

T placed her small head on the pillow next to me and as I looked at her I couldn't help but let the tears finally fall.

It wasn't even eleven in the morning and I felt exhausted and ready for the day to be over.

Today had been my first session with the therapist Jasper recommended and it hadn't gone that well. At the beginning, even though nervous, I had felt hopeful. Edward and I had arrived bright and early, as I was her first patient of the day, and just five minutes after nine in the morning I was called inside. Edward had gone inside with me at first and we had both introduced ourselves as she did the same.

The therapist was a woman in her middle forties, I guessed. She was tall and looked really professional but at the same time approachable. Her hair was blond, and tided in a bun on the back of her head, her red glasses made her look less serious though, and her warm smile helped my uneasiness settle if just a bit.

She introduced herself as Tanya Denali.

Dr. Denali started asking random questions at the beginning; my age, what I did for a living, where I was born and stuff like that. She as well asked Edward some personal question such as the circumstances of his relationship with me and when he looked at me with a smile and said we were friends and lived together as well, I had to smile back at him. It didn't last long though because a minute later she was asking him to leave the room and again I was faced with the reality of where I was and what I was doing there. I didn't want Edward to leave, but I understood it was necessary, so after he reassured me over and over again that he would just be outside I was left alone in the room with the therapist.

It looked like Jasper had told her some things about me and even a little bit about Edward, but she assured me he didn't share much and she didn't ask ether. No that Jasper knew much about me anyways. But still, Dr. Denali told me that she wanted it to be me who told her about my problems, not a third party. So she knew the basics of my situation, but nothing really specific.

Dr. Denali's questions started becoming more and more difficult for me to answer, but she reassured me I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to or I felt uncomfortable with it. But I did answer anyways, no matter how much it hurt I knew I needed to let it out. Unfortunately half way through it, I broke down and couldn't even utter a word. Thirty minutes into my session I was begging for Edward to take me out of there. And he did, just as he had promised he would.

I wasn't sure if I would be back or not, but I was booked an appointment for the following week anyways. Dr. Denali told Edward we could cancel at any time, and even though I wanted to cancel right then and there, Dr. Denali asked me to think it through. I agreed because the truth was I just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could. No matter if I had to lie to do it. Because I was mostly positive I wouldn't be back there. It hurt too much.

I wasn't strong enough.

I stayed for hours on the bed, trying not to think about the morning's events mingled with my past, but I still thought too much. My mind just wouldn't stop and I didn't know how to force it to do it. I would fall asleep and wake up, then fall asleep again and wake up crying. It went like that for hours. It wasn't until my stomach started growling that I remembered I hadn't eaten anything, not even for breakfast. A look down at T and I knew she must be hungry too. I wouldn't walk her today. I just couldn't find it in me to go out, but I wouldn't neglect her ether. So with as much energy as I could muster, I made my way to the kitchen, T in tow.

I placed some food and water for T and grabbed and apple for myself. While T ate in the kitchen I went to the living room and stood there, doing nothing, just watching the rays of sunshine that came through the window.

It was getting colder and I knew snowy days weren't far away, so I decided to enjoy the little bit of sun, if just for a moment, and opening the sliding door I walked out to the balcony. I had never gone outside and once there I realized the space was tiny, mostly because the fire-stairs took most of the space. Not that the apartment was that big either, all the rooms were small, the bathroom was tiny. But it was home, and I loved it there. It was a place I felt safe in, and everyone I cared for the most lived there as well.

I sighed and took in my surroundings. The only thing that was there besides the iron-stairs was an ash-tray filled with cigarette's butts. I leaned on the railway and looked down; cars, people, everyone was doing something, I saw a few guys on bikes, with backpacks on their backs. Everyone had a life to live.

Everyone but me.

Because at that moment I was just hurting.

* * *

"Do you still want to go, B? We can just stay here, it doesn't matter."

"I do want to go," I said, this time with honesty and I knew Edward could see that I was being sincere.

It was way past midnight, but neither of us seemed to be sleepy. So we were lounging on the living room watching TV.

"We'll be leaving at eleven then. Jasper's parents live an hour away, and he told me we should be there by noon."

"They don't live here in the city?"

Edward shook his head. "They live in Cold Springs in Philipstown."

"Is that far?" I asked. I had never been there before.

"About an hour or so. Depends on traffic."

Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and we were going to spend it with Jasper and his family, just as we had decided before. When Edward came back from work he told me he was going to call Jasper and cancel, but I begged him not to. I didn't know why, but I wanted to do something normal for a change. It had been years since I last celebrated Thanksgiving, or any holiday for that matter, and even though I didn't care much about holidays in the past, I thought it may be a good distraction for me. I knew Edward wanted to go too. Just at the beginning of the week we had been talking about it and he seemed excited about going out and enjoying a day of relaxation and good food. We both needed this.

I spent all afternoon and part of the evening just thinking about what I would do next. I couldn't stay like that forever. I wanted to move forward, and even though I wasn't sure still if I was going back to therapy or not, I would try my hardest to take slow steps forward. So celebrating a holiday with Edward and the family of his best friend would be a good thing, I thought.

"Is Jasper going with us?" I asked.

"No," Edward shook his head, "He is already there, and he'll be spending the long weekend over there as well so I prefer us to go on our own."

"Oh," I said. "How are we going to get there?"

"I'll drive," Edward said matter-of-factly.

"Are you renting a car?"

"I have a car, B." Edward smiled towards me.

"You do?" I had never known Edward owned a car.

He nodded. "Yes, it's in a parking garage, just a block away from here. I rarely use it, but it's good to have it in handy."

"I can't imagine driving here," I said. "Too much traffic and people are always in a hurry."

"Do you know how to drive?" Edward asked curiously.

"Yes," I nodded, "Jacob taught me back in Phoenix when I was seventeen. It's been a couple of years since I've actually driven a car, but yeah I know how to."

Edward nodded, but I could see his forehead scrunch into a frown. I wondered if I had said something wrong but before I could ask him he started yawning.

Since I had slept a lot during the day I wasn't that sleepy, but Edward was so he excused himself and went to bed, while I stayed on the couch with T. I flicked through TV channels until I settled for a late cooking show.

I drifted to sleep on the couch and was woken up with one of my nightmares. Thankfully as of late, I was able to wake up before I started screaming, so I didn't wake Edward up. T though woke up instantly and jumped down the couch, making her way towards the bedroom. She didn't sleep on the bed anymore, but her little bed was just in the corner of the bedroom.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down I stood up and walk to the bedroom too. It was going to be a long day tomorrow, and I wanted to be prepared. Both physically and mentally.

I was barely able to see my way into the bed, but as soon as I laid down, I felt Edward's arms wrap around me. I stiffened a little, he had never done that before. We had slept together for weeks now, but we would always keep his distance. I would mostly sleep under the covers while he would be on top, covered with a bed sheet or something.

"Bella..." Edward mumbled.

"Mmm..." I croaked, worried that I had woke him up.

I waited for a bit but he didn't respond, his breathing deep and even. He was asleep. And he was saying my name. _My name._

A small smile played on my lips and I was finally able to relax and relish in the comfort of his arms.

And I could have sworn that just before I finally succumbed to sleep he mumbled something else. But it was so softly I wasn't sure I had heard him right.

"My girl," he said.

* * *

It was 11:45 a.m. when we finally got out of the city. Between the traffic and a quick stop at a bakery and a liquor store -so we could bring something with us to the Whitlock's- we were running a little behind. But Edward had already called Jasper and he knew we were on our way.

Being in Edward's car and seeing him drive was strange, but not in a bad way, on the contrary I really liked it. The car was really nice. I had never rode in something like that. It was a silver, Honda Accord. Edward told me he had got it only weeks before moving to his new place and that it was the first new car he had ever bought. He explained to me the features of it and all, but it was hard for me to keep up with everything. I had never taken a lot of interest in new technology; I rarely had access to it so I didn't bother. But watching Edward being so enthusiastic about it made me want to learn if just a little bit. T sat calmly on my lap. She was dressed in a brown sweater but not booties, those things just made it harder for her to walk and I wanted her to be comfortable.

The drive was filled with comfortable silence. There was soft music playing and I spend the journey looking out the window and taking in all the beauty around. Fifty minutes later we arrived in town and not even ten minutes after that we were pulling into the Whitlock's driveway.

"Hey guys! You made it," Jasper said as he opened the door for us.

"Here," Edward said as he pressed into Jasper's chest the bag with the pastries and pies he had bought as well as some bottles of wine.

"Thanks, you shouldn't have." Jasper said sarcastically.

I was really nervous by that point, crushing T to my chest and trying to take deep calming breaths. Edward's hand was in the low of my back as we both walked inside the house. As soon as we passed through the threshold, the smell of turkey, stuffing, bread and more hit my nose. T's little head was looking around fiercely, trying to find the source of that mouth-watering smell I guessed.

"Edward! Is that you dear?" Someone asked.

Edward chuckled. "Yes, it's me Mrs. Whitlock."

Just then I saw a middle aged woman walk towards us. Her hair was peppered with white, but she didn't have many wrinkles on her face.

"Shut up you! You make me feel old calling me a Mrs.," she said as she took Edward in her arms. Edward hugged her back and smiled.

From the corner of my eye I saw Jasper rolling his eyes. "Mom face it, you aren't getting any younger."

My eyes went huge at what Jasper had said, but Mrs. Whitlock threw her head back and laughed out loud, Edward on the other hand punched Jasper on the arm and I knew they were just kidding.

"And who is this young woman, Edward?" Mrs. Whitlock asked once she had calmed down. She was looking at me.

I lowered my gaze and tried not to drop T as my hands started shaking slightly.

"This would be my Bella. I mean my friend, Bella," Edward quickly corrected and when my head snapped up to look at him I could see his ears going red.

_Was he blushing?_

Jasper started chuckling as Edward shot daggers with his eyes to him.

I hadn't much time to ponder though because Mrs. Whitlock came to me and placed her hands on my arm. T started barking but Edward came quickly and took her away from me and placed her on the floor.

"It's nice to meet you dear. I'm Rachel Whitlock, Jasper's mom."

"Bella," I said sheepishly and before I knew it Mrs. Whitlock had her arms wrapped around me, hugging me, as my own arms laid flat on my sides. I just didn't know what to do.

"Mom," I heard Jasper's annoyed voice. "What did I tell you? I'm sorry Bella," I could hear the apology in his voice. "She gets carried away sometimes."

"It's okay," I said when Mrs. Whitlock ended the hug. And I was being honest, besides the initial shock of having her hugging me, I didn't find it totally uncomfortable. The way she had hugged Edward let me know she cared for him, so that on its own made me like her.

We are ushered inside the house and soon we're introduced to the rest of the immediate family. I got to meet Tyler, another guy from Edward's band, Tyler's wife and Jasper's sister, Lauren, their son Eric and finally Jasper's dad, Paul. They all seemed really nice and the men keep their distance from me, I wondered if Jasper talked to them about me, and if he did I was grateful.

Minutes later Lauren and Rachel invited me to the kitchen and, though hesitant, I agreed. Edward smiled encouragingly and told me he and the 'boys' would be in the living room watching some kind of sport match.

Jasper's mom and sister were both nice to me, never asking me personal questions, and I felt myself growing more comfortable by the minute.

"Do you like to cook, Bella?" Lauren asked as she took out some bread from the oven, poking it with a fork to make sure it was ready.

I shrugged. "I don't really know much, but I'm trying to learn."

"Really?" Mrs. Whitlock asked. "Remind me before you leave, I have this book I bought a couple of years ago. It has really easy recipes. I know them all by heart now so you can have it if you want to."

I looked at her and smiled softly. "Thanks."

"No problem dear. I'm really happy Jasper invited you and Edward to come. You know Edward is a really good boy, but he is so lonely sometimes." I could hear the sadness in her voice.

I didn't know what to say and just kept chopping tomatoes.

"I agree, not even when he was dating that Heidi woman had he looked so at ease," Lauren said. "But he seems happy today. I wonder why that is."

Her and Rachel giggled and I wondered if I had missed the joke. The mention of his ex made my stomach hurt a little. But hearing them say that Edward looked happy today made me happy too.

A few minutes later more people came into the house; some of Rachel's and Paul's siblings with their own families started filling inside the home. As soon as the first family arrived Edward and Jasper came by my side and flanked me. Edward closer than Jasper though, and I didn't even remember how T ended up in my arms again. I knew what they were doing though, with T in my arms people couldn't actually shake my hand, so they will just nod and move on.

More introductions were made and half an hour later, we were all sitting around a huge table, which in reality where three tables put together. Paul, Jasper's dad, said grace and after that we all started digging in.

I was sitting between Edward and Lauren and, surprisingly enough, I was enjoying myself. T was somewhere around, playing with a toy we had brought for her. The Whitlock's didn't have pets so she didn't have anyone to play with there. As we ate, Lauren asked me if I was going to go to the band's last gig and when I said I would, she told me I could sit with her and Jessica, the wife of another band member. Lauren's son, Eric, was sitting next to her and he was putting a fight because he didn't want to eat turkey, he wanted pizza. Lauren told Tyler to talk to him, but the kid would just not budge and kept pushing his food away. He should have been around eight or nine years old, he had blond hair and blue eyes and the pout on his face just made me want to laugh at him. He was so cute.

When I lowered my hand to retrieve the napkin that was atop my lap I felt Edward's hand wrap around mine and when I turned to look at him I couldn't help but smile.

"Are you having a good time, B?" he asked softly, so only I could hear.

"Yes, the food is really good, and everyone is nice."

He nodded earnestly. "Rachel and Lauren are really good cooks and the Whitlock's are excellent hosts."

After that Edward's hand didn't leave mine and I could care less if I had to eat the remains of my food with one hand. A smile plastered on my face the entire time. When we were done with the food we ate dessert and I even surprised myself when I helped pick everything up and enlisted myself to help washing the dishes. I didn't know what it was, but I felt comfortable in that house with those people. I had even talked with Jasper briefly, and even though I knew he wanted to ask me about my meeting with his colleague, Dr. Denali, he didn't ask and I was grateful for that.

By eight o'clock Edward and I were saying our good-byes. Lauren came and told me to call her if I needed anything, that Edward had her and Tyler's number. Rachel made Edward promise to bring me back and when he said he would she hugged me and I hugged her as well this time around. As promised she gave me the book she had talked about before and with that we were on our way.

"I really had a good time, Edward. Thanks for bringing me," I said as we rode the car on our way back to the city. T already sleeping in the back seat.

Edward smiled and carefully turned to look at me. He took one of my hands in his, just like at dinner and placed it in the middle of the console as he manoeuvred the car singlehanded.

"I'm really glad, B," he said, smile in place.

"And I was thinking..." I hesitated.

"What?" He raised one of his brows, the one with the piercing, and it shined with the rays of light coming from the dashboard.

"I think I want to go back and see Dr. Denali."

"Really?" he asked surprised.

I nodded. "Yeah. I know," I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "I know it will take time, and I know it won't be easy. But I have to try. I have to."

Edward raised our joined hands and oh-so-softly pressed a kiss on the back of mine.

Nothing else was said, nothing else had to be said.

With our hands clasped together the entire way, we made our way back home.

**A/N.- So Bella went to her first therapy session and it didn't went that great, but she'll try again! And yes Tanya is her shrink, and no she isn't going to be mean. Edward is not even in her radar.**

**Thanksgiving with the Whitlock's and a ride on Edward's car. ****What did you think about that?**

**I really hope you enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you think, your feedback is always appreciated.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn! (LittleMissInnocence) I love ya babes!**

**My Pre-reader Mony (Blueking141), who is always enduring my questions after I show her the chapters *lol* I'm kind of paranoid with my writing.**

**All of you that read, rec. and review this story. Your support means a lot to me.**

**Wish you all have an awesome weekend!**

**Leave some love please :)**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa**


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"So are you two like dating?" Mike asked.

With my fingers, I twisted the piercing in my lower lip and rolled my eyes. "No, we're just friends."

"But you live together, right?" Mike raised his brow.

"Yes," I said annoyed.

"But you aren't..."

I threw my hands in the air, in complete exasperation. _Was Mike back in High-School or what?_

"Fuck Mike!" I yelled.

We were having a rehearsal before our last gig at Eclipse, and just as I had told Bella, I had brought her to our last practice session. But as of right now she was inside the house with Jessica, which left Mike free to ask stupid questions.

Bella had been doing so well these last couple of days and I couldn't be happier with her progress. She had even gone back to talk to Dr. Denali and, just like last time, she had withdrawn after the session, but not as much as the previous time and once back home she was mostly back to her usual self, a little bit tired, but her spirits weren't as down as before. Jasper had warned me, it would take time, and some sessions would be harder than others. Sometimes they would be so hard it would look like Bella was taking a step backwards. So I was prepared for what was to come, at least I hoped so. I would be by her side, just as I had said I would.

So with everything going somewhat fine I decided to ask Bella if she wanted to come with me to Mike's place and she had said yes. She wasn't as nervous as I thought she may have been, and I knew it was because she already knew Jasper and Tyler.

She had barely exchanged a few pleasantries with Tyler during Thanksgiving dinner at the Whitlock's, but at least she already knew who he was and that he was an alright guy, besides she had gotten along with his wife, Lauren, which was a plus. Jasper and her weren't friends per-se, but I knew Bella had grown more comfortable at being around him, so much that the other day Jasper had come to the apartment and ate dinner with us, he even stayed for a couple of hours as we talked about nothing of consequence. Bella wasn't as shy as before and would sometimes participate in the conversation. I smiled like a fool all night long just seeing how far she had come.

So the only person left from the band, for Bella to meet, was Mike. But I knew, and I told her as much, that Mike was a big goof and she didn't need to worry about him.

If I was being honest, I couldn't wait for her to get to know me even more than she already did, so her coming with me to one of our band practices meant a lot to me. I wanted her to see me doing one of the things I loved the most; playing music. And even though she had been at that one concert, it was another different experience when we were in Mike's garage; the banter, the jokes, the music we made on the spot just for fun; it was something I wanted her to see firsthand. Also, besides Emmett and Jasper, Tyler and Mike were my closest friends and I wanted Bella to meet them.

I wanted her to know what was important to me; because as much as I tried to deny it, to other people and even myself, Bella had become one of the most important people in my life.

Every single day my feelings for her grew stronger; my want, my desire was getting borderline uncontrollable and it freaking sucked because I couldn't act on them. I felt like my right hand was going to fall off any second now with the morning activities I found myself doing more often than not. I felt like a prick for doing it, but there was no other way. It had been months since I last had had sex and, even though I knew it wouldn't be hard to find a willing person, I wasn't about to do it. No one caught my attention, no one but Bella.

I wasn't stupid; I knew Bella had some type of feelings for me, feelings that went beyond friendship. I had realized this on Thanksgiving Day, as we rode the car on our way back home, and I wondered how long that had been going on without me noticing. The way she looked at me and how her eyes shined a little bit when I came back from work, the smiles that she gave me and only me, they didn't reached her eyes entirely, they never did, but still they were beautiful and blinding and mine. The subtle touches that were growing more every single day drove me crazy and all I wanted was to crush her to my body and never let go. I was going insane with how much I found myself wanting to get over with it and tell her how I felt. But I couldn't. Because even though I knew there were feelings there, I didn't know how deep or strong they were. I couldn't even sort through my own. I didn't even understand them and I was going crazy.

I had had enough of keeping things to myself and, just as any other clueless man would do, I had to ask for help. I went to Jasper. He was the only person that I could trust to help me out, sorting what was going on with me. Besides he was the one person, besides me, that knew the most about Bella's situation. So I talked to him about all that I was feeling for Bella, no freaking filter, and he had agreed with me right away. I was going head over heels for my girl.

Jasper told me he could see something in her as well, which was a relief and meant I wasn't just seeing in her only what I wanted to see. Unfortunately my happy bubble didn't last that long because as soon as he had said that he told me I should take into consideration that maybe Bella just felt thankful towards me. That maybe it was not love, but gratefulness. It sucked, but I had to agree that maybe he was right. And when I asked him what to do, the prick just shrugged and told me 'let her be the guide'. _The fuck!_ The worst part was that I did know what he meant, I just didn't want to. I wanted him to tell me to 'go for it dumb ass'. So I could just go to Bella and tell her how I felt. No such luck, though.

But I listened to his advice this time. I needed to do it if I wanted this to work somehow. So I let Bella take the lead, and set the pace of whatever was going on with us. Friendship? More? I didn't freaking know, but I still waited. That didn't mean I didn't try. I had learned that if I was close enough to her on the couch, she would end up with her head on my shoulder, that if I laid my head close by her hands she would automatically start running her hands through my hair. T didn't like this part much because it meant less petting time for her, but she was taking one for the team and sucking it up. If I moaned at the food she cooked, she would smile and sigh in contentment. If I opened my arms to her, she would walk in willingly and bury her face in the crock of my neck. So yeah I did all those things on purpose, just to have her closer to me, sue me.

So here we were now, in Mike's house, me being questioned by him, and it was getting me beyond annoyed. Which wasn't hard these last couple of days. My temper seemed to flare at everyone except Bella and I knew much had to do with the pent up frustration of not being able to just tell her I liked her. Fuck if I was going insane.

"Shut up Mike," Tyler sighed.

_Thank you, Tyler._

"I was just asking." Mike shrugged. "I mean after Heidi..."

I groaned.

"What?" Mike defended after my interruption.

"I'm just sick and tired of everyone going back to Heidi. That chapter in the book is over, why don't people understand that? I was with her, once upon a time, I'm not anymore. I don't miss her or love her or nothing like that, get it?"

"Sorry man, I'm going to shut up then," Mike finally said as he raised his hands in surrender.

"Thank God." Jasper rolled his eyes.

After that Jasper changed the topic and we started talking about our future plans with the band. I told them about one of my clients, who owned a bar and may be able to give us some work the following year, everyone seemed excited about it. We knew we were lucky to be able and keep the 'band-dream' alive, with the little time we had to actually play. There were many bands out there and way younger, willing to play every single night for hours on end, trying to get a gig and maybe find their big-break. We on the other hand played mostly on the weekends and there were times we just couldn't because one or the other had something else to do. So yeah we knew we had to thank our luck.

Minutes later, Bella and Jessica were coming back with drinks and some food. Jessica couldn't cook to save her life, but she was good at stocking her pantry with the most awesome snacks, so I didn't complain at all. I was used to eat junk food, before Bella that is. Mike was the one that cooked in that household and the fucker could grill like the best.

I couldn't help myself and smile at the both women coming our way. It seemed that Jessica, just as Lauren, liked my girl just fine. Seeing Bella being accepted in my social circle meant the world to me. And seeing her at ease with the people I hung out the most with, made me feel hopeful that things were going to get better.

Just then Bella caught me starting at her and her smile made my heart do a freaking dance inside my chest. Pussy, I was a pussy in her hands.

Demetri and Felix, the little devils, came running behind her, breaking our small moment. They were laughing at something and went straight to Mike's keyboard.

"Boys, be careful!" Mike warned.

They both nodded, but kept doing what they had been doing before. Thankfully my guitar was already in its case because I would shit myself if those two got their hands on it. It had happened one time and within the first five minutes they had already broken two strings and were on their way for the third. Those kids were uncontrollable, but at the same time they were the funniest children I'd met.

We stayed for an hour longer, just talking and making plans for Saturday. Jessica was going to leave the kids at a sleepover they had, or some shit like that, so she was going to the gig. It looked like Lauren had already talked with Jessica about my girl because she started telling Bella that they were going to save a spot for her. Emmett said he was going to go too. I didn't know if Rosalie was going to tag along or not and I didn't even care. She had been kind of quiet the last couple of days and I knew Emmett had talked to her, which I was grateful for. How long would it last? I didn't know, but so far so good.

Emmett and I had finally gone out after work, during the week, and I had told him everything that I felt he needed to know about Bella and how I had met her. I didn't give him any details, nor did I say much, but he knew what he needed to know and that had been it. Our friendship, though slowly, seemed to be on the way to recovery and I guessed that as long as Rosalie or Heidi weren't a part of our conversations, things could ran smoothly between us. Just like old times. And I was ok with that.

At ten o'clock we were making our way home in Jasper's car. He drove as much as he could because he hated public transportation and walking wasn't something he liked to do often, so most times than not he was the one giving me rides since his place was only a ten minute drive away from my apartment.

"So I'll be seeing you on Saturday, Bella," Jasper said as Bella and I got out of his car.

"Yeah." Bella smiled. And I had to smile as well because my girl was so freaking strong. "Good night, Jasper." She waved.

A few more words were exchange and just when Bella and I were turning towards the entrance of the building someone call out for her.

"Bella! Hey!"

I tensed right then and there but when I saw Bella wave in recognition I relaxed some.

"Angela, how are you?"

A woman with glasses stopped in front of us and smiled. "I was just walking Sam." She shook her wrist and following the leash attach to it I saw a small black dog; a Chihuahua like T.

"That's nice. I'm glad you finally got the time to walk him. You didn't go to the park this time?" Bella crouched a bit and petted the dog's head.

The woman shook her head. "No, I took the opportunity and went to grab a coffee at the Starbucks that is close by." She raised her other hand, in which she was holding a disposable cup of Starbucks coffee. She then turned her smiling face towards me and almost instantly her eyes went huge, the smile all but gone.

I had to bit my lip to stop from chuckling. I had gotten those looks before, but hers was just funny. She looked surprised, but not scared. Maybe a little bit of wonder and speculation.

Bella stood up then and followed the woman's gaze, to see what had made her expression change, and sighed. "Angela this is my friend, Edward. Edward this is Angela."

"Nice to meet you, Angela," I said, extending my hand towards her.

She blinked her eyes in quick succession and really slowly extended her hand to shake mine, her eyes still as huge as before. "Nice...to meet you," she gulped.

"He is T's owner," Bella said.

Angela's brows furrowed and she looked at Bella. "Really? I thought she was yours."

Bella shook her head.

"Oh." Angela looked totally confused.

"We live together," I said. "Bella helps me take care of her."

"That's nice." Angela nodded and I could see her calming some. The smile wasn't as big as when she first walked towards us, but it was back in place.

"So how do you two know each other?" I raised my brow at Bella. I didn't remember her telling me about meeting anyone.

"Sam here," Angela pointed towards her dog. "Attacked T..."

This time my eyes were the ones that were almost ready to pop "What?"

"No!" Bella quickly said. "It wasn't like that Edward..."

She then proceeded to tell me about her being at the park playing with T and Angela's dog breaking his leash and trying to get T's toy. Bella told me about how they both started talking and had seen each other once again on the street.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Bella. I know I told you about seeing you around, but with my work I hardly have time during the day. I walk Sam at night and on weekends when I don't have anything to do, which is most of the time since I have practically no social life. Such a big city and so boring at the same time."

"It's okay," Bella said, "I understand."

"Are you new here?" I asked. "There are so many things to do in the city."

Angela nodded. "Yeah, move here about a month or so. Maybe I'm just homesick," she sighed.

We talked for a few more minutes and learned that Angela was actually a High-School Literature teacher. She had just gotten the job out of the blue and had had to move as fast as she could. A couple of minutes later she and Bella exchanged numbers with a promise of keeping in touch if they didn't run into each other at the park. Angela seemed nice enough and she seemed to like my girl. Bella, as always, was shy, but she seemed to like Angela as well and I thought they may enjoy each other's company.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Angela but..."

I stopped her right there. "It's okay, B. You don't have to tell me everything. She seems nice," I said as we made our way to the apartment.

Bella nodded. "Yeah, she seems lonely too. It's not nice to feel that way." She sighed.

"You aren't alone, B," I said, placing my hand over her shoulders and pressing her to me.

"I know," she said looking up at me, "At least not anymore."

* * *

"Did you like it?" I asked as soon as I made my way to the table, and towards her. Only her.

Bella nodded, a smile on her face. "I loved it."

This time I didn't need to open my arms, because as soon as I was in front of her, Bella placed both her arms around my waist, pressing her face into my chest.

The other guys were asking for drinks and talking animatedly, but I could care less about who else was there.

We had just finished playing our last gig. It had been kind of bittersweet. We were all kind of sad that we wouldn't get to play for at least the remaining of the year, and who knew when we would be going to get an opportunity to do so again with a live crowd. We would practice even if we didn't have work lined up, but playing live was something we all enjoyed too much. On the other hand, we were excited about wrapping up our gigs at Eclipse with an awesome response, the bar would be crowded every time we played and it was something that helped our confidence as a band.

But there was something that made this night that much special. And that much better. _My girl._

She was here with me. Every single time I looked at her she would be smiling at me and only me. My eyes barely left her and I didn't care if there were more people there, for me it was just her. Sometimes her eyes would be close as she swayed to the rhythm of the music, a content smile on her face. I would close my eyes as well and pour all my feelings into what I was playing. And when I sang her song, I could see the tears falling down, but for once I knew they weren't sad tears, they weren't happy tears per-se, but they held some type of contentment and all I wanted was to go and hug her. Just as I was right now.

"I'm glad you liked it, baby," I said in a barely whisper, as I placed a kiss on top of her head.

But not matter how softly I had said it, I knew Bella had heard me, because as soon as the words were out her head wiped up and she looked at me, her eyes twinkling with a light I had never seen before.

"What did you..." She licked her lips and fuck if I didn't want to kiss her in that moment. I wanted to just dip my head those few inches that would take for my lips to be over hers.

"Baby," I said it again, because it was out there and I wasn't taking it back.

Her breathing hitched. "Edward," she sighed and slowly placed her hand on my cheek.

And just like that, it happened. If I had had doubts that this was real, that what was growing inside of us was out of some misguided feeling of gratefulness, I knew right there and there, while we both just looked at each other, than it wasn't that way. I could see it in her eyes, the feelings pouring out of her. But as much as we both wanted this I could also see something else. She wasn't ready. Not yet. But I couldn't care less. Bella wanted me, she wanted me as I wanted her and I would wait. No matter how long.

I pressed another kiss to her head, because even though I wanted to press my lips to hers, I had to wait until she was ready. And I would wait no matter how hard it was.

"I'll always be here B, waiting for you," I whispered.

She closed her eyes and one lone tear came out. I quickly brushed it with my thumb and she quickly turned her face and placed a single kiss on my hand.

"Please," she begged.

"What baby?" I asked.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming,"

I shook my head. "It's real, B." And just like that I took her hand in mine and pressed it to my chest. I wanted her to feel my heart beating fast, beating for her. "But I'll wait, no matter how long, I'll wait."

She chocked a sob and more tears fell.

"Wait for me," She looked me right in the eye, her eyes pleading. "Don't give up."

"Never baby," I said with sincerity. "Never."

That was the moment I fell in love with Bella Swan.

**A/N.- And that's how Tattward fell in love...**

**What do you think about it? I really hope you liked the chapter and please don't forget to leave some feedback, is always appreciated.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInoccence) I love ya babes! You have been there since day one and I'll never forget that thanks to you I started to believe that I could write, or at least try to *lol***

**My pre-reader and FFBFF Mony (Blueking141). You know you're way more than just a pre-reader to this story, you've helped me figuring out many things and always ease my thoughts when I'm freaking out! Love ya Wanda!**

**All of you that read, rec. and review this story, including the ones that leave anon. reviews. Believe me, I read them all and if I had a place to write you back I would because I appreciate every single one of them.**

**Wish you all an awesome week,**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"When?" I asked, my breaths coming out in short gasps.

I felt like I was going to throw up, but I had to keep it together for a bit longer. I needed to know this was real.

Edward held my hand that much tighter and I tried to find comfort in it.

"Last night," he said.

"Are they sure?"

"Yes," Edward confirmed it. "Caius went today. He said he needed to see for himself that it was in fact him. It was."

"How?"I didn't even know if I wanted to know, but I asked anyway.

"They stabbed him," he sighed. "Several times."

I nodded and felt bile trying to make its way out of my mouth. I quickly shot up from the couch, Edward dropping my hand instantly, and ran toward the washroom barely making it to the toilet in time.

Everything that I had eaten during the day came back out of my mouth. I clung to the toilet bowl for a long time, but I didn't seem to be able to stop vomiting. There was a point when I felt like my insides were going to come out as well and I almost choked. I felt terrible.

Edward was behind me, keeping my hair away from my face, as his free hand rubbed gentle circles on my back. A part of me didn't want him here; I didn't want him to see me like this. But the other part of me was grateful for him being by my side. I needed him so much.

When my stomach was finally empty and there was nothing else to expel, I tried to stand up, swaying as dizziness took over me. But Edward didn't let me fall. He helped me stand upright and moved me towards the sink where I slowly brushed my teeth. I took a look at the small mirror above and realized I looked as bad as I felt. I couldn't find it in me to care though. My mouth tasted horrible and not even the toothpaste was able to help, but I couldn't do much about it.

"Let's get you to bed, baby," Edward whispered. "I think you need to rest."

I nodded and let him drag my body out of the washroom and into bed. I didn't have the energy to even move. He took me into the room, T quickly behind us, and placed me on the bed. I started shivering violently and he quickly got the throw that was on top of the comforter and placed it over me.

"Calm down B, please," he begged.

I nodded and closed my eyes. I tried to take deep breaths and compose myself. I left my eyes closed, but remained awake. My mind was too busy to let sleep come.

I could feel and hear Edward moving around, he left for a bit and minutes later he was back. I felt his side of the bed dip and his arms coming around my still trembling body.

"Here B, drink some water." Edward helped me sit and I slowly drank the water, once done I laid back down and closed my eyes again.

I didn't know how long it took until he spoke again, it could have been minutes or hours. I was totally lost.

"Everything is going to be okay, B," Edward said softly, he then placed a kiss to my cheek and moved out of the bed. "I'll be outside if you need me. Come on T, let's leave Bella to rest."

I didn't reply, I didn't even move. I knew he was aware that I was still awake. I couldn't fool him that easily. But he understood my need for silence and he respected it. He knew I needed some kind of space and not a minute after that he left the room.

Once he had left I opened my eyes and could see the faint light coming from outside, the door was mostly closed, but a crack was letting some light from the hallway coming in. I sighed and could feel the tears threatening to come out. But this time I didn't know what they meant.

My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't tell a feeling from another.

He was dead.

Riley Biers was dead.

A part of me was shocked, another part was relieved, and this made me feel guilty. Feeling relieved by someone's passing was not a feeling that I wanted to have. But what else could I feel? That man had hurt me in one of the worst ways and I couldn't find it in me to feel pity for him.

I knew something was going on when Edward had come back from work. Just like every other day when I didn't go to work I was waiting for him with dinner ready, he told me he needed to talk to me after eating and wouldn't really look at me. All through dinner he looked tense, he barely ate. Once dinner was over we went into the living room and he gave me the news. Caius, who had been keeping in touch regularly, had called Edward to give him the news.

It had been over a month and a half since that day, the day that man had hurt me, and sometimes till this day I could still feel his dirty hands touching me, hurting me. Dr. Denali told me it wasn't something that would just vanish overnight, but I wanted it to be that way. I wanted to wake up and be cured, to really be okay.

But it wasn't possible. Time sometimes didn't cure it all. Not even after all these years had I been able to forget about what James had done to me and I probably never would. But I had fooled myself, thinking I had been able to get over it. It had taken this second assault to open those old wounds, those wounds that weren't even closed properly.

Those two men had broken me and now it was up to me to pick up the pieces and mend myself. And it would take a while to do that, but I wanted to put myself back together so bad.

It sucked how easy a soul broke, but how hard it was to put it back together. It wasn't fair. But I was trying my damn hardest to work on it. I wanted to start living a life I longed for.

My life.

A life with Edward.

Since that day at the concert things had changed drastically. I was even more aware of every single thing he did and I knew now that it wasn't just him being nice to me. It was him showing me he cared, showing me he wanted to be with me, and not just like a friend and a roommate, but as more, so much more.

Now we both knew we wanted to be with each other, but at the same time I knew I wasn't ready and he knew that. And by some kind of miracle he accepted that fact, and had promised to wait. We hadn't actually talked about it openly, it wasn't necessary. I knew when I was able to take that step we would have to have that conversation, but as of now we just enjoyed our growing bond and closeness.

_How did I get that lucky?_ I didn't know. Having someone like Edward wanting and most of all, waiting on someone like me was something I couldn't wrap my head around. He was such a beautiful person, both in the inside and outside, and he wanted to be with me? A broken girl that wasn't special in any way?

I still couldn't believe it; I thought it was just a dream. But every time he looked at me I knew I wasn't dreaming. I should have told him to move on, to go and find someone that deserved him, someone that could give him what I couldn't, but for once in my life I was being selfish, and I did want all of that. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything and I prayed every night that one day we could be together in that way. I promised to do everything I could to deserve Edward.

So I went to therapy twice a week now. I worked hard on my counseling and just when things seemed to get better there was always a setback, something that made me think I would never make it.

I knew it was still early, a month of therapy wasn't that much, but I couldn't find it in me to be patient about it. Still Edward was always by my side, encouraging me and making me feel important telling me to take my time, and showing me with more than words that he would be patient. So in the middle of all that was bad, there was him, and it made me stand up again and keep trying.

One day Dr. Denali asked me about Edward and how I felt about him, how I really felt. She knew we were friends and that we lived together. She knew how we had met and everything he had done for me, but we had never actually discussed him. That day without even thinking much about it, I confessed her the truth. That I was falling for Edward, and I was falling hard. I had never experienced that kind of feeling, but it didn't take a smart person to realize that that's what it was, love, that's what was blossoming in my heart for him. Every single day it grew and grew and I could hardly contain it.

Dr. Denali asked me lots of questions after my confession and when she was done she told me she just needed to make sure my feelings for Edward were indeed romantic and not just gratefulness in disguise. At the beginning, I didn't understand what she meant. Of course I would always be thankful towards Edward. He had saved me in more ways than one. But the way I felt about him, the way my heart would beat erratically when he was close, the way my body would tingle when he touched me, and just the overwhelming desire to be close to him, didn't have anything to do with the gratefulness. I wanted him because of the way he was with me and most of all with the way he made me feel, he made me believe in happiness.

I asked Dr. Denali if I was crazy for feeling that way, and she told me that I wasn't. I took a little bit of comfort in that. I confessed to her that I wanted to be with him, and asked her how long it would take for me to be able and be in a relationship with him. She told me there wasn't a time frame for me to feel ready and jump into a relationship both emotional and physical. That only I would know when the time was right and to just let my feelings guide me. She told me not every person was the same and that while some sexual-abuse survivors were able to recover with time, others would never feel able to get into a physical relationship again. I didn't know what would be my case. Sex had never appealed to me, but I had been able to do it with Jacob. I saw it as a chore and nothing more, but I still did it. With Edward, I wonder how it would be, and I would be lying if I said it didn't intrigue me. I wouldn't say I was eager, but at least the idea didn't make me panic.

I told her that much and when she asked about the way I felt when Edward touched me I told her that it didn't bother me, on the contrary, I liked him being close to me. Our physical interactions were mostly the same since before the day at Eclipse, but maybe a little bit more frequent. Edward and I would hug, hold hands when we could and he would kissed me more often than not. But not more than that, and never on the lips, and being honest they made me want more, if just a bit more. There were times when I just wanted to press my lips to his, but at the same time I was scared. I didn't even know how to do it. Of course I had kissed Jacob many times, but again I knew with Edward it would be different, I didn't know how, I just knew it would be.

Thinking about Edward made me calm that much more after the news I'd received and while I didn't fall asleep right away I was able to relax. It wasn't until I felt the bed dip next me, hours later, and two strong arms wrap around me that I was able to succumb to sleep.

* * *

A couple of days passed and I went back to my therapy with Dr. Denali. I told her about what had happened with the man, Riley.

Edward and I still didn't know what had happened exactly, Caius had just said it hadn't anything to do with what he had done to me. Edward thought that maybe Riley had opened his mouth about someone and that person had made sure to stop him before things got out of hand, it was pure speculation. But at the end of the day I didn't care anymore, he was gone. It was time to look forward.

Work was good. Everyone at the shop was nice enough. Rosalie was the only one I had barely interacted with, but she didn't bother me and I didn't bother her. I felt like things were really getting better, but at the same time I didn't want to put my guard down, not yet. Every day I did more things and Lesley felt more comfortable in letting me do things without her assistance. I even helped her with typing things on the computer. I was really slow and would ask for her help often when doing it, but I didn't give up.

My identification papers were now in order thanks to Caius and I was officially on the payroll. That first time when Edward handed me my pay check I couldn't help but feel excited, and I did cry, but they were happy tears. Edward told me he had made a check just for me, but in reality I would be paid by direct deposits to an account that had been opened on my name. The check had been kind of symbolic though. Edward even took a picture on his cell-phone which I thought was silly, but was too happy to deny him. Edward went with me to the bank to deposit it and we held hands all the way to and from the bank. That day had been a really good day.

Edward and I had gone out with Jasper a few times. He was really growing on me and I couldn't help but to truly like him, and not only hang out with him because he was Edward's friend. Sometimes he and Edward would go out by themselves, and I would stay behind. Edward needed to spend time with his friends and even though I loved to be next to him, I knew he needed some guy-time, or whatever they called it. He had gone out with Emmett too, a couple of times, and it made me happy to know their friendship was finally on the mend.

I, on the other hand, had been talking with Angela often. We would meet at the park when she had the time, and when we didn't, she would call me and chat for a couple of minutes about inconsequential things. We had gone to a coffee shop near by a few times and I found myself enjoying the time we spent together. She knew some things about me by now, she knew where I was from and that I worked at Edward's shop. She too knew that something had happened to me and that I was trying to work on it, but she didn't know what. I knew that if I wanted our friendship to grow I would have to tell her eventually, but I wasn't ready, not yet. She seemed to understand it and never pressed me to tell her more than I was willing to. I was grateful for that.

She had asked me about Edward and the smile that grace my face told her all she needed to know. She knew Edward was an important person in my life, she just didn't know how important. I just told her he had helped me to be where I was now and she seemed to like him even more because of that. She had confessed to me that when she saw him that first time she had gotten a little bit scared, that she didn't know what to make of him. But that as soon as he spoke to her and smiled she couldn't help but like him. She said he was a hottie-bad-ass, and I chuckled every time.

"Please Bella, come with me!" Angela asked one day as we walked T and Sam towards the park. "I leave in less than a week and I have nothing! Zero! Not even an 'I love NY' t-shirt!"

I thought about it for a moment "Okay. I will."

"Thank you. I hate shopping," she sighed. "But its Christmas, and I live in New York. How bad would it look if I went back home to Ohio and have to buy the gifts there because I was too lazy to do it here?"

I nodded. Christmas was only a week away and Angela wanted me to go with her to buy the gifts she needed for her family. At the beginning, I was hesitant but then I remembered that I hadn't bought anything for Edward and the idea didn't sound that bad anymore. I didn't have the slightest idea of what to get him, nor did I have that much money, but I still wanted to get him something.

"What about Wednesday? You don't work that day right?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No I don't, not yet. Wednesday is fine."

Edward and I had agreed that after New Year I was going to start going to the shop every day. I talked it out with Dr. Denali and she said she didn't see any reason why I shouldn't. But we would wait for the holidays to get out of the way.

"So what are your plans for Christmas anyway?" Angela asked.

"I think we're going to go back to the Whitlock's," I said. "Jasper's mom called me personally to invite me."

"That's nice." She nodded.

"Yes." I smiled. "Are you going to be back by New Year's?"

"Maybe," Angela sighed. "I still don't know. Everything depends on how things go over there." I saw the uncertainty in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I sighed.

Angela looked at me, her eyes watering. "I just hope I can do this Bella. I don't want to make a fool of myself. I'm not even sure I really want to go. But my parents miss me, I can't do this to them..." She sniffled. "It isn't their fault."

Angela had told me the reason she had left her hometown to come to New York.

She was dating this guy named Ben, they had been together for a few years when he decided things were not working for him anymore. A week later she realized Ben and one of her cousins were dating and had probably been doing it for a while behind her back. She told me her town was so small, she would constantly run into them, and not only that, they even attended family functions together, making Angela feel even worse. So one day she had had enough and before graduating she started applying for jobs far away from there. She was lucky enough to get a reply, by a private High-School here in New York, within a couple of months of graduating and after being interviewed twice, they made her an offer she didn't even think twice about agreeing to.

"You won't make a fool of yourself, Angela. Just look at you. You live in New York, have a great job, and support yourself. You should be proud."

She sniffled, again. "Thanks, Bella, you're so nice."

"I'm just telling you the truth," I said.

We didn't have much time to talk after that since T and Sam chose that moment to start fighting.

"T!" I chided. She was biting Sam on the neck and wouldn't let go when I pulled the leash.

Angela and I quickly tried to separate them. Well mostly T because Sam was whining but he didn't even put up a fight.

I wasn't completely sure, but it looked like Sam had a little crush.

I wondered what Edward would say about that.

* * *

"Ugh!" I groaned as I raised myself from the floor, placing my hands on the toilet bowl for support. I had woken up to an upset stomach and had bolted to the washroom.

Thankfully Edward was nowhere in sight so he wasn't there to see me do this, again.

I wondered what time it was since I always woke up before than him and T, at least most of the time. But as of lately I found it more and more difficult to wake up, I just felt tired.

It was Christmas Eve and we were going to spend the day at home and tomorrow we would head to the Whitlock's and spend Christmas day over there.

Edward had asked me if I didn't mind, and I really didn't. They were good people and most of all they cared about Edward, it was the closest thing he had to a family. Besides Mrs. Whitlock, or Rachel as she insisted me to call her, had called me herself, and just yesterday, Lauren called to confirm that I would be there, which I thought was really nice of them. They wanted me there and I just couldn't say no. Having spent Thanksgiving with them, I knew I was not going to feel uncomfortable around them.

Once I brushed my teeth, twice, I walked towards the living room and was assaulted by a burnt smell coming from the kitchen. My stomach started rolling again, but taking deep breaths helped settling it.

"Freaking shit!" I heard Edward's voice hissing from the kitchen.

_What is he doing?_

I walked quietly towards the kitchen and as soon as I got there I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight in front of me. Edward had a pan with something on it, it was burnt and you couldn't even tell what it was. Smoke was all over it while Edward fanned it furiously with his free hand, as if that would be enough to stop the smoke. T was close by barking at the offending pan and jumping as if trying to help. It was a sight, that one.

More expletives came out from Edward's mouth and they only made my chuckle grow into a laugh. He noticed my presence there and turned with a scowl on his face.

"It's not funny," he grumbled.

I shook my head and walked inside, leaning on the counter, but far away enough from him. The kitchen wasn't big at all but still.

When I finally calmed myself I looked at him with a smile. "It is funny."

Edward grumbled some more and threw the pan on the sink, with more force than necessary. He turned on the water and sighed.

There were some pieces of fruit on the counter and without even thinking I reached and grabbed a slice of apple. "What where you trying to do?"

"Eggs," he mumbled.

"And what happened?" It was obvious, but I wanted him to say it.

He shrugged. "They burned. Fucking things weren't there for even ten minutes and..."

"Ten minutes?" My eyes went huge. "Edward you left eggs frying on a pan for ten minutes?"

He passed a hand through his hair. "I was giving T her food. And then I was cutting the apples!" He motioned towards the plate I was eating from, in exasperation. "It took me more time than expected."

I giggled as I munched on the apple. He really was useless in the kitchen. He had said as much but I had never really seen him trying to cook, so I wondered if maybe he was just lazy when he said he didn't know how to do it

"Don't laugh, Bella, it isn't funny." He looked at me, his gaze boring into mine and my giggle halted. There was something in his eyes, something I couldn't read. "Say sorry," he said.

I shook my head, my eyes never leaving his.

"Say you're sorry, B." He tried to sound menacing but he wasn't at all, and I could see the corners of his mouth fighting a smile.

"No." I stood my ground.

With slow determined steps he walked the few feet it took him to be right in front of me. He placed both his hands in either side of my cheeks. I dropped the piece of apple instantly.

"You aren't going to apologize?"

"No," I squeaked. My breathing quickened.

"I was making breakfast for you, you know? I wanted to surprise you. And you are making fun of me."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

He nodded, his hands never leaving my face. He then bit his lip and all my eyes could focus now where on those beautiful pouty lips. Oh how I wanted to just kiss them.

"I was. I wanted to make breakfast for my girl."

"Your girl?"

"Yes." He nodded. "For you, my girl."

His words hit me so hard that in a bold move on my part I rose on my tip-toes stopping just a few inches away from his lips, waiting, wanting. I didn't have to wait long though, because a second later his lips were pressed to mine.

That was the day I fell in love with Edward Cullen.

**A/N.- And that's how B fell in love... and they finally kissed!**

**So there was no 'love-at-first-sight' for them, but this two know what they want now and even though they still need to go slow they'll make it work. Right? Right? Let's hope so!**

**Moving a bit forward with this chapter. Riley is out of the picture, and yes that was my plan since day one. Angela and Bella becoming good friends and for all of you that asked about Angela, well now you know a little bit more about her.**

**Can't wait for your feedback, it's always appreciated.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInnoncence) you know I love ya babes and that I've been your fan since day one. Your support and kind words make me smile, always.**

**My awesome Pre-reader and FFBFF Mony (Blueking141). What can I say bb? You know how much you mean to me, you've become a really close friend and you know how much I love ya.**

**All of you that read, rec. and review this story. Your support and kind words mean a lot to me.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend,**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa :)**

**PS.- Some news...**

**Yesterday I got a call from a friend telling me they needed someone in her office for 4 weeks starting Monday and asked me if I was interested. I said yes. So to my own surprise it looks like I have a job :O**

**It's only temporary but it's full time. That doesn't mean I'll stop writing, not at all! But I want to apologize if updates go back to once a week instead of twice a week. I'll try my hardest, but oh well sometimes you get opportunities you can't say no to. I'm freaking out because I've never worked here in Canada before, but I do hope everything goes well! So wish me luck :)**

**Peace Out!**


	25. Chapter 25

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

_Heaven._

That's the only way I could describe the feelings inside me as I kissed Bella.

As I cradled her sweet face between my hands, all I could think of was how perfect it was, how her soft and warm lips were able to reach my soul with the softest of touches. It was a chaste kiss, that one, but it was more than I could have ever imagined and expected.

It was just perfect.

I never thought it would happen this way. If I was being honest, kissing her wasn't something I was planning on doing right then. All I wanted was to do something nice for her, she had been so tired lately, I had just let her sleep while I tried to cook us both a descent breakfast. It didn't work out quiet as I had planned, but the turn of events had been even better than what I had in mind for our morning.

I was trying my hardest to be patient, to wait until she was ready and most of all to let her take that first step. In some ways she had taken that first step, she had gotten closer and I was sure she wanted the same thing I did, but then she stopped midway and I didn't wait for a confirmation as I met her in the middle. I was weak and gave into my desire to kiss her.

I just hoped I hadn't fucked up. I would never forgive myself if I did. But that didn't stop me from enjoying it and making it last for as long as my lungs would allow it.

"Edward," Bella sighed as soon as our lips parted.

Worry started to pour in me as soon as the kiss was over, but being selfish I relished in the moment for a little bit longer, pressing my forehead to hers and giving her one last peck before finally pulling my face away, ready to apologize if necessary, until she forgave me.

But when I opened my eyes and saw Bella's face, all the worry instantly dissipated. Bella was smiling, my girl was smiling and my heart beat went even faster, if possible. I almost sighed in relief when I saw this, but was able to contain it and not act like a dumb ass; well almost.

"If burning breakfast is going to get this reaction from you, I'll try cooking it every morning," I blurted out and wanted to kick my ass right away.

But when Bella giggled and threw her arms around my neck, I knew I had done something right. I wrapped my arms around her waist and took a deep breath. I then pressed a kiss to her forehead and smiled placing my chin atop her head.

We stayed just liked that for a while, silence was always comfortable with us. But I still knew I needed to make sure she was fine with what had transpired between the both of us. I wasn't stupid; I knew this didn't mean we were going to be making out all day long from now on. But this was a step on the right direction, at least I thought so.

"Was it okay?" I asked softly. "Are you okay, B?"

She nodded. "More than okay."

I sighed in relief. And after a second I confessed, "I'm scared, B. I don't want to fuck this up."

I held my breath until she spoke. "You're doing just fine, Edward."

I pulled back so I was able to see her face. "You have to guide us through this baby. I'm following your lead here. I want this, but at your own pace, understand? You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. I promised I'll wait, and I will."

"I'm...I don't..." she stuttered.

"Tell me," I begged.

I could see her trying to make sense of her own feelings, the way her brow furrowed in concentration and how she slid her hands down to my chest, playing with a loose thread in my t-shirt, told me there was something in her mind, something she wanted to say but didn't know how. So I let her. I let her think without pressuring her. I could be patient when I wanted to be, at least with Bella I could.

"I'm scared too," she finally said. "But I want this, Edward. I really do. I just don't know. I don't know how to do this. And I don't know how long it will take for me to be good enough for you."

I sighed, shaking my head at the same time. "You are more than just good, Bella, don't ever thing you aren't."

I could see her shaking her own head as if she didn't believe my words, and it hurt me. I didn't like her putting herself down that way. She was perfect the way she was. Yeah there were things she needed to work on, things I knew burdened her and made her suffer, but it didn't mean I thought less of her, on the contrary, I admired her for it. She was a strong woman, the strongest woman I knew.

"B," I said, but she wouldn't look at me. "Please look at me baby."

When she did I could see the glistening tears threatening to come out, I wouldn't have that, the last thing I wanted was to make my girl cry.

"I just want you to understand something, okay?" I asked.

She nodded hesitantly.

"You are perfect for me, just the way you are. Whatever you work on, do it for you, baby. Just for you. I know we have to take things slow. I knew that since the beginning. And I'm here for as long as it takes, never forget that. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. We'll go slowly alright? Baby steps, you and me. How does that sound?"

The glistening eyes were still there, but a small smile graced her lips and I was able to take comfort in that.

"You're so good to me," Bella whispered.

"That's because you bring out the good in me."

"You are a good person, Edward, never doubt that," she said softly. "And I think baby steps are good. I do want this with you, so bad."

"Me too baby, so much," I said.

Our moment was broken when my cell phone started ringing, and even though I didn't care for it Bella pulled away. "I think your phone is ringing."

"I don't care," I shrugged.

"Pick that up," she said. "I'll try to finish breakfast for you, if any of the eggs survived." There was a hint of teasing in her tone and that made my heart swell that much more.

My girl was being playful. She wasn't retreating in her own self and that made me so happy. I glared at her mockingly and just because I couldn't help myself I placed a quick kiss on her mouth.

I then walked towards the living room where my cellphone was at, a big smile plastered on my face.

_I just kissed my girl._

* * *

As Christmas approached I decided to try and enjoy it for a change. Christmas hadn't been one of my favourite holidays in a long while, and even though I did celebrate every single year, it was because I was expected to do so, not because I really felt like it.

Heidi and I tended to just stay in the city and spend it with some of her friends, like last year when we spent it with Em and Rosalie. Her family was nice, but I had barely met them a handful of times and she wasn't one to go back to her town for any holidays. Being honest, if she had gone to visit her family, I doubted I would have followed. Holidays were never a priority for me. Those days were to be spent with family and it just reminded me of how my parents were no longer here.

But this time everything was going to change.

Bella had told me it had been a long time since she celebrated Christmas. The year before her mother left both her and her dad had been the last time she actually enjoyed a holiday. If just because of that, I was set on making this Christmas a memorable one for her. For us both. We both deserved to enjoy it like everyone else did.

So after our breakfast, which Bella was able to save, we both made our way to the grocery store and bought everything we needed so Bella could cook a special dinner. It wasn't anything elaborate, a roast chicken, salad and some pasta which I was supposed to help her with, but after what had happened in the morning she had been okay with me just watching. That night it had been just the three of us, T, Bella and me. And it had been perfect, it had been us. We had eaten, talked, watched a couple of Christmas Movies on TV and exchanged gifts.

Just a few days before, I had told her I was going out to hang out with Jasper, and even though I had indeed gone out with him, we hadn't gone to the a bar as I made her believe, we had gone shopping.

Fuck it all, I had gone shopping with one of my best friends and all because I wanted to find a gift for my girl. The fucker was going to make me pay hell for it, but I needed him there because I was pretty much clueless as to what to buy. Not that he had helped at all, but at least he was there and I didn't have to suffer the agony of Christmas shopping all by myself.

I hadn't known at that time, but Bella had done some shopping as well. So on Christmas Eve, just a couple of minutes after midnight, when I presented her with my gifts I was surprised to learn she had something for me as well, and not just for me, she had bought T some toys and a new outfit, figures.

Bella wasn't a materialistic person. She had never been, of that I was sure of. She was content with what she had and never spent her money on unnecessary stuff. Against my wishes she would use the money I paid her to buy the groceries and necessities around the home and it didn't matter if I left some money for her to do those purchases, when I got back home I would always find the money in the same place I had left it. In the end I had stopped asking her to take my money, if she felt good paying for food, I would let her. All I wanted was for her to feel independent, and I knew this was a step towards that.

So it had been hard to find something for her. What could you give to a person that didn't seem to care for material things? Freaking Jasper complained after I walked out of the fifth shop empty handed, but there was nothing. We went to a couple of boutiques and I realized I didn't know what Bella would like from the selections they had, besides I didn't want to give her the impression I didn't like how she dressed. We went into a jewelry store and I knew it was too much too soon. I didn't want to scare or offend her. Nothing worked and it went on and on for at least two hours. It wasn't until I was in front of a Kitchen Supply store that an idea came to me. I had come out of there with books, a gift card and a voucher for five cooking classes, which I hoped she agreed to attend. And last but not least I had bought her a cell-phone, it was something I had wanted to get her for a while now, but I knew buying her one just because, wouldn't sit good with her so Christmas would be a perfect excuse to do so.

I had been worried when I showed her my gifts, but just as I hoped she had liked them. I could see her hesitation when I showed her the voucher for the classes, but she had promised me to think about it. They were valid for six months, so she could take time to decide. The cell-phone had been well received as well and again I felt accomplished. I hadn't fucked it up.

She on the other hand had gotten me several things as well, she said they weren't much, but for me they meant everything.

First of all she gave me two long-sleeve t-shirts, just like the ones she knew I liked it, then she gave me five printed-tickets, each one saying 'Valid for one take-out dinner', I had to laugh at that because she knew how much I loved my take-out, and even though she didn't mind much during the weekend, it was hard to do so in weekdays. I would beg and whine and she would just shake her head and cook something healthy. _Oh joy!_ But it had been her last gift, the one that had meant that much more to me, she thought it was simple, she thought it had been silly, but as soon as I saw it I knew where it was going to be placed. On my guitar. Her last gift was a sticker, a sticker of wings, they were black and they were as haunting and detailed as the ones on my back, and at the bottom of it there was an inscription and it took everything in me no to kiss her to oblivion, just as I wanted. Instead I placed a kiss to her temple and willed myself not to cry.

It read, _My Angel._

* * *

It was early morning on Christmas day when we made our way towards Cold Springs and the Whitlock's home. When I had been out with Jasper he had helped me pick out some things for his parents, his sister and her family as well, including Tyler. I wasn't a complete ass and I knew it would look bad to walk into their home empty-handed because I was sure Rachel and Lauren would have something there for us. Bella had surprised me too with some gift she had purchased for them as well, she said they were small but I knew they would love them nonetheless. My girl was thoughtful and I knew whatever she found would be amazing.

"So I was thinking," Bella said during our ride to Jasper's parents' home, "About inviting Angela to the cooking lessons. I mean, I would ask you but I know you don't like to cook."

I had to hold myself back from showing her how relieved I was that she had agreed to take those classes. It just showed how long she had come. I was so proud of her. So instead of making a big deal out of it, I tried to play cool and collected.

"I think asking Angela is a great idea. I was thinking about suggesting just that."

"Really?" she asked.

"No, not really," I said. "I wanted to go but since you won't take me."

"Edward..." she warned.

"I'm kidding, baby. I'd burn the place down, and that wouldn't be funny."

I tried to take Bella's hand in mine but T, who was on her lap, barked at me. _The fucker!_

"I think she wants you to use both hands while driving," Bella chuckled.

"Right." I rolled my eyes.

But not even my dog could sour my mood today.

Once in the Whitlock's home we ate, and ate and ate. I had to unbutton my jeans on the way back because the thing was literally stabbing me in the stomach. And just as I had expected it, we left the place with a couple of gifts each and an enjoyable evening.

All in all Christmas had gone well. Maybe I would learn to like it again.

It was then that I realized Bella wasn't the only one that needed a new beginning. I needed one to.

I just didn't know then, that sometimes things didn't go according to planned.

* * *

Two days later I was back at work. I would have liked to close the shop until after New Years', but we couldn't slack and vacation seasons were always busy for us.

There were many people that preferred to get work done while on holidays because that way they could get use to their new addition before going back to work, school or whatever they did. Some tats and piercings were more painful than others, and they needed extra care. Besides there were lots of tourist around, mostly because of the New Years' festivities and walk-ins were even more common during those days. So all in all we were busy. Business was business. If someone wanted to take the days off I wouldn't mind, but in the years I had had the shop most of us just went to work and enjoyed the extra money.

It had been a boring day. I didn't have any clients scheduled but that didn't mean I didn't have work to do. I helped Seth with some piercings, did a couple of tramp-stamps for some girls and then went to my office because, in reality, all I wanted was to be home with my girl.

She was going to come with me today, unfortunately she hadn't been feeling well and I had asked her to just stay home and rest. Then Angela had called saying she was back in town and I had convinced Bella to invite her to the apartment so they could spend some time together if she felt up for it.

Angela was the only female friend Bella had. She would talk to Lesley and I knew both Lauren and Jessica liked her, but it was Angela my girl felt more comfortable with so I was happy seeing her hanging out with her. Besides I did like Angela, she seemed like a good person and I knew, by what Bella told me, that besides her colleagues at work she didn't have friends in the city. I had told Bella to invite her for New Year's Eve if she wanted to. We still hadn't decided what we were going to do, but we would come up with something.

I was working on my computer when I heard my cell-phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID and tried to recall who I knew by that name.

_Webber, A._

I didn't really remember meeting any one with that name and the number wasn't familiar ether, but I still picked it up.

"Hello,"

"_Edward?"_ a female voice asked. It sounded shaky and a little out of breath.

"Yes, this is him? Who is this?"

"_It's Angela, Bella's friend."_

My stomach dropped. Why was Angela calling me? I knew immediately that something was wrong.

"_Edward I... I just..."_ she stuttered.

"What happened, Angela? Where is Bella?" I was in full alert mode.

"_Edward...you..."_ she said, _"You have to come home now."_ Her voice was urgent.

Without thinking twice I turned my computer off, not caring if I had saved or not whatever I had been doing. I started taking my belongings out of my desk and putting my jacket on one-handed.

"Please Angela, tell me, what the hell happened?" I raised my voice in exasperation. I needed to know what was going on and she wasn't saying anything besides the fact that I needed to get home.

"_I can't tell you by phone. I just can't... just please."_

"Where is Bella?"

"_She is here in the apartment with me, but she...Edward she needs you right now."_

"I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm on my way." Without even waiting for a reply I ended the call and hurried out front.

"Emmett!" I yelled. "Close the door for me please. I need to go."

Everyone at the shop looked at me, I was sure the urgency in my voice gave away that something was wrong, but thankfully no one asked anything.

"Sure no problem. Is everything okay?" Emmett asked as he walked towards me.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Just please, make sure..."

"Don't worry," He placed a hand on my shoulder, "Go do whatever you need to do. I'll make sure everything goes well here."

I was out of the shop in a blur. Traffic was hell and I knew it would take me longer to take a cab than to go by foot. But I didn't walk, I ran. I ran as fast as I could and more than once I came close to falling face first, due to the freaking black ice on the road. But I didn't care. I needed to get to her. I needed to get to Bella.

So I pushed myself faster, as I ran towards my girl, wondering all the way what was going on. I knew she wasn't feeling well, but I didn't think it was that serious. Besides, if she had felt that bad Angela would have taken her to the ER right? _What the fuck was going on?_

My hands were trembling as I tried to open the door to my apartment. T was already barking but I didn't even stop to look at her as I walked inside. I saw Angela coming from the hallway, her dog next to her, but all I could focus was her face she looked freaking scared. Tears were streaming down her face and that just made my stomach roll even more.

"Where is she?" I asked without even stopping, walking towards the living room and trying to see if my girl was there.

"In the bathroom," Angela said and without asking anymore questions I walked towards it.

My girl was there, curled in a ball as she rocked back and forth, her face between her knees. She was sobbing something fierce and it broke my freaking heart to see her like that. _But what the fuck had happened?_

"Bella, baby what happened?" I hurried and crouched in front of her, but as always I didn't touch her at first. I didn't want to frighten her. I didn't know what was going on so I needed to first make sure she wasn't in the middle of a panic attack.

She shook her head and kept crying.

"Please B, tell me what's wrong. Are you hurt?" I tried to look for any signs of an injury, but she seemed okay in that aspect.

I felt someone behind me and when I looked back I saw Angela leaning on the doorway, her hand atop her mouth as she tried to stop herself from sobbing.

"What happened?" I asked her, but just then I felt Bella moving and I quickly looked back at her.

"Tell me B, what's wrong baby?" I begged taking a risk and placing both my hands on her knees.

She just shook her head again and slowly raised her hand. She was visibly shaking and I was getting even more scared now. It was then that I realized she was clutching something with her hand.

"What's that?" I asked.

With shaky hands she placed the thing on my own hand, never looking me in the eye, and when I looked what it was I felt I was going to pass out. I had never seen one so close before. I didn't have to, to know instantly what it was. The word on the little screen screaming at me.

"Bella? What..." I gulped. "What is this?"

She finally looked at me and I just knew...

"I'm...I'm pregnant Edward," she sobbed.

_What. The. Fuck!_

This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't.

**A/N.- Before going in hiding I just want to say something, please hear/read me out.**

**By the reviews of last chapter I know many of you saw 'this-one' coming, others not, but believe me when I say it wasn't and it isn't my intention to ruin the story for any of you, but if some of you honestly can't read anymore I will understand it and respect it. Some people said that if 'this' happened they would stop reading and it saddens me to lose readers but THIS was my plan since day 1, way before I even started writing the story, you can ask my pre-reader (Mony), I explained to her what I had in mind and even talked to her about my worries, but at the end of the day she reminded me that this was FanFiction and that everyone is entitled to their own ideas. I knew it would be hard, and mostly because Bella has gone through so much already, but I just couldn't change it because that was just the way the story played in my mind when I started forming the plot. ****Having said that all of you that have read my previous work and know me even a little bit know I'm one for HEA, I'm one for challenges and try to work through them. I know this situation was supposed to be 'taken-care-of' at the hospital, that Bella should have been given an emergency-pill and**** later on you'll get to know what happened, things like this do happen.**

**So again, I'm so sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings, it wasn't my intention, I just hope you hold onto the story and trust me to do something out of this and believe me when I say, things will work out in the end.**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence) for holding my hand since I started with this FF adventures. I love ya babes!**

**My Pre-reader and FFBFF Mony (Blueking141), this story wouldn't exist without you and thanks for always being there when I'm having doubts about what I'm doing with my stories and even with my life, you've become a great friend. I love ya!**

**All of you that read, rec. and review this story and are still hanging around! I'll try to make the story good for you, believe me!**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend,**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Don't hate me please :S **

**And thank you all so much for your nice wishes, work has been hectic and I'm enjoying it. Who knows how long I'll be there, but so far so good. Peace Out :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

******WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **  


**BPOV**

This couldn't be happening.

This was a mistake.

_Or maybe a dream?_

_A nightmare..._

But when I looked up and saw Edward's face through my blurry vision, when I saw the tension in his jaw and the hardness in his eyes, I knew it was real.

There was no doubt that I was awake and all I wanted to do was to kick and scream. But I wasn't strong enough to do that. I couldn't even muster up enough energy to talk after I uttered those words to him, let alone scream. But how I wanted to do so, to yell at whoever thought my life wasn't fucked up enough and that I needed this on top of everything else.

Edward hadn't moved since I had told him. He was frozen in place, his eyes hard and trained at the white stick he held in his hand. I wasn't even sure he had blinked in a while. I looked down at my hands and without even realizing what I was doing I placed them atop my stomach, fisting in my hands the fabric of my shirt and closing my eyes so tightly as to willing myself to keep them that way until this was over.

I knew I was crying, I could feel the tears running down my face and I didn't even care to stop them anymore.

_Pregnant._

I was pregnant.

I really never thought it was a possibility. I wasn't feeling too well for the past few days, but never did the possibility of pregnancy crossed my mind.

I couldn't recall with precision what had happened when I was taken to the hospital after the assault, almost two months ago. Being honest, all I was trying to do at that time was to block everything out and most of the time I would just totally space out. But I did remember the doctor asking a nurse about an emergency contraceptive pill or something like that. Because it was just after he had asked me if I was in any type of contraceptive medication myself, and I had told him no, he asked me a bunch of questions after that. The doctor talked to the nurse after that, and people went in and out. I was given some pills, there was an IV in my hand, so many things where going on around me. I was so confused. I assumed they had taken care of everything while I was in the hospital and when I went back to see Dr. Gerandy he didn't even warn me about the chance of being pregnant. What had happened then?

Everything made sense though, the tiredness, the weak stomach, the dizziness, my missing period. I couldn't even remember when the last time I had it was, and since I had been bleeding for a while after the attack I guess I counted that as a cycle. In reality that wasn't something I really paid attention to, while being in the streets I tended to lose track of time. For me it was a hot day or a cold one, one with food and a bed and one with a hungry stomach and the pavement to sleep on. In an unexpected way, I met Edward and my life changed so much to just go back to the same old thing in a matter of days, all because of my stupid pride. Then that horrible day happened and there was just too much going on.

But all the signs were there. I hadn't finished high-school, but I did know about pregnancy and its symptoms. It just never occurred to me that it would happen to me.

What was I going to do now? I was carrying the child of a man that had done vile things to me. I didn't want this, not at all. I didn't want a kid, not now, maybe not ever. I had so much baggage with me. I had been, for the second time, forced to have sex with a man that didn't care about anything but his evil desires, a man that had broken my spirit without a care in the world.

I had been broken once again and now I was just trying to piece my life back together. How could I even care for a kid? His kid? The kid of that horrible man. I couldn't.

_Why me?_ Wasn't everything I had gone through already enough?

"T, Sam, don't come here now. Go play over there," I heard Angela whisper.

I didn't even remember she had come to the apartment, let alone that she had stayed. But of course she was still here.

Angela had come early from her holiday vacations, saying she really didn't feel comfortable being in Utah anymore, some stuff happened with her family and she just came back to New York, deciding on spending the rest of her vacations here. She called me to say hi and I had invited her to the apartment.

I had been feeling off when I woke up and Edward told me to stay behind and just ask Angela over for lunch. I wasn't really feeling up for visitors, but Angela had sounded so upset I didn't want to be mean and tell her I was sick and to call later. She was a nice person and, in the time I'd known her, I knew she was becoming a good friend of mine. Besides I did like her company. She never asked questions that made me uncomfortable and, in the rare occasion she did, she'll notice right away and just change the topic.

So I had asked her to come over and she had agreed right away.

Angela had told me she would get us something for lunch from a place she liked and asked me if she could bring her dog, Sam, to the apartment, which I thought was fine.

I had tried to play my discomfort off before Edward left because I didn't want to worry him, but I felt terrible and once he left I spend half an hour in the bathroom throwing up. I took a shower after that, just to get rid of the stench, but it didn't help the sickness. I just hoped Angela didn't notice. I knew Edward wasn't fooled, he could see how bad I felt, but he really needed to get to the shop and I assured him I was going to call if I felt worse. Besides I knew he was comforted with the fact that I wasn't going to be alone.

So when Angela came I tried to act as normal as possible, but of course she hadn't been fooled either. She knew right away that something was wrong. I stopped pretending and told her I was not feeling well.

When Angela asked me about what my symptoms were, I didn't hide it from her and told her everything I was feeling and had been feeling for the last couple of days. She said it sounded like a stomach bug or something like that, because besides that the only other possibility would be of me being pregnant.

I had stopped breathing as soon as she uttered that word. I rolled her words around my mind, and tried to make sense of what she had said. Soon enough panic started setting in and I was shaking uncontrollably trying to calm myself down because I just didn't want to believe it could be true.

Angela, seeing my reaction, had looked at me and asked if pregnancy was even a possibility and all I could do was nod, and just like that I just blurted it out. 'I was raped', I had told her.

Her eyes had gone wide and she had been so surprised she had just asked me out of the blue if it had been Edward. I of course shook my head instantly and told her between tears that it hadn't been him. In fact, I had told her, he was the one that had been helping me through that, that he was my best friend and the only person that had been by my side after the assault happened.

Angela understood right away, because she knew something had happened to me and that Edward had been helping me, she just didn't know what the situation had been. Now she did.

Minutes later she was out the door, instructing me on staying right there until she was back. I didn't move from my spot on the couch, not that I would do it anyways. I was too far gone. I didn't even realize Angela had taken my keys, but when she was back with a pharmacy bag I shook my head and told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't face reality. I preferred to live in denial. But in the end I had relented. She told me there was no point in being scared if it was just a mistake. That maybe I was just coming sick with the flu and was panicking because of nothing. I didn't really believe it, but I still hoped I was wrong. So I had taken the test and my world crumbled. Again. It had been positive.

"Calm down, Bella," I heard a soft voice saying.

And it wasn't until then that I realized I had spaced out completely. I was still shaking, my sobs filling the tiny washroom and making my cries sound even louder, stronger, like a plea. Maybe it was. _But a plea for what?_ All was said and done.

I felt small, warm arms on my shoulders and I knew it wasn't Edward. _Edward..._

"Ed...Edward..." I hiccupped as I let the person next to me help me to a standing position.

"He went outside for a bit. Let's get you out of here." It was Angela.

"He..." I gasped for air. "Where is he? I..." I needed him so much, but I couldn't even say it out loud.

"He is not here, Bella," she said.

"He left?" _Edward left?_

"No, no!" Angela said, her voice desperate for me to understand. "He is coming back, he just needed...he needed some fresh air. He is just in the..."

I didn't listen anymore, because no matter what she said, it didn't change the fact that Edward wasn't on my side like I needed him to be in that moment. If for some reason he decided he wouldn't want to stay with me through all of this, I would understand. I didn't expect this child, and there was no way I would expect him to somehow take responsibility. Yes, we had just started a relationship, but this changed it all, and I knew maybe it was just too much for him.

I knew I was moving, but at that point I didn't really care, nor could I make sense of what was going on. I wanted the pain to go away.

I wanted to disappear...

* * *

I woke up with a start and looked around me frantically. I was in bed, alone.

I heard some voices coming from outside, but I couldn't make out who was there and what they were saying. There was movement, a door opening and closing and then nothing. I stayed on the bed, unmoving, unwilling to face the things that I knew were there waiting for me.

Tiny footsteps approached and the door was suddenly opened, but as I looked towards it I couldn't make anyone there. So I knew who it was. T. Seconds later I heard larger steps, someone else was coming in and I looked towards the doorway, expecting it to be Angela. It wasn't her.

"You're awake," Edward said from the doorway, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Yes." My voice sounded so strained, my throat hurt because I had been crying so hard.

"Are you hungry? There is some food in the kitchen."

"No." I started pulling myself up to a sitting position.

"Thirsty?"

"I'm okay, Edward." My voice almost cracked as I said his name. "Thanks."

"Angela just left. She said she'll be by here tomorrow. I... I'm just going to," He signaled towards the hallway and as soon as I nodded he was out of sight, T following behind him.

_He's ashamed of me._

* * *

"I do not give a fuck, this is the third time I call and they always say he'll call me back and he still hasn't. I really need to talk to him, right now!" Edward yelled into the phone's mouthpiece. "No I'm not, my girlfriend is."

_Girlfriend?_

"Isabella Swan," he said with annoyance.

_Me?_ Edward was referring to me as his girlfriend? But I thought...

"Tomorrow is fine. What time?...That'll do...We'll be there." With that he pulled the phone away from his face and forcefully threw it on the couch.

I had woken up alone, again, and even though I didn't really want to stand up, I needed to go to the washroom, so I had gotten out of bed. I heard Edward talking on the phone as I walked through the hallway, but didn't pay much attention. It was when I came out, that I heard his raised voice and walked towards the living room, to see what was going on and who he was talking to.

"Freaking useless people," he grumbled as he paced the room, his right hand passing and pulling at his locks. He walked right and left, right and left, that was until he finally saw I was looking at him. "Bab...Bella," he sighed.

My heart tugged in my chest. He couldn't even call me by the endearments he always used. I was Bella now.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," I said looking down at my feet.

"No, you didn't," he said.

I could hear him getting closer, but I didn't look up. I was ashamed, scared. I didn't want to look in his eyes and see the disgust, the shame. I wouldn't be able to take it, not from him. My eyes stung, it was so painful.

Just when I thought I was on my way to getting my life back, a life I wasn't even sure I had gotten the chance to live in the past. Just when I believed that there was a way for me to actually be able and find happiness, everything had come crashing down and I was reminded once again that I was not that lucky. That good things didn't happen to me, because I was rotten and every time I tried to pull myself up I was going to be pushed down.

"Are you feeling okay? Well not okay but...shit," Edward groaned. "I don't even know how to..." He was mad.

_He is mad at me._

"It's okay," I whispered. "I'm fine, don't worry about it."

"Don't tell me that, Bella, I will always worry about you," he said placing his finger under my chin and trying to raise my head.

And that did it. That little touch pulled me over the edge and I took a step back. Getting ready to face the truth and do something that was going to break my heart.

"Stop it!" I yelled.

His hand came down right away, and from the corner of my eyes I saw him looking at me in confusion. But I couldn't look him right in the eye, I needed to be strong right now and do what I had to do.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Stop trying to pretend. I can see the truth!"

"And what is the truth, Bella? Please tell me." Edward looked like he didn't have any idea of what I was talking about.

But he did know. He was just hiding it for my sake, but I wanted him to be honest and stop his act.

"That I'm fucked up! That when I think things can't get worse they do, and that you are realizing you made a mistake bringing me here into your home, into your life." My voice cracked at the last part. It hurt to say it, but I had to.

"Bella I..."

"You know what I'm just going to grab my stuff and leave. Get out of your life. It's for the best..." A sob escaped me.

I pressed my hand towards my mouth, trying to contain the cries, wanting to keep them inside.

"Are you leaving?" Edward asked, after a while, his voice so low I almost didn't hear him.

"Yes."

I didn't even know why I was telling him all that. I was so confused. I was mad at the world at that moment. I wanted to stop hurting and the only way I felt I could was just not giving a damn about anything. It didn't work out as I expected though, because the pain that followed after I said that 'yes', was ripping my heart out of my chest. But I couldn't take it back. Besides, I needed to do this for him. I owed him this much. I needed to set him free.

Edward's hands balled into fists. I could see the tension and the way he tried to contained himself. I still didn't look at his face though. It would make it that much harder.

"Why?" he asked, harshly this time.

"Because it's for the best" I said. "For you."

"Don't make this about me, Bella," he hissed. "If you want to leave..." His voice cracked. "Leave, but don't say it is because of me." He then took a deep breath and in a whispered said, "Or maybe it is..."

It was then that I finally looked at him, really looked at his face.

His eyes were red rimmed and shining with unshed tears, and even though all I wanted to do was launch myself at him and tell him not to cry, to beg him to hold me until the pain went away, I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry I..." But he raised his hand and shook his head, halting my words.

"I get it alright?" he said, this time his voice wasn't as strong as before.

"What do you get?"

"I'm not enough." A lone tear made is way out of his right eye. "Eventually everyone leaves. So if you want to go, Bella, I won't stop you. Just... do what is best for you." He swallowed, unable to talk anymore and furiously wiping away the few more tears that followed.

"Edward, don't..." But he interrupted me.

"Well, you wanted truths right?" he said. "This is mine, and I was so stupid to believe I had actually found someone I could be myself with, someone that would accept me and stay by my side through it all. I think I was wrong, so wrong." He sat on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. "Just as they come, they go, but they never come back."

I was left speechless. _What was going on?_ He was supposed to be relieved, not like this.

But I was mad, not at him, being honest I didn't even know who I was mad at. But he was there and I needed to let it out and in my stupidity I had hurt Edward. I had gone through this all wrong but my mind was just a jumble mess I couldn't even make sense of what I was doing.

I took the few steps to the couch and sat next to Edward, just looking at his hunched form as I tried to make sense of it all.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said after a while. "I just...I don't know what to do."

He moved his head slightly to the side, his eyes focusing on mine. "I don't know either, but I wanted to help. For us to be together and work through this. I wanted to be by your side when..."

This time I was the one that interrupted.

"Oh Edward!" I pressed my body to his side, placing both my hands around his body and praying he wouldn't pull away.

He stiffened for a couple of seconds, but slowly he started losing up and soon enough he had his arms around me as well, his chin atop my head as we both cried silently. We didn't say anything for a while, we needed this release, the frustration that was coursing through both of our veins and making its way out with tears.

"Do you really want to leave, B?" he asked hoarsely.

I shook my head. "No! I want to stay with you," I cried.

"Then why did you say it?" He sounded so pained and it pierced my heart that much more.

"Because I'm a mess. Because I don't know what it's going to happen now and I can't make you stay by my side when I don't even know what is going to be of my life. I don't want you to do things you don't want to do, thing you don't have to do."

"Who is telling you that you're making me do this? No one is making me, B, no one has ever made me do anything."

"But you wouldn't even look at me," I whispered.

"What?"

"When I told you..." I couldn't say the word. "You just froze and then you left."

"Bella," he said pulling away so he was able to look at me. "You have to understand, I was so caught off guard. I swear when Angela called me and told me I needed to make my way home I panicked, thinking of what could have happened to you. Believe me when I tell you that I never thought you could be... I didn't think that was even a chance of you being..." He couldn't say the word.

I nodded. "I know."

"But never, never did I think about leaving you to face this by yourself. I told you once and I'll tell you again, we're in this together." He sighed. "Well, at least I hoped so. If I was distant it was because I was just trying to make sense of what was going on. I've spent all afternoon trying to figure it out what to do. I called Dr. Denali. I've been trying to reach Dr. Gerandy for hours now and..."

I stopped his rant by placing my hand atop his lips.

How could I have been so blind? How could I not see that while I thought Edward wanted to get the farthest away from me, he was just trying to help me? Like he always did. How could a couple of actions make me lose faith in him when he had proved to me time and time again how much he cared? How could I've been so foolish?

"You've been doing all that for me?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "Of course I have, B. I asked Angela to stay with you, you just wouldn't move and I didn't want to make matters worse. So I left you there with her as I went to the balcony to think about what needed to be done. I needed the air. I needed a smoke. I just needed to think. Once I was back you were already sleeping and I just didn't want to wake you up."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just thought you..." I shook my head. "It doesn't even matter anymore." I lowered my eyes.

But he again placed his finger under my chin and this time I let him raise my head.

"Have a little faith in me."

"I do, Edward. You are the only person in this world I trust. The only one."

He pressed his forehead to mine. "We'll figure this out okay? I know this is fucked up, but we will. We will get through this together. Right?"

I buried my face in the crock of his neck and nodded with conviction.

Because as always, I believed him

But most importantly, I believed _in_ him.

I believed in Edward.

**A/N.- What did you think? That Edward was going to bail on B? Or that B was going to leave Edward? No way!**

**First of all I want to thank all of you that are still here reading and supporting this story! There was some hate (which is one of the reasons I had to disable anonymous reviews and I'm so sorry for all of those anon. reviewers that were kind) but most of all there was lots of encouragement and understanding, so again, thank you!**

**This situations happen in real life and though tragic people work through them and take decision depending on their own circumstances and I totally respect it. So whatever happens and whatever decisions Bella makes are just for the sake of the story and not because I'm encouraging or against those situations. Someone that has lived through this has been kind enough to offer advice, and though I won't say her name for respect she knows who she is and that help will be great as the story progresses. **

**Thanks to..**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence). You know how much your support means to me babe. *Hugs***

**My FFBFF and Pre-reader Mony (Blueking141). What can I say to you bb? All this is thanks to you and I can't say it enough! You're always there telling me to keep going no matter how down I'm feeling. I love ya!**

**All of you that read, review and again, support the story! **

**Wish you all an awesome weekend :)**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa**


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**********WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **  


**EPOV**

"I just don't know what to say. I'm extremely..."

"You're kidding right?" I hissed, rising from the chair and placing my fists atop the desk. "You're fucking kidding me. You're sorry? That's it? This is freaking unbelievable!"

"Edward," Bella placed her small hand on my side. "Please."

I closed my eyes and bit my tongue ring, trying to calm myself while taking deep breaths as well. I had to calm down; I had to control myself for Bella. She was going through so much and I didn't need to add to it. But at the same time I was pissed beyond belief.

This asshole in front of me was telling us he was 'sorry'; he was telling my girl that he was 'sorry' because someone made a mistake and forgot to give Bella the necessary medication to assure she wouldn't be in this position. A 'sorry' wasn't enough in my book, and the irrational part of me wanted to beat the shit out of him.

We had arrived early to his clinic, and as soon as Bella gave her name she was ushered inside and a couple of tests were run on her. They only confirmed what we already knew; Bella was pregnant.

Dr. Gerandy was there already, but the coward wouldn't show his face until the results were back and he couldn't hide anymore. We were finally asked into his office where he told us the test had been positive and that he couldn't really explain what had happened.

I was firing questions left and right. I asked him if they hadn't done a pregnancy test to Bella when she had been in the hospital and he said they had, but it had been too soon and it probably caused a false reading. I asked him why they didn't do another test and he told us that he thought the pill would take effect and there wasn't anything to worry about. I asked him if he was sure he had gone through medical school because he was stupid as fuck and he didn't have an answer for that.

Moments later he left and spent over half an hour checking into Bella's medical records and making some phone calls while Bella and I waited inside his office.

Once back, he had been all apologetic. Saying the situation had to do with some nurses shift change, record misplace, staff shortage and whatnot; excuses, excuses and freaking excuses that meant shit to me.

Now my girl was going through all of this and I didn't know what to do. Most of all I didn't know how to fix it.

I had almost lost her yesterday. She almost left me because of some misguided belief that I was scared of the situation. Being honest, I wasn't scared, I was terrified beyond belief. But that didn't mean I was going to up and leave her. She was my girl, mine, and I would be good on my promise and stand by her side no matter what. That was if she still wanted me. And if we would have to go back to just being friends and stop with the kisses and handholding I would do it. I would do and be whatever she needed me to.

Everything had happened so fast I could hardly keep track, but of one thing I was sure, as long as she wanted me there, I would be.

When Bella had told me about her 'state' I had totally blacked out. I couldn't even make sense of what was going on. I just stayed there frozen, staring at the pee-stick in my hand. Once I reacted I just felt the need to breath, I needed to think and make sense of it all. Angela had told me not to worry that she would take care of Bella, and I had gone to the balcony because even though I had to leave, I couldn't go that far, never that far. I needed to know my girl was close to me. So I had spent a while outside, smoking, thinking. _What next?_

Angela had been so helpful. She had taken care of Bella when I couldn't and even took care of feeding T because I was so out of it I had forgotten to do it and of course Bella did as well. I did go to check on Bella once, but I was so caught up in what I had been doing that when I went to the room I just made sure she was okay and left, just like that. That had been a big mistake. I had made my girl feel alone and embarrassed. I made her believe I was ashamed of her and I wanted to kick myself for that.

Still today I wasn't exactly sure on what to think. I had barely slept last night, mulling over what was happening and what was going to happen because of it. Bella was carrying a child, a child of that son of a... he was dead now, no need to even think of him, but how couldn't I? _Ugh!_ Just when I thought things were getting better and we were moving forward things got so difficult and it looked like we were moving backwards. Bella's wellbeing was number one on my list and I just wanted her to move on. I had known it wouldn't be easy, but this was a totally different situation and I was at loss. Could I do this? Could I really stand by her and support her with the decision she took regarding the child? I wasn't really sure, but I would be damned if I didn't try.

But for now I had to just be there for Bella, do and be whatever she needed me to. And I had to start that by showing her I could control myself in front of this asshole that called himself a doctor.

So with a groan, I slumped back into the chair and took her small hand in mine. I wasn't sure who needed the contact more, Bella or me, because as much as she needed me, I needed her as well.

"Is this..." Bella said softly, but stopped.

"Yes Miss Swan?" Dr. Gerandy encouraged her to continue.

"Is this common? For a ra... you know for a victim to get... pre...pregnant?"

Dr. Gerandy looked a little bit caught off guard, but he quickly recovered. "Mmm...well..."

"Answer her," I demanded. This was the least he could do, answer all of her questions.

"No," He shook his head, "It does happen, but it isn't that common when that person looks for medical assistance after the attack." He sounded ashamed. Well he should be; he fucked up big time. "I really don't even know what to tell you Miss Swan, but there are still some options for you."

_And here it comes._

"What kind of options?" Bella asked.

"Well," Dr. Gerandy swallowed hard, he looked extremely uncomfortable. "The first option would be to proceed with an abortion. You must be less than twelve weeks along still, so that procedure wouldn't be risky for you."

I stiffened as soon as he said the word. I knew this was coming. I knew it was a possibility and I knew what I thought about it, but I didn't want Bella to take my thoughts into consideration. This was her choice alone and not mine. So I held on tight to her hand and let her process the words.

Bella was silent, looking down and her lap and thinking. Neither Dr. Gerandy nor I said a word and when I saw him about to open his mouth I gave him a glare that told him he needed to keep his mouth shut. He did. My girl had to think this through and he would sit there, waiting until she was ready to talk back, he owed her that and much more.

"I don't know," Bella said after a few minutes. "I just don't think I could do that."

I felt myself relaxing minutely, but at the same time I didn't want her to feel my relief. Again, this was her decision alone and I tried to look as nonchalant as possible.

It wasn't that I was against abortion, I believed everyone had a right to believe and do as they saw fit in that matter. For starters I wasn't a woman so I couldn't say I understood, and neither had I ever been in that kind of position. But I knew my girl, if she did this she would feel guilty as hell, but at the same time, I knew this was a lot for her, she didn't want a child. Or did she? I didn't particularly think so but who knew.

I was a mess, but I tried to mask it. I didn't know if I was doing that good of a job because Bella kept rubbing her thumb softly atop my hand as if to calm me. Or maybe it was just to calm herself.

"That's fine," Dr. Gerandy nodded, "As I told you before there are still other options. If you aren't willing to take care of the child yourself, you can go with an adoption?"

"Adoption?" Bella asked.

"Yes," Dr. Gerandy said. "There are many agencies that can help you with that. They even have support groups that can be of assistance. If you want I can give a call to Mrs. Walker, so she can talk to you about it. She has more information than I do in that matter. She already knows your situation so..."

_Mrs. Walker? Who the heck was that?_

When he saw our confusion he explained. "Irina, you remember her right?"

I groaned and Bella shook her head. I had totally forgotten her last name, in reality I had totally forgotten about her.

"Or not?" Dr. Gerandy looked between us both.

"Maybe it would be best if I talked it out with my therapist first," Bella said.

"That's a good idea," I added.

Bella looked at me for the first time in a while, her eyes pleading. "Or should I, you know," She squirmed in her seat, "Do you think abortion would be best?"

I looked back at her and saw the fright in her eyes. My girl was feeling so lost.

"I can't tell you what to do, B. This is all up to you. But maybe..." I hesitated, but saw her expectant eyes and decided to just continue. "Maybe you should think about your other options a bit more? You'll see Tanya today. Maybe you can discuss it with her?"

I had called Dr. Denali yesterday and talked directly with her. She sounded really concern for Bella and told me to bring her after we had confirmed everything with the doctor. So after we were done here we were on our way to see her.

Bella nodded. "Yes, I think we should do that."

"Alright then." Dr. Gerandy stood up and went to grab some papers he had brought with him when he came back inside the office. "Here are some pamphlets, you can read through them and they may help you some." He then reminded Bella that if she wanted to proceed with the first option she had to be less than twelve weeks for it not to be risky. He too talked about a referral to an ob-gyn and pulled out a business-card as well, in case she wanted to follow through with the pregnancy. Bella just nodded her head, but didn't move when he extended the bunch of papers to her, so I snatched them from his grip and quickly scanned through them. There in the top was the business card of an ob/gyn specialist. The others were different papers, some were about abortion and some about adoption, some number for support groups and whatnot.

So many things to consider.

I just hoped my girl was strong enough.

* * *

As soon as I heard the door open I stood up and looked at the person coming out of the room, waiting for my girl to be there so I could make sure she was doing well. It wasn't her though coming out of the room. It was Tanya and that made me a little wary. She looked at me with a soft smile that still didn't ease my worries.

"Can you come in for a sec. Edward?"

I gulped and nodded my head, walking towards her and unable to utter a single word. Tanya waited outside the door for me and before I could take a step in, she placed a hand on my arm as to stop me for going inside.

"She is fine, Edward," she said, her voice low. "A little shaken up and emotional, which is totally understandable, but she is doing remarkably well under the circumstances. So please do not worry. You need to calm down, okay? For her."

I looked at her, trying to make sure she was being honest and I couldn't see anything but truth in her eyes. So with a sigh I nodded my head. She then moved her hand away from me and motion for me to go inside.

Bella was sitting on a couch, fidgeting with her hands and looking at them. I tried to look for any sign of panic or tears, but there were none visible so that made me calm down some.

"Can I?" I looked towards Tanya and then to my girl.

"Of course, go with her," she said.

I didn't waste a second longer and went to sit right next to my girl. She moved her head up and when she looked at me her eyes watered. I quickly pulled her to my side and the tears that were absent finally made their way out. My girl cried silently as I held her.

Tanya tried to give us some privacy, looking at her yellow notepad and making some notes. But after a few minutes she stopped scribbling and looked at me.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" she asked.

I stiffened and my girl pulled away. _What the heck? _But after a moment I knew Tanya was actually waiting for an answer.

"Fine?" It sounded more than a question but I wasn't really sure why the question all of a sudden.

"Good," She nodded, "I just want to make sure you're doing well." She seemed thoughtful for a second and then added. "Bella told me you and her were actually starting a relationship before all of this happened.

"Yes," I confirmed and right away took a hold of Bella's left hand.

"Do you think things have changed because of the new development?"

I thought it for a second. "Yes." I felt Bella's hand wanting to pull away but I wasn't having any of that and I hold onto her tightly. "Of course things have changed. We weren't expecting this new... development," I chose to use the same word she had, "But that doesn't mean my feelings for Bella have changed. It just means we'll have to figure out how to work through things. Bella most of all, but if she still wants me, I'm still here. I'll be with her every step of the way."

I looked at my girl and saw her eyes pleading with me. For what? I wasn't really sure. I just placed a kiss on her forehead and once I pulled away she placed her head on my shoulder. That gave me reassurance that whatever I had said had been the right thing.

"Well, I think you are right. You both have some things to figure out, but I would like to ask you something, Edward," Tanya said.

"Sure," I shrugged.

"Would you be open and willing to come with Bella to therapy?" Seeing my confusion she added. "You wouldn't need to come often, but maybe once every two weeks or even once a month, we would need to figure that out. I just think it would be beneficial if both of you are really serious about being together..."

She didn't need to say more. "Of course I would."

"Really?" Bella seemed surprised at my agreement to come to therapy with her.

"Of course I would ba... B." I corrected and Bella's eyes lowered.

It hurt me to see her like that and it wasn't the first time, but I couldn't find it in me to call her 'baby' anymore. And not because I didn't want to, but because I was worried it would set her off. I didn't want to make her feel upset or something at calling her baby when she was in this situation, carrying a child herself.

I just didn't know what was right and not and just like that I realized Tanya was totally right. At the beginning, I had said yes to attend therapy with Bella just to prove a point. That I wanted to be with Bella, that I was serious about it and that no matter the situation I would stand by her. But just like that, in a matter of seconds, I realized I too needed this. I needed so many answers to so many questions. I needed to be able and help her and sometimes I just didn't know how.

"I will come with you, B. If you want to, of course. Do you?"

And that question held much more meaning that what was implied. This question wasn't about just me coming to therapy with Bella, this question was about her agreeing to working on a relationship that hadn't even fully started yet, but was already being tested. I knew our relationship would be unconventional, or at least what society would call conventional. Because if I thought we would have to go slow before now it would be even more, and for a strange reason I couldn't even figure out, I found myself not minding the extra effort. Yes it would be a challenge, but I was sure I wanted to do this.

I wanted this.

I wanted Bella.

I loved her and there was no other way around it.

She was worth it, I knew she was.

So I looked at her, at my girl waiting for her answer.

"Are you sure?" Her voice was shaking. "You don't have to Edward."

This time I turned my body so I was facing her. I took a hold of both of her hands and looking at her eyes I said. "I'm sure, B. Hundred percent sure. I want this," I squeezed her hands a bit, "Do you?"

Bella nodded her head. "I do. I do want to."

I knew it wasn't the right time, or moment, but I still did it. I lowered my head and placed a soft kiss onto her mouth. It was quick and it was just a peck, but it gave me all the answers I needed to know. We had even forgotten we had an audience and thankfully Tanya didn't make a big deal out of it. But soon enough she was calling us back to reality.

Twenty minutes later we were on our way out of Tanya's office. She had said she was going to be out of the city during the New Years' holiday, some type of family trip or something, but she was kind enough and gave us her personal cell-phone number, telling me that if Bella ever needed anything we could call. I was touched by it, because I knew she was going out of her way to help my girl.

Bella and I were both kind of tired. It wasn't even noon and we were ready to just get home.

So that's what we did.

We made our way home.

Together.

* * *

The days between Bella's pregnancy discovery and New Years Eve, passed in a blur.

I wanted to take the rest of the week off but of course Bella wouldn't let me, telling me she would feel that much worse if I missed work because of her. So of course in the end I had relented and gone to work.

Bella didn't go to the shop though during those days and I didn't like to leave her alone. Thankfully Angela had had my back. That girl had been a godsend. She would come every day just as I was about to leave for work and she would stay with Bella while I was at the shop. I had asked Bella if it bothered her having Angela there, I wasn't trying to make her feel as if she was being babysat or something, heck it hadn't even been my idea. Angela offered and I just had said 'ask Bella'. My girl told me she didn't mind, on the contrary it seemed Angela was being a good influence on her.

Sometimes I would come back home and they would be deep in conversation. What they talked about? Sometimes I didn't even know, but it seemed they never ran out of topics. It totally surprised me because I had never seen Bella so talkative. But at the same time I was glad Bella had someone to share things with. I knew I was there and she would tell me everything for the most part, but there was some stuff I, as a man, couldn't actually understand. So Angela was there for her and I was glad my girl finally had a girlfriend.

I had talked with Jasper. He almost shit himself when I told him what was going on. He asked me what was Bella planning to do and I just told him I didn't know. It was the truth. I still didn't know what Bella was going to do. Since that day in Dr. Gerandy's office, she hadn't actually talked about what were her plans for her pregnancy. I didn't know if she would agree to stop it or continue with it. But I didn't want to push it so I let her think it through. I knew she would tell me when she felt ready and Jasper told me the smartest move was for me to wait and let her come to me. So I did.

When New Years Eve arrived we decided to just stay at the apartment and watch the ball-drop on the TV. I had planned on maybe taking Bella to Times Square, at least close by, as to not be in the middle of the crowd, but at the end I decided this was just not the right time. So we decided to stay in and invited Angela and Jasper. Angela of course agreed, but only after asking both Bella and I if we were sure she wasn't intruding. Of course she wasn't. The fact that she was helping my girl through this difficult time made me like her that much more. Jasper on the other hand had some plans. They were celebrating New Years' at Lauren's home, but he assured me as soon as midnight hit he was going to come to the apartment to spend the first hours of the New Year with us.

Angela came early and between her and my girl the both cooked a feast. Angela didn't really know much about cooking, but she knew a little bit more than Bella. So between the both of them they were able to pull out a great dinner. We ate and talked, we laughed, if just a little, and we watched our dogs run around.

That was something that was bugging me as of lately, besides everything that was going on. The dogs. Or better say, the dog, Sam. I hadn't said anything because really it was stupid and I wasn't about to tell Angela to stop bringing her freaking dog. But the thing was Sam seemed to be kind of infatuated with my T and I didn't like that one bit. T was little and innocent, and Sam was, well he was a male. And just because of that he wasn't innocent at all. So far I hadn't seen them doing anything out of the ordinary. But still, I tried to keep my eyes on them at all times.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked as we sat in front of the TV waiting for the countdown.

I shrugged. "Nothing," I lied.

"Mhmm..." She didn't believe me but she didn't push it ether.

"I'll be back. I just need to use your washroom," Angela said as she stood up and walked towards the hallway, both dogs running behind her. T had warmed up to her to and that was a good sign, I thought. Angela was indeed a good person if my dog liked her.

"Edward," Bella said softly pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yes."

"I think I know what I'm going to do,"

"Huh? About what?" I really didn't know what she was talking about.

"About," She gulped, "About the pregnancy."

"Oh." I was caught off guard. I wasn't really expecting her wanting to talk about this right now. But if she wanted to do it I wouldn't stop her. "And?"

She turned her body towards me and looked at me in the eye. "I...I'm going to have it." she said. "I don't know if I can keep it once its born, but I can't..." She shook her head and lowered her eyes. "I can't just get rid of it like that."

I placed both my hands on her face and pulled her head up so she was looking at me. "Are you sure?"

She finally looked at me and nodded softly. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"No," I said. "I agree with you. I think you should have it."

"You do?"

It was my time to nod. "I didn't want and I still don't want you to feel pressured by me or my thoughts. So I have tried to keep them to myself. But I don't think abor...well you know," I shrugged, unable to say the word, "Something like that wouldn't be easy on you."

"I know," Bella said. "It's not that I'm against it, it's just... I don't think I would be able to do it and live with myself, personally. I still don't think I can keep it, but at least I have a little bit more time to think about it."

"I understand. And remember, B, I'm here. I'll always be here."

"Thank you, Edward, for everything."

"Anything, B, anytime."

Our moment was halted when Angela came back. We again started looking at the TV and waiting for the countdown. Once it was time we all hugged and congratulated each other, giving best wishes for the New Year to come. Bella and I didn't kiss like normal lovers would, but we did hug and promised each other to hold on tight for the New Year. Jasper came an hour later. He hadn't seen Bella since she found out about her condition, but as soon as he came, he asked her for a few minutes and both Angela and I gave them privacy. Once they were done I could see my girls eyes' shining with tears, and I was about to punch Jasper when Bella hugged me and whispered. "You have a great friend."

Angela hadn't meet Jasper before so after the introductions, the girls pulled out a huge platter with snacks and some wine. Jasper and I laughed and pulled out the beers because wine wasn't our thing at all. Of course my girl couldn't drink and she served herself a soft drink. We stayed until the wee hours of the first day of the year talking and enjoying each other's company.

The year ahead promised to be a challenging one. God only knew what lay ahead. But we had to hope things would work out somehow.

They had to.

I would make sure they did.

**A/N.- Many things going on in this chapter.**

**What did you think about it? Did you expect it? No? I'm really looking forward to your feedback.**

**Again, I just want to point out that whatever has been written is for the sake of the story and it doesn't mean I'm encouraging/against it. I'm a firm believer that everyone has the right to think as they please and we have to respect each other. Everyone has different circumstances in their lives and therefore they make different decisions.**

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence) who has been there for me since day one. I love ya babes!**

**My super cool and only one Pre-reader and FFBFF Mony (Blueking141). She was there for me to kick my ass when I was feeling 'blue' and told me to 'shut up and write'. I did shut up, the writing...meh...it's coming slow because of work *lol* **

**All of you that have been there for me and reading this story. Your support rocks my FF-world and without your encouragement it wouldn't be this much fun and enjoyable. **

**Wish you all an awesome weekend (long-weekend for many of us YEY!)**

**Leave some love :)**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- Work is kicking my ass, it's going great but yeah it makes me tired. If I'm not working, I'm eating or sleeping, a few times writing. Thank you all for your great wishes they do make me smile. Peace Out!**


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**************WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **  


**BPOV**

Thirteen weeks.

I was thirteen weeks pregnant and officially in my second trimester.

By just looking at me it was hard to tell I was actually expecting. My jeans were getting tighter by the day, but still the pregnancy wasn't that obvious. When I took showers I was indeed able to see and feel the small bump forming, but I really didn't like to look too closely or touch too much, because every time I did, I was afraid to just go into a panic. So I would quickly look away and move my soapy hands to another part of my body.

Sometimes I felt like I was hanging by a thread and every day I worried that thread would break and I would be lost.

I didn't want that.

I tried to go on with my life as if nothing was going on, as if a life wasn't really growing inside of me, but of course it was impossible. I was pregnant and I couldn't deny it, and soon enough everyone would be able to tell. So far I had been able to hide it from some people, but that wasn't going to last.

At work no one had actually noticed. I had been going every single day after the new year arrived, just as Edward and I had planned, and I worked as much as before. Whenever I was feeling sick, I would excuse myself saying I was going to clean the washrooms or do something in the storage room. Sometimes I even locked myself in Edward's office and waited until the sickness passed. Other times I would just deal with it and try to mask my discomfort. Edward always noticed though and I knew it took everything in him to just look away and let me deal with it by myself, as I had asked him to.

Lesley had noticed that I was not feeling well a couple of times, but whenever she asked I would say I was coming down with a bug or that I had eaten something that made me ill. I didn't know if she believed it or not, but she never asked any more questions about it. Besides she had been so busy with her training that she had had barely any time to actually talk with me. She would instruct me on what to do, help me to understand things, and then go work with Seth. There were a few days when she wouldn't come in because she was trying to get some type of accreditation and that meant she needed to take some courses. Those days someone, mostly Edward, would assist me at the front desk, but for everything else, I was on my own.

Lately I had been doing more things at the shop. I would fill the supply-orders myself and do a quick inventory every week. I had even started to answer the phone and booking appointments, give estimates and all that. It was mostly by phone, but I had actually talked to a few costumers from time to time and, little by little, my confidence grew.

Dr. Denali always told me to push myself a little bit further every time, but to always be sure I was comfortable with every step, as to not push myself too hard and panic. So far I thought I was doing fine in that aspect, interaction with others wasn't easy, but at least I was able to do it when I was surrounded by people that were familiar to me. It was uncomfortable at times, but it was doable.

Things were far from perfect, but still I pushed through and did what I was supposed to do. I wasn't about to give up, and when I would feel like I couldn't do it anymore, I would just think of one person and one person only.

Edward.

My Edward.

_How did I get so lucky?_

There was not a day that went by where I didn't ask myself that.

Edward was by my side every step of the way, just as he had promised. I couldn't feel anymore cared for then when he was with me. He made me feel things that no one had ever been able to, things that made all the pain take a backseat. That pain would not disappear, but it wouldn't hurt as much when he was there.

Our physical relationship hadn't really grown much. We still slept in the same bed, but Edward always kept his distance, and instead of me thinking he was trying to get as far away from me as he could, I knew he was just giving me my space. I knew this because every morning he would kiss me on the lips, a small peck. His eyes would shine and he would say 'Good morning my girl' and it warmed my heart every time.

And it reminded me he was still there, ready to face whatever needed to be.

He didn't call me 'baby' anymore and when I found the courage and asked him the reason why, he confessed he didn't want to make me feel bad because of my current situation. I understood and again I realized how thoughtful he was, and how when I thought he wanted nothing to do with me and my so called situation, he was just trying to make me feel less uncomfortable.

Our emotional relationship however had grown much more than I would have ever thought. Sometimes I felt like I had known him all of my life. He could just read me that well and I could do almost the same. I knew when he wasn't in a good mood or when he was feeling low. There were times when we both just needed to be left alone and we would give ourselves the space.

Things weren't perfect, not by a long shot. There where bad days and good days and I worked on them day by day.

I went to therapy with Dr. Denali twice a week and my sessions with Edward were once every other week. I still couldn't believe he had agreed to come. Dr. Denali told me it showed how invested he was in our relationship and she had even asked me if I really wanted to make it work or if I felt it was just too much for me to take right then. I told her I wanted it, I needed it. In the middle of the chaos that was my life, Edward was something I wanted to hold onto, he was what kept me grounded. He was my angel.

I knew I may have been selfish, but I found comfort in knowing that just as I didn't want to let go, Edward didn't want that either. We both wanted this, it wasn't one sided. So I would hold on tight and do my best to be worthy.

Dr. Denali and I had talked a lot about my decision to have the child as well. Maybe some people might have thought I was being stupid, but I just couldn't find it in me to get rid of it like that. I wasn't against abortion, it wasn't my place to judge what people did with their bodies, and more so if they were in the same position as me. But I knew myself and deep down I was sure that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I went down that path. It may have worked for others, and that was fine, but not for me.

Would I keep it? Probably not.

I really didn't think I could raise this child myself. Dr. Denali had even invited a lady named Martha Rose to one of our sessions. She worked in an adoption agency and she had explained to me how things worked and the kind of adoptions that I could choose from. Edward had been there and he had looked more than uncomfortable with that chat, but when I had asked him if he was against me giving the child for adoption, he just told me it was my decision to make and not his. In the end, Martha had given me all her contact information as well as a book, which was more like a catalogue of people that wanted to adopt a child. I took it home with me, but I still hadn't found the courage to open it. I had seen Edward reading it though; he always did it when he thought I wasn't around. I wondered what he thought about when he did it.

I had too gone to an OB/GYN to check on the pregnancy progress as well, and this was more at Edward's, Angela's and my therapist's insistence. I had tried to avoid that particular step, but they were right, I needed to make sure things were going okay if I was to let the pregnancy take its course.

Edward did make his opinion known in that matter, when he told me he didn't want to go with the specialist Dr. Gerandy recommended and I had to agree with him. So in the end, Angela had recommended me her own gynecologist and we had gone with that one. Dr. Kate Davis.

This time both Edward and Angela went with me, but for the first time I asked to go in by myself when my named was called. I needed to do this alone. This was going to be really hard and I didn't want an audience for that.

Dr. Davis did some checkups and said everything looked just fine. She even did an ultrasound and I averted my eyes the entire time. I just didn't want to look and when she asked me if I wanted to hear the heartbeat I told her no. Dr. Davis knew my situations as she had gone through my medical records, so she was mindful of it and tried to make me as comfortable as possible. I left that place with prescriptions for pre-natal vitamins and whatnot, as well as an appointment for the following month.

That hadn't been a good day. I ended up spacing out for most of the day and couldn't find it in me to go to work and since Angela was still on her winter break, she stayed with me while Edward went to the shop.

Angela. What would I do without her? In the short time I'd known her she had become, aside Edward, my best friend, my confident. She now knew most of what had happened to me and every time she saw me she would tell me 'You can do it Bella, you are strong enough.' Her words became my mantra.

She had been with me the day I discovered I was pregnant, and instead of thinking I was disgusting, she held onto me, she held onto a friendship that hadn't even fully started yet.

We would talk for hours and I found myself telling her things that I couldn't tell Dr. Denali, and sometimes not even Edward. She knew about my insecurities of him leaving me because I wasn't enough, because I had too much baggage, because he was too good for me. She would tell me I was an idiot for not seeing that Edward would do no such thing and to realize, just like everyone else, how important I was for him just as he was for me. Her words gave me hope.

Angela had too confided in me as well, she had told me things about her. Things that many people didn't even know. And one particular thing had hit me hard.

Angela had gotten pregnant two years ago. It was an unplanned pregnancy and she thought about aborting at the beginning, but she couldn't do it and she decided she did want the baby, because at the end of the day, even though a surprise, it was a part of her and who she thought was the love of her life, her ex Ben. She was mustering the courage to tell her parents about it when she suddenly miscarried. She had been in her school's washroom when she saw the blood. She drove herself to the hospital and told no one. Hours later, once she left the hospital, she called her boyfriend and gave him the news. They decided not to say a thing and just keep the secret to themselves. She told me that until this day she sometimes felt regret, regret for not wanting the baby at the beginning and that for many months she thought it was a punishment. Now she knew it wasn't, that it was just the way life played for her, but still she couldn't help but to think of that child that never was.

My situation wasn't like hers, not by a long shot, but still talking about our own situations made the pain manageable. It was like sharing the load with a friend that could kind of understand, even though she hadn't lived the same exact experience.

Another person that as of lately had shown me his support as well, was Jasper.

He had become a great friend to me. I remembered that day in the apartment, at New Year's when he told me that whatever happened he was there for me and that he considered me a friend, not only Edward's friend, but his friend as well. It hadn't been that what made me shed a couple of tears though. What had made me cry was the fact that he made sure to let me know that Edward was there for the long haul, that he would stick with me, because he wanted to and not because he had to.

I knew it may have been dumb, Edward had told me as much, but hearing it from his best friend was totally different. I knew Edward was too good of a guy to tell me in my face if he wasn't ready for that, but he could be honest with his best friend, right? So he had been and he had told him he wanted me still.

'I've never seen him smile the way he does when he is with you, when he looks at you, when he talks about you. You're the one for him, I just know it. So don't give up, because believe me, he won't give up on you,' Jasper had said; and I couldn't help the relief I felt at hearing those words, it was so overwhelming it had made me cry.

Sometimes Jasper would come to the apartment and talk to me. Not like a shrink, but like a friend, and I would find myself sharing some things with him, not everything but some. And yes, I could feel I had another friend in him.

So again I was reminded that despite everything that had happened, God hadn't deserted me, he had sent people my way, good people.

And most of all he had given me hope that I could still love and maybe one day be loved in return.

* * *

"B, after work the guys want to go to Benny's, wanna' go?" Edward asked with a smile.

"Who is going?" I asked as I stopped typing in the front-desk's computer.

I was trying to transfer the appointments from the notebook to the computer just as Lesley showed me. I still struggled while typing and, if by accident, I closed the program's window I would be lost as what to do. But little by little I was learning not to be afraid of technology.

"Everyone." Edward shrugged. "We really need some team-bonding time. That's what Lesley said. And to top that off, the boss is paying." Edward chuckled.

I smiled at him and was able to see the look of expectation in his eyes.

"Really? Well if that's the case, I'll go then."I said.

It wasn't the first time the guys asked Edward to go out after closing the shop, but I had never joined them. Sometimes I would say no and Edward would say no as well, other times he would agree to go by himself after making sure I was safely on my way home. But I knew it was time for me to start interacting with them a little bit more. Dr. Denali told me to always be open to new things. She said to take little steps, and this was one of them. Besides everyone at the shop had been nothing but nice to me. Even Rosalie had been fine this last couple of weeks. We weren't friends and we barely talked to each other, but she had stopped looking at me funny and she tried to keep to herself just as I tried to keep to myself. So I said 'why not?'

"Are you sure?" Edward asked surprised, but the smile on his face let me know he was happy with my answer.

"Yes," I shrugged, "Another step."

His green eyes bored into mine and he leaned a bit onto the front-desk. "I want to kiss you right now," he said in a low whisper.

"You can't." I giggled.

"I know," he groaned. "But wait until I can." He winked.

I actually laughed at that and, with a chuckle from him, he left to go back to work. I knew he was mostly teasing, but I liked when he was playful with me. It made me feel giddy and somewhat normal.

Once the shop was close, we headed all to Benny's, which was just a couple of blocks away from the shop.

Edward surprised me by taking a hold of my hand. No one at the shop besides Emmett knew about our relationship and I wondered what would they say when they found out. Fortunately no one said a thing as we walked and I was able to relax and enjoy the closeness and do something people in normal relationships did.

Soon enough we were walking inside the bar, which wasn't that crowded, and we all took a seat at a huge booth.

"Hey guys, what do you want today? Same?" A waiter asked us as soon as we all sat.

The waiter seemed kind of familiar with everyone. Edward had told me this was the crew's favourite bar so it wasn't a surprise the staff knew them.

"Yeah, same thing; beers, wings and please bring some of those awesome nachos the boss loves," Seth said.

Edward shook his head and punched Seth on the arm. I knew he hated it when they called him boss.

"What boss? Don't want your lady to know the kind of food you stuff your face with when we hang out," Seth said nodding towards me.

Everyone started laughing and messing with Edward. I lowered my gaze and had to fight the urge to squirm in my seat. It looked like everyone actually knew about us and I wasn't aware of that. I wasn't even sure Edward would like to have them know about us. But he had still hold my hand, so I was a little confused.

"Shut up!" Edward said as he placed one of his arms around me and over my shoulders. "Or you're paying tonight."

_Okay, so it looks like he doesn't really mind._

Everyone stopped laughing and that made me want to laugh in return, but I was able to hold it in and just smile slightly. Edward smiled at me and turned his head towards the waiter, who looked just amused by everything that was going on.

"Yes, beers, wings and nachos, and an iced-tea for my girl," he said.

The waiter nodded and without even writing it down said. "I'll be right back."

"Iced tea? Edward let Bella have some fun," Lesley said.

I shook my head. "I don't drink," I said sheepishly.

"How old are you?" It was Rosalie who asked and Edward stiffened just a bit, but I was able to notice.

Rosalie had never actually asked me anything personal and I wondered if she was curious about it, or just wanted to make conversation. I decided to answer anyway, my age wasn't something I minded people knowing about.

"Twenty," I said.

"Oh well, you're just a year away from twenty-one," Emmett said. "I don't see anything wrong if you drinking a beer."

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I don't like alcohol."

Because my age wasn't the only reason I didn't drink. Even if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't. I didn't like alcohol. I didn't want to get use to the comfort many people said they felt while consuming it. I didn't want to turn into my dad. I didn't want to lose myself in that stuff.

"Leave the girl alone. If she doesn't want a drink I think that's cool," Lesley said. "So Edward, do you still want all of us to go to the convention this year?" She quickly changed topics and I was really grateful she was trying to break the awkwardness of the moment.

"Yes, I think it would be a great opportunity for us. We've never gone all at the same time to any type of convention and I think it's time we do it."

"I agree," Seth said. "Besides it would help the store gain more recognition."

Everyone nodded and started talking about how beneficial and fun it would be for all to go. Even Rosalie seemed to get into the conversation, and for the first time I heard her talking enthusiastically about something.

Just then the waiter came with the drinks and minutes later he came back with the food. I had never seen so much food eaten that fast and what surprised me the most was that it wasn't any of the guys that ate the most, it was Rosalie. She ate like she hadn't eaten in ages and I wondered how she could keep up with it. She wasn't thin per-se, but she was still kind of slim.

"Is Bella going?" Lesley asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Of course she is right, B?" Edward asked.

I raised my brow and looked at him. "Me?"

"Yes, you," he said.

"You haven't even invited her, boss. That sucks!" Seth said.

"Yes, that's not nice, Edward." Lesley said this time.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I said we are all going to go, as in all of us, all the staff. I didn't know I had to invite everyone personally."

"Well I don't know," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered in my ear. "It totally slipped my mind to tell you, but of course I was expecting you to go with us. You're part of the team now." He then took a hold of my hand under the table.

"Where is it?" I didn't think I even knew where that convention was going to take place.

"Seattle," Emmett said.

I froze in place right away.

_Seattle._

Seattle, Washington. Just a couple of hours away from Forks.

No one seemed to notice my sudden change of mood, as everyone started talking away about what they wanted to do over there and all the places they planned to go and see. Edward did notice though, he always did.

"Are you alright B?" Edward asked softly, so only I could hear.

I looked at him, my eyes wide with uncertainty. "Se...Seattle?" I stammered.

He seemed a little bit confused but it didn't take long for realization to dawn on him. "Oh shit, B. I," He shook his head, "I didn't even think about that."

"I don't know if I can..." I trailed off.

He closed his eyes and seemed really deep in thought. He then opened them back and took a hold of both of my hands. "It's okay, don't worry. We'll talk about this later okay? The convention is still a few months away so we can leave it for later. Let's just," He sighed, "Let's just enjoy the night."

I closed my eyes and tried to take deep calming breaths. By the time everyone stopped with the chatter. I had already calmed down some.

There was still a huge road ahead of me. I needed to work on so many things.

My life started going downhill since I was still a kid and I knew the sexual abuse I suffered was just a part of everything that burden me.

But for now I tried to do as Edward told me and enjoy the night. I would work on my issues one at a time. I would fight hard to be able to do it. But that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy some things in my life. I needed to if I wanted to stay sane.

Unfortunately sometimes, as much as you tried to put things in the back of your mind, something happened and you couldn't ignore them anymore.

I would learn that soon enough.

**A/N.- I know you're asking yourself. What now? **

**Believe me, it isn't as bad as it looks, so don't worry. I promised Bella had had enough suffering and I'll stick to my word. ****I'll just leave it at that.**

**So Bella is trying to piece her life together while pregnant, and with no clue as to what she'll do with the child. Would she be able to succed? Would Edward's and her new friend's support be enough?**

**I really can't wait to know what you think. You're feedback is always appreciated :)**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence), who besides her busy schedule always finds time to cheer me up and read my mumble-jumble. I love ya babes!**

**My awesome FFBFF, pre-reader and partner in crime (figuratively speaking of course) Mony (Blueking141). You know I'm going to miss you as you go and show everyone how nerd you are in DC! Oh yes Wanda won a competition in her school and it's now representing in Washington D.C. So all of you wish her GOOD LUCK! I'm so proud of her! And she still pre-read for me, and she still writes her awesome story and she still talks to me about the most random of things! **

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. Your support is what keeps me going and believe me if it wasn't for your encouragement I would do this much slower because man, working is hard! *lol* I'm not complaining though because I do enjoy it but still, it's a total different life. I want to send a big hug too, to**** 'PrincessKris' who did a review for the story in the blog 'Twi Girls Next Door' (link at my profile), THANK YOU so so so so much! Again the support is just...gah! AWESOME! You all rock my FF-World!**

******Wish you all an awesome weekend.**

******Leave some love :)**

******Alexa**


	29. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

******************WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **  


**EPOV**

"Are you planning on telling her soon, or are you going to wait?" Caius asked as he took a sip of his drink.

I literally banged my head on the table and groaned. This couldn't be happening.

I finally raised my head to look at him, my chin atop the table. I couldn't even find it in me to play with the food that sat in front of me. I wasn't hungry nor did I have the energy to pretend to eat. "I don't know. I think I should but...ugh!"

"Calm down, Edward. There is nothing he can do anyways. It's too late," he said trying to sound reassuring. "You shouldn't be worried about him trying to get close to her. By what I was told, he doesn't even know where she is now. Heck that thing was issued over two years ago."

"I do not care about him, Caius, I care about her. I know this is going to be a total surprise for Bella and at this point I don't know if it's going to be a good or a bad thing. I just don't know what to do." I sighed.

Caius had called me the day before and told me he needed to talk to me in person and we had decided to have lunch together. While on the phone he sounded serious, as he always did, but not totally worried and I was kind of confused as to what he wanted to tell me and why it had to be in person. So we had met in a small restaurant close by work.

I had to lie to everyone at the shop saying I had a meeting with a supplier. I just didn't know what else to say, mostly to my girl, so she wouldn't be suspicious about me leaving the shop. I knew she had caught up with my mood since we woke up and she had asked me many times if everything was okay, I would say yes and try to change the conversation, I knew she didn't buy it, but she let it go knowing that whenever I was ready to talk I would.

The thing was this was something that concerned her way more than me. I mean of course I cared about everything that had to do with my girl, but I didn't have anything to do with the information I had been relied, and now I was at loss and wondering if it had been a good idea for Caius to tell me. He had told me he had decided to let me know first because he knew Bella was going through a lot as it was and didn't know how to bring up the topic in front of her without hurting her. But I didn't even know what to do with that information now. The rational part of me knew she had to know, she had a right to, but I was afraid this would just make her take another step back into her improvement.

"So tell me, how is she doing?" Caius asked, bringing me back from my internal struggle.

I shrugged. "Fine I guess."

He didn't stop looking directly at me and I knew he wanted me to elaborate. I finally sat down properly and took a sip of my Coke.

"She is showing now, just a little bit, but she feels really self-conscious and of course people are asking questions. Some days are good, others are not so much. I guess it's a day by day thing," I said as I bit my tongue ring to try and calm myself.

Bella was doing remarkably well, at least that's what Dr. Denali said, but sometimes I wasn't that sure.

Just the other day I found her crying on the floor with clothes everywhere, her jeans weren't fitting anymore and, after sitting with her and helping her calm down some, I convinced her to go and buy some 'bigger-stuff'. I avoided saying 'maternity-clothes' not wanting to set her off. Angela had been kind enough to go with her and they bought things that would work for Bella as her belly grew. Bella had arrived home and gone into the room without saying a word and I debated if I should go with her or just let her be. I decided to wait for a bit and if she didn't come out after a while, to go and check on her. Fortunately about half an hour later she was back in the living room and seemed to be acting as she usually did. She couldn't fool me though I could see the apprehension in her eyes, but she was trying to act as if nothing was wrong and I would let her believe she was doing a good job at hiding it from me. Dr. Denali had told me that sometimes Bella just needed time to work on things on her own. So I tried to just let her be. It didn't always work. I wasn't that patient, but I tried.

The pregnancy had taken a toll on her both physically and mentally, not that I was surprised at all. I knew since the day she had told me about her state, that things would get harder than they already were, but again she was trying with all her might, that was plain to see.

"I still think you should sue that son of a bitch!" Caius shook his head in exasperation.

I nodded. "I know, I think the same thing, but Bella just doesn't feel up for it right now and I just don't want to put more pressure on her shoulders you know. She has so much as it is."

Caius nodded and leaned back on his chair. When I told him about Bella's pregnancy the first thing that had come out of his mouth had been 'Sue them!' but being honest at the moment I didn't really care much for it. All I cared and wanted was for Bella to be a little bit better. Finally I had brought it up in one of our sessions with Tanya, but Bella said she didn't really had the mind to do that right now, so we had put it on hold for the time being. But of course I wanted to sue the doctor and the entire hospital if possible. They had fucked up big time and needed to be held accountable for it.

"Well, let me know whenever you decide. I have a friend, he is really good. But remember it has to be soon," he said.

I nodded. "Thanks, Caius, I really can't thank you enough." He had been just so helpful and I really was grateful for everything he had done.

He shrugged. "It's okay. You know how much her case impacted me. I can't even imagine what I would have done if Emily had gone through half of the things that poor girl has gone through."

Caius was divorced, but he had a daughter, Emily. Unfortunately for him, his ex-wife had gotten principal custody, moved out of the state and re-married. Caius said he wanted to fight, to make her wife stay in New York, but he hadn't. He had given in and allowed all of those things to happen because he didn't want to fight with the mother of his daughter. He knew she was a good mother and would take good care of Emily. Her daughter had only been four years old when that happened and, as much as he tried to go and visit the girl, to get closer to her and remind her that he loved her dearly, Emily's step-dad had little by little taken his place leaving Caius as second best. His daughter was now in college and he saw her from time to time, but they weren't as close as he would have liked. Still it was obvious that he adored her.

"I know. I still can't wrap my head around everything that has happened in this last couple of months. It's just too much and I'm amazed at how Bella has been doing."

Caius nodded in agreement. "She is a really strong girl. I'm really amazed by her."

"I'm beyond amazed," I said.

Bella was just the single strongest woman I had ever met and even though many people would have thought that because of her situation I would love her less or stop loving her all together, they couldn't be more wrong. Every single day I loved her more. I loved her strength. I loved her will. I loved the pure goodness of her soul I loved her with all I had and that love made me want to stay by her side through thick and thin.

"Edward, I think it's time for me to head back to work, but I really needed to give this to you." He pointed to the papers in front of us.

"Thanks." I reluctantly took them, folded them and shoved them inside my jacket.

I paid the bill for both of us and we got out of the restaurant. The shop was just five minutes away so I would walk back.

"I really think you should tell her, Edward. She has a right to know."

"I know, I will," I said before finally waving goodbye.

I had to tell her, I just didn't know how.

* * *

"Rosalie asked me if it was yours," Emmett whispered.

I bit my tongue ring and tried to control myself.

"I didn't say anything, don't worry. I just told her it wasn't any of her business," he added.

I nodded but said nothing.

Everyone at the shop knew Bella was pregnant by now. It had happened the other day when Bella was taking off her sweater and the shirt underneath had ridden up. Lesley and Rosalie had seen and I didn't know if it had been pure instinct, but Lesley blurted out the dreaded question. Bella had said yes and suddenly sprinted to the washroom, her eyes filled with tears. And before I even thought about going behind her and making sure she was doing okay, I had looked at both the girls and told them not so kindly to not ask anything else about that subject. They didn't; at least not in Bella's face because of course Lesley told Seth and Rosalie told Emmett who quickly came and asked me if it was true. I had told him the same thing, 'Yes, but shut up, don't mention it.'

Fortunately it looked like they had all taken my words seriously and so far no one had brought the topic back again, treating Bella as they always did.

But now Rosalie had started with her freaking curiosity and I was grateful I wasn't the one asked that question because I wouldn't be sure what to answer.

No, the child wasn't mine, but I didn't think Bella, or I for that matter, were ready to answer to any inquiries. So it was better to just say nothing when I still didn't know what was going to happen to that child.

_The child._

My mind went into riddles every time I thought about that kid. I knew it was an unwanted pregnancy. I knew it was the result of a violent act. I knew Bella's progress had taken a set back because of it. I knew that child was part of that good-for-nothing. But I couldn't help it, I felt some kind of wonderment about it. Because it was Bella's too, because it was little and tiny and not at fault at all.

Because I wanted Bella to... _no!_

I couldn't even think about it. This wasn't my decision, it was hers and only hers and I would have to shut up and pretend I didn't have an opinion about the matter.

So far Bella hadn't really said much about what she would do after the kid was born. She was set in giving the child for adoption, at least that's what she said in therapy, but not once had I ever seen her look at the book with the list of potential parents. I on the other hand, had looked at it more times that I could count. I always did it when she was out with Angela, asleep or busy doing something else. I had read the stories, seen the pictures of the couples that longed for a kid of their own and, as good as they sounded, and as bad as I felt for each one of them for not being able to have a kid of their own, I couldn't find it in me to like any of them. None of them were good enough for Bella's child. But right now wasn't the time to think about that.

"Just please, tell her not to ask Bella anything." I looked at Emmett pointedly.

"Don't worry man, she won't say a thing. I'll make sure of it."

"Thanks Em." I nodded.

We changed topic and talked for a while longer, but a couple of minutes later each of us had to go back to our own work.

I started sketching and got really focused on it. It was a design for a client of mine who wanted a new tatt. Besides playing, drawing was something that helped me, it relaxed me, centered me in a way, and getting paid for doing it was a really great incentive as well.

"Edward, someone is asking for you."

I looked to my right and saw Bella fidgeting with her hands. I then looked to the front desk and saw a scheduled client waiting. I looked back to my girl and gave her a small smile. "Thanks, B. I'll be there in a second."

She nodded and went back to the front-desk, she said something to the woman that was waiting for me and motioned to the couch in front of her. The client smiled at her and took a seat.

I was so proud of my girl, she had come a long way and, even though things got tough, she fought to get better.

Despites everything she still moved forward and little by little her confidence grew.

Just as my love for her.

* * *

That night after we came back from work, Bella headed straight for the kitchen as I got T ready for her walk.

It was freezing cold and everything was covered in snow, but my girl needed to get out for a bit, if just around the block. Poor thing had been left alone at the apartment too much as it was. I knew she missed Bella and I knew B missed her as well, but she had been working every single day the shop was open now, and once home she would use her last bit of energy to cook dinner for both of us. No matter how many times I told her not to do it, she wouldn't budge so I just stopped asking. Whatever my girl wanted, she got, and if she wanted to cook I'd let her.

I told Bella I was heading out and walked with T for a little over ten minutes. It was not much but it was too cold and I had to carry her most of the way if I didn't want to bury her in snow. And if I was being honest I wanted to pamper my little girl. She deserved it so I hugged her extra tight.

I had noticed how T didn't wiggle her tail anymore, at least not as much as she used to do. Instead of running in circles and run all over the apartment she would sit next to Bella. As of lately, she only sat in Bella's lap when B herself placed her there and she would sniff her a lot and rarely wanted to leave her side. I knew she had always liked to be next to B, but now it was even more, I had to even move her bed next to Bella's side because when I woke up she would be lying there on the floor shivering, but still wouldn't move.

I wondered if she had gotten so attuned with our moods that her mood had soured a little bit. It wasn't that she was sad per-se, but she had just given so much. She had been there for me when I had lost someone I thought was meant to be with me, then when I became this lonely person that just wanted to be home and wallow in self-pity, T was by my side. She had been there when I tried to just go back to normal.

Suddenly Bella had come into both of our lives and just like me, T had fallen totally in love with my girl and it had been her instinct to be there for her as well. T tried every time to cheer us up, but sometimes it was hard to see the bright side, mostly for Bella.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Davis next week," Bella said as we ate dinner.

"Do you want me to go with you? Or are you taking Angela?" I asked.

I didn't want to push her and to make her think she had to take me everywhere, if she wanted to do things by herself I would respect it.

"Do you want to go?" she asked unsure.

I shook my head. "Don't do that, B, I asked you first."

She fidgeted with her hands. "I don't know, I..." she trailed off.

I sighed. "No worries, just let me know if you need me to go with you ok?"

Bella looked at me and smiled slightly. "I will, thanks for understanding."

I didn't like her thanking me, she always did it, but no matter how many times I asked her she wouldn't stop so I would just nod and let it be.

"So guess what?" she asked, trying to change the topic.

"What?" I looked at her.

"I filled an order today, and sent the e-mail myself."

"Congratulations, B! I knew you could do it." I winked at her and she giggled.

"I know! I just hope the supplies we get are the right ones. I checked the thing like five times before sending it, but maybe I made a mistake."

"Nah," I said. "You'll do fine."

She nodded. "It's getting easier you know, working and all."

"I noticed, even my client today said you were really nice."

"Really?" She looked surprised.

"Yes," I chuckled. "She kept calling on me because my eyes would wonder to the beautiful girl in the front-desk."

Bella's smile was so beautiful, she rarely did it as of lately, but when she did my heart stopped. She leaned on the couch and placed a kiss to my lips, it was quick but it meant so much. Most of the time I couldn't help myself and I would just steal some touches and kisses here and there, but for the most part I would let her approach me. She didn't do it often, or as often as I'd like, but when it happened it meant the world to me.

We finished eating and I helped Bella pick everything up. She would wash the dishes as I would help her dry them.

"So where did you go during lunch time?" she asked.

"Huh?" I was caught off guard.

"Where did you go, Edward?" she asked as she rinsed a plate, her eyes never leaving the dish, but her voice not wavering.

I sighed and thought it for a second before answering. This was the opening I needed, if I wanted to be honest and tell her I needed to do it now.

"Yeah," I shifted from feet to feet uncomfortably. "I have to talk to you about that."

Bella looked at me confused. "Why?" Then she went back to her dishes.

"I actually didn't have any meeting," I confessed.

Bella shook her head. "I know Edward."

"I..." I swallowed. "I went to see Caius. He wanted to talk to me."

Bella's eyes were on mine right away, they were wide and I could see the fear.

"Wha...what happened?" she stuttered, dishes forgotten.

"Please, Bella, it's nothing bad." I didn't actually believe it much, but I needed her to calm down.

I quickly moved my hands to her shoulders and moved her carefully towards the living room. She needed to take a sit so I could explain to her what was going on. She let me guide her without saying anything, but I could see the fear written on her face and it killed me to have to do this, but it had to be done. She needed to know.

"So what... what did Caius want?" she asked once we were both sitting.

"He found out something, or better said someone." I passed a hand through my hair and pulled it a little bit, I needed to keep it together.

"Someone?" Bella's eyes were wide.

I nodded.

"Who?"

"Bella he...he..."

"Just say it Edward," she pleaded, "Please,"

I looked her right in the eye, and just said it.

"Your father, Bella. Caius knows where your dad is."

**A/N.- *Gasps* **

**What did you think of that? **

**Hope you all liked the chapter and again, do not worry! That's all I'm saying...**

**Many opinions about what Bella should do with the child and I truly appreciate all of them, so keep them coming! Your feedback is always appreciated. And again, do not mean to offend anyone with the topics in the story, it's not my intention at all.**

**On other notes...**

**I'm so sorry for the major delay but yeah the 4-week work turned out into not being only 4 weeks. I still don't know how long I'll get to be there (I haven't been offered anything permanent) but I'm enjoying the time and learning so much. Don't worry, the story won't be left behind, not at all! But be patient with me, I'll try as hard as I can to keep to my once-a-week-update, but if not possible just don't be mad at me.**

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn (LittleMissInnocence) who is always there to read my word-jumble.**

**My pre-reader and FFBFF Mony. No more words needed, I think she knows how much she means to me :) Right Wanda?**

**All of you that read, review and rec. this story. I don't get tired of saying how much your support means to me! You just rock my FF-world and I can't thank you enough.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend.**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**********************WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **  


**BPOV**

I was thirteen the last time I saw my father.

I remembered him walking me to school that day, just as he had done for months. We didn't own a car anymore since my dad had to sell it to be able and pay some of the bills, buy food and, of course, get more booze. I didn't mind the walk tough because for those few minutes my dad seemed like any other dad. His eyes would be bloodshot, his clothes would be well worn and reeked, but he was able to walk straight and talk to me and actually have a conversation that made sense. When we got in front of the school, he would pat me on the back and wish me a good day, before smiling at me and leaving.

Those few minutes were the highlight of my day because, for those few moments, I had my father back.

When I got out of school he would just wait for me on the corner and we'd walk back home silently since he would already have some drinks in him. Once home, he'd cook, or at least try to, and after eating I would go to my room and spend the rest of my day there doing homework and whatnot, making sure to go out every few hours to make sure my dad was still there and wasn't in trouble.

But that day he hadn't come to pick me up. Of course he hadn't, because they didn't even wait for school to be over when they took me away without any explanation and I had never seen my father ever again.

Some people may think that I didn't lose much...that my father wasn't really worth it. But they would be so wrong. Because despite everything that my dad did, he was always good to me and made sure I knew, above anything else, that what was going on wasn't my fault and that he still tried, the little he did, because of me.

I knew he loved me, or at least I thought he did, and I loved him with all I had.

So when I came back from that foster home, that one time, and he wasn't there I tried to hold onto the hope that he maybe was looking for me, that he may have been walking the streets of Washington trying to find me. But of course as time went on I realized that I was just hoping in vain because he had probably forgotten about me, and I tried to do the same, forget about him, just as I had my mother.

Of course it was impossible. How could you forget those who gave you life? But they weren't in the front of my mind anymore and I knew the chances of seeing them again where slim to none.

That had changed now. Because out of nowhere Edward was telling me that someone knew were my dad was. And once again it had come into the forefront of my mind.

"B?" Edward asked softly, as to not startle me. "Did you hear me?"

I raised my eyes and looked at him, and with a shaky voice I asked. "My dad?"

He looked kind of doubtful about answering me, but he still did. "Yeah."

"How? I mean..." I shook my head, I was so confused.

_Had they been looking for my dad without even asking me? Or had it been a coincidence? Had my dad been the one to get in touch with Caius? But why? How?_

"Let me explain, alright?" Edward said.

I took a deep breath and nodded, but said nothing. I wasn't really sure what to say. I felt my voice stuck in my throat and my breath was coming out in short gasps.

"Ok so," Edward started, "You know how Caius helped with your paperwork and all that, right?"

I again nodded.

"Well, so he has a friend in the Seattle Police Department and he was the one that helped him the most, his name is Thomas or something like that." He passed a hand through his head as if trying to remember all the details of his conversation with Caius. "Anyways, just a few days ago that friend called him. While helping with your case, the paperwork and all, he had so much stuff on his desk he overlooked some of it, but when he was putting all the files away he finally realized there was a missing persons report from over two years ago, it had your name on it."

I quickly stiffened. I knew the state would have be looking for me after I ran away and it scared me. I could be in trouble. But then I remembered I was an adult now and they could do nothing. At least that's what I thought. I wondered what my dad had to do with that, though.

"I thought it was the state of Washington or something like that," Edward said.

I raised my brow and looked towards Edward quickly. _So it hadn't been them? Who then?_

"B," Edward said slowly. "That report was submitted by your father."

I gasped. _What?_

"What?" I asked. "My... my dad was looking for me?"

"It looks like it," Edward shrugged, "It was submitted just a few months before you turned eighteen and it seems like the police didn't actually try hard to find you. Caius' friend says it was in the closed cases section or something like that. I really don't understand how that shit works, but the thing is," He looked at me right in the eye, "Your dad was looking for you, B."

I didn't know what to think. I went blank.

I tried to come up with an answer to all the questions that were bubbling inside of me, but everything was just mashing together and I was getting no answers. I couldn't make sense of it all.

_My dad had looked for me? He actually had?_

But Edward said the report had been issued a few months before I turned eighteen; that had been five years since I was taken away. Five years of me being away and he waited just a few months before me being officially an adult to look for me? Did he even want to find me? Or did he do it just to... to what? To what? Why did he look for me? And did he stop? What was he doing now? Where was he? Was he still looking? Did he know...

"Does he know?" I asked.

Edward looked confused. "What? Does he know what, B?"

I fidgeted with my hands and looked down at them. "Does he know where I am?"

"No," He said. "Caius' friend doesn't even know him. He just saw the file and called Caius right away. He did check out on him though. Who he was and where he was you know? But nothing more, he never approached your dad or anything."

I nodded in understanding. "Where is he?"

I could see him struggling, not knowing if it would be a good idea to tell me or not, but with a sigh he finally told me what I'd asked myself for a long time now.

_Where had my dad been all this years?_

"In Forks," Edward said.

"No," I shook my head. "He wasn't there. He wasn't there when I looked for him, that can't be true!" I stood up from my spot on the couch and huffed annoyed.

This was a lie. Edward was lying, well maybe not him, but Caius was, or his friend, or... my dad wasn't in Forks. I had looked. I had gone and he was nowhere to be found.

"B, please, calm down." Edward came close to me and carefully placed a hand atop one of my shoulders. "This isn't good for the ba..." He stopped himself. "Is not good for you."

As I looked at his face I realized he was scared of what he was about to say and though it may have freaked me out, it really didn't. He was right. I had to be mindful of the child I carried with me and if I had decided to have it, even though I wasn't going to keep it, I had to take care of it until the day came.

So I tried taking deep breaths, but stayed walking back and forth in the small living room. T was sitting next to the table, her head to the side as she looked at me intently as if to trying to understand what I was doing. I finally stopped and patted my leg, T quickly came to me and I snatched her up, hugging her to me while I continued with my internal questioning.

Edward didn't say anything; he just went back to the couch, his elbows on his knees as he played with his lower-lip piercing. I knew he was thinking hard, and at the same time giving me the time I needed, but letting me know he was still there. So for a few minutes we stayed just like that, until I realized I didn't even know what to do and thinking wasn't really helping that much right then. But at the same time I wanted to know what to do. I needed to know.

"So what do you think I should do? Should I do anything at all?" I asked at Edward, desperation obvious in my voice.

He looked at me and after a few seconds shrugged. "I don't know, B, it's all up to you."

_Ugh!_ I hated it when he told me that. I wanted him to tell me what to do, to guide me into the right direction because I was just so lost. But no, he would always tell me to do what felt right to me and to be honest nothing felt right at the moment. I was so confused and I needed someone to make the decisions for me.

For so long I wasn't able to make even one decision on how my life went and now that I had that opportunity I was just overwhelmed and couldn't do it. Dr. Denali and I had talked a lot about that and though I knew it would take time for me to get used to, I sometimes wondered if I would be able to make decision at all, and most of all, good decisions.

"Please Edward," I begged him, not for the first time. "Tell me, what do you think it's the best?"

He groaned in exasperation and rose to his feet, approaching me. "You know I would never tell you what to do, B."

"I'm not asking you to tell me what to do," I said. "I'm just asking you to help me here. I just don't know..." I trailed off.

He was quiet for a bit and finally sighed. "Why don't you just think it for a few days, weeks, months? Whatever time you need. Caius said if you want to know more he would be glad to ask his friend to dig for more information about _him_. But don't pressure yourself, B. If there is nothing else you want to know, and if you don't want to get in touch with your father ever, it's ok too."

Edward passed a hand through my hair and as I raised my eyes at him, and just like that I started to feel a wave of calmness washing over me.

Rising on my tip toes I pressed my lips to his and it wasn't even a few seconds later when T started whining in protest. We both parted and chuckled lightly at the little dog nestled in the middle of our bodies and even though things weren't perfect, that moment was, because I was with the one I loved, and he was by my side.

As always.

* * *

"Oh Bella! And what are you going to do?" Angela asked as we both lounged in her apartment.

Edward had gone out with the band to talk about some new gig propositions, and Angela had invited me to eat dinner at her place.

It had been a week since Edward had told me about my dad, but since Angela had been so busy and, being honest, I couldn't even make sense of it myself, I was just telling her about it.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Sometimes I just try to not think about it altogether. I don't know what to do."

Angela nodded in understanding. "I bet. Just take your time, Bella. You have a lot on your plate as it is, just don't try to push yourself too hard. I think as of right now you have to focus on you and the pregnancy."

I swallowed at her boldness. But Angela was one of the only ones besides Dr. Denali that actually asked me the questions right out front and without sugar-coating the words. Sometimes I even preferred that, than people tiptoeing around me. It was what it was and as much as I tried to deny it that wouldn't change things one bit.

"I know." I nodded in agreement. "You know I'm trying."

"You are," Angela said. "I know you are." She then looked at me and asked. "Have you made a decision yet about it? Have you chosen anyone?"

I shook my head. "I opened the book the other day, but as soon as I did it I closed it back."

I didn't know why, but every single time I took that book into my hands they would shake so badly and I would feel my stomach going into knots. I knew it was stupid, it was something I knew had to be done, but there was something that just stopped me from doing it and I didn't know what it was.

She sighed. "What has Edward said?"

I fidgeted with my hands. "Nothing. You know how he is. Sometimes I wish he wasn't that understanding. I wish he would get mad at me and tell me what is on his mind, but he never does."

"He wouldn't do that Bella."

"I know! But I need someone to tell me what to do!" I was getting agitated.

Angela shook her head in exasperation and started picking up the empty plates from the small table. "You know that's not happening. You have to..."

I interrupted her. "I know, I know!" I raised my voice. "But still!"

Angela placed the dishes on the sink more forcefully than necessary. "Whatever Bella!"

I huffed, but at the same time I couldn't help but understand what she meant. She was always there when I needed her, but unlike Edward she would push my buttons in a different way to try and make me think about the things I had to think about. Not that Edward didn't do it in his own way, but even though he looked all bad ass –as Angela always said- he was always so gentle with me, never doing or saying anything that could make me uncomfortable, and he was just so patient with me.

I stood up and helped Angela with the dishes. I could see she wanted to ask more, but she didn't. It had been enough for the day and, though bold, she knew when the time to just stop was.

"Hey, I forgot to mention," I said quickly, and not wanting to go back to the topic I didn't want to talk about anymore.

Angela turned her head to look at me and raised her brow, as if knowing I was changing the subject on purpose, but waiting for me to continue, so I took the bait.

"It's Jasper's birthday next weekend. We're all going out for it."

Angela nodded. "And?" She encouraged me to continue.

"Do you want to come?" I asked hopefully.

"Me?" She shook her head. "I do not think so Bella. I have barely seen the guys a couple of times. Why would I go to his birthday?"

"Edward told me to ask you, and I want you to be there, please Angela," I pleaded.

Angela barely had any fun, she was always working, taking care of Sam and as of lately of me too. I wasn't that great of a friend, I knew it. My social life wasn't that impressive and being honest I rarely went out, so our friendship was mostly spent at my place, her place or walking the dogs at the park when it wasn't freezing cold.

So if just for this one night, I wanted her to have fun too. I wanted her to come with me to this gathering and to have fun. Not many people would be there, just the guys at the band, Jessica, Lauren, Edward and myself, and of course Jasper, so I knew she wouldn't be uncomfortable or anything like that.

"Are you sure?" Angela asked unsure.

I nodded. "I'm sure. Besides you'll get to meet the other guys in the band. They are all really cool, and their wives are nice as well. Please?"

"Oh well, then I'll go." She smiled .

"Good," I said with my own smile.

She looked thoughtful for a second and then turned to me. "Should I get him a gift?"

* * *

"So I was talking with Angela today..." I started.

Edward nodded through a mouthful of food.

"We actually caleld to that place and there is a course starting in a couple weeks," I said.

He looked totally confused. "Huh?"

"The cooking classes you got me for Christmas?" It sounded more than a question.

Edward took a sip of his Coke and seemed to be making sense of what I was saying. Finally it looked like realization hit him.

"Oh! Right!" He nodded passing a napkin through his lips and then looked at me with a smile. "You're really going?" He sounded half surprised, half excited.

"Yes," I nodded, "I think it would be a good thing. Doing something outside work you know? A distraction."

At the beginning I was not really sure I was going to use those vouchers, after everything going on taking cooking lessons was the last thing on my mind. But while cleaning one day I found the envelope deep inside one of my drawers. I didn't know how long I held onto them, just thinking about what to do with them. Cooking was something I enjoyed and despites everything going on around me while I cooked something, whether it was just a salad, pasta or whatever, I was able to focus on that and just relax. It was almost as good as when I was with Edward, not as powerful and enjoyable, but it still gave me some kind of joy. And joy was not something that came easy in my life right now, if ever.

"I agree, B," Edward said. "Besides, if your food is so freaking awesome right now, I can't imagine how it's going to be once you start with the lessons." He winked at me and I couldn't help but chuckle.

I knew he was trying not to make that big of a deal, but I could see how his eye twinkled with the idea of me doing something new and different, something that was able and help me to tune out my troubling mind, if just for a little bit.

As it had become our routine, Edward picked up the dishes and took them to the kitchen. He was adamant to be in charge of cleaning after dinner, stating that I already did a lot by cooking, so I agreed; besides it was not like there were many dishes to begin with.

While he did that I would used those few minutes to just relax on the couch and sometimes have a one on one time with T. I knew I hadn't been the best towards her in the last couple of days, but I had a huge lack of energy as of late and every single time I could find time to 'rest my eyes' was a huge bonus. Sometimes I would just fall asleep and when I woke up Edward would be watching TV or playing on his guitar. On occasions I would pretend I was still sleeping if just to hear him play. I knew he would keep going if I asked him to, but I loved listening him play on those moments when he thought no one, but him, was listening, and when he practically got lost between the strums of his guitar.

"B...Bella, it's time to go to bed."

"What?" I groaned my voice thick with sleep.

"You fell asleep." He chuckled. "And it's already past eleven."

"Wow, I was really tired." I opened my eyes slowly and saw Edward's face so close to mine I couldn't help but smile and just like that he close the distance and our lips were touching.

His lips were so soft and warm. And he took my bottom lip between his and I pressed myself that much towards him, trying to be as close to him as possible. Because there was no one in this world that I wanted to be this close to. He made me want to push myself that much harder, because I knew if I tried and succeeded I would be able to really learn what full happiness was. Because just being near him made me believe in it. I know I wasn't there yet, and I knew if I ever would, but I wanted it, I did.

I couldn't possibly describe what I felt with Edward's caresses, with his kisses, but I was able to feel them from my lips all the way to my toes and back up. It wasn't a feeling I was use to and maybe I never would.

I raised my hands and buried them in his locks, something I had never done before. His moan of approval let me know he liked it and that only encourage me more. So with the little force I had, I pulled him down towards me until his body was almost atop mine. He placed one of his arms on the back of the couch to be able and hold most of his weight off me.

And just like that and with not much fanfare my lips parted to his and for the first time I felt his tongue slip through my lips, touching mine and making me feel the warmest I had ever felt on the inside. There was a strange sensation at the beginning, not unpleasant at all, but strange, it was his tongue ring. That piece of metal that made contact with my tongue and my skin had goosebumps all over. It was just so perfect.

My heart beat faster and faster, but I didn't dare to stop, because the feelings coursing through my body were too good to deny. Because I wanted it so bad, because I wanted him, more than anything in the world.

There was a point when I couldn't tell whose moans I was listening to. They may have been mine or his, who knew. It didn't matter because all that did was that we were together, and besides all the obstacles we still wanted to be with each other.

When air was absolutely necessary, we finally ended the kiss, both smiling wide and before I could get my thoughts completely straight, the words that had been stuck within my heart were spoken out loud.

"I love you."

**A/N.- And it was said! What is going to happen now?**

**Again I'm so sorry for the delay, but when I used to sleep at 2 or 3 am in the past, now 10pm is my curfew *lol***

**I really hope you enjoyed the chapter, this two are getting closer, slowly but they are. And for those who asked about Charlie and if he was abusive with Bella, well he wasn't, but he was an alcoholic. What do you think about him? Should Bella look for him? Not? Would it be good for her? Not? Do you even want to meet him?**

**Don't forget to leave your feedback which is really appreciated :)**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn. (LittleMissInnocence, thanks for the support babe, you know how much it means to me!**

**My FFBFF and pre-reader Mony (Blueking141). Wanda, thanks for always being there when I'm freaking out! And thanks for feeding me with awesome music and banjo-eye-candy *wink*wink* I love ya!**

**To all of you that are still here and support he story! I can't tell you how much it means to me! **

**Wish you all an awesome weekend :)**

**Leave some love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- 'Comes & Goes' has officially reached 2000+ updates! I feel really humble to know how many people are enjoying the story. I can't really say much because words just aren't enough. THANK YOU! **


	31. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"I love you."

_There._

I said it.

My words rang so true that I could have sworn I heard them coming right back at me, just as if Bella was mimicking the words coming right out of my mouth.

But I knew it was just my mind playing games with me. I was scared shitless about just baring my heart to my girl and was just hearing what I wanted so bad to hear. Because I would be lying if I said I didn't want her to feel the same way about me, but I knew she may need more time, and I would wait.

It may have been too soon, or maybe not the right time to tell her, but I couldn't find it in me to regret my decision to just let her know, because it was the truth and I just needed to say the words. They had been at the tip of my tongue for so long and nothing would have stopped me from telling her. She needed to know my feeling towards her. She needed to know the truth.

After just a few seconds, and with a little bit of hesitation I looked right into her eyes and waited for her reaction, hoping with all my heart that she would accept my feelings, that she would accept my heart because it was hers and had been for a while now.

Her eyes were wide, and shining with unshed tears. My arms that held me above her on the couch, so I wouldn't crash into her as we laid together, were almost shaking with emotions and I felt like a pussy, but at the same time I didn't care.

Just then my girl let out a sound between a sob and a laugh and it confused me because I had no clue what that meant, so supporting myself with the back of the couch with just my left arm I used the other one to move a piece of hair away from her face.

She was looking right back at me and even though it was really hard to read her emotions at the moment I could see a little bit of doubt, some wonderment and maybe happiness?

"I..." I tried to say, but was interrupted when I felt her soft fingertips pressed over my mouth.

"I love you too, Edward," she said loud and clear.

And this time I was positive that it wasn't my mind playing games and that I was actually hearing the words.

_Bella loves me? _

_Bella loves me._

_My girl loves me._

"I think you didn't hear me... the first time," She hiccupped, tears rolling down her beautiful cheeks. "We said it... at the same time."

_Had we?_ Had it actually been real and we had both said the words right back at each other at the same exact moment? It looked like it had.

"Bella," I freaking tried to hide my smile but I didn't do a very good job, I just couldn't, "Oh babe." _Babe? Huh? I could go for that right?_

She smiled back at me and that sealed the deal.

Without waiting for a confirmation, I pressed my hungry lips to hers.

If I had thought that the first time that our tongues mingled had been awesome, the second time around had been even more mind-blowing.

Her small hands found purchase on my shirt and my free hand went to her hair, pulling her closer and showing her how much I wanted to be with to her, as close as possible.

But I knew not to push, even though my body wanted to push all the way -I was ready and had been for a while now; my hand was a witness to that- but now it was not the moment. So I slowed down and tried my hardest not to press the rest of my body against her, my mouth and tongue though were another story. Her little moans of approval, as I teased her tongue with my piercing, combined with that sweet taste that was all Bella, ignited a fire in me that I needed to put down before it got out of control.

"B...babe," I sighed between kisses. "Maybe..."

"Just kiss me Edward, just..." she said almost breathlessly.

_And who was I to deny her?_

What my girl wanted my girl got.

So I did just that. I shut up and kissed her.

* * *

"I don't think she wants us to leave," Bella said sadly.

I rolled my eyes and sat on the couch with an exasperated sigh. I passed a hand through my hair and just tried to keep my annoyance to myself. I wasn't sure I was doing that good of a job.

We had been trying to leave for over fifteen minutes, but T was just acting up and wouldn't stop barking, whining or crying as soon as we tried to cross the door. And of course Bella would just go back and try to calm her down, which worked, until we tried to leave again.

"Of course she doesn't want us to leave her alone, B, but we have to go like now," I said.

We were late as it was. I really didn't care much if I was a little late to a gathering with friends, but it was Saturday night and we were supposed to celebrate Jasper's 30th birthday. It was a special day for my best friend and I didn't want to be the last one there. Jasper had been there for me when I needed him the most, had always been, and the last thing he deserved was for me to be late to his own party.

Besides, if I was being honest, I was really looking forward to some time with my girlfriend. The last few weeks, or better said, the last few months had been trying at best and a night out was something we both needed. I had been thinking about taking her out, alone, just her and me. But for now this would do, I thought.

Bella shook her head at me and pouted. She then crouched next to T and of course she didn't waste any time in jumping in Bella's arms, whining and begging her to take her out or at least to stay home with her.

_Not going to happen, T. Not today._

"T, tomorrow we'll all go to the Whitlock's, you can go then," I said, but of course T didn't pay me any mind, she knew she wouldn't win with me so she was trying her best to sway Bella out of the decision of going out. The little fucker knew very well that if she wanted to get through me she just had to get through Bella and I was a goner.

Thankfully Bella's cell phone rang right at that moment. It was Angela telling us she was already downstairs waiting for us. We were supposed to meet outside her apartment and get a cab from there, but it looked like she figured something was keeping us and decided to make her way here.

"I'm sorry, T," Bella said. "I promise tonight you can sleep with me on the bed as a treat."

And then it happened.

Both traitors looked at me and what was I to do? I freaking sighed and nodded my head in surrender.

The dog was sleeping with us tonight. _Great!_

* * *

"Here Edward, another beer!" Mike said as he passed me a Corona.

I was just about to raise my hand and snatch if from him, when from the corner of my eye I saw Bella looking down at her hands. _Fuck!_

"Mmm... you know, Mike, I've had enough for the night. I think I'll stick with something else," I said.

For some reason he seemed to think I was kidding and laughed. "Yeah right! Here take it."

I shook my head and gave him a look that told him I was being serious. He just shrugged and took a swig of the beer himself as he went back to his place.

"You don't have to do that you know. I don't mind. I know you would never..." My girl trailed off.

I looked at her and saw how she was looking down, again. I hated that shit. She didn't need to look down; she needed to keep her chin held up high because she was the most beautiful person in the world. Because she was pure, and good and mine. And I loved her.

"It's not because of that babe." She was seeing right through me, she knew why I was doing this.

She sighed. "I know you aren't like him Edward. I've seen you drink before."

I nodded as I took a hold of one of her hands. "I'm not saying I think you compare me to _him_. But sometimes enough is enough and I already drank a few beers. I'm not going to lie, B, you know me, my past. You know I started drinking at a young age and there was a time when I drank alcohol as if it was water. But I'm not that person anymore and, though I see nothing bad about doing it from time to time, I know when to stop."

I hadn't drank much, I had had just four beers at the most, but something we had talked about with Tanya in our sessions was about how to compromise. How sometimes we had to find a middle ground in between our different points of view. I knew Bella disliked alcohol, I understood completely her point of view and almost swore myself out of drinking ever again, but Tanya made me see that that was not the point. Bella as well agreed that she didn't mind me drinking, at least not now. She confessed she had been wary at the beginning, but that once she realized I was able to stop without problem she started trusting me with the choices I made. But still, I didn't want to make it a habit and I decided to compromise, to do it just on social occasions. I used to have beer in the house from time to time, but now I only bought it when we would have a gathering or when we were out on occasions like this one. A compromise Bella and I felt comfortable with.

Fortunately the food arrived right on time and that particular conversation was left behind us. My girl scooted closer towards me as we both tried to just enjoy the time with our friends.

_Our friends._

It was so nice to see how Bella had fit so perfectly with my group of friends. Everyone liked my girl, and even though sometimes she would just be quiet and listen to our conversations, I could see that she truly enjoyed being there. I couldn't be more thankful to my friends as well, because they had embraced her and even the guys, without knowing much, had tried to make her comfortable and at the same time making her feel welcomed.

They all knew by now about her pregnancy, but just like the guys at the shop, they knew not to ask much. Lauren and Jessica even offered, through their husbands, to talk to Bella and give her some tips about pregnancy, mothering and whatnot. But I quickly told Mike and Tyler to tell their wives thank you, but no. At least not now.

They seemed to understand and just said to call if we ever needed anything, which I was grateful for. Mike did ask me once if the baby was mine, but it hadn't been me, but Jasper, who had told him to mind his own business. He had understood right away. But I still saw the worry in his eyes, both, Tyler and Mike knew something was up, and I didn't know if they deduced it or not, but they could tell this wasn't a planned pregnancy. Maybe they thought Bella was too young and that was why she didn't look that excited, but they didn't know in this case age wasn't the reason she wasn't excited about the child. At least not the main reason.

Bella was way younger than any of us, but sometimes you couldn't even tell because she was just perfect, right there in our group, she was so mature. It saddened me though, to know that she had to grow up so soon, that her life had been so hard since she was a child and now at twenty years old she had lived through things many people would never think of, things people read in the newspaper, hear on the radio or watch on TV, but things that were foreign to them. My girl had lived through that, and she was still here, next to me and facing all the things that were to come. The only difference than before was that she wasn't alone anymore. And as long as she'd let me I would be by her side, holding her hand all the way.

"Do you want this?" I heard my girl ask.

I looked towards her plate and realized she had barely touched any of her food. "You didn't like it, babe? Do you want something else?"

She shook her head. "I feel..." She placed her hand on her mouth and took a deep breath.

"Are you feeling sick?" I asked worriedly.

Bella closed her eyes and kept taking deep breaths. I had learnt from past occasions to just wait and not push her, sometimes all she needed was to breathe deeply and the sickness would pass, other times though we weren't that lucky.

"I'm okay," she finally said. "I just don't feel like eating anymore,"

I knew better than to tell her to eat, whenever she said she didn't want any more food I had to practically clear the dishes of the table because just the sight of it would make her feel sick. She was in her second trimester and, even though I had read that morning sickness was supposed to pass after the first one, there were woman that weren't that lucky.

Yes, I had sneaked on my computer and read on the internet about pregnancy, sue me.

Bella didn't really want me to go with her to her meetings with Dr. Davis. She had gone less than a handful of times, but I had only gone to the first one because after that she started going by herself or with Angela. So if I wanted to know anything about pregnancy and what my girl was going through, I had to dig for information myself.

I had brought it up at Tanya's once, but Bella had ended up in tears and I was just scared to bring it up again. Tanya said it was something we had to discuss, and she tried her hardest to make us talk about it, but Bella would just shut down and stop talking altogether. I wondered if it was the same when they were both alone, or if it was just with me that Bella closed up that way. It was like if she still thought I'd run for the hills once I saw her pregnancy progressing. Stupid thing really, because I couldn't ever think of leaving her. I had known it would be hard, and I was honest when I said I didn't know how things would play out as time went by, but so far instead of feeling myself growing farther away, I felt myself growing more attached to her. There was something, a pull, an energy, that kept me right by her.

"Let's go out for a while," I whispered into her ear.

She looked at me and nodded her head, a smile on her face.

I told the guys I was going out for a smoke, which of course was a lie since I never smoked in front of Bella. They knew I was lying, but were so invested in whatever they were talking about they barely acknowledge us.

"I feel bad for leaving Angela just like that," Bella said as we walked to a small patio they had on the back.

No one was there since it was closed because of the winter season, but there was a small pair of couches in a corner and covered with a tent. So making our way there, I closed the tent so the wind couldn't come in and hugged my girl so she wouldn't be that cold. We were both wearing our jackets, but you could still feel the cold weather.

"I don't want her to feel left out." Bella sighed.

I looked at hear with a raise brow. "Yeah, because she looks so uncomfortable in there."

Bella chuckled. "Right."

Angela had fit right into the group, and it hadn't miss my attention how she and Jasper seemed to have found something in common because they had barely stopped talking to each other. They had met on New Year's but they weren't able to talk much since Angela was mostly with my girl, trying to cheer her up and Jasper wasn't even there for that long. After that I think they saw each other a few times in passing, but that had been it.

Today Bella had told me, she wanted Angela to just be out and have a good time, like a treat for being such a good friend. And I knew my girl needed the same as well, we all needed this. And I was set to make this night a comfortable and relaxed one for us.

"We'll just be here for a few minutes, at least until they are all done with their food." I said.

My girl pressed her lips to my cheek, and I could feel the smile on her face "Thanks, Edward, you're always so thoughtful."

I twisted my body so I was able to face her and couldn't stop myself from kissing her like a freaking hungry man. She was so sweet that it intoxicated me. I wanted her so bad, and knowing I couldn't have her, at least not now -who knew if ever- made me want her even more. But I'd be patient, I'd wait.

_Even if it takes forever._

* * *

When we came back inside, we were both flushed from head to toe. Between the weather and our small making-out session, it was to be expected. Jasper and Angela were still deep in conversation and when they looked at us they just shook their heads and laughed. The other two couples were talking amongst themselves and making plans to keep the party going.

"I know this bar with really good music," Tyler said. "The owner is a friend of mine. If I call him he may be able to get a table for us."

I looked at Bella, wanting to gauge her reaction. But when she smiled and nodded at me I told Tyler we were in.

"Bella doesn't have ID," I told Tyler after a while, and as discreet as possible.

He waved me off. "No problem, he'll let us in from the back."

"Thanks man,"

Tyler nodded and quickly dialled his friend.

Half an hour later we were all paying our bills, we all pitched in for Jasper since he was the birthday-guy, and we left.

The bar we went to, was packed, but just as Tyler had said we got a great table on the second floor, it was private, comfortable but at the same time with view of everything. There was a DJ playing some music and even though it looked more like a dance-club than a bar to me, there was no dance floor and the people that were dancing did it wherever they could.

Everyone in our party ordered drinks and Bella and I went with sodas. She told me to at least have one beer or something, but I waved her off saying I wanted to make out with her more and alcohol breath wasn't really nice. She just smiled at me and I knew I wouldn't mind not drinking as long as she smiled like that every time.

"Bella, can you go with me to the ladies room?" Angela half said half scream over the loud music.

"Sure," Bella said as she stood up. "I'll be back," She told me.

"Be careful, babe."

She nodded and before they could leave, both Jessica and Lauren were added in the mix. What did girls do in a bathroom? It was still a mystery to me, because I doubted they needed someone else to pee, so if they went in groups it was because of something else, right?

"So how does it feel to be a thirty-year-old?" I asked Jasper when he came to sit next to me.

"Same as before, much wiser, more handsome, but overall same."

I rolled my eyes and slapped him on the back.

"You know, Angela is really nice," he said as he took a swig of his drink. "I may have asked her for her phone number."

"You did, huh?"

"Yeah, she is cool."

I had to agree. "I know, just don't fuck with her man. She is Bella's best friend."

He raised both hands in surrender. "I'll be good, promise."

And that was that. I wasn't going to start gossiping with him about girls he liked. If he wanted to see Angela again, it was fine by me, as long as he knew not to fuck up.

When the girls came back we decided to go by the railing and just stand up there. As we talked and got a view from everything that was going on the first floor, Bella placed both her hands on the railing and I placed my arms around her. Without noticing I started swaying to the music, and it wasn't long before I started feeling my body getting excited. I wasn't that much of a dancer, but I did it when needed.

I couldn't recall what song was playing, but the beat had my hips moving slowly, from side to side and I placed my hands on Bella's hips, she didn't move much, but I could tell she didn't mind me doing what I was doing.

"You're so beautiful, my girl," I whispered in her ear.

"I love you, Edward," she said back, and there was an instant smile on my face.

I would never get tired of hearing those words.

Without even noticing what I was doing my hands started trailing off until they were both placed atop her stomach. For the first time ever I was able to feel the bump that was already forming, and mostly hidden by clothes.

Her body quickly stiffened, but I didn't dare move. I didn't want to make conclusions, if she felt uncomfortable she would let me know. There were still many things we avoided, mostly the topic of her pregnancy, but it was something so real, I knew it since I was touching it with my own hands. It's not that I didn't know it was real before, but having the proof right there was a different thing.

It took a bit, but Bella seemed to relax minutely, her back totally pressed to my front. I kept moving, trying to not make a big deal out of things, showing her it was okay with me and that I hoped it was okay with her as well, because even though she still hadn't make a decision I would stick by her. Because I wasn't blind to the situation, I knew what was going on and accepted her with all her troubles, just as she accepted me with mines.

I didn't know how long it took, but soon enough Bella's hands were atop mine and I intertwined my fingers with hers.

I didn't know what it meant, but of one thing I was sure. We were heading in the right direction, because whatever decision was made we were in this together.

And knowing this I pressed my lips to her ear.

"I love you too, B."

_I really do._

**A/N.- So there you have it. The ILY was said by both of them and is obviously not one sided. All of us knew this, but now Tattward and Bella do too!**

**This chapter was a little bit 'lighter' and fluffy which I think is a good change since this two have been going through though times. And for those who were cheering for Jasper/Angela time , well there you go! What do you think about this 'pairing'? Would it work? Nah? Let me know!**

**Thanks to...**

**My beta Lynn who has been super busy with her work and still reads this story and helps me tons! Love ya babes.**

**My pre-reader and much more, Mony, who by the way just graduated and is now headed to a new adventure! Yuju! You know how much I love ya Wanda and I'm so proud of you!**

**All of you that take the time to read, review and recommend this story. Your patience is really appreciated too since I've been so busy lately, and knowing you are still here and supporting the story means a lot to me!**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend!**

**Leave some love,**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"And how do you feel when you're both together like that?" she asked as nonchalant as always.

I fidgeted with my hands, which was something I did a lot when in an uncomfortable situation. I couldn't understand how she could ask stuff like that without even blinking.

_Maybe because she is a professional, Bella._

It still didn't help my nervousness to know that, but I knew I had to answer, that's the reason I was here.

"I like it," I finally confessed.

Dr. Denali nodded and looked at me, her elbow over her crossed knee and her fist under her chin, her face unreadable. "Have you told him that you like his touches? That you are okay with him being that way with you?"

I shook my head. "He knows," I said trying to sound sure of my words. _He had to know right?_

"I'm not so sure about that, Bella," Dr. Denali said as she straightened her back, letting me know she really wanted me to listen. "I think you both should talk more about those things."

"But," I sighed. "We talk about some things here, in therapy."

"You are right, we talk about many things here, and when you and Edward have your sessions together we do focus on your relationship, but still, there are things you and him have to talk about privately. Things that maybe you would feel more comfortable sharing with him and only him."

I nodded in understanding. I knew she was right. I knew I had to be more vocal but it was so... embarrassing. I didn't know why. I knew I could talk to Edward about everything, but there were some things that were hard to talk about with the one you loved; things that scared me because they were totally new to me.

"If you want we can focus in this particular topic on our next session," Dr. Denali said. "But talk to him Bella, at least try. I have confidence in you both and I know, though uncomfortable, it will be worth it."

I nodded and leaned back on the couch, trying to take all her words in.

Today was one of the days I had therapy by myself. Sometimes Dr. Denali would ask me if there was something I wanted to talk about and when I said no she would start with questions until she started focusing on a specific topic. But today when she had asked, though hesitant, I had told her I did want to talk about something. Because I really did.

I wanted to talk about Edward, or better said, my growing relationship with him, the intimate part of it.

I knew our relationship was still new, bust still for many people we may have been moving slow, but I knew for me, for us it wasn't like that, because there was so much going on. And I wanted to discuss it with Dr. Denali because I could feel us getting closer to more and I wanted to be prepared. The topic wasn't something I felt comfortable with, but there were so many emotions going inside of me that I needed to let it out. I needed someone to help me with the overwhelming feelings.

"Do you feel pressured by him?" she asked after a few seconds.

I shook my head quickly. "No, on the contrary, I think he hesitates more than me." I looked down at my hands in embarrassment.

"And why do you think that is?"

I shrugged and thought about her question. After a little while I finally answered. "Maybe he is scared? Of hurting me?"

"Mmhmm," Dr. Denali mumbled, but said nothing else, as if waiting for me to take in the words I myself had uttered.

I gulped. "I think you're right. Maybe he doesn't know."

I had never really thought of that. Whenever Edward and I started kissing, things just disappeared around me. It was only the two of us, no one and nothing else mattered.

I knew the kisses weren't as chaste as in the beginning, I could feel how we both had grown more and more comfortable with our touches. They were still fairly innocent for what I'd seen other people do, but for me they were more than I would have thought I would be able to do, and surprisingly enough I found myself wanting to keep going.

So when Edward would pull away I was always left confused, not understanding if he just didn't want to kiss me anymore or if the moment was just over. I was inexperienced so I didn't really know how those kinds of things worked. I knew it sounded stupid. I knew many people would have though I did have some experience, after all I had lived with a man for almost two years of my life, but it had been just so different. And it was the past, so no point in reliving it.

But still, there were so many things I didn't know, so much stuff I was learning day by day and so many emotions that were so foreign to me. They scared me at times.

For starters, I had never known how a kiss could be felt from head to toe, how your skin could turn into goosebumps from a single touch, how a look could unarm you in every sense of the word, how I wanted Edward to touch me in ways that no one had. Or better said, in ways I had never wanted anyone to touch me, and it scared me more than anything, because even though my body wanted it, I didn't know if my mind would agree with it.

I could say I was totally out of my element. My body, my mind, my entire being were at a crossroads, a part of me wanted something while the other hesitated and was way too scared to try and push myself.

I wondered if it was normal, for a woman that had went through something similar as me, to feel that way. If it was normal to want to do something that I had only seen as a violent act or a chore in other occasions.

I didn't know what to think anymore. I was so confused.

Dr. Denali and I talked more about the topic. I stuttered a lot, but she never seemed irritated about it. She again reminded me that every person was different; therefore their reactions and emotions couldn't be the same. I knew it was a topic we would need to talk more about, but for now it was enough and Dr. Denali agreed, changing the topic after a few more questions.

We talked about the pregnancy and how I was feeling physically. We then went to the emotional part of my 'state' and I told Dr. Denali about the night when Edward had touched my belly for the first time. It had been something totally unexpected and weirdly enough not as uncomfortable as I would have thought.

The pregnancy wasn't something I liked to discuss with anyone. I barely talked about it with Dr. Denali and Dr. Davis and it was just because I really had to. Angela tried to make me talk and I would answer most of her questions, but as soon as I could I would change topics. Edward had as well asked me questions here and there, but my mind would just shut down and of course he would never push me.

Sometimes I thought I just liked to live in denial and pretend nothing was going on. I knew it was stupid, and I knew everyone knew about it by now, but fortunately they had all kept their questions to themselves and I hadn't been faced with having to give explanations to anyone, because being honest, I wouldn't be sure what to say.

So when Edward had touched me that night at the bar, I had freaked out for a bit, at least I thought I would freak out. But seeing how he just did it without a care in the world and not making a big deal of things made me relax, and by the end of the night I even felt comfort in his touch. Because with that single touch he let me know he accepted me, with all I had, with my past and my present and my uncertain future. He was there and wasn't running away.

And when he told me he loved me I knew it was time for me to stop doubting, for me to stop questioning, and for me to just accept his love.

Because he loved me, and I believed it.

The last thing Dr. Denali and I talked about, before the time of my session was up, was my dad.

I had decided to leave it in the back drawer for the time being. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know more, if I said I didn't care, because I did. But if I was being honest there were more important things I needed to focus on right now. I knew I had to prioritize and as of now my dad was not something I felt would fall in my priorities, it may have been harsh, but I had way too much on my mind. Caius had told me that when I was ready he would help me find the information I needed and I knew maybe one day I would take his offer.

But for now I decided to focus on me.

Because I needed to do it.

I owed it to myself.

* * *

"_So did you call?"_

"Yes," I nodded through the phone, even though she couldn't see it. "I signed us up. It's two times a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays from six-thirty to nine o'clock."

"_Great! I can't wait. Thanks for inviting me."_

I chuckled. "Who else was I going to invite? T?"

"_What?"_ she half-yelled in mock hurt. _"So it's not like you want me to go, more like you don't have anyone else to go with?"_

"Shut up Angela," I said. "You know I really want you to go with me."

"_I know, I'm kidding."_ she chuckled as well.

"Do you think it's a good idea?"

"_What do you mean?"_

"You know," I sighed. "The classes and all. I'm..."

"_Bella..." _she warned.

"I'm scared, Angela."

There was silence for a few seconds, which helped me to gather my thoughts a bit.

The idea of the cooking classes excited me. I really wanted to do it. But there was a part of me that still wondered if I was strong enough, if I was doing the right thing in every step I took. I knew things weren't going to be perfect. I had good days and bad days, and the bad ones were always the first one on my mind; the ones that popped out and made me question every single thing I did.

Edward always told me to focus in the positive things, and he was totally right, but sometimes it was so hard. Good things were quickly overshadowed by the bad things that happened, or at least I tended to do that.

"_It's time for you to stop thinking only in the bad things, Bella,"_ Angela finally said and I couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. _"Don't laugh, I'm being serious!"_

"I know," I said. "It's just funny..."

"_What's funny?"_

"I was thinking the same thing. Edward is always telling me that."

"_Well, he is right."_

"I know, Angela. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard."

I could hear her sighing. _"I know you are, hon, but don't push yourself either. Don't worry though, it's not like you're going alone. I'm going with you. Things will be fine, don't worry about it."_

"Yes, they will. Besides I was checking on the internet about some of the stuff they teach to cook and it sounds great!" _There, _something positive.

"_Internet? Since when do you use internet?"_

"Lesley is teaching me. I'm not expert, but I can search in Google you know?"

"_Well I'm glad. We can chat from time to time."_

"Woah, I'm not that far ahead."

She laughed. _"I'll teach you sometime."_

"That'd be cool!"

She then started telling me about her classes and the new things she had planned for her students. I always liked to hear her telling me about it, since I hadn't finished high-school and the few years I did were home-schooled, it was nice to hear about what students learned during that period of time.

I had toyed with the idea of getting my GED. Edward had mentioned it once and even though I hadn't said anything at the beginning, I really had stored the thought for future analysis. And since Angela was a high-school teacher and she talked about it a lot, the thought had been swimming in my mind as of lately.

"_So guess what?"_ Angela said, pulling me away from my internal thoughts.

"What?" I asked back.

I had the feeling she wasn't really sure about telling me whatever she wanted to tell me. She had been pausing a lot, like she was waiting for the opportunity to tell me something, but when I stopped and waited for her to proceed she would just ask something totally random.

"_Jasper called..."_

"Really?" _So that's what has her so chipper_, I thought.

I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it, so I tried to sound casual. I didn't know if I pulled it off, but I tried. I had been waiting for her to tell me that same thing for a while now though, because being honest I knew it was bound to happen.

Since the night of Jasper's birthday celebration I knew something was going on between those two. I knew they had seen each other before, but it hadn't been until that night when they actually got the time to talk to each and forget about their friends and their problems. And that's exactly what I had wanted for Angela. I wanted her to enjoy herself without worrying about anything else but herself. Who would have thought she would end up giving her phone number to Jasper?

"_Yeah. He invited me to dinner,"_ she said nervously.

"And what did you say?"

"_I said...yes?"_

"That's great, Angela!"

"_Aren't you mad?"_

"Mad? What are you talking about? Why would I be mad?"

I could hear her taking a deep breath. _"He is your boyfriend's best friend."_

I smiled. My boyfriend. My beautiful, awesome and sweet boyfriend. My Edward.

"_Maybe you or him don't feel comfortable with me, seeing him."_

"I don't think Edward would mind, I don't." Honestly, I was sure Edward wouldn't care at all. He had hinted that Jasper had really liked Angela, and even though he had never come right out and told me anything, I was almost sure Jasper had talked to him about it.

"_Really?" _Angela asked hopeful.

"Of course silly! I really hope you two get to know each other. Jasper is a great guy, and you... well, you are my best friend."

"_You are my best friend too, Bella. I swear I would be crazy by now if I hadn't met you. Sam and me both."_

"I feel the same way Angela," I said honestly. "And now that you mention him, how is Sam? I think T misses him."

"_He is fine. I think we should get those two together soon. By the way how old is T?"_

"A year and a half I think." I tried to think back to when Edward told me about her and how Jasper had gotten her for his birthday.

"_Mmm..."_ She hummed thoughtful.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"_Nothing,"_ she said_. "I just got an idea, but I'll talk to you about it later. Now I have to go. I have some papers to grade. Ugh! No fun!"_

"That's okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"_Sure. And please, don't tell Edward about Jasper inviting me out! Or tell him," _she sighed. _"And then you can tell me what he says about it." _

"I will Angela, but don't worry. Everything will work out!" I said with a chuckle and hung up the phone.

* * *

"...let's go man! It's just one weekend!"

"I don't know, Em. I would really like to go but I... I just don't know." I heard Edward mumble.

I felt like I was intruding, and worst of all, listening to a conversation that I shouldn't, but it had been totally unintentional. I was just looking for...

"Bella? Did you find Emmett?" Rosalie asked from behind me.

I quickly turned around to face her, my heart beating erratically at the surprise of her presence. I tried to calm myself but of course she didn't even give me a second to recover.

"Did you?" she asked again.

I nodded my head like an idiot. "Yeah, he is..." I pointed towards Edward's office. "I think they are busy in there."

Rosalie rolled her eyes but said nothing else. She walked directly towards the door and without hesitation opened it.

"What the fuck!" I heard Edward yell as soon as she made her way inside.

"Emmett, Sara is outside waiting for you," Rosalie said.

I was able to see inside, since the door was now wide open and from what I saw Edward wasn't in a good mood. Emmett was just shaking his head in disapproval.

"Why did you come inside my office like that? Don't you know how to knock on a freaking door?" Edward asked angrily.

"Well, Bella here," she said throwing a glance towards me, "Was supposed to come and look for Emmett, but she preferred to stay outside to listen to your conversation so..."

I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so embarrassed; I couldn't believe she had just said that. Or maybe I could, but still. _What a bitch! _It's not like we were friends or anything like that, but we had been able to get along just fine in the last couple of weeks, and now this. _Just great!_

"And you decided to act like a bitch and tell on her?" Edward asked, his voice angry.

"What? You don't even..." Rosalie tried to defend herself.

"Rosalie!" Emmett yelled exasperated.

Rosalie looked at him, her mouth totally agape as she was left midsentence, her eyes wide. I bet mine were the same because I had never seen Emmett that mad, and to Rosalie nonetheless.

"Stop it right now, and please go and tell Sara I'll be there in a minute," he told her.

"But Em..."

"I'm telling you to go!" Emmett hissed, not even letting her utter another single word.

It took a few seconds but when Rosalie finally reacted she put both her hands in fists and walked out of there. I quickly moved out of her way since I didn't want to be in her pat. Fortunately she was so pissed, and probably seeing red, she didn't even acknowledge I was still there. But once she was out of sight I realized both guys were now looking at me and I felt nauseated all over again.

"I'm... sorry," I stuttered. "I just came to tell you... but you were busy...I didn't want to disturb."

Emmett shook his head. "Don't worry, Bella. I know you weren't sneaking as she made it sound. Anyways I better go and check on my client. Ed, think about it, tell me tomorrow." Edward shrugged, but before he could answer Emmett shook his head. "Tomorrow, think about it man."

Edward finally nodded and Emmett quickly left giving me a small smile as he passed by me.

As soon as he was out of sight I found myself getting really nervous and fidgeting like crazy. I was embarrassed at the entire situation and didn't even know if Edward would be upset at me for eavesdropping, even though it was totally unintentional.

"B," Edward said, but I didn't even move from my spot outside of his office. "Come here babe."

When I finally raised my head I could see him smiling at me, it was tiny, but that's all the encouragement I needed to know he wasn't mad at me. So I walked towards his open arms and pressed my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I wasn't snooping I swear."

"Don't worry about what that bitch said, babe," Edward sighed, pressing a kiss to my hair.

"I just don't like confrontation, that's all," I said. "And Emmett got so mad."

"But not at you."

I shrugged. "Still. I should have knocked or something."

"It's okay, it's not like we were talking about anything private. Besides, you know I don't hide anything from you."

"It doesn't matter, Edward. We are independent people. We are allowed to have our own business without the other one knowing every single detail," I said.

I could feel Edward's chest moving and knew he was chuckling.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, pulling away a little to be able and see his face.

"I'm just happy," he said, and the smile on his face told me he was being honest.

"Why are you happy?" I asked, a smile forming on my own lips.

"Because you're so right, babe. We are independent people, you and me, and I'm happy you realize that."

And there wasn't anything else to say.

Little by little, and though with struggles, I was learning to live my own life.

* * *

"So..." Edward said as we walked T around the neighbourhood.

The weather wasn't that great still, but at least there wasn't snow all over the place, so we could at least indulge in some nightly walks with T. The little one had really missed going out every single day but as much as we tried to do it, sometimes it was impossible. So she would have to do with getting some air from the balcony window. It wasn't fun at all to clean after her inside the apartment but there wasn't another way. She was a good girl though and tried to keep her mess on the newspapers Edward placed on the bathroom floor so she could do her business.

"About what Emmett and I were talking about," Edward continued.

"Edward, you don't have to tell me, really," I said. Even though in the inside I was really curious about what they both had been talking.

"It doesn't matter. I won't go anyways." He shrugged.

"Where?" I asked.

"Toronto."

"What? I don't understand."

Edward held the leash towards me and I quickly took it in my hand. T didn't even noticing the exchange.

"There is this tatt convention up there in Toronto. It's not huge, but they will have some interesting stuff. Emmett wants to go and he wanted me to tag along. Something about getting ideas for the Seattle's convention and all."

"And you don't want to go?" I asked curiously.

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter, B. I can't leave the store alone."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you can."

He looked away and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not going."

We walked in silence for a little while. T stopped here and there, sniffing some spots and not liking any. We even got into a Starbucks where Edward got a coffee and I a tea. Our conversation turned casual and random, but finally on our way back home I decided to give it another try. Because just as Dr. Denali had said we needed to talk about things. I knew this was totally different from what we'd been talking about on my session, but still.

"You know you don't have to worry about me right?" I asked.

Edward stopped dead in his tracks and I did the same. Poor T kept walking and almost choked herself on the leash, but I quickly crouched and pulled her up, pressing her into my chest and trying to make her feel better.

After I made sure T was ok I looked towards Edward and said. "Or are you worried about T?" I tried to lighten the mood. "Don't worry about her. I'll take good care of your girl."

Edward just sighed and looked away and I knew I had been spot on. He wasn't going because of me, he was worried. My poor Edward.

"It's not that," he sighed.

"Please Edward," I said, placing my free hand atop his. "Just think about it, as Emmett said. You know I won't be alone. I have T, and you know if I ever need anything Angela is just a couple of blocks away. How long is this thing?" I asked.

"Two days," he said, still looking away.

"You see! It's nothing. It's just one night."

His mouth twitched and I knew he was biting his tongue ring. I had come to realize it was something he did when he thought hard about something or when he was trying to control his temper. I knew it wasn't a good habit, Lesley had told me that a year back or so he had chipped one of his teeth doing just that, but I didn't say a thing. If he needed to do that to calm himself down, it was okay with me.

I pulled Edward's hand until finally he looked at me, it took a bit but he finally did.

"It's okay, honey. I'll be okay. And when you are back I'll be home, waiting for you."

He kept looking at me, looking hard, as if trying to find some kind of answer in my eyes.

"I just don't want to be far away from you, ever," he said pulling me and T towards him. "And the shop."

I couldn't help but giggle. "Stop with the shop, Edward. I'm not buying it."

Fortunately Edward did seem to find this funny and chuckled. "I suck at lying right?"

I shrugged and turned around so we could continue our walk, his left arm around my shoulders and my body pressed to his side, while T found a comfortable position between my belly and my chest.

"I just know you really well, that's all," I said.

"Or that," Edward laughed.

"Just as Emmett said, think about it." I put in my last two cents.

"I will babe, I will," Edward said. "But let's not think about it right now. My mission at the moment is to get both my girls home."

"So let's go," I said, taking a step forward.

_A step towards our home._

**A/N.- So here you go!**

**What is going on with Bella? It looks like even she can't resist Tattward! But let's be honest, he is a sweetheart so who could resist? Is she going to fast? Is she ready? Not?**

**And yes I know many of you hate Rosalie with all your might and I agree she is a huge bitch, but she always is, people just tend to let her get away with things, but not here! Believe me.**

**I was glad to know that most of you did liked the Jasper-Angela pairing, I know is different from what we've read before but I think cannon pairings are overrated *lol* (except Bella & Edward that is). Don't get me wrong I do enjoy cannon, but sometimes a little change isn't that bad as long as our main love-couple sticks together. **

**What do you think about that? Are you cannon lovers? Are you like me and love stories with different twists? Does the word 'gang' makes you cringe? **

**Thanks to...**

**My awesome beta Lynn who is always busy but makes time to read this little story of mine. I love ya babes!**

**My Pre-reader and FFBFF Wanda! BB you're finally back! Finally! I missed you!**

**All of you that read, rec and review this story, I can't thank you enough for your support, it does mean a lot.**

**Don't forget your feedback is appreciated so please share your thoughts and leave some love :)**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa :)**


	33. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"And please make sure to..." I stopped mid-sentence when Bella rolled her eyes, again.

I knew I was acting like an overprotective asshole, but what was I to do? I was leaving both my girls for the weekend and I couldn't even believe I was doing it. But Bella had convinced me I should go with Emmett to Toronto and if I was being honest I did find the idea somewhat appealing.

We really needed to start and put together everything for the convention in Seattle, and this would be a good opportunity to get some ideas, at least I thought so. They also had a couple of conferences that I was interested in and besides all of that, it was always good to meet and network with other artists, you just never knew when it would be helpful. So at the end of the day, I had agreed to go.

And everyone seemed fine with that. Well everyone but me because I knew I was going to be thinking about my babe, every second of every minute and that I would miss her like crazy. In my own head I knew I sounded like a pussy and I didn't even care because at that moment all I wanted to do was to call Emmett and tell him to go to Toronto by himself because something had come up last minute.

But I wouldn't do it, and not because of him knowing right away that I was lying, but because I needed and wanted to prove to Bella that I trusted in her, that I was certain she didn't need me every second of her life to be alright, because she was strong and was able to be as independent as she wanted to.

So for all of that I had to suck it up and plaster a smile on my face.

"I'm sorry, babe. I just want you to be alright while I'm gone," I said, pleading for her not to be pissed at me.

"I'll be fine, Edward, we'll be fine," she said as she cradled T in her arms.

T gave a bark as if she was agreeing with Bella and I had to chuckle, two against one wasn't fair at all.

"I know you'll be." I finally nodded and pressed my hand to her cheek, bringing her face closer to mine so I could give her a kiss before I had to leave.

"I'll miss you, Edward," she mumbled.

"I will miss you too, B. And you, T," I said before looking at my little girl and petting her tiny head. She licked my hand and whined a bit. _She is definitely going to miss me too._

Twenty minutes later I was on my way to pick up Emmett. We had decided to take my car since his old jeep wasn't that reliable and I wasn't about to be stranded in the middle of the road on our way back, because I wanted to be back home as soon as possible.

I wasn't even out of the New York City limits when I already felt myself wanting to be back.

_Fuck! This trip is going to take forever._

* * *

"Edward? Edward Cullen? Is that you?"

I turned around and had to do a double take. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets and I was sure my shocked face was plain to see.

"Marcus? Marcus Wilson?"

"Of course it's me man! Who else?" he said as he approached me, his arms opened for a hug.

I shook my head and with a chuckle accepted his hug. It had been too long since the last time I saw him.

"Shit man, how long has it been? Nine years? Ten?" he asked.

"Give or take," I said. "How have you been, Marcus?"

As I looked at him I couldn't even believe he was the same man I'd meet all those years ago back in Chicago.

His face was the same, a little bit older and cleaner. Well, in reality all of him was way cleaner than before. He was the same person, but totally different. That long ponytail, dirty and saggy jeans and ruined shirts were not there anymore. His hair was short now, his jeans were more fitted and stylish and he wore a black button down, the sleeves pulled up to showcase his art.

"I've been fine, working. I have my own shop now!" he said with a smile, proud of himself.

I patted him on the shoulder. "That's good, I'm happy for you."

"What about you? What the heck happened man? You just disappeared. I heard a few years back that you were in New York working in a shop or something, but no one really knew where to contact you. I even looked in Facebook and shit," he laughed.

I laughed too. "Yeah, I don't have one of those. My shop does have a web page and all, but my name isn't in the main page or anything so maybe..."

"Wait, wait," he said. "Your shop?"

I nodded proudly. "Yeah, I guess what you taught me really worked out for me in the end."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

And that's what we did for a while; we talked about what we had both been doing with our lives since we had both parted, or at least the short version of it. I never actually told Marcus I was leaving town all those years ago, heck I didn't tell anyone but my uncle. We had been friends but not that close and when I stopped hanging out with that crew the friendship just vanished. Marcus was at least ten years older than me and the places we frequented weren't actually the same. Still I knew from all that bunch of guys I hung out with, Marcus had been the one that had taught me the most, and the one that had cared, if just a little.

I learned that Marcus had come to look for some fresh talent for his shop back in Chicago and that he was not only a business man now, but a husband and a dad to four kids. He even told me that the man I'd meet all those years ago was left in the past, and he had changed for the better, which I was glad for. He had never been a bad guy though, at least I didn't think so, but he didn't have any direction and care in the world at that time. Now he did, and he seemed happy.

Emmett, who had been wandering on his own, found us a few minutes later and, after introductions were made, we decided to go find something to eat. It was almost the end of the day and I was both tired and starving.

We ended up in a pub in Bloor Street, or at least that's what they told me the street was called. I had never been in Toronto before so I was not really familiar with the places.

"So what else have you been up to over there in the big city?" Marcus asked as we dug into our food.

"Working, what else? Having a business isn't easy," I said.

"Come on Edward!" Marcus laughed. "A guy like you? In New York? Just working? I don't believe that."

"He works a lot," Emmett nodded. "Besides, he doesn't need to go out and look for a girl when he has one right there at his home."

"What?" Marcus raised his brow and it didn't escape my notice how his eyes flickered to my hand, or better said my ring finger in my left hand. "Are you married man? Why didn't you tell me?"

I shook my head. "I'm not married. But yeah," I said. "My girl lives with me."

"Cool, what's her name?"

"Bella," I said, and instinctively looked for my phone.

I had called her just two times since I left and it was killing me but I had sworn to not go overboard and be calling her every five minutes. She deserved this time to herself and I needed to respect it, even though my hands were itching to just get the keys on my jean pocket and drive back home.

_Fuck I miss her so much!_

And who was I kidding? I missed my little T too.

"Have you been dating long?" Marcus asked.

"A few months."

Marcus almost choked on his food at that and Emmett had to hit him hard on the back so he was able to start breathing again.

"See what you did Edward?" Emmett laughed. "Shit like that has to be told with caution."

I rolled my eyes and took a drink of my beer. "What?"

"You're a fast one Edward," Marcus said. "You know a girl for a few months a take her home with you, she must be really special."

"She is," I nodded. "But let's not talk about her or else I'll leave right now and go straight to her."

Emmett shook his head. "Pussy!"

"So?" I shrugged. "Shut up."

Fuck yeah I loved my girl. _Sue me._

* * *

"... I mean, I knew that you weren't exactly well behaved as a teen, but man, Marcus' stories were hilarious," Emmett chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and kept playing with my phone. All I wanted was for Emmett to shut up so I could call Bella, but of course he was having a field day drilling me about the things Marcus had run his mouth about. I didn't mind really, because Emmett knew that my teen years had been crazy, but it was getting to the point where I was getting annoyed.

"Stop playing with that shit man! I don't think you should call her, is already eleven here, is even later over there." He shook his head disapprovingly.

I shrugged. "She was going to watch some movies with Angela, she must be awake."

"You're fucking nuts!"

"Shut up, as if you weren't the same with Rose,"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth Emmett stopped laughing and looked kind of uncomfortable. I kept toying with my phone but after a few minutes of him not saying anything I wondered what the heck had happened.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked a little bit harshly, but he was getting on my nerves. First he was making fun of me and now he was acting all serious, _the fuck?_

He said nothing and I just shook my head going back to my phone and wondering if I should just text Bella. I preferred to talk to her and I knew she was just figuring out all the SMS shit, but it was better than nothing, and that way if she was already sleeping I wouldn't wake her up, she always left her cell phone on the living room because...

"Rose is moving out."

_What the..?_

"What the fuck?" I turned to look at Emmett, expecting him to crack a smile and say he was freaking kidding, but he didn't do that, and I knew he was being totally serious. "When?"

"This weekend," he said matter-of-factly.

"Why didn't you tell me Emmett? How long has this been going on?" I knew they were not a perfect couple, but who was, really? It was just a part of being in a relationship, and this two had gone through though times in the past and always stayed together, because as far as I knew they both loved each other. But what had changed now?

"A while," he said.

"Stop with the one word answer shit." I was getting pissed. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Emmett sighed and started playing with the TV's remote, changing channels but not paying attention to what he was doing. "You have your own problems."

"So what? I know I've been dealing with some things as of lately, but that doesn't mean I don't care about what's happening with you. I do man, you're my friend." I passed a hand roughly through my hair.

I was feeling like shit. I knew things were kind of difficult at the moment, to say the least, but I never thought he would hide things from me because of that.

"What happened?" I asked uncomfortably, I was feeling as the worst friend as it was, but still, I wanted to show him that if he needed me, I was there.

He thought it for a second and finally said. "I just couldn't do it anymore, man," He shook his head. "I couldn't pretend things were alright when they weren't anymore. You know we have been having problems for a while now."

"Because she didn't want to get married and all that?" I asked.

"That's a part of it." He shrugged. "But it's not the only reason we decided to take a break." He rolled his eyes and I did the same. We both knew it wasn't just a break, it was just a word people used when they were too scared to face that something was over, probably for good.

"Is it definite though?" I had to ask.

"I don't know," he said. "It sure feels like it, but who knows. I don't want to get into it right now. I'm really having a good time here and just want to enjoy it, ya' know?"

"That's fine, Em," I said, "But please, keep in mind, I'm here for you, man."

"I know, Edward, I know," he said looking everywhere but at me.

And I knew in that moment that my friend was holding back many things just for my sake, and I didn't dig that shit. I needed to show him that I was there for him and if he didn't want to talk about it now, or ever, we didn't have to. But I'd try my hardest to make him enjoy his time out of town.

So even though it tugged at my heart I decided to just text my girl and wish her a good night. I needed to be a good friend, and standing up from my bed I looked towards Emmett.

"Let's go man!" I said.

"Where?" he asked.

"Out."

He looked kind of confused but quickly recovered, jumping on his feet and looking for his jacket.

It was on our way out of the hotel when my cell phone beeped.

_**I miss you too Edward, so much. I'll be waiting home for you tomorrow. Love you. - B**_

I smiled at my girl's message and quickly wondered what I would do without her.

In that moment I vowed to myself to make sure I would never have to know what that felt like.

Because she was it for me.

* * *

"Slow down, Edward!" Emmett groaned. "I know my life isn't all fucking rainbows, but I still want to live."

"I'm not even driving that fast, so calm down," I said.

"Right," he said as he eyed the speedometer sceptically. "I bet Bella would prefer you to arrive late and in one piece than not at all."

I said nothing and kept driving. It was late as it was and I wanted to be home before midnight and it didn't look like I was going to make it as we had left later than we thought.

Besides the morning lecture and other stuff we did at the convention we had gone to eat lunch with Marcus again. Before parting ways we had exchanged information and promised to keep in touch. I had made him promise to go to New York and my shop because, being honest, I wasn't sure when I would ever muster up the courage to go back to Chicago. I think he understood that and that's why he didn't pressure me, saying he would gladly go to see my business.

All in all, the trip had been good. We had gotten great ideas for when we went to Seattle and I had even got the contact information of some guys that were interested in going and working in my shop, some were looking for just a temporary thing, others were ready to make the move and do something more long term. It was great to have different kind of artist around the shop, and since Rosalie and Emmett were not exactly together now, who knew if she would decide to leave or not. I hadn't asked Em yet about it. I knew when to hold my tongue, but I knew if it came to that I would at least have some backup.

I kept driving as fast as I could, without being a total dickhead in the road. I did like speed, and today more than ever I was in a hurry to be back home and to my girls, but still I wanted to arrive alive, so being mindful of that I tried to be rational and keep to the speed limit. I just needed to get home and soon.

"So how is Bella doing, is she still going to her therapy?" Emmett asked after a while of random conversation.

"Yeah," I said. "She is still going, we both are."

Emmett nodded. "And how is it working?"

I released a deep breath I didn't even know I was holding in and thought about his question for a second.

I could easily tell him to fuck himself and mind his own business, but I wasn't about to do that. For starters he never really asked questions about Bella's life, he would ask sometimes about how thing were going with both of us and that was that, he didn't like to pry. But at the same time I knew he cared. I had seen him at the shop trying to make Bella feel at ease, and just the other day he put Rosalie in her place to defend Bella, he just wasn't one to stick his nose on other's people business, as hi girlf... her ex, I corrected myself.

"Being honest with you I don't even know," I said sincerely. "Sometimes I feel it's really helping, but others," I just shrugged.

"Well I think she has been improving a lot. From that first day you took her to the shop to today, man," He shook his head. "There is an evident difference."

I nodded in agreement. "Therapy is helping her a lot, I can't deny that, but sometimes I feel like she is still holding back," I said. "From me."

"Holding what?" Emmett asked.

"Did you know she hasn't let me attend a single one of her doctor appointments? Not since that first time I went."

"For real?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Sometimes she goes with Angela or by herself, but she always tells me not to go. We never talk about what is going to happen next, about what she is going to do with the child."

"I thought she was giving it for adoption or something,"

"That's what she said. But there are times when I don't even know if that's what she really wants."

We were silent for a few minutes. I didn't know what to think really. Bella knew she had my entire support, but sometimes I didn't know if she was comfortable telling me what was really on her mind. I didn't know if it was me or if it was normal for her to hold back. I guessed so, but who knew.

"And what would you do if she wants to keep the baby?" Emmett asked.

_What would I do if Bella wanted to keep the baby?_

"I would support her. I would stand by her," I said instantly because this was not the first time I had asked myself that same question, and though in the beginning I didn't know the answer to that question, now I was sure of it. If Bella wanted to keep the baby, I would be there for her, for the child, for both of them.

"So you wouldn't be opposed to have a baby in your place? And most important, would you help her raise it?"

"I would stand by her and by the child, Em, I would." And if that meant me raising the child as my own, I would in a heartbeat. I would be for them whatever I was allowed to.

"And does she know this Edward? Have you told her?"

"She knows," I said trying to sound sure of my words. "At least I hope she does," I said a little bit weaker.

_She had to know right?_

From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett giving me a look of disbelief. "Man you can't expect her to just guess things like that. If you want her to know you have to tell her."

"But she knows I'm there by her side, whatever she decides I'll stand by her."

Emmett chuckled humourlessly. "No wonder you don't even know if the therapy is working. You barely talk to her."

"I talk to Bella," I said defensively.

We did talk; we did it all the time. We lived together for freaking sake.

"One thing is to talk and another is to really _talk_," Emmett said. "And it looks like even though you both are really close, there are some things you both need to work on. And if you are really serious about that shit, and helping her with the kid, you have to tell her Edward. Really tell her, not just wait for her to figure it out."

"I'm just waiting for her, alright?" I said.

"Waiting for what?"

"For her to make a decision. I don't want to pressure her with my own wants and all that. I want her to decide by herself."

"You can be really stupid sometimes Edward," Emmett said disapprovingly. "You're together now, and even though what she does with her body and her kid is mostly her decision, it concerns you as well and she needs to know what you think. Maybe that's why she hasn't told you anything, because she is scared or something."

"Scared of what?" I asked confused as to where the heck he was going with this, and being honest he was starting to get on my nerves.

"Scared of doing something that you would not like, disappointing you? Who knows! But you need to talk to her, tell her what you think. Maybe that's all she needs, maybe that's what she is waiting for to make her decision."

_Freaking shit!_ I never thought about that. I always thought the best was to just let Bella decided, but what if Emmett was right? What if she was waiting for me to say something as I waited for her to make a decision?

My knuckles where almost white of how tight I was holding the steering wheel, but my thoughts were running wild.

Emmett had given me a lot to think about. And we were just a few miles away from the city when I made a decision.

I would tell Bella what I thought about the child. I would be honest with her and give her my opinion. I just hoped I wasn't making a mistake because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I couldn't lose my girl.

I just couldn't.

But I had to tell her, I had to.

* * *

I was expecting to hear T's barks as soon as I stepped into our apartment's floor. But they never came.

For a second I thought they may be out or something, but it was well over midnight and I doubted Bella would be out this late. Instantly I felt on alert and I just wanted to get inside my place as soon as possible. I hadn't talked to Bella since before I left from Toronto, and I internally kicked myself for not calling her during the ride back home, but she had told me she would be out with Angela and I wanted her to just enjoy some time with her friend.

I quickly unlocked the door and had to breathe in relief when I heard low voices coming from inside.

_My girl is here._

Before I was able to take a step inside someone came towards me and I was surprised to see who it was.

"Jasper?"

"Hey man. How was the trip?" he asked.

"Fine?" It sounded more like a question, "But what are you doing here?"

My eyes started flickered towards the inside of the home and when I tried to step past him and go in he placed a hand on my chest.

"What the heck, Jasper?" I hissed.

"Edward, there is something... please listen to me," He sighed.

"Where is Bella?" I questioned demanding, not even letting him finish with whatever he was about to tell me. I was getting pissed and I wanted to go and see my girl.

"She is inside," He said. "She is fine, so don't worry about it. She is inside with Angela, and she is fine now,"

"Now? What do you mean by that?" By that point Jasper had pushed me all the way outside the apartment and even though a big part of me told me to shove him out of my way and go inside, a way bigger part told me I needed to listen to him. Jasper had asked me for that and I needed to pay attention.

"She..." He looked nervous and that in return made me even more nervous, Jasper was always collected and calm, and if he was acting like this now... "Angela called me this afternoon," he said. "She took Bella to the ER."

"What?" The bag that was still on my hands was dropped to the floor instantly and my hands went directly to my hair.

"Edward please," Jasper pleaded. "She is doing fine, there is nothing wrong, she just got scared, that's all."

I looked at him totally confused. "Scared? Scared of what?"

"She thought she was losing the baby," Jasper said.

I could have sworn my heart stop beating in that moment, and breathlessly I asked. "Did she?"

I felt like my heart started beating again when Jasper shook his head. "They are both fine, as I said, it was just a scare, fortunately."

I nodded my head and looked down at the floor, passing left and right in front of my apartment door. "I knew I shouldn't have gone I just knew it."

"Don't start blaming yourself, Edward. Besides, everything is okay. Bella is a little bit shaken up, but she is fine."

"I need to see her, now," I said moving around Jasper and pushing the door open, but before I was able to take another step Jasper placed a hand on my shoulder which made me stop in my tracks.

"You two need to talk. I'll take Angela home so you can both have privacy."

Without looking back at him I nodded my head. "Thanks."

"She is in your room," Jasper mumbled as I made my way inside and directly to our bedroom.

As I passed the living room I could see from the corner of my eye that Angela was there, but I barely nodded my head in acknowledgment, I needed to get to Bella.

I needed to get to my girl.

I needed to make sure she was fine and then I would talk to her.

Because it was time for both of us to really talk.

**A/N.- No! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! I did update! *Throws-confetti***

**Sigh... yeah I know it took me a while but believe me it wasn't cause I was just lying on my ass while doing nothing! Many things going on and I barely have time to sleep! Believe me I was caught by my boss sleeping on my desk GAHHH embarassing! I kid you not! And yes I'm still in that 'temporary' job. **

**Anywho, back to C&G...**

**So the trip happened, it was flash! Edward met back with Marcus (did you like him?) and Emmett :O He and Rosalie are done for good? Or not? What do you think about that?**

**Edward finally realized he has to talk to his babe! Bella had a little scare (poor thing)... would this change things? What do you think will happen? What do you WANT to happen? (And please don't take out your pitchforks, I know Bella has suffered enough, but this development will make things move faster. Trust me.)**

**Thanks to my usual ladies...**

**Lynn my awesome and lovely Beta! Muak babes!**

**Mony, who is always there to support my crazy ideas! I love ya Wanda!**

**And of course all of you that are still here reading, reviewing, rec'ing this story and just making me smile every day.**

**Wish you all an awesome weekend!**

**Love,**

**Alexa**

**PS.- If you have a twitter account add me up and we can chat! Find me under the penname 'AlexaUrce'**


	34. Chapter 34

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**WARNING: This chapter may contain subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. Topics discussed in this chapter are for the purposes of the story only, and do not reflect my personal views. **

**BPOV**

I had rarely been able to make my own decisions in life. Most of the time they were made for me and I just had to deal with whatever happened as a result of that. Even when I was a kid, my parents would decide what was best for me, or at least what they thought was best.

I remember one day when my parents took me to the park and there was an ice-cream truck there, they asked me what I wanted, but at the end my mom ordered what she thought was a better choice, and I ate it without complaining, and with a smile on my face. It was ice cream, right? It was good no matter what.

As I grew up the decisions that were taken away from me were even more important than the kind of ice-cream I wanted. They were decisions that would alter my life indefinitely.

It started with people thinking my dad wasn't fit to take care of me, and maybe they weren't completely wrong, but their decision wasn't the best either since the people they placed me with didn't care for me one way or another.

At the beginning of it all I tried to say something, I did, but no one listened, so I stopped speaking up and it got to the point when I just learned to live with it.

I even believed that life was lived like that; with no choices, with no voice.

But as of lately I had to learn to think differently. I had to start deciding if I needed to turn left or right, if I wanted something or not. Sometimes I even wondered if it hadn't been better when I didn't have to deal with that, if maybe it was better when someone told me what to do and I just went with the flow.

It was a coward thought, I knew it was, and totally not true.

But I was scared.

Scared of messing everything up, which was stupid since my life wasn't that perfect to begin with, how much could I screw it up?

But then I thought about Edward.

Because he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and if my life was worth something, it was because of him, because I had him in my life and because he made me believe that life was worth fighting for. That I was worth fighting for.

But enough about me. This time it wasn't me who mattered, and it wasn't me who I was scared for. It wasn't me who this decision would impact the most, well maybe in a way it was, but there was someone more important, someone that until now I had tried to avoid thinking about. But someone that deserved for me to think things through, for me to stop avoiding the topic and start making choices. For me to decide.

And that person wasn't even born yet.

That person was the child. The child that was growing inside of me.

My child.

_Mine._

Because one thing had changed everything and now I had to make a decision that would change my life in ways I had never even imagined. Most importantly though, a decision that could change his or her life forever.

It had been early afternoon when I had been getting ready to go out with Angela. She was already in the apartment waiting for me so we could leave together.

Since the day was nice, we were planning on going to Central Park to let the dogs play there, maybe eat out and do some sightseeing. Because even though we both had lived in New York for a while- I had lived here way longer than she had- we had never actually gone around and enjoyed the city, and we just wanted a day of fun.

As we were leaving I felt the urge to use the bathroom and just when I was about to clean myself I noticed some red dots in my panties. I wasn't sure if it was blood or just some type of discharge, but when I looked at the toilet paper in my hand and realized there was some more in there, I knew things were not right.

I started going on autopilot right away and when I came out of the washroom the only thing I could say was 'I need to go to the hospital'.

There was shock at first as Angela quickly led me out of the apartment and towards the hospital. Then some nervousness as we waited in the ER to be admitted. But it wasn't until a doctor entered the room I had been taken to, that I completely lost it, and I cried.

I cried because I was scared of the baby inside of me, because I wanted it to be alive, and I wanted it with all my heart, and I was scared because I had never felt this way before, because I had never thought this person growing inside of me could make me feel that way.

People came in and out of the room, the doctor checked me left and right and I did whatever he asked me to do, not caring for anything, but for the baby to be safe.

Thankfully, after all the stress, the doctor told me not to worry, that the baby was alive and well. _It's still there, hanging tight onto you_, the doctor had said.

And for the first time, when a doctor asked me if I wanted to hear the heart beats I said yes. And when they did a quick sonogram I did look this time and saw the baby. My baby. And everything changed.

I knew that no matter what, that no matter how and when this all had happened, I could never hate it. I knew deep inside of me that he or she wasn't at fault, and most of all, because I knew it was mine. And only I could decide what his or her fate would be.

After a few hours of having arrived to the hospital I found myself inside Jasper's car and on our way to the apartment. I had little notion on how I had gotten there and how Jasper had gotten involved in all of this, I didn't really care one way or another, because my mind was busy and a complete mess. I remember Angela helping me walk into the apartment, then changing into my pajamas and whatnot, everything was like a blur though, because my mind was focused on other things entirely.

Thoughts, questions, worries, I didn't even know when one emotion began and when the other ended.

But in the middle of all of that there was one thing that was clear in my head; one realization that made my world spin upside down.

I did care for that baby.

As much as I had tried it to deny it, as much as I tried not to think about it, I knew deep inside I had never actually hated it. I had been scared—I still was—but I had never despised the child, never. I couldn't say I loved it, not just yet, but I cared for it more than I would have ever thought and I knew nothing would be the same, because if I went through with my initial plans, I wouldn't only been giving away a child. I would be giving away my baby.

_Would I be strong enough to do that?_

I didn't know if I would, but at the same time I knew keeping it was not something I was sure I could handle.

I was going through so much, I wasn't sure I would be able to be what that baby needed. I wasn't sure I would be able to provide and give him or her what it needed, material things and not. Maybe I wasn't enough.

Maybe it was better for me to suck it up and go through with the adoption. Even though I had been toying around with the idea and never had really looked through the papers, maybe it was time for me to do it, to suck it up and look through the book with the names of people that so desperately wanted a child. But just the thought made me nauseous and I didn't know why, I knew it was not the best of situations, but at least the baby would be safe, loved, and cared for.

_Or not?_

And what about Edward? What would he think of me if I decided to have the baby and keep it for myself? Would he leave? Would he support me? Would I be strong enough to let him go?

_Probably not._

But would I be strong enough to bring my baby into this world and then let it go?

At the beginning I had thought I could do it. But I wasn't sure anymore.

Not anymore.

"Bella."

My thoughts halted right in that moment and I looked towards that beautiful voice that had spoken my name. Seeing him there made my heart stop even if just for a moment. He was so beautiful and he deserved so much, and not for the first time I wished I was enough, that I was strong.

"Bella love, can you hear me?" he asked again, his voice hesitant, worried, expectant.

"Edward," I whispered.

Soon I was enveloped by warmth, by love, by my Edward.

"I'm so sorry, babe. Please. I'm sorry," he said almost breathlessly.

"Why?" Was all I could ask.

_Why would he be sorry for?_ He was here, with me, nothing else mattered. I was safe, the baby was safe, and Edward was by my side.

"I shouldn't have left, I should have stayed and..."

I interrupted him as I shook my head and moved a little bit away from his embrace. Edward let me go, but kept both his hands resting on my thighs.

"You couldn't have done anything, Edward," I said. "It was out of our control. Besides," I placed my hand softly on my growing belly, "It's okay now."

I could feel his eyes boring into me, and I knew he was looking me intently and thinking of something to say or do. I knew my actions were throwing him of guard, and it made it harder for him to know how to act.

He finally seemed to gather his thoughts and looked down at my hand and then at me as he asked softly, "Is... is the baby okay?"

I nodded. "Fine, the doctor said I need to be on bed rest for a bit though."

"Dr. Davis?"

"Yes, she was busy with another patient so she didn't arrive until I was almost leaving, but she wants to do another ultrasound and make sure everything is going well."

"I'll go with you," Edward said, his voice a little bit unsure.

"You can, if you want to," I said, my eyes going downcast.

"I want to," he said, his voice more sure this time.

Other times I would have told him that it wasn't necessary, or that I would just go by myself, but this time I had to know something before letting him come with me. If he really wanted to tag along, I would let him, because it was time for me to start letting him in, if he indeed wanted to be by my side in those moments.

"Why do you want to go, Edward?" I asked.

He looked a little bit taken aback by my question, but quickly shook his head and passed a hand through his locks.

"Because..." He stammered a little. "Because I want to be with you, Bella. Because I want to support you."

It sounded like he wasn't finished yet, and I waited for him to add something, but he didn't so I nodded my head and lowered my eyes. Both my hands rubbing my belly and I felt the urge to just let tears fall.

"What's wrong, babe? Please tell me," Edward asked softly.

I shook my head. I wasn't even sure I could speak without breaking because with that answer Edward had just given me he had showed me he did care for me, but only me. _What about the child? _I wasn't stupid, I knew he wasn't heartless and that he did care in some way, but he cared because of me? Just because of that? Would he even mind if I gave the baby away?

_Maybe that's why he had been looking at that book so much, maybe he wanted to help me pick the family to give the child to._

"Please tell me," Edward begged one more time. "What's wrong?"

But I couldn't tell him, because I was so sad and disappointed and I just couldn't tell him that I doubted myself in being able to go through with the adoption. _Would he be mad? Would he leave?_

"Bella," Edward sighed. "I think we need to talk."

And my heart stopped right in that moment, because those six words were the ones no one ever wanted to hear. Those words were never followed by anything good. I didn't have much experience, but I knew what they meant. I knew where they leaded to most of the time.

But Edward was waiting for me to acknowledge him, and as much as it hurt I had to do it.

"Okay," I nodded. "What do you..." I stuttered. "What do you want to talk about?"

"First of all look at me love, please."

I closed my eyes tightly and willed myself to just look at him as he had told me. After a few seconds I was able to raise my head and what I saw in his eyes made my heart stop for a moment.

His eyes were so troubled, they reflected so many emotions I couldn't quite describe them, but I knew many of those emotions were reflected in me as well, and I knew that whatever Edward asked from me I would do. I knew that if at the end of this talk the best thing was to part ways I would do it because I loved him and all I wanted for him was to be happy.

But there was something else there too, something that told me that maybe, just maybe he felt the same way about me too. I knew he loved me, I really did, but after so many people having said that to me and then walking away when I most needed them, I carried with me a lot of insecurities. I was working on it, but I still had a way to go.

"That's better," he said with a soft smile, and that was all I needed as reassurance in that moment, and ever so slightly I calmed down.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked again.

Edward shrugged, "You, me...the...the baby, if it's okay with you?" He sounded doubtful.

I took a huge breath and willed myself not to close myself up. The baby was here, he was a part of me, we needed to talk about it sooner or later and if he wanted it to be now, it would be now. Besides I didn't want to lie to him, and as of now I was not even sure what I wanted to do and he should know.

"I,"I started. "I'm confused," I finally confessed after a while.

Edward's brow rose and I tried to focus on the piercing on top of it. While many people would think he looked scary with all the steel on his face I found it quite attractive, sexy even, and the closer we got the more I found myself touching his piercings and tattoos. He would laugh at my antics, but let me do whatever I wanted nonetheless and I liked how every single thing looked on him. He was beautiful with whatever he chose to put on his face or skin.

"Confused? About what love?" Edward asked, his question making me come back to reality.

I started fidgeting with my hands, trying to find a way so that I could finally speak up, a way of letting him know all the things I'd been holding inside. But I had to talk to him, I had to.

Edward had told me more than a few times how he would stand by me every step of the way, how he would be by my side no matter what, and it was time for me to show him that I believed him, that I trusted him more than anyone in this world.

"About the... the baby," I confessed.

I didn't look up at him, but it wasn't necessary for me to know he was surprised about what I'd said.

"All right," he said after a few seconds of silence. "What about the baby? The doctor said everything was fine, right?"

I nodded. "Yes, it doesn't have anything to do with that, or maybe it has. I don't know."

"Tell me, B, whatever it is that is troubling you, please tell me."

I finally raised my head and looked right into his eyes, which were full of concern and worry, I tried to keep my breathing steady.

"I don't know if I want to give it up anymore," I said in the lowest of voices, maybe hoping for him not to be able to hear me, but of course he did, he always did.

"The child?" he asked, his eyes never leaving mine.

All I could do was to nod again, as I tried to find comfort in his gaze. "It's just, I got so scared, Edward..." I trailed off as sobs took over my body. Edward quickly took a hold of me, letting me get over my breakdown. When I was able to calm down some I continued. "And I know it's not the best of situations, I know I need to work on so many things, but at the same time I want to try, at least I think I do," I mumbled the last part.

Edward, who had been listening intently to every word I'd said, swallowed hard and then released a shuddering breath. There were many emotions passing through his eyes; _surprise, wonder, relief?_ Was it relief I saw in him? I could have sworn I heard him mumble a soft _'Thank God',_ but I wasn't really sure.

Edward took a hold of both my hands and gave them a gentle squeeze, "Are you sure, B? Do you want to keep it?"

I shrugged, because I hadn't come to any conclusion yet. Everything had been happening so fast I wasn't even sure if it was just the day's events that had me all emotional. I was so confused.

"You know I'll stick by you, right?" he asked, and my heart stopped for just a second. "You know I'll help you with everything related to the baby, don't you?"

I felt my throat constricting, there was a lump so big I felt I wouldn't be able to breathe; because Edward's words were not what I was expecting to hear, and because Edward's words were everything I had hoped for, but I hadn't known I did.

"You know that, don't you, love? You know that I'll be whatever you'll let me be for the child, because it's yours, and I love you. I'd love you both, I would, if you let me."

"Edward?" It was a question, it was a wonder, it was everything.

And without taking his eyes away from mine he nodded his head, and I knew he wasn't saying what he thought I wanted to hear. I knew he was saying what his heart felt.

There was nothing left to say, at least not for the time being. One, because what he had said had been just the perfect thing, the only thing I'd needed to hear. And second because I just threw myself at him and attacked him with my lips, showing him with actions what words couldn't.

_I love you Edward._

_I really do._

* * *

"I think it's time to let them know," I said.

"Are you sure, babe?" he asked as he held my hand with his free one.

"Yes," I shrugged. "They have to find out one way or another right?"

"It's not going to be easy," he said, his eyes trained in front of him.

"I know," I sighed. "But being honest I doubt there is ever going to be an easy way, besides it's not like I will tell them everything in detail. I'm not sure I'm even able to do it. I just want to be honest."

"I understand," Edward agreed. "If you want me to be there as well."

A second was all I needed to think about my answer. "I do."

Edward looked quickly towards me and just as quickly turned his eyes back to the road as he drove us towards the Whitlock's.

Rachel, Jasper's mom, had invited us for lunch at her home, which I really think was just an excuse so she could finally meet Angela. Jasper had been avoiding that for a long time, telling his parents they were just 'friends', at least that's what Lauren had told me, but seeing as Jasper had been spending a lot of time with her, his parents had gotten curious about this 'Angela girl'. So what better excuse than to make lunch and invite us and Angela over, since they knew she was my best friend.

So I had decided that if the time presented itself I would come clean and finally tell them the truth, that Edward was not the baby's biological dad.

"Really?" Edward asked totally surprised. As if he was expecting me to say no. But not anymore.

"Yes," I said. "You're part of this too."

The smile that graced Edward's face let me know that I had said the right thing and that he was completely sure about every single thing he had told me.

As of right now I hadn't come to a final decision about my child, or at least not an official one. Because as I looked towards Edward I knew that decision had been already made.

Because everything had changed.

For the better.

I hoped.

**A/N. -****So they had the 'talk'... I know, I know! It wasn't like they talked that much, but I guess the main thing is out in the open and let's not forget, little by little things will start coming out, no need to end the story in one chapter, right? Besides, if you'd had the opportunity to talk with a man *rolls-eyes* yeah... they aren't that talkative... or maybe is just my hubby and the men in my family? Who knows! **

**Now I'm waiting for all your opinions... what do you think about Bella's internal struggle? What do you think she should do? Keep the baby? Give it away? Does Edward showed his support? Opinions are welcomed!**

**I want to thank all of you for being so patient with me, I know my posting dates haven't been as regular as they used to be but I'm trying my hardest, believe me! You don't even know how much I appreciate all of you for being here reading this little story of mine! You guys rock my FF-world!**

**Thanks as well to my awesome ladies. My super-duper beautiful beta Lynn, love ya babes! And my awesome pre-reader Mony! You know how much you mean to me me Wanda, you're like the banjo in my own personal band! Muak!**

**I wish you all an awesome weekend and please leave some love,**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa :)**


	35. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Can I come in?"

I looked towards the office door and gave a nod, returning my eyes back to the bunch of papers I had on top of my desk.

"I want to talk to you, if you have time," she said in a nervous tone, which was odd since she never talked that way, at least not to me.

I really didn't feel like talking at the moment. I was freaking busy and the last thing I wanted was confrontation, but I decided to be the bigger person and pay attention to whatever the heck it was that she wanted to say, even if she acted as her usual bitchy self.

Being honest, since Emmett told me about them ending their relationship, I'd been waiting for her to come and talk to me, and finally she was here so it was better to get it over with.

I closed the folder with all the papers inside and placed both my hands on top, letting her know she had my full attention.

"What's going on?"

"I...are you..." she stammered.

I couldn't help but raise my brow and give her an unbelieving look, which she didn't notice since she was looking down.

_Why the fuck was Rosalie stammering? And why was she looking down at her hands as if she was nervous? Had I been transported into an alternate universe or what? _

I gave her a few minutes to gather her bearings and to tell me whatever she wanted to say, but when time passed and she kept quiet I realized I may have to start the conversation, otherwise we would be here for freaking ever.

With a sigh, and a little bit of annoyance, I motioned for her to sit down. She was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

"Just say it Rosalie, whatever it is," I said.

"Are you going to fire me?" she spat out.

_What the...?_

"What makes you think I'll fire you?"

I'd been close to do it, yes, but lately she hadn't cause me anymore trouble, the last time had been that little stunt she pulled when she tried to make Bella look bad in front of me and Em, but after that she had been keeping to herself and working as hard as always.

She shrugged. "Since I'm not with Emmett anymore, I don't know if..."

I raised my hand, halting her nonsense. I may have been an asshole, but I was never unfair. If Rosalie and Emmett weren't together anymore it wasn't any of my business. It was theirs and theirs alone and it didn't have anything to do with the shop. On the contrary I had thought she was going to be the one quitting now that she wasn't with Em, I guessed we did need to set things straight.

"Believe me Rose, you aren't here because of him," I said, my tone dead serious. "If I'm being honest I have been close to firing you many times, and yes, the fact that you and Em were in a relationship was one of the reasons I thought twice about it before firing your ass, but you are a great artist, and if you weren't, believe me, no matter who you were with I wouldn't have kept you in the shop for this long." I sighed. "So as long as you keep working hard and don't start trouble I don't see a reason to letting you go. You're a really good asset to the shop, but believe me Rosalie, another thing you do and you're out. And I mean it."

"Thanks," she said, nodding. "I know I have been a bitch to you and all...I'm sorry."

_Okay?_ I didn't understand where this was coming from at all. Was she really that scared of me firing her that she had come to apologize just so I wouldn't do it? Or was she really feeling bad? I didn't really understand what was going on, where all of this was coming from and I didn't even really care to be honest. All I wanted was for her to be clear, one more stunt she pulled and she was out.

"No hard feelings," I shrugged. "But if I may be honest, why are you apologizing? You never did before."

"I know," she agreed. "But after giving much thought to everything I realize I don't even know why I disliked you so much. It just got out of hand I guess. I mean I'm not asking you to be my buddy or anything," She rolled her eyes and for a second I could see the Rosalie I had always known, "But I just don't want hard feelings when there is no reason for them and I knew it was mostly my own fault."

I wanted to laugh at that, but I held it in. "I don't know what it was that I did to you, and at this point it doesn't even matter. All I want from you is respect, for your job, the shop, your co-workers, for me."

It seemed as if a huge weight had been lifted of Rosalie's shoulders because she sighed with relief and looked at me with what I supposed was a smile but to me it looked more like a weird facial expression. She was right, we would never be friends again, or at least not as close as we were once. But a truce was fine by me.

"I'll try to control myself, I promise. I really like my job and I do need it."

"That's all I ask," I told her. And if just for a second I felt bad for her. I knew from Em that she had always sent a good portion of her money to her parents, something about helping them pay for one thing or another, and now that she was all on her own, money was getting tight.

"And about Heidi," she started.

I had to stop her right there and there. "Please Rosalie, don't even mention her because it doesn't matter anymore. It ended," I shrugged. "It was for the best, for both of us. So there's nothing to that."

Rosalie nodded in understanding. "Yeah. I know it was." She seemed to think really hard about something and then added. "She left, by the way. She found an agency in Los Angeles and moved there a few days ago."

"Good for her," I said with sincerity. I was glad she was doing well in whatever she was doing.

I had my babe. I was happy with the direction my life was going.

With a small nod, Rosalie stood up and I didn't even wait for her to be out of the room when I went back to my papers. I had a lot of invoices to go through and not much time before we had to close the shop. Bella had to go to one of her cooking classes with Angela and I had agreed to go out with Emmett, but I really needed to finish this shit, since I had to meet with my accountant in just a few days.

"Edward?" Rosalie said just as she was about to walk out the door.

"Mmm..." I hummed in acknowledgment but didn't look at her.

"I know about Bella." She said it so low I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. "I know what happened to her," she said a little louder.

I stopped, my hands mid air and looked towards her.

Rosalie took a few steps back inside and her voice lowered. "Lesley told me about the baby, and that Bella was...you know." She looked saddened by this. "She said Bella had told her it was okay for me to know too. She is," She sighed. "She is really brave. And I know we aren't friends and we probably never will, but I do have a great respect for her. I'm glad she is doing better now."

I passed a hand through my hair and nodded in agreement. I didn't know what else to do or say.

Bella and I had decided to come clean with her situation, or better said, she had decided, since at the end of the day it was her story to tell. She said the pregnancy couldn't be hidden anymore and that she didn't want to lie to people about the baby. I would have if she would have let me, I would have said the child was mine and stop their questionings, but she reasoned with me that lies were not going to take us anywhere and that sooner or later everyone would know, so it was better to take the bull by the horns, or some shit like that.

It wasn't like we were going to give details, tell her story step by step to everyone on the street. It was just a brief explanation of the circumstances and only to our closest friends and people we knew and hoped would be in our lives for a long time to come.

And I knew it was for the best, and more if the baby ended up staying with us. We needed to be honest, for him or her.

We still hadn't decided if Bella would keep the child, at least not for certain. But deep in my heart I hoped Bella would agree to let me be a part of its life and make a family with her. So with that in mind I decided to show her how committed I was to everything and stood by her with the decision of sharing her story.

The Whitlock's had been the ones to know first, then my band mates, and it looked like Bella had taken it upon herself to tell Lesley as well. I was a little upset because we had decided to tell everyone together and so far we had done just that, but at the end of the day it was Bella's decision and if she had felt comfortable to let Lesley know without me there I had to suck it up and be okay with it.

I didn't know how long I stayed lost in my own thoughts, but by the time I looked towards the door Rosalie had already left.

So I went back to my papers and kept working.

Or at least tried.

* * *

"Isabella Swan?"

Bella stood up quickly as the nurse motioned for her to follow, but this time she didn't walk inside alone. I was with her, holding her hand as we made our way inside.

"Remove your shoes and coat, please. I'm going to weigh and measure you first," the nurse said.

Bella did as she was told, giving me her things to hold. I moved to the side to not be on the way and shuffled from feet to feet since I was a nervous wreck. I didn't understand how Bella seemed so at ease with everything because I was freaking out. Maybe because it was the first time I was coming to one of these appointments, or because Bella was just better than me at keeping a calm face.

"Follow me, please," the nurse said motioning to a door just a few feet away.

"The technician should be here in a second. Isabella, please just lie down, raise your top a bit and lower your pants to your hips. You young man, please take a seat in that chair," she said pointing towards a chair next to were Bella would be lying down. And with that she was gone.

As Bella got settled into the table-bed or whatever the heck it was, I took a seat and started looking at all the things around. There was this weird machine which I deduced was the ultrasound machine, I had never seen one before, then there were some monitors scattered around the room and other shit I couldn't really focus on.

"Are you okay Edward? You look kind of... pale?" Bella asked.

I shrugged. _I'm freaking out!_ But of course I didn't tell her that. "I'm fine."

Bella mumbled something under her breath and before I had time to ask her what she had said there was a knock on the door.

Then everything happened so fast. A woman that couldn't be older than me came inside and introduced herself as Wanda, Wendy or something like that, I wasn't even paying much attention. Then she took a seat and placed some weird jelly on Bella's stomach and not even a second later she started handling the machine and moving the wand on Bella's tummy. And my heart stopped.

I couldn't make shit of what I was looking at, but I knew whatever it was it was a baby-part. It was just hard to tell which part exactly.

Just when I was kind of making out some of the shapes, the technician would move the thing away to another place and I'd be at square one all over again. I mean I wasn't the stupidest man in the world, I could kind of make out the shape of the head and maybe an arm? But what if it was a leg and not an arm? And then I tried to ask questions and Wanda or whatever the heck her name was told me that she couldn't answer my questions until she was done. _The fuck?_

I looked down to Bella for some help but she was as transfixed with the images as I was. Her eyes were watery, but the soft smile on her face let me know this time it wasn't sadness what she felt. I couldn't say she was happy, but she did look more at ease. Or maybe she was happy? I didn't know but I dared to hope.

I didn't know how I had come up to this point. My life had never been planned, most of the things I did had been on impulse. My life as a teen, my sudden move to New York, spending my parent's money in buying the shop...the way I met Bella was a huge testament to how unplanned my life was. But I knew if the baby stayed with us that had to change, maybe not completely but is some way.

This wasn't a game, not at all and if Bella and I decided to raise this child we would need to make some changes, our lives in their own would change completely.

_Am I ready for that? Are we ready?_

"You see that flicker?" Wanda finally said, pulling me out of my internal monologue.

"Yeah," Bella said shyly.

"That's the baby's heart beat."

I looked towards the screen and in fact, right there and there I could see a kind of light turning off and on.

_That's the baby's heart?_ _Oh my_...

I felt my own heart tugging in my chest and I wanted to cry like a freaking pussy, but I contained myself.

"It's so fast," I wonder out loud.

"It's perfectly fine," the technician said. "I can't say much, I hope you understand that. But the doctor is the one that has to get the results first."

"I understand," Bella said, her voice quivering with emotion.

"But the baby is healthy right?" I asked.

"So far so good," the technician said softly and looked away quickly avoiding my stare, but the slight smile on her face let me know everything looked fine.

I let out a sigh of relief and my eyes went instantly towards Bella. Her eyes were already in the verge of bursting and it didn't take long for the tears to fall. But I knew it was not complete sadness and I let her pour out her emotions as she looked at the child inside of her through the monitor screen.

_Please say this miracle is ours to keep babe... Please..._

The circumstances may have been horrendous, but I couldn't find it in me to feel anything but wonder for that tiny being. I was a hundred percent sure that if Bella had decided this was just too much for her that I would have respected her and stand by her nonetheless, but now that we had talked about the possibilities of keeping it I just couldn't see my life any other way. Still, if at the end, she decided that giving up the baby was for the best I would hold her hand and stand by her.

"Do you want to know the sex?" Wanda asked.

Bella's eyes widen and she quickly looked towards me, doubt written all over her face and I knew why she was feeling that way.

Since we hadn't decided if we were going to keep the baby we had never talked about knowing if it was a boy or a girl, being honest that had been the last things in our minds. At least in mine. So of course she was hesitant, she didn't know if this was a good idea or not.

But being honest I did want to know, and seeing Bella here, lying on that bed and looking as in awe as I was sure I looked, I knew she wanted to know just as much as me and that maybe my wish would do come true.

"Edward?"

"I don't know. I'd like to, but it's up to you babe." I said.

"I want to but..." She trailed off. "I don't know."

After a few moments of us just looking at each other, without saying a thing the technician cleared her throat. Once we looked at her she smiled sheepishly.

"I could write it down for you if you want," she said. "That way you can take it home and decide there if you want to know or not. Is just an idea." She smiled. "I've done that many times with parent's that can't decide if they want to know or not."

And there was the word.

_Parents._

If everything went as I wanted it go I would soon be a parent. _Oh shit!_

"I think that is a good idea, right Edward?"

"Huh?" I asked totally confused as to what I'd been asked. My mind was still processing what Wanda had said. I mean I knew if Bella and I raised the child I would become a parental figure, but just the thought of that little one calling me dad. _Fuck! Don't cry you pussy..._

"...we can look at it at home."

I just caught up with the last part of what Bella's was saying.

"Sure, babe," I said dumbly.

"Alright then," the technician said. "I'll be back in a second. By the way, would you like some pictures? I can burn a CD with some of them, if you want."

"Yes," I nodded and then realized I hadn't even asked Bella if she agreed, but as soon as I looked at her I knew she did.

And I knew that I would be looking at those pictures again and again until I finally was able to make out what was there.

"I can't believe it," Bella sighed, once Wanda was out of the room. "It's just so tiny, Edward, did you see its little face?"

I nodded, not totally lying since I was almost sure I had seen the baby's face. _Or was it the tummy? Man I couldn't tell._

But of one thing I was sure.

I wanted that baby in mine and Bella's life.

Forever.

* * *

"Do you know there will be a baby here soon? Do you?" I cooed at T as I tickled her tummy.

She barked playfully and wiggled her little feet up in the air.

"You won't be the little one anymore, but you'll always be my girl." I smiled at her and she rewarded me licking my fingers.

"What are you two doing?" Bella said as she came out of the kitchen, dishes in her hands.

"Just spending some time with T," I said. I was about to stand up and help her with the dishes, but she shook her head.

"Play with T, she misses you."

I nodded and placed T on the floor, where I was sitting too. I grabbed her red ball and threw it so she would catch it. She jumped a little but the ball was way too high for her. She looked at me and moved her face to the side as if asking me what the fuck I had done throwing the ball that high.

"Get it, T!"

She gave a bark and then run towards the ball, after a few seconds she brought it back to me and jumped on my lap.

"Good girl," I said, petting her head.

Bella kept coming back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, getting everything ready for dinner and every time my eyes would catch hers she would smile and fuck if that didn't make me feel happy.

Minutes later we were all three of us sitting on the floor and while Bella and I ate our food from the coffee table, T did so from her small bowl on the floor. The TV wasn't even on, as we just enjoyed of our meal together with no interruptions.

"Did you learn to cook this at your class? It's awesome, babe!"

Bella smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm really enjoying it. Thanks so much for the classes."

I shook my head. "I think I was the winner in all of this," I chuckled. "I mean fuck, babe! Your food is just freaking delicious. Does Angela cook as good?"

Bella laughed. "She does fine."

"Not as good as you, I bet."

Bella shrugged and looked down at her plate, not really use to be complimented, but fuck if I wasn't going to tell her every single day how special she was.

"So I was thinking," I said after I had chewed the bite I had in my mouth. "The convention is going to be soon. Do you think is safe for you to fly there? Do you even want to go, babe?" I asked carefully. "I don't want to leave you alone again, after what happened," I shook my head. "But if you don't feel comfortable with going, I'll understand."

Bella stopped mid chew and looked at me.

"I don't know I mean," She sighed, placing her plate atop the coffee table and cleaning her mouth with a napkin. "I do want to go, but who knows if Dr. Davis would allow it."

I wanted to ask if that was the only thing holding her back, but I didn't have to because she continued talking.

"If you think I'm feeling scared because of the location, being that close to Forks, I'm not," she said. "At least not anymore. I know being in Seattle will bring back some memories, but it won't be that bad, besides I would be with you." She smiled and I did too in return. "And we would be so busy I would hardly have time to dwell on things. So let me just talk to the doctor and see what she says, okay?"

I nodded and took a hold of one of her hands. "You don't have to do it, you know that right? If you aren't sure."

"I'm sure."

And that was that. I trusted her to know what was best for her and if she said she was okay with it I wouldn't question it.

We kept talking through our meal about things we had both been up to; because even though we worked at the same place and we lived in the same apartment we had spent lots of time apart as of lately. Bella would go to her classes with Angela, as well as some studying sessions Angela helped her with, they had started with them a few days ago with the hope of Bella finally getting her GED. I on the other hand would stay sometimes in the shop working overtime, on other occasions I would go out with my friends, some practices here and there and when I could I would just go home and hang out my little girl. We did try to spend time together, but at the same time we were both doing our own thing.

Man if I didn't feel proud of her. I freaking loved her with everything I had.

"So..." Bella said sheepishly. "Do you really want to know the sex of the baby?"

I gulped and looked at her, not really expecting our conversation to get to that particular topic. "I... if you want to..." I stammered.

Bella looked me in the eye and it was like if she was looking right into my soul, and I let her, I was hers after all.

"You really want this, right?" she said in almost a whisper.

I knew she didn't mean the fact of me wanting to know if it was a boy or a girl. But the fact that I wanted to have them both in my life.

"I do," I nodded with conviction, "If you would let me."

A beautiful smile took over her face and I knew when she uttered the next words that she wasn't doing it just because of me, that she was doing it because she felt it too. That she was doing it because she was sure.

Finally sure.

"Okay," She nodded, "I think it's time to know if we will have a daughter or a son."

**A/N.- And by now I guess everyone has guessed... they are indeed keeping the lil' one. So keep the bets coming, what is it going to be? Boy? or Girl? What do you want and why?**

**I'm waiting for all your opinions!**

**Now... I know some of you disagree with this (Bella keeping the child), and believe me I totally understand your point of view, but I hope you still hang on and enjoy the rest of the story. I'm not saying this type of decision would be ideal for everyone, but for this Bella its what she feels is the best.**

**Again, I can't express how grateful I am that you all are still here, reading this story of mine. Even though I don't post as often as I once did I still I try my hardest to keep updates coming. Thank you so much for the support.**

**Thanks to my beta Lynn for always supporting my ideas and being there.**

**And of course thanks to my awesome FFBFF Mony, without her this story wouldn't even be here. She is always there to push me and make me dig into my brain and find new inspiration. Love ya Wanda!**

**Wish you all an awesome week!**

**And please, leave some love,**

**Hugs,**

**Alexa :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"Please, you look at it. I just can't." He sighed and started biting on his tongue ring.

I rolled my eyes and snatched the piece of paper from his right hand. I had begged him to please be the one to read it first, and he bravely had said yes, but of course as soon as he took the paper in his hands he started getting all pale and squirmy.

"So I guess we'll have to find out another day," I said placing the note on top of the coffee table, because I knew for sure I was not going to be able to look at it myself. I was freaking out as it was and didn't think I could be the one to look at it first; I was just too nervous.

Edward quickly grabbed the note back and opened it without a second thought. It didn't take more than a second for his eyes to grow all wide, but at the same time his facial expression didn't give much away.

I knew he was surprised, but I couldn't tell if he was excited or disappointed, and I realized in that moment that I didn't even know what Edward would like it to be. I didn't know if it really matter whether it went one way or the other, but the way he stared at the note let me know it had caught him off guard and I was dying to know what was written on the paper.

"What does it say?" I asked expectantly.

My words seem to pull Edward out of his trance as he quickly glanced at me, but just for a second, as his eyes went right back to the paper. Even T could feel the tension in the air as she looked between Edward and me with her little face to the side.

I gulped, waiting and waiting until I just couldn't take it anymore. I pulled the paper from his grasp and looked at it myself without giving myself the time to think it twice.

_GIRL. _It read.

_A girl... a daughter..._

"It's a girl," Edward whispered and this time when I looked at him I was able to notice something more than surprise in his face. I was able to see awe. "We're going to have a baby girl, babe," he said in the same soft voice.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat, but I knew not even that would help me to be able and talk, so all I could do was give him a nod of acknowledgment.

Our eyes met, and we looked at each other for a length of time without saying anything at all, because there was no need. In that moment we both needed the time to think things through by ourselves, but at the same time we needed the connection, we needed to know we were together in this. Because the decision had been made.

We were having a baby. We were keeping the baby girl, my girl, our girl.

It was T the one that broke our silence as she suddenly barked. We both looked at her, wondering if something had happened to her, but she didn't move from her spot on the carpet next to us, she was just looking intently at us both. Like if she was asking us what was going on, like if she wanted to know what had us so silent all of a sudden, like if she knew the enormity of the moment and wanted to be included as well.

Edward was the first one to react to T's demands.

"We're going to have a girl T!" he said as he took a hold of her and placed her on his lap. "You won't be the little one anymore, you'll be a big sister." His voice went from soft to excited, and his expression changed too, and it made me want to cry and smile at the same time, because he was not running.

He wasn't leaving me.

I knew he had told me thousands of times he wouldn't, but every single thing he did was reassurance to me, and in reality that's something I needed at the moment.

"Bella?" My name sounded like a question, "Are you okay, babe?"

"Y...yes..." I stuttered. "I'm just..."

"I know right?" he said. "I can't believe it either," He smiled. "Wow."

I lowered my eyes towards my lap and started fidgeting with my hands. I had never given much thought to the sex of the baby. Since I always tried to think about anything else but the child I never wondered if it was a boy or a girl, even when Edward had let me know he wanted us to raise it together I still didn't think about it. With everything going on in my life that particular detail was one of the last ones on my mind. There were so many other things about the child that were way more important for me to think about than its gender. But now there was not time to ponder it, no time to wonder what would happen if it was one or the other. Now we knew.

"What are you thinking so hard about, B?"

I shrugged. "I just... I don't even know what to think. Did you ever wonder what it was? I had never realized I never had, and now that we know. I don't even know what to do, what to feel or expect." I felt like I was just a blubbering mess.

Edward dragged his body a little bit closer to mine and that made T jump from her spot and walk away towards who knew where.

"Hey, look at me," Edward said softly, taking a hold of my trembling hands. "Everything will be..."

"Did you?" I asked before he was able to continue.

"Did I what?"

"Did you ever wonder? Did you have a preference?"

His face went a little bit red and if I hadn't been feeling as anxious as I was, I would have laughed at it. But I didn't, I just waited for his answer.

"Yes," He nodded. "I did."

"And?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." His eyes shined with a light I saw in him every time he was excited about something "Do you want to know the truth?"

I nodded right away because I always wanted him to tell me the truth.

"I really didn't give it much thought either. I didn't want to really, in case you..." He sighed. "You know."

Yes I did. In case I gave it for adoption. He didn't want to get attached.

"But when we started talking about the possibility of raising it, well," He smiled. "Let's say I always saw a little girl in my head."

"You did?"

"Yes," He nodded. "Don't get me wrong, if it was a boy it wouldn't have really mattered to me. I would have been glad either way. But a girl," A smile took over his face. "I really can see myself spoiling her rotten."

I had to chuckle at that, and I didn't know if it was his intention, but most of the uneasiness I had been feeling melted away. "Please don't do that." I shook my head.

"Why not?" He raised a brow.

"T will be jealous," I said looking around and seeing T in the corner playing with one of her toys.

"Nah!" Edward chuckled. "I have enough love for all my girls."

I smiled shyly and leaned my body towards his, burring my face in the crock of his neck. "So you're happy then?"

His chest started moving unevenly with his laugh. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Yes," I said.

"What about you? Are you glad about the news?" he asked, and I could hear the hesitance in his voice.

I thought it for a second and nodded, my face still pressed to his neck. "Yeah, I just think I need a little bit more time to process it."

"That's okay, babe," Edward said as he started passing his hand softly through my hair.

We stayed that way for a little while, silently. That was something I loved about our relationship, we didn't need talk every single time to communicate, we were able to have entire conversation just being quiet and listening to our breathing and our hearts beating. We understood each other without words.

"She is going to be so beautiful, just like you," Edward said in a soft whisper.

I quickly rose from my position and looked at him, my eyes watering at his words. "What if she doesn't?" I voiced my worries. Because I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge the fact that it scared me to think about the baby looking like _him_.

"She will," Edward said with conviction.

"But what if she doesn't?" I pressed. I needed to know, he needed to know there was always the possibility of the child not looking like me, and even though he had never met _him_ he would see the differences.

Edward took a few deep breaths and I knew he was choosing his words carefully, he always did.

"She will still be the most beautiful girl in the world, no matter what," he finally said. "And the most important thing." He smiled.

"What?" I asked, unable to contain my own smile.

"She is going to be ours. Our own little girl."

I smiled. Because that was all I needed to hear at the moment.

That she was ours, only ours.

* * *

"I think you're almost ready to take the exam, Bella."

I looked towards Angela like she had gone insane and shook my head. "I don't think so Angela," I said. "I haven't been studying for even a month and there is just so much!"

Angela shrugged. "You're smart enough."

"I don't know about that, but one way or another I think it's just too soon."

"Maybe, but you will have to do it one day,"

"I know," I nodded in agreement.

"When are you planning to do it then?" she asked.

"I don't know really," I said. "But I want it to be before the baby is due."

It was the beginning of March and the baby was due in the last week of June. I wanted to have my diploma by then. I wanted at least to be an official High School graduate when she was born. Maybe it was silly, but I wanted her to feel proud of me, of this accomplishment.

I had talked with Tanya about it and she had told me it was good to set a time frame for some of the goals I had. Not every single goal was going to work that way, and there were lots of things I was working on at the time, but this particular one wasn't something I needed to delay or work slowly with. So I was focusing most of my free time towards this and I hoped it paid off at the end.

Besides I knew once the baby was born I would have little time for other things besides taking care of her. Edward and I had already talked about that, and though it had made me a little bit upset, I knew I would have to stop working, at least for a few months. He had told me that it was his job to provide for both of us and that it was my job to take care of the baby and of myself. Because there were still so many things I needed to work on. I knew people would think I was depending completely on him, and maybe I was in a way, but at the same time he never make me feel that way, he make me feel like we were a team and that we both brought different things into the relationship.

Tanya had been encouraging me to go to some support group, to meet some other people that, like me, were having a child that came from a violent act. It was sad to know just how many women had gone through the same thing as me, and the saddest part was that not all of them were attacked by an unknown person; many of the women were violated by someone they knew, by people they loved. It was a scary thing really, not being able to even trust in the people that were supposed to love you. But one way or another we were on the same boat, so to speak, and even though I had been hesitant at the beginning, Edward's support and Tanya's encouragement helped me realize it would be good to at least give it a try.

For starters I didn't know much about kids. I didn't know anything to be honest and Tanya had said many of the people that attended the group were already mothers, so it wasn't all about sharing our stories, but about encouraging and exchanging knowledge. She said it was a balance between sharing our pasts and looking at the future with a positive attitude.

Jessica and Lauren had kindly offered their advice and even though I was glad about having them to guide me through the unknowns of motherhood I knew there was just so much they could help me with. I needed people that I could identify with, women that could understand what I was going through. Still I had agreed to spend a day with both of them and their kids, as well as doing some window shopping so they could explain me what I really needed to have and what was not a necessity to buy.

"What are you thinking about?" Angela asked.

I shook my head, trying to come back to the present. "You know," I shrugged. "All the things I have to do and the preparations I have to make before the baby is born."

Angela nodded and a small smile played on her lips. "I'm glad you and Edward are keeping it," she said, "You know I would have supported you one way or another, and I would have totally understand, but..." she trailed off.

I nodded. "Yes, I know you would have."

And she wasn't the only one that would have. Once the excitement of knowing it was going to be a girl, had worn off a little bit, Edward and I had talked long and hard about it. He had told me that I still had a choice and that whatever decision I made he would be there to support me, and he asked me once again, and for the last time on his part, if I was really sure I wanted to go through with it. That only made me reaffirm my choice even more. I wanted to keep the baby. I wanted to raise it with Edward.

I wanted to make a family with the two of them, well three, including T.

I knew many people would say I was going crazy, that I was too young and to top that off I had just too much to deal with, but that decision was the one that felt right to me. Besides, what did being too young even mean? I thought maturity sometimes wasn't measured by the years you've lived but by the experiences you had gone through. And yes, I may have been young, but I knew what I wanted out of life and I knew what I had to do to get it. I did have a lot to work on and I was doing it. Day by day I fought all the demons in my life and who knew for how long I would need to fight them, maybe all my life. But I was set in continuing to work on it, I had chosen to fight. I had chosen the choice I could live with. It may not be the right choice for everyone, but it was for me.

But what did Edward want out of life? That was a question I had voiced to him in private as well as in our sessions with Tanya. I had been so scared of the answer, but he proved time and time again how much he did want this. He had told me, again, that he wasn't taking this lightly and that he knew what his decision entailed. That he knew what meant for both of us and that he was hundred percent sure that he wanted to stay.

Of course I had been a crying mess because even though he didn't say much with words he said everything with his actions, with his eyes, with his caresses. He wanted a future with me just as I wanted one with him, and he was committed not only to me, but to the baby, our baby. Because every time I allude to the fact the baby was not just mine but ours he would smile so big my heart would beat faster.

"You're a goner my friend." Angela started chuckling.

"Huh?" I asked stupidly.

"You were thinking about Edward, am I wrong?"

I looked down at my hands and smiled. That only made Angela laugh even more.

"What?" I asked annoyed.

"Nothing," she said between laughs. "It's just... you look so cute and all. But Edward..."

"Edward what?"

"He just looks plain funny," she chuckled.

"Edward doesn't look funny!" I defended. I didn't like her making fun of him.

"Don't get mad, Bella. I'm just joking."

_Oh well, if she wants to joke._ "At least he doesn't fall off his ass when someone asks him if we are together."

That stopped her right away and it was my turn to laugh at her expense, remembering the day she had met Jasper's parents.

The gathering hadn't started in the highest of notes as it had been the day that I'd told Rachel and Lauren about my attack. They of course had been surprised at my revelation, and confessed that even though they knew whatever had had happened to me must have been bad, they never thought it was that bad. They both had been so supportive though and again it confirmed that good people were still there and that I was blessed with a lot of them in my new life. Edward had been there, sitting with me as I told them, without many details, things about my past, he had been my rock like so many times.

Tears were shed, hugs were shared but after a while we were all able to calm down and the day turned a little bit better.

When Jasper arrived, Rachel and Lauren used him as a distraction. Starting by asking him right out if he and Angela where dating. Jasper, who was taking a seat on one of the sofas, was caught totally of guard and miscalculated his motion, falling flat on his ass and making us all laugh for the rest of the night. Well, all of us expect Angela, who went to the bathroom and hid there for about half an hour.

From then on we just tried to enjoy the night and we just tried to enjoy the day. It had been a good day after all.

"You promised Bella," Angela hissed. "It was so embarrassing!"

"I didn't promise anything," I chuckled. "Besides, he said yes, in front of his entire family. He really likes you Angela!"

"Ugh!" She groaned and covered her face with a pillow, but soon enough she started chuckling too, making me laugh even more.

* * *

"Bella...are you awake?"

"Mmm..." I hummed in response. I was in the middle, between being awake and asleep and didn't really know how long it had been since we went to bed. It was the middle of the night probably, or not. But in the moment I didn't really care, I was too comfortable to think too much.

Edward sighed and wrapped his arms around me, I snuggled more into him, hoping this time he would not pull away like he always did. Because we may sleep in the same bed, and we may be dating as well, but when we were in the bed Edward always maintained his distance. He would kiss me good night and hug me for a bit, but as soon as I was drifting off he would move to his side of the bed and that was that.

We never made out in the bed, never. It was rule that seemed to just be there without us even having to voice it out.

"I missed you," he sighed as he pressed a tender kiss to my hair. "I feel like I hardly see you now."

"Me too," I said as I kissed his jaw and he hummed happily.

Of course we saw each other every single day, but we had both been busy doing our own things. He had his friends and I had my cooking classes and the tutoring for my GED. The convention was just a few weeks away and while I had been working with Lesley making sure everything was ready for our arrival, Edward and the rest were working a lot to compensate for the days the shop would be closed, so all in all it had been a busy few weeks.

For now I was set to go to Seattle, Dr. Davis said she didn't see much of a problem with me attending, but she wanted to see me a week before and it was then when she would give me the final okay.

"I want to take you out on a date," Edward said.

"Really?" I asked surprised and more awake this time.

"Yeah," he sighed and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Would you go out with me?"

I giggled and pressed my body closer to him. "Of course!"

It didn't take more than a second for him to try and pull away, but this time I pulled and, without even knowing how, I ended with my leg hitched atop his.

"Bella," he groaned.

"Don't go," I begged.

"I'm not going anywhere babe, but..."

"But what?" I asked.

"This is just... too much, this isn't right."

I decided to be brave and asked. "For who? For you or me?"

"What?" he asked confused, but thankfully he wasn't pulling away anymore.

"You said this isn't right," I said. "For who?"

"For you babe," he sighed. "I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or pressured. You know I'll wait as long as..."

"Shh..." I silenced him, placing the tip of my fingertips atop his mouth. "I know I'm not ready for _that _yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not ready for...other things."

There was a second of silence and I could almost hear the wheels in his mind working in overdrive. But I needed him to know that I was ready for more. I needed to voice it out and for him to understand that I trusted him, that I wanted him.

"What things?" He swallowed slowly and even though it was dark, I was able to see his eyes growing wide.

"I don't know," I shrugged shyly. "But I want to... I want you Edward... I ..." I just couldn't really verbalize what I was feeling, how every day my desire for him grew, and how much I wanted for him to do things to me that I once thought were repulsive and violent.

"Tell me," he said, his voice cracking at the end.

But I couldn't tell him exactly what things I wanted him to do to me, I couldn't even make sense of it myself, so I decided to show him.

I wrapped myself tightly around him and started pressing kisses along his neck, on his jaw, on the corner of his lips, every part I could reach. That was all the encouragement Edward needed as he lowered his lips towards mine and started kissing me. His tongue ring making me moan as it did every time. It just felt so good against my own tongue.

Our kisses grew bolder, and our hands started wondering to places they had never been before. While mine grabbing his ass he had his dangerously close to my breast.

"Please..." I whimpered.

That's all the encouragement he needed to move his hands atop them and I suddenly went stiff. And of course Edward noticed right away.

"I'm sorry," He said and quickly pulled his hands away. "I'm sorry babe, I shouldn't...I..." He stammered.

"No," I shook my head. "It's okay, it's just...please..." I begged this time. "Touch me."

"I don't want to hurt you." His voice sounded pained.

"You won't hurt me. I know that," I said. "I trust you."

It took a bit but finally Edward ventured to touch me again and this time when he did, I moaned and when I raised my shirt he let me and removed his own. We didn't really venture to anything below the waist, even though I was able to feel his hardness on my body. He tried to move a little so I wouldn't feel it, but I persisted and at the end he let it stay there, pressed between us. Because I wanted to show him that I may not be ready for much, but that I would give what I could. That I would be better for him, for me, for us.

And as he kissed my sensitive flesh with abandoned I couldn't help the single tear that drop from my eye. Because I had never felt this way, because no one had made me feel so loved with his body. And because for the first time, in this type of action I was in control.

Because for the first time someone was showing me with his body what it was to be loved.

**A/N.- So... good? Bad? Too fast? Too slow? (And I don't mean the updates -I know those are slowww as it is *lol*- I mean Bella's and Tattwards relationship!)**

**Can't wait for your feedback! You know is always appreciated.**

**And yes it's a girl! I knew it was going to be a girl since before I started with the story and I'm glad most of you agreed with it! **

**Thanks to my lovely beta Lynn who always makes time for me in her super-busy schedule! You know I appreciate it so much babes!**

**Thanks to my super-duper FFBFF Mony. I miss you Wanda! But oh well, she is working hard in College and making all her family and myself proud :)**

**And thanks to all of you that haven't given up on this story despite the time it takes me to update!**

**It looks like this will be my last month working so I hope I get more time to write after that. Oh but don't be sad for me; it has been my own decision to leave work, I need the break before the BIG DAY! And what big day you may ask? Well I think it's time to let you know that yours truly is expecting a lil' boy by early December! Yey! So yeah now you know the BIG reason of why my updates have been so behind! Because when I'm not working I'm sleeping! If not ask Mony, she has waited hours for me online but I never appear because I'm taking a nap hahahahahaha. I'm really excited but at the same time scared! I don't even know what to expect! So if you have any wise words they are welcomed!**

**Well let's not get emotional (which is not hard for me this days). I really hope you enjoyed the chapter :)**

**Hugs to all of you and hope you all have an awesome week!**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**


	37. Chapter 37

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Take a deep breath, B. Everything will be fine."

She gave me a look that said_ 'shut the hell up'_ and squeezed my hand even harder.

_Awww shit...she is strong._

I tried to hide the pain, didn't want to look like a pussy really. Besides, if this was going on right now I couldn't even imagine what it would be when...

"I don't think I can do this. I can't," Bella said in almost a whisper, her eyes wide as saucers.

I tried my hardest, I really did, but I couldn't help the chuckle that came out of my mouth. "A little late for that, don't you think?"

"Shut up, Edward, you're making it worse," she said half mad, half panicking and I had to give it to her, my girl was staring to fight back and I freaking loved it. Is not that I was being an asshole or anything, she just looked too freaking cute for words, and funny, not going to lie.

I rubbed my thumb on the back of Bella's hand, and with a nod I looked outside the window, not saying anything else.

I had learnt that with Bella sometimes giving her space to think and calm down by herself was for the best. I was there if she needed me, my hand in her tight grip was a proof of that, but at the same time she didn't need me to treat her like a fragile doll. Because she wasn't and she had proved it to me time and time again. She was strong, my girl.

"Would you like something to drink?" a voice said a couple of minutes later.

I looked at the flight attendant and nodded. "Coke for me, and... what would you like to drink, babe?"

"Huh?" Bella looked confused.

"Something to drink ma'am?" the woman asked politely to my girl.

Bella looked up to the woman standing next to her and shook her head. "No thanks."

I dropped Bella's hand and put a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Drink something babe, at least a little bit of juice, it will help with the nerves."

She relented and finally gave her order.

A few minutes later and after taking some sips of her juice I was able to notice my girl calm down a bit. I didn't know for sure what was making her so nervous to be honest, it could be one thing or the other, or maybe both. She said it was the flight, since this was the first time ever she had been on a plane, but at the same time I knew that going back to her home state wasn't easy for her either. But whenever I broached the subject, she would dismiss it and say that it wasn't because of that, and again I didn't want to push the subject if she didn't feel in the mood to talk about it. But I wonder what was really bothering her, and if her coming to Seattle had been a good idea after all.

"Are you better now, babe?"

"Yeah, much better," she said with a small smile, and I knew she was good, at least for the time being.

This time it was me who took a hold of her hand and placed our join hands atop her growing belly, smiling to myself at seeing how at ease she was now when I did those kinds of things.

As of late she was growing faster than before, but thankfully it looked like everything was going on as it should be. After that scare, we had both been extra careful, so much that I even entertained the idea of her staying in New York even though the doctor had said it was okay for her to come to the convention. But I left the decision to Bella and she wanted to come and who was I kidding, I wanted her next to me as well, so here we were. I only hoped we hadn't made a mistake and my girl wouldn't suffer a setback by being here, and I didn't mean her physical health.

We weren't going to be in Seattle that long anyway, just five days, and five really busy days. The convention was going to be three days long; Friday, Saturday and Sunday and on Monday morning we would head back to New York so we didn't really have much free time and maybe we wouldn't even have much time to wonder around the city. So hopefully Bella would be fine.

Five hours and a few minutes after our flight departed we were finally landing in Seattle, Washington and I couldn't help myself but to look at my girl for any sign of discomfort. So far she seemed just relieved to be out of the plane, so she seemed okay and I didn't want to sound like an overprotective boyfriend by asking her every five minutes if she was doing fine.

After gathering our things, all of us headed towards our hotel. We needed to drop our stuff off quick and then made our way to the Seattle Center, where the convention would be held. It was Thursday afternoon and we had no time to waste.

So that's how we spent our first day in Seattle, with little time to eat, and even less time to rest as we were trying our hardest to leave our space ready for the following day.

We were given a decent space with some chairs and tables, and it was up to us to put everything up as we saw fit and of course we wanted it to look great. We had people to impress, a market to attract.

Lesley and Bella worked hard making the place look like a real shop, or at least the closest it could look like one. They had packed tons of art we had at the shop, as well as pictures of clients and the work that had been done on them. They had a lot of business cards, posters and freebies to give away too, and I was really impressed and proud when Lesley told me that Bella had given her so many ideas for the stand.

Emmett, Rosalie, Seth and myself were setting all the machines up and making sure everything worked perfectly. Rosalie and Seth were mostly in charge of cleaning every single thing -even though we had done that back at the shop- while Emmett and I were in charge of wires and moving chairs and tables around.

We left the convention center way after ten in the night and we all agreed that for the day we would just go back to the hotel and order in. We really didn't have much energy left and we preferred to save it for the following days. So as soon as we arrived we all said our good nights and left to our own rooms. Seth and Emmett were sharing a room as well as Lesley and Rosalie and of course me and my girl had decided to share as well. Besides, after a day of being that busy with everyone else I needed some time alone with my babe.

Step by step our physical relationship had been growing and even though I had been scared to move forward, Bella made it perfectly clear that she was ready. So touching, kissing and nibbling her tits were new hobbies of mine. Man I just felt like a lovesick teenager who couldn't be happier to be able and touch second base with his girlfriend.

Bella still hadn't ventured to touch my cock yet, but she loved to rub her body on it, so I was fine with that. I would take whatever she gave me and even though my body wanted to push, my mind knew she was the one that had to decide when to move forward.

But that night we were both really tired, between the trip and setting everything up we were barely able to take a shower and eat our dinner before we both crashed for the night.

One day down, four more to go.

Fortunately it seemed everything was going to go just fine and I didn't need to worry about a thing.

* * *

It was the morning on the following day when I realized I had been a fool for believing everything would be perfect.

Our breakfast had just arrived when I noticed Bella had been in the bathroom for longer than she used to, so I went and knocked a couple of times but there was no response, all I could hear was water running, but nothing else and that only made me go on high alert.

"B? Are you okay?" I asked, pressing me ear to the door.

Nothing.

"Babe? Please, answer me." I knew I sounded scared now.

Nothing.

_Fuck!_

I tried the lock and fortunately luck was on my side on this because it was unlocked. I opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Bella if for some reason she was fine and just hadn't heard me. But I knew deep down that that was just wishful thinking, and knowing this just made me hurry and throw caution to the wind. I needed to make sure my girl was safe.

I quickly made my way inside and as soon as I saw her there, standing on her own two feet, I was able to breathe again.

She was fine, she was safe.

"Bella? Babe?" I asked in, what I hoped was, a soothing voice.

But she didn't move, she was there, standing under the water, her eyes closed as if she was sleeping, but of course she wasn't. She looked so peaceful and most of all, she looked beautiful as both her hands rested on her belly.

She had been doing that a lot lately, touching and rubbing her tummy that is. And it always warmed my heart seeing her doing that because it was more proof that she really wanted that baby in her life, that she really cared for that little girl and wasn't just keeping it because of some kind of misguided feeling of guilt.

My eyes roamed all over her, from the top of her hair to her toes. And it was then that I realized I was looking at her completely naked for the first time and I thought about going back into the room and giving her some privacy, but I couldn't leave her there knowing there was something going on. Because just in that moment I could see her shoulders shake a little bit and I knew right away that she was crying.

"Babe, are you okay?" I said as I took a few tentative steps towards her.

Bella finally heard me and slowly opened her eyes, turning her head and looking towards me, her eyes were red rimmed, and her bottom lip was quivering. Seconds later her body started shaking and a sob escaped her.

Without even thinking it much I took the last steps towards her and turned the water off, grabbed a towel from the rack wrapping Bella with it and I took her in my arms, guiding her out of the shower. She followed me without saying a word and I walked us back to the room. I sat on the bed and placed her small body atop my lap as I rubbed both my hands up and down her arms.

Bella hadn't said anything yet, she just kept crying silently and as much as I wanted to ask her again about what was wrong, I waited.

"Do you think I'll be like her?" Bella finally asked in a broken whisper.

_Huh?_ "Like who, babe?" I didn't really understand who was Bella talking about or what she was referring to.

"Like Re...Renee..." She hiccupped. "My mother."

_What the...?_ "Why would you say that, B?"

"I'm scared, Edward," she sobbed as she placed her face in the crock of my neck.

"Scared of what?" I asked softly, still not really understanding what she meant.

"Of failing," she said between cries. "Of being...a baaadd...mother."

I pressed my lips to her hair and gave her a small kiss. "Don't say that, my girl, you are not like her. You are the most wonderful and caring person there is."

Bella shook her head and looked up at me, her eyes swimming with tears. "But she wasn't always like that. Before..." she said painfully. "I thought she loved me. I thought we were happy, but then she left..." She cried. "And I'm scared; I don't want my baby to suffer the same things I did." She shook her head again, this time with more desperation. "I don't want her to go through the same things I went through. I would never forgive myself if she suffered because of me."

I hugged Bella with all the strength I could without hurting her. "That won't happen, Bella, it won't," I said firmly.

"How...how do you...? You can't know that Edward," she stuttered.

"Of course I can," I said. "Because I know you, and I believe in you. I believe in you, my girl."

This seemed to make Bella cry even harder and of course it made me more desperate because I didn't know what to do, because I didn't know how to make her pain stop.

"Don't cry, B. You break my heart every time you do it," I said softly as I pressed kisses on her head, her hair, her temple, every part I could reach without moving too much. "Besides, you aren't alone in this. I'm here too. We'll do this together alright?"

A few seconds later I could feel Bella nodding and little by little she looked up. "I want her to be happy. I want her to know that despites the way she was conceived, I love her so much."

"I know you do, and believe me," I said as I placed the palm of my hand flat on her belly. "This baby girl will know since day one how much her mama loves her, and how much I care for her too. She won't have any doubt about how loved she is."

Because if I was sure of something, it was the love that flowed all around this child; starting from Bella and I, to our friends and their families. Everyone was eager to meet this little one that had stolen our hearts without even been born.

I wasn't stupid though. I knew things wouldn't be that easy, and sometimes I wondered what would happen when she grew up and found out how she came to be, how Bella had gotten pregnant with her. I knew it would break my heart, and Bella's mostly to let her know she was the result of..._Ugh!_ I couldn't even bring myself to think the word. But we had time, and we would cross that bridge when we had to.

"You really think so?" Bella said, her voice sounding a little bit more composed. "Do you think I can be a good mom?"

"Of course I do babe." I said honestly. Because the fact that she had chosen to keep the baby and loved her, despites everything, showed how much she really cared for that little one.

Maybe it would have been easier for her to just give the baby up and start fresh, so to speak. And I would have understood it completely and of course she would have had all of my support, but Bella just couldn't do it, that road wouldn't have worked for her in the long run because of her personality, because of the fears Bella had that that little girl wouldn't be treated good enough with someone other than her, and most of all because Bella felt in love with her. That was for me the main thing, Bella now loved that little girl, and letting her go, instead of helping in her recovery, would break her that much more. And who was I kidding, it would hurt me as well, because I too was in deep now.

"Thanks," Bella said softly, placing a kiss on my cheek. "For believing in me,"

I smiled softly and rubbed her tummy once more. "You'll be a great mom, my girl, and I'll be right there by your side. We'll do this, together."

That I swore.

* * *

It had taken us a little bit longer to get out of our room. Bella needed to calm down and I wasn't about to leave her there alone. So after talking with Emmett and arranging everything, he and the others made their way to the Seattle Center while Bella and I got ready to leave. I even entertained the idea of staying in, but of course she wouldn't have any of that. So after making sure she was completely fine we both headed to the place the convention was going to take place.

That first day went on really fast; it was hectic, busy and interesting in many ways. Bella looked as if nothing had happened that morning and that only gave me the push to work harder. So I worked my ass off. I sketched, tattooed and networked with everyone I could. If my girl could put a smile on her face after everything, so could I.

When it was time to leave, we all decided to just go out and enjoy the city. I was a little hesitant, but Bella assured me she was fine and that she really wanted to just have fun, and I was happy to please.

"Hey, Cullen!" I heard someone yelled at me as we were leaving.

I turned around and had to smile at the man running towards us. "Hey Marcus, what's up man?"

I knew he was there. I had seen him in passing, but with how busy we were it had been hard to actually go and say hi to him.

"Sorry I hadn't come and say hi. We've been really busy," he said, shaking my hand.

"No problem, man," I patted him on the shoulder, "Same here."

"I know," He nodded, "I've heard great things about your shop. I'm even tempted to let you put some ink on me."

"Are you serious?" I raised a brow. Marcus was really picky about who he let put ink on him, so it was a big deal. Besides it would be a great honour to ink my mentor.

"Do you have time tomorrow?" he asked.

"I do actually." I was freaking busy to be honest, but I would take the time for him.

"Cool," He nodded. "And are you ever going to introduce me to that beauty next to you or what?"

I looked to my left and saw my girl trying to hide herself behind me. She didn't look scared at all, more like timid and shy.

"Babe, do you remember when I told you about this crazy guy that taught me how to do tatts?"

Bella nodded and looked between Marcus and myself. I had told her about my meeting with him back in Toronto and that he would probably be here, so I knew she was not that big of a surprise for her to see him here.

"Marcus Wilson," Marcus said chuckling softly and raising his hand to shake Bella's.

I was just about to shake my head and tell him not to do that when I was surprised once again by my girl as she stretched her hand and shook Marcus's. It was quick, and I could feel her free hand digging into my arm a little bit, while she did it, but she had done that all by herself. I knew interacting with people was getting a little bit easier for her, but I couldn't stop myself and be amazed of how much effort she put on everything.

"Bella Swan," Bella said softly, introducing herself to Marcus.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. Edward told me a lot about you the last time I saw him," he said, and from the corner of my eye I could see my girl smile.

_That's right babe, I freaking love talking about you._

We didn't talk much after that. Marcus had to go and close his space and our friends were waiting as well, so after a brief good-bye and a promise to meet the following day, my girl and I made our way to a night out to have some fun.

We deserved it.

* * *

"Fuck Bella," I groaned as she rubbed her knee on my crotch. It just felt too freaking good and I didn't know if I would be able to hold it in any longer.

"Do you...do you like it?" she asked somewhat shyly.

"What do you think?" I asked as I, in return, rubbed my dick that much harder into her body.

By this point I was sure she was aware of the steel that was hidden under my boxers. But she didn't say a thing so neither did I. I would let her discover it on her own when the time came.

"I...I..." she gasped.

"What babe? Tell me what you want," I told her.

"Touch me."

_Fuck me..._

"Are you sure?"

"Mhmmm."

_Who was I to deny her?_ So as slowly as I could I started trailing my hand down until they reached the edge of her panties. She squirmed a little bit, but other than that seemed okay with my motions, so I held the fabric in my hand and started to push it down.

Every single thing I did was a test for me, because fuck if I didn't want to make love to my beautiful girl. Her body, her touches, her whispers of contentment, and most of all her trust in me made me want to go all the way. But I knew she was the leader in this dance. I knew she had to set the pace, she was our guide.

"Edward," Bella sighed as my fingers started caressing her. I could feel the hair there, her soft curls that only made her that much sexier to me, she was completely naked in front of me now and she couldn't look more beautiful.

"You're so beautiful, my girl. I love you," I said. Because she had to know it, everything I did was for her, and only her. Because she meant the world to me and I would never hurt her.

"I love you too," she said with a smile in her voice, and when I looked into her eyes I knew she was comfortable, so I decided to keep going and without giving it much thought I started caressing her more intimately.

"Tell me if it feels good, okay?" I asked, which in reality meant, _'tell me if what I'm doing is making you uncomfortable'_. But I didn't want to break the moment with reminders of the past, so I didn't want to come out right and remind her about a possible freak out. It had happened once before, one of the first times I had venture to touch her boobs, and she had felt so guilty about it. I didn't want that, she wasn't at fault. After that it had taken her almost a week to convince me it was okay to touch her again. I just hated to hurt her that way.

"Please, keep going," she begged.

So my wandering fingers started to part her lips and I had to groan at what I found. She was so freaking wet and so soft_. Fuck me sideways!_

"Babe, you're so...so freaking wet."

"Mhmmm," she moaned. "More."

I complied, pushing one of my fingers into her and rubbing her clit with another. My eyes never left her face. I had to make sure she was alright with what was going on, and so far it seemed she was.

"Edward I..." She started squirming and making noises I wanted to record in my brain for when I had to jack off in the bathroom.

"Feel it, babe. I want you to feel good, really good, my love."

"I...I..." she stammered and I knew she was on the verge of coming, so I started going faster.

"That's it, my girl, let it go."

And let go she did, with a scream that probably woke up the people in the room next door, she came undone as I let her ride her high, and just as careful I removed my hands from her.

"Did you enjoy it?" I asked softly after a few seconds, nuzzling my face into her neck.

She nodded but said nothing and it was then that I realized she was crying.

"B, what's wrong?" I asked, scared I had made a mistake and she was now regretting it. _I knew this could be too much for her. Why couldn't I wait? Why did I let my feelings win over?_

Bella shook her head and in return pressed herself closer to me, placing her face in the crock of my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her. "Bella, is there something wrong?" I asked again, but she kept shaking her head. "What is it then?"

But she couldn't talk because she was full on crying and all I could think of was that I had fucked it up. Still Bella was clinging to me something fierce so there was something that told me that maybe it wasn't something I did, but the way she was crying... _fuck!_ She was breaking my heart.

"I never..." She hiccupped. "I had never felt..."

_Oh!_

"What babe? You've never felt what?"

I was almost sure what she was going to say, but still I wanted for her to confirm it.

"This." She pressed herself that much closer to me, which was almost impossible, and placed her hand atop my chest, right on top of my heart, that was already beating frantically. "This feeling... it was just so intense...it had never been that way."

_Oh my girl, my beautiful girl._

Of course she had never felt an orgasm. Because those two good for nothing that..._ugh!_ I wanted to kill those two, or at least the one that was still alive, people like them didn't deserve to be around fucking up people's lives. Those two made her believe that sex was painful and violent, something that she should be forced to do.

And then there was that other motherfucker that took advantage of her, because even though he had done something nice and taken her away from that first asshole, he didn't treat her right, the way my girl deserved. Of course he wasn't patient and didn't show her what real pleasure is. He just cared about his own needs, and not Bella's.

But with me it was different because even though my dick was hurting like a bitch, I would never put my needs ahead of hers. Never.

"I love you," Was the only thing I could say, because really, what else could I have tell her? I always wanted her to be happy, to make her feel good, because I loved her.

"I love you too, Edward," she said placing a kiss on my neck. "Thanks."

"For what, babe?"

"For making me feel worth it."

"You are, B. You really are."

"I believe you."

There wasn't anything left to say.

* * *

The following two days went really well.

It looked like Bella had been right and besides that moment in the washroom, when she had compared herself to her mother, she had been enjoying herself.

She even confessed to me how she had been thinking about her dad more since we had arrived, which was totally expected, but she knew right now wasn't the right time for her to think about an actual meeting. She knew when it was best to not push her limits, and right now the thought of seeing her father again was just too much for her.

As promised, Marcus let me ink him. It had been really great to have him in my chair, after all my love for tatts had started because of him. He had met the guys at the shop and entertained them with stories of my crazy youth. Even Bella couldn't stop laughing at the things the guy told the bunch of them, and just because of that I didn't shut his mouth. I would endure embarrassment to see my girl happy.

All in all the convention had been a success. People where talking about our job and the quality of it and I couldn't deny it I was damn proud. We all were.

The last night I had decided to ditch the others and invited Bella for dinner, just both of us. It was time I did good on my word and invited Bella on a date, and it was amazing. We went for dinner to this small Italian place and after that we walked for a couple of hours in the Waterfront, and at night..._Damn!_ My girl touched me for the first time, it was over my boxers, but still, I came like a teenage boy getting his first nut rubbed. She was perfect, we were perfect. And I knew I was a goner, not that I had doubt it before.

All in all the trip to Seattle had gone better than I expected and for once I felt like everything was going just as it was supposed to.

Monday morning came too soon and bright and early we all hauled our asses to the airport so we could go back to New York. Our spirits were high. We were all so proud and happy that we were already planning the convention the following year.

"I hope this time it's in somewhere sunnier, California maybe?" Seth said.

"Yeah, that'll be great!" Emmett agreed.

From the corner of my eye I could see Rosalie watching him, as if willing him to look at her, but he didn't fall for that shit. They were both on speaking terms, Emmett was nice to her an all, but he didn't treat her as anything else than a co-worker. It looked like my friend was really at peace with his decision of breaking things off with her. To each their own, I guessed. Time would tell if there was hope for them.

"Edward." I felt my girl squeeze my hand.

"Huh? What was that?" I asked totally lost.

"Your phone," she said pointing to my jacket's pocket where in fact my phone was ringing like crazy.

I quickly pulled it out and when I saw the number was listed as 'Private' I hesitated, but at the end I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"_Edward? Is that you?" _

I groaned as soon as I recognized the voice on the other side of the phone.

"Alice," I sighed. "What do you want?" I knew I sounded like an ass, but hey, she knew I didn't like her, besides she never called me, so why now?

"_You have to come to Chicago Edward, you..."_

"What?" I said louder than intended and could feel all eyes looking at me. I shrugged in way of an apology and everyone kept doing whatever they were doing before, well all except Bella, who was looking intently at me. I walked a few feet away from the others, Bella's hand gripping mine tightly "I'm not going back there, at least not now I..."

But she interrupted me before I could continue, and even if I wanted to keep going, what she said stopped every word that could have come out of my mouth.

"It's my dad," she said, and I could hear the desperation in her voice. "He had a heart attack, Edward. He..."

I didn't know why but at that point I stopped listening to her and without even thinking I hung up.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Bella asked me, her eyes huge with worry.

When my eyes met hers I was sure she could see the panic there, the desperation, the doubt.

"Tell me Edward, please," she begged.

And I did.

"I have to go back to Chicago."

There was no choice. After so many years of avoidance I needed to head back home.

**A/N.- Oh...oh... so now they have to head to Tattward's home-city! **

**What do you all think will happen there? What do you all want to happen there?**

**And yes! I added a little bit of citrus for all of those that couldn't wait for it. Too soon? Too slow? Or just right?**

**You know your feedback is always welcome and even though I've been getting really bad at replying reviews as of lately believe me I do read each one of them and if any of you have any specific question I do answer! So please leave me your thoughts! **

**Thanks to my beta Lynn that always makes time to help me with the story. I couldn't do this without you sweetie :)**

**Thanks to my awesome pre-reader Mony! I miss you homeboy. We went from talking to each other everyday for hours to just a few times a week because we've both been super busy! But we still love each other :) **

**Thanks to all of you my awesome readers, who support this story and have done it since day one! And to all my new readers 'Welcome!' This story is for you and it wouldn't be the same without your kind words!**

**And for those who have asked. No the story is NOT on hiatus or anything like that. It's still going!**

**So I'm finally off work, the countdown has started and hopefully in less than 3 weeks I'll have a little one in my arms. I can't thank you enough for all your kind and nice words. Believe me when I say it, they mean a lot to me! I don't know if many of you are aware of this but since I do not live in my birthcountry it's just hubby and me here! So yeah it's kind of emotional since no one in my family is making the trip to be with me for the birth (not because they don't want to but because they are things that are keeping them from coming), so yes its just so hard! And just knowing they are nice people out there that care, if just a little bit, makes me feel that much better. So yeah! Thanks! From the bottom of my heart.**

**I wish you all an awesome week,**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**


	38. Chapter 38

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

The flight to Chicago was completely different from the one we had taken towards Seattle.

For starters I hadn't even have the time to freak out about anything that had to do with the actual flight, my mind was solely on Edward and how to help him, how to support him and be there for him, just like he had always been there for me. Besides that, everything had happened so fast I could hardly understand what was going on. So yes, no time for freak-outs about the plane falling down or anything like that.

After the phone call and Edward's admittance that he needed to go back to Chicago, there was not much else to discuss. His face told us all that he was being serious and that the decision of going back wasn't something he needed to think about. It was set, done. Decision made.

Emmett was left in charge of the shop and everyone else assured Edward that everything was going to be fine, that they would take care of things for as long as it needed to be.

For a second there I wasn't even sure of what role I played in all of this. I hardly could understand how out of the blue plans had changed and I wasn't sure if he would rather go alone and me to head back to New York with everyone else, or not. But when Edward looked at me and pleaded with his eyes for me to join him I didn't even ask him the reason why he was in such a hurry to go back to a place he hadn't been back in years. If he needed me to go with him, I would, no questions asked.

Half an hour later Edward and I were on a gate waiting for our flight to depart, our luggage checked and our boarding passes in hand, and it was then, and only then that Edward told me that his cousin Alice had called to let him know that his uncle was in the hospital, that he had suffered a heart attack. I didn't ask anything else, and I knew even if I had asked, Edward didn't really know much, the phone call had been so short I knew that there wasn't much information exchanged.

"Everything will be okay, Edward," I said as I took a hold of one of his hands.

I felt stupid saying that, but there really wasn't much I could think of, and the silence was killing me. Edward had barely talked at all and I was dreading that I was doing a poor job at comforting him. He needed me so much and I was clueless as to what to do in a situation like this.

Edward sighed and looked at me, he then pressed a soft kiss to my hand, the one that was holding his, and turned back towards the window, looking deep in thought.

I tried not to feel like a failure at not being able to help him that much more, but there really wasn't much to do but to wait and see what waited for us in Chicago.

I just hoped that whatever it was, it involved his uncle being okay.

* * *

"I'm looking for Carlisle Cullen," Edward said. "Which room is he in?"

After landing and retrieving our luggage, Edward rented a car and we made our way to the hospital his uncle was at.

I didn't know what to expect when we arrived in Chicago, because besides his uncle's situation there was the fact that Edward hadn't been in his home-city for several years and as far as I knew he didn't have plans to come back just yet. But so far it looked like Edward was a man on a mission and wasn't even worrying about where he was. All he cared about was to be there for his uncle and that made my heart hurt for him. Edward was putting his fears and insecurities to rest for another person, and that only was more proof of how great of a man he was despite what he sometimes thought of himself.

If he had spent over ten years away from Chicago it was really hard to notice, he drove like if he knew the city by heart and when I had asked him if he knew where his uncle was at he just nodded and got us there within an hour of us landing. No need for a map or a GPS, he just knew where to go.

"Are you family?" A middle-aged nurse in the reception asked.

"Yes, I'm his nephew," he said, his voice shaking a little and my heart tug at that. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but I knew deep down this was something that was hurting him more than he was letting on. "My name is E..."

"Edward? Are you Edward?" The nurse asked, in what seemed to be surprise.

Edward nodded, and I could see him trying to recognize the lady. "Do I know you?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "But I've been working with your uncle for years now and he always talks about you. He is always happy to tell anyone who would listen about his family. He always speaks so fondly of you."

Edward closed his eyes and passed a hand over his face, trying to hide his emotions, I was sure, just as he had been doing all the way from Seattle. He was trying just so hard to not show how deep this was affecting him, but I knew him. I knew him well and I could see it in his eyes; he was terrified.

The nurse must have realized how much her words were affecting Edward, because she quickly busied herself with the computer in front of her and smiled sympathetically at him.

"He is in room five-twenty-eight, just take the elevators that are located at the end of this corridor," She pointed towards the left, "Floor five. I'll call upstairs and will let them know you're on the way. You'll just have to show them your ID and sign the visitor's book."

"Thanks," Edward said, not wasting anytime and walking us towards the elevators.

Once on the fifth floor he had to register and we were both allowed to go in. As we were headed to Carlisle's room I could see Edward's facade slipping little by little. His hand was squeezing me that much tighter, the shaking of his free hand was another dead giveaway and the way his eyes watered told me he was barely holding on. I was just about to stop him and give him some words of comfort when we heard some voices calling his name.

"Edward!"

"Edward, you came!"

We both looked towards the sound and taking a deep breath Edward walked us towards the persons calling to him.

"How is he?" was the first thing he asked.

There were two women in front of us, his aunt, Esme, and his cousin, Alice, I deduced.

Both of them looked so much alike, but at the same time they were different. While the older woman wore a dress and her light-brown hair in a modest twist, the younger one looked as if she was wearing pajamas, and her hair in a loose ponytail as if she had just woken up. Both of them looked so tired though, and it was evident they had been crying for a long time now.

"We were asked to leave the room for a while. Dr. Brooks is there with him," the youngest one said.

Edward passed a hand through his hair and nodded in acknowledgment.

"He is still on watch," his aunt said, "But we are hopeful he will make it." Her voice wavered a bit at the last part.

At this I could feel Edward let out a huge breath. I was sure he felt relieved to know that even though things were really serious, there was a chance that his uncle would make it.

"What happened? I don't..." Edward shook his head, as if to get rid of all the pent up emotions inside of him. "He was fine, wasn't he?"

"Yes," his cousin said, "At least we all thought he was. But you know him Edward, he just works too much. This last couple of weeks he had been working none stop." She sighed. "He was here when it happened. He was getting ready to get home when he collapsed."

By now she was full on crying and I could see Edward fighting with himself, not knowing what to do to comfort his cousin. I knew they were not close by any means, but at the same time I could imagine that didn't matter at this moment, all that mattered where that they both had a loved one fighting for his life. So it wasn't that much of a surprise to me when Edward let go of my hand and stepped closer to his cousin. He didn't hug her at first, but he did place his hand on her back, and that was all she needed to wrap her arms around him, so he did the same. He looked kind of uncomfortable doing it though, but he tried to not let it show.

For a bit I felt like I was intruding, so I just moved myself to the side. It was then that his aunt actually realized there had been someone else there. She looked towards me, and when her eyes lowered I could see the surprise in them. She did a double take and then looked back at my face and then at Edward's.

"Who is your friend Edward?" she asked.

Edward looked at her questioningly until he understood what she meant. His cousin looked up as well, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her shirt, and Edward took the opportunity to disengage from the awkward hug.

He saw I had moved a little bit away and raised his hand towards me, an invitation. I slowly walked back and slipped my hand into his.

"This is Bella, my girlfriend," he said. "Bella this is my aunt Esme and my cousin Alice." He motioned towards both of the woman in front of us.

"Nice...nice to meet you," I stammered. "I'm so sorry for what happened."

Both of them looked at me with what looked like shock on their faces, their eyes moving quickly between Edward, me, and my belly. Who knew what they were thinking, but whatever it was they didn't say a thing, they just stared, until a man with a white coat came and called their names.

"Mrs. Cullen, your husband is awake."

* * *

"_So how is he?"_

"As well as it can be expected I guess," I said. "I'm trying my hardest to be there for him and all but..."

"_Bella! Don't start."_

"I know, I know," I said with a sigh. "But I can't help myself. I feel like there isn't much I can actually do."

"_I think you are doing enough. You are there for him and I bet for now that's all he needs. To know you support him,"_

"Of course I support him, Angela. It's just..."

"_What? Tell me, Bella,"_ Angela said, her voice patient and understanding. When a few seconds passed and I hadn't talked at all she let out and exasperated sigh. _"Bella, you need to let it out. If you don't you're going to just store everything inside until you can't hold it anymore and things just explode."_

I knew she was right, so with no more prompting from her side I started telling her about my feelings of insecurity, that I wasn't enough comfort for Edward, that I wasn't strong enough to hold his hand and calm his fears. Not that I had had much opportunity anyways since I had barely been able to talk to him at all during the day.

Edward had spent most of the time in his uncle's room while I tried my hardest to find a comfortable position in the waiting area. I walked around the hospital for a bit, I even ventured outside to buy some snacks in a store that was really close by; I just tried to do everything in me to stay out of the way and let him spend some time with his family.

Edward had asked me a few times to go in the room with him, but I knew it wasn't proper. His uncle was not up for visitors and I just didn't want to impose. Besides, Edward's aunt and cousin were there as well and I didn't feel really comfortable around them. They hadn't been rude to me or anything, but the way they looked at me when Edward introduced me, let me know they didn't know what to make of my relationship with Edward, and most of all, they just didn't know what to think of the huge bump in my belly. I could feel the questions in their eyes, but it wasn't the place nor time so we had settled for an awkward type of interaction.

On the bright side, it looked like Edward's uncle was doing well. He wasn't in the best of conditions yet, but his cardiologist was positive that with time and care he would make a full recovery. He was still weak, and wouldn't stay awake for more than a couple of minutes, but Edward had told me that he had been really happy to see him there and that he had talked with him for a bit.

I had told Edward that if he wanted to spend the night at the hospital I wouldn't mind staying with him, but he told me there was no point in doing so. His uncle was given some medication that would keep him sleeping for the entire night and that he wasn't going to be alone since his wife would stay for the night.

I knew that he was telling me the truth, but at the same time I knew he may have stayed if it wasn't for me. But at the end of the day, I just didn't say anything. We were both really tired and I knew a good night's rest would be helpful for both of us. So we both made our way towards a hotel that was really close by the hospital.

Edward's aunt and cousin had both offered him a room in their places, but he had quickly declined their invitations saying he preferred to be close by in case anything was needed. But I knew better, he was just not comfortable staying with neither of them, and being honest, neither was I.

"I'm freaking tired," Edward groaned as he dropped our bags on the floor and landed face first on the bed.

"I know, I am too," I sighed as I sat next to him and started removing my shoes. "I just need to take a shower first. I smell like hospital."

"Me too," Edward agreed. "You go first, babe."

I agreed and made my way towards the washroom; once I was done Edward dragged himself in the shower. I changed in some pajamas and decided to call Angela. She had been taking care of T for this last couple of days and I knew she would be expecting us to arrive to New York so I had texted her while I was in the hospital telling her I wouldn't be able to arrive that day and that I would call her later to explain.

So here I was was, pouring all my worries to my friend and after talking with her I felt much better. Angela was a good person, but she was really straightforward as well, her honesty couldn't be held back. I knew she would never tell me things that weren't true just to make me feel good. She wasn't a mean person though and she always knew how to say that things as to not to hurt people's feelings, but her honesty was something I truly liked about her. So I believed her when she told me I was strong enough to help Edward through this.

Our conversation didn't last that much long though. Once I heard the water stop running I knew I had to cut the call short and with a quick good-bye and a promise that she didn't mind keeping T for a few days more, the call ended.

When Edward came out we both decided to order in, since we hadn't really had a meal and going out was out of the question. We ate in silence as a show played on the TV. We would say a thing or two but we didn't really have a conversation. I told him about my call to Angela and how she had agreed to keep T for as long as needed; he just nodded and kept eating his food.

By the time we were both done and in bed I tried to cuddle with him, making him feel comfortable but his hand was just there, limp, not even holding me back and I decided maybe he just needed some space, so turning on my side I tried to give him his space.

The next day was mostly the same as the one before, but this time I had gone in Carlisle's room for a bit. He was sleeping though so I didn't get to say hi to him. By midday Edward was driving me back to the hotel saying it was pointless for me to stay at the hospital.

"It's not necessary, Edward. I'm fin..."

"You aren't fine Bella," he snapped at me. "I can see your eyes dropping every few minutes and those chairs in the hospital aren't comfortable. You need to rest."

"But I want to be there for you," I said.

"Bella, please!" he groaned in exasperation.

I had to use all my willpower to push the tears back. I had seen Edward annoyed at people but he had never been like that with me. Deep down I knew it was the stress taking its toll on him, but I couldn't help myself and feel totally and utterly upset.

"Okay," I nodded, my voice breaking at the end.

When he parked in front of the hotel I tried to kiss him on the mouth but he just moved his face away and my kiss ended up landing on his cheek. With that I got out as quickly as I could and made my way inside.

Once in the room I finally let myself break.

* * *

"I'm leaving to the hospital," Edward said as he came out of the shower the next day.

I hadn't even heard him get out of bed and only woke up when I heard him moving around inside the washroom.

"I'll go and change really fast so we..." But before I was able to finish he shook his head. "But Edward..."

"No Bella, please just stay here," he said as he put a long sleeved shirt on.

As he kept getting ready to leave I just walked inside the washroom and got myself ready to take a shower. I didn't want him to notice how affected I was with his behaviour so, like a coward, I hid. Edward knocked on my door and opening it slightly he let me know he was leaving. I only hummed in response since I didn't want him to notice I was crying, but when I heard the door of the room close I couldn't help myself. I got in the shower and cried for what felt like hours. The baby had started to move and I could feel her kicks which only made me lose it even more.

It had been a long time since I had felt this alone, this depressed, this desperate.

I wondered if it was me who was blowing everything out of proportion, if I was just too needy and couldn't handle Edward's passing through a rough patch. Was I being unreasonable? Maybe yes, maybe not; I didn't have the answer and as my sobs got higher and higher I felt myself drowning in negative feelings.

By the time I was able to drag myself out of the shower I realized a few hours had passed and my wrinkled skin was a huge proof of that. I didn't even bother on dressing up and just changed back into some clean pajamas and crawled on bed.

I ordered some food for lunch and it went mostly untouched, but I did try to eat, not for me, but for my baby. Edward didn't call, I didn't call him ether. I spend the day alone and I wondered if maybe it was time to wake up from a dream.

A dream that was just too good to be true.

**A/N.- Now what? Can't this two get a break?**

**Do not worry my dears, everything will be fine, this has to happen so better things can come. Trust me :)**

**But yeah, you can hate on Tattward if you want to. Or do you think his actions are understandable? Let me know! You know I love your feedback!**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I already had it written before the 'big-day' but I just couldn't find the time to post it. I hope you understand.**

**And just so you know (and if you were wondering) Yes! I'm the proud mom of a little guy named Alejandro. He was born three weeks ago via c-section (auch!) and believe me I didn't have it easy because since my plan was to have him "naturally" I was in labor for 20+ hours. Unfortunately even though he wasn't breach and I did dilated fully he was facing upwards (they call it posterior position or something like that) so instead of coming out easily he kept bumping with my back and poor thing just kept getting stuck, so after 2 hours of pushing they told me c-section was the way to go! Oh well I can't complain, he is here and is the biggest and most beautiful person in my life :) **

**Thanks so much to all of you for your nice wishes during this time, some of you even PM me or twitted me wondering about it, and its just so nice to know there is people so nice that care :) THANKS my sweethearts !**

**Thanks so much for staying with me with this story and believe me that even though is coming out slower that I would have liked, I'll try my hardest to update as frequently as possible. **

**I would like to thank as well my awesome beta Lynn and my wonderful pre-reader Mony. Wanda I miss you so much! We haven't got the time to talk much but believe me I always think about you :)**

**To all of you, my best wishes for this holidays. Enjoy the rest of the year and I wish the new year is filled with blessings, smiles and health for all of you and your family.**

**Love,**

**Alexa :)**


	39. Chapter 39

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**EPOV**

"Edward?"

"Mhmm?" I hummed as I quickly tried to reply to a text Jasper had sent me.

"Do you...?" Bella sighed and stopped with whatever she was going to say.

I hit send and was about to place my cell on the nightstand when...

"Can you please pay attention when I'm talking to you?" Her voice was full of determination and frustration.

_What the...?_ I quickly dropped the phone on the nightstand, not caring where it landed and looked towards her.

Bella had just come out of the bathroom and was standing a few feet away from me. Both her hands were balled into fists and her eyes full of purpose. It was then that I realized that I hadn't looked at her since we had been in Chicago, at least not really looked at her, but I did then and what I saw almost crushed me. Besides that determination, I could see other things that I never wanted her to feel. Most of all, I could see sadness pouring out of her.

"What's wrong?" I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and patted the place next to me on the bed so she would come closer, but she didn't move from her spot.

"You tell me," she replied.

"What do you mean?"

She looked down at her hands for a couple of seconds, she seemed to fidget with her hands in nervousness, but it didn't last long because quickly and without a trace of doubt she raised her head and looked me right in the eye.

"Do you want me to go back to New York?" she finally asked.

"What?" I shook my head trying to understand what she was talking about. "Why are you asking me that?"

"I just don't want to be in the way," she quickly added. "I know you have enough with your uncle and all. I thought that maybe you just want to be alone with your family. So I want you to be honest with me and tell me what you want me to do."

"I..." I started to say, but she didn't even let me finish.

"I don't want to sound rude, or insensitive. I want to be supportive and be there for you, but Edward," She looked at me, her eyes pleading, "I can't be here anymore when you're acting like I'm just in the way. I don't want to be a burden. I refuse to be one."

"I haven't..."

"You never want me to go to the hospital with you," she said. "And it's okay, I do not mind waiting for you here. But once you're back, it's like I do not exist, is like I'm just..." she trailed off.

And it was then that I finally realized what an asshole I had been.

"Fuck!" I grumbled lowly.

Bella thought I didn't want her here. She thought she was in the way, when in reality she was the only thing that had kept me sane these last couple of days.

I stood up from the bed and walked towards where she was standing.

"Bella..." I tried to apologize, but she cut me off and took a step back.

"Please Edward, don't sugar coat it for me. I can take it, just please, be honest with me."

"No, B, please, listen to me," I said as I walked the short distance to reach her and took a hold of both of her hands. "You are the only thing that has kept me sane these past few days."

Bella shook her head. "It doesn't seem like it," she said in a whisper. I didn't know if she intended for me to hear it.

"It's true, babe, I swear to you," I told her with as much honesty I could muster. "I know I've been...fuck!" I passed a hand through my hair and pulled it hard. "I know I've been distant and all over the place, but believe me, it's just me." I almost cringed at that, the _'it's not you it's me'_ phrase was bullshit most of the time, but in this case it fit, because it was true.

I quickly placed both hands on her face and gently pulled her face up, so she could look at me, so she could look into my eyes and know I wasn't lying, that I was being honest.

"My uncle," I gulped. "His family, the hospital, the city, the memories...It's all too much," I said. "At first all I wanted and cared for was my uncle. I needed to know he was fine and that's why I made my way here without even thinking twice. But now...now I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to lose it with everything going on in my mind."

I was being completely honest. When Alice called and told me my Uncle Carlisle had suffered a heart attack all that was in my mind was to get to where he was. It didn't matter the place I just wanted to be there, with him.

It wasn't until I had arrived and my uncle's health started to improve that I truly started thinking about where I was, and most of all, about all the things that I had lived in this city.

Once I knew my uncle would make it fine, my parents came into the forefront of my mind. The places they used to take me when I was a child, the park my dad took me to for my first bike ride, the restaurant my mom loved to go as often as she could. Then I thought about their house, our house; a house that had been vacant for years and one I hadn't set foot in who knows how many years now. And last, but definitely not least, I thought about the cemetery where they were, a place I had been in only once in my life.

After that I started with the thoughts of the years after their passing, my teenager years were ones full of anger and doubts, of wrong decision after wrong decision until I finally decided to turn my life around and start over again, starting by leaving this city that was just too much for me.

But now I was back, and by the looks of it, I was still that same teenager full of pain and doubts and I was doing a poor ass job at acting like the adult I supposedly was. I was letting my emotions getting the best of me and I was hurting the person I loved the most.

My girl.

"Edward," Bella said. "I can't tell you that I understand what you are going through, because I don't." She placed her hands atop mine; I moved my hands upwards and intertwined them with hers. "But I want you to know that you are not alone. I'm here to help you in whatever way I can. I want to, I need to. Please let me."

My eyes went downcast. I was so ashamed. Here she was, my girl, a woman that had been through hell and back and showing way more maturity than I was.

"You've been there for me, every step of the way," she continued. "And let me tell you, I'm almost sure that without you I wouldn't be in the place I am right now. There are so many things that I have to work on, so many challenges that I know I have to go through. But I'm positive things will get better, because I'm not alone, because I have you and my friends and her," she said, placing both of our hands atop our little girl.

I nodded my head, because I knew she was right. There were so many barriers that we would face with time, but I hadn't a single doubt that we would be able to break through them if we worked together.

"But I'm not the only one that has to work through demons; you have to do the same Edward. But you don't have to do it alone. I'm here." She raised one of our hands and caressed my right cheek. "We are a team now."

I could feel the wetness on my cheeks, and for the first time I didn't feel like a pussy for crying in front of my girl. Because she was right, I was not alone anymore.

But for so many years I felt like I was; that I had forgotten what it was to count on someone unconditionally until my girl came along.

I had had my friends and even Heidi had been there. But still, I felt my burdens were mine and only mine to carry, no one else needed to know much about them and no one would help me through them. But with Bella it was so different.

It didn't mean I wanted her to carry my weight; she had enough of her own. But with her I wanted to share, I trusted her to know that everything she did, everything she offered was coming from her heart and not any ulterior motive. And most of all, I wanted to get rid of all these burdens, all these regrets, all this pain because she deserved better than a wounded man. She deserved everything.

"I love you so much."

There was nothing else I could say at the moment. All I wanted was for her to know that my feelings for her hadn't changed, even though my attitude as of lately had turned sour. I was an asshole and I had behaved like one, but my love for her was the same, if not stronger.

"I love you too," she said, and her arms came around me in an embrace I didn't know I had been craving in the last few days.

And for the first time in a long time I let myself crumble and I cried.

I cried for my mother, for my father, for my uncle, for myself.

And for the first time in a long time, I didn't do it alone.

* * *

"This is beautiful, Edward," Bella said as she looked around in wonder.

I pushed my hands deeper in my jean's pockets and looked down at my feet that seemed to have taken a life of its own. I was nervous as hell and all I could do was look down at the wooden floors as to not lose my shit.

"Can you show me around?"

I looked at her and I knew she was aware of my struggle, but at the same time she knew I needed this. So she was pushing me a little, helping me.

I nodded and she quickly came towards me and took a hold of my hand, showing me once again that I didn't need to do this alone, and that gave me the strength I needed to continue with the task.

At first, as we walked through the house I had lived all those years ago, I was stiff as a board and would only reply to the questions she asked. But after a few minutes I was able to relax a bit and it was me who started telling her about my childhood in this home.

We walked through all downstairs; the kitchen, the living room, and even my dad's studio. There were pictures here and there and my freaking tears wouldn't stop coming, but every time I cried I felt like a piece of my own soul was cleansing itself, and by the time we reached my parent's bedroom I was able to actually tell Bella about all the times I've had sleepovers with them watching movies and just enjoying being a family.

I showed her my childhood room and she couldn't stop giggling at my pictures as a little boy. I had to agree though; I was a freaking funny kid; skinny legs, chubby cheeks and a mop of hair that everyone loved to tame without any luck. She even convinced me to take some pictures back with us to New York and since I could deny her nothing I agreed.

I would be lying if I said it was easy, because it wasn't. It had taken a lot out of me to just make the decision to come, but it was something I needed to do and I was ready to do it. At least I hoped so.

My Uncle Carlisle was much better and he would be discharged in just a couple of day and fortunately Bella's pregnancy seemed to go on just fine, so we both had decided to stay until my uncle was settled back in his home to make our way back to New York and continue with our lives. But how could I continue with mine if they were things that I'd put on hold for so long? This was the opportunity to get them out of the way and I needed to do it for my own family too.

"I think it's time to put this house on the market," I said as we sat on a sofa in the lounge room.

Bella looked at me all wide eyed. "Why?"

I shrugged. "What is the point of having it here collecting dust?"

"But what if you ever want to come back?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Chicago is not my home anymore, B. New York is."

"Are you sure?" Bella asked, worry in her eyes.

I nodded. "I'm sure, babe." I kissed her forehead and placed a hand on her belly. "Besides, I've been thinking."

"What?" She pulled a little bit away and looked at me expectantly.

"I think we should look for a bigger place of our own."

Her eyes went huge and she started shaking her head. "No Edward!" she said. "Don't think about selling your parent's home just because you think we need more space. It's okay! Besides..."

I silenced her with a kiss. "It's not just because of that, Bella, really. There are many things I've considered and being honest I'm tired of paying rent for that tiny space we live in. I know we may not get that big of a place, but at least it would be ours."

She kept shaking her head. "I just don't want you to do something you would regret later. Besides..." She gulped.

"What? Besides, what?"

"I was thinking too..." She started fidgeting with her hands and I knew whatever she was about to tell me was something she was nervous about me knowing.

"I called Caius yesterday." She swallowed hard.

"What?" I yelled. She never talked with Caius without me being the middle man, never. "What happened? Are you okay? Is everything..."

She raised her hand and stopped my rambling. "I want to press charges, Edward." When she saw the confusion on my face she continued. "I want to sue the hospital for negligence."

It was my turn to be the surprised one. That had been a topic we hadn't actually talked about in a while and when I tried to bring it up Bella would always say she wasn't ready so I didn't understand what had happened, what had changed and made her decided to do it. But being honest I was freaking happy and proud of my girl.

"Wow!" I passed a hand through my hair and closed my eyes for a bit. "What brought this on, babe? I mean, I'm freaking glad you finally decided to go with it but…"

Bella shrugged. "It's time, Edward," she said. "It's time for me to start fighting. It's time for me to take control of my life."

And even if I wanted to I couldn't help the huge smile that took over my face. Because my girl was freaking strong and because even though she was still the same sweet girl that I had fallen in love with, she was blossoming into this beautiful woman ready to face everything that came her way.

"I think you're doing a damn good job already, babe," I told her. "Starting with putting your asshole of a boyfriend in his place when needed to," I said, referring to the day she had stopped my freaking attitude.

Bella let out a small giggle and it seemed that for the moment all tension had melted away, and all that was left was peace and hopes for the future.

I knew it wouldn't be that easy, but I knew we would get there.

Eventually.

* * *

The cemetery visit was left for last. Just a day before we were due to return home.

It had been filled with tears and regrets, but most of all it was full of love, because even though they were not physically with me, I knew my parents were there. I could feel it. It may sound cliché, but I could have sworn I felt them right next to me in that moment. I had never felt so close to them since their passing.

Bella had stayed in our rental car for a while, understanding my need to do it all by myself. I had promised that once I felt ready I would take her to see where both of them were buried and it took me over an hour to go back to get her and made the awkward introductions between her and my parents. How do you introduce someone to people that aren't even there physically? But of course my girl surprised me as she touched their tombstones with reverence and talked to them with so much confidence. She introduced herself and promised to take care of me, always.

At this point I didn't even try to contain the tears, after all my breakdowns the past couple of days, I stopped caring. My eyes were already swollen as it was. I wasn't even sure I had even cried that much the day their bodies were buried. Or maybe I had and I just didn't remember.

By the time we arrived to our hotel room, I was beyond exhausted and we were barely able to rest for a few minutes before we had to get ready to go to my uncle's house.

Since it was our last day in town, we had been talked into family dinner and, being honest, I didn't put up that much of a fight. I was just happy that my uncle was doing great and that my Aunt Esme and Alice hadn't been that much of a pain in the ass really. They had been questioning looks but so far they had kept their mouths shut and I was glad. I was almost sure my uncle had much to do with it and I was thankful for that.

By six o'clock we were finally at my uncle's house and I was ready to get over with it. Being in his house brought past memories too, they weren't that painful really, after all the house didn't looked at all as it used to eleven years ago since Esme was always looking for excuses to buy new useless stuff and get rid of the old. But still, it was not a place that I felt comfortable in, and all I wanted was for my girl and me to go back home.

"So are you really thinking about selling the house Edward?" My Uncle Carlisle asked as we lounged in his living room.

"Yeah," I said, looking towards the stairs and waiting for my girl to be back from her trip to the bathroom. My aunt and Alice were both in the kitchen putting dinner together, but I knew Bella wasn't totally comfortable in their presence, not that I blamed her.

"I'll call a friend of mine," My uncle continued. "He is a realtor and he may know someone that is familiar with the area."

"Thanks."

"Are you planning on keeping anything? Or do you want to sell it furnished?"

I turned my face towards him, "Some stuff," I shrugged. "I already packed two boxes with some things I really wanted to keep. Bella and I are going to take them back to New York. She wants to..." I had to smile at what I was about to say next. "She wants to keep my crib and the rocker my mom used when I was born. But I think those would need to be sent later."

Carlisle smiled too and nodded in understanding. "Don't worry, son, I'll make sure you get them on time."

"I don't really want you to worry about that right now. I just want you to focus on your recovery."

He waved me off and chuckled. "I won't be going back to work for a few months. I need something to do in the mean time or I'm going to go crazy."

I chuckled as well. My uncle had been given the third degree by his cardiologist and friend, and after much discussion he had agreed to take a few months off and rest. It hadn't been easy, but between his doctor, my aunt, Alice and me we had made him understand he needed the time to take care of himself.

"Anyway, we aren't in any hurry really, so don't worry about that right now."

He rolled his eyes and it reminded me so much of my father at that moment.

"She..." I looked around and making sure neither my aunt nor Alice where close before I continued. "Bella is planning on suing the hospital."

My uncle's eyes went huge at that revelation. "Is she now?"

"Yes."

It had taken me a while to really come to the decision, but after talking it over with Bella we had both agreed that my uncle had the right to know about her and the baby. And it had been me this time who told her story. Thankfully, and just as I had expected it, my uncle was supportive of us and our decision, and most of all he had said he was proud of me and that he was sure my parents, wherever they were, were proud of me as well.

He again offered me some advice, and I promised to keep him up to date with whatever happened.

When my girl came back I didn't even try to hide to her what we were talking about, and even though a little bit shy at the beginning I could see how interested she was with what my uncle had to say. After all he was a doctor and knew some things about what happened when someone from the medical field was sued.

"Dinner is ready," my Aunt Esme said as she came out of the kitchen. A glass of wine in hand.

We all made our way to the formal dining room and I could see Bella's expression as we enter the room. If I didn't knew my aunt I would have made the same face. She was just like that, all over the top and no matter the occasion or the people around her, she just wanted to show off her wealth. Alice as always dragged behind her and looked like she wanted the night to be over with just as much as me.

"Edward, would you like a drink? I know you don't like wine but I asked Esme to buy some beers for you," my uncle asked.

I was just about to shake my head when my aunt had to open her big mouth.

"I don't think is a good idea for Edward to drink," she said as she herself took a sip of her drink. "We all know what happened the last time he got drunk in this house and..."

"Esme!" My uncle's fist made contact with the hard wood of the table. "Could you please start thinking before you speak?"

"Carlisle I..."

"Enough!" he yelled, his voice frustrated. "Apologize to Edward."

"But..."

"Right now!"

If I wanted to say anything about my aunt's stupid comment I had already forgotten. My uncle was one of the calmest persons I knew and right at this moment all that calmness had gone out the window. He was pissed.

"I..." Esme looked totally lost for words, just like everyone at the table.

I shook my head and raised my hands to stop her rambling. "No need to apologize. I have always known what you think of me, no need to make me think differently, you know our dislike is mutual." Yeah I knew I was acting like an asshole myself, but at this point I didn't care what she had to say about anything that had to do with me.

"Don't talk to my mother that way Edward, it's not her fault you went all crazy all those years ago and..." Alice started and it was then that I knew dinner time was over.

"Shut up Alice," I hissed.

"Don't be rude to your cousin Edward." It looked like my aunt finally found her voice. "She is a lady unlike..."

"Don't even think about it," I said, both my hands going into fists. Because I knew what she was about to say and if she turned her freaking nasty words to my girl I was going to lose it.

"I'm outta here," I said before this circus continued. "B, let's go, babe." I turned towards my girl and as soon as I offered her my hand she took it without a second thought.

"Esme and Alice," my uncle hissed. "Get out of here please."

"But dad," Alice looked at him with disbelief.

"Please." And when I looked at him I felt even worse, he looked just so regretful; I knew this was the last thing he wanted to happen and I felt bad that our last meeting before my departure had to end this way.

"I'm so sorry, son. I'm going to talk to them. You don't deserve this, never have." Regret filled his voice and I felt like such a dick. He just got out of the hospital and here we were all of us fighting.

But unfortunately there wasn't much I could do but to reassured him that even though his family and I were like oil and water he was still my uncle and I loved him. So I went towards him and without even thinking I let my girl's hand go and embraced my uncle.

"Don't worry. You know it's not a family dinner if we don't end up with a big bang." I tried to make a joke of it but I guess it didn't work.

"Don't listen to them, okay?" he said as I released him from the embrace and kneeled in front of his chair. "I know what you did was because you were not in the right frame of mind. You were just so hurt and I don't blame you. I'm so proud of you son, never forget that.

I nodded my head and raised to my feet, my uncle doing the same and I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. I was never really affectionate with him, but I didn't want to leave with him thinking I was mad at him, because it wasn't his fault.

We walked towards the entrance, my aunt and cousin out of sight, thankfully.

"Please take care of yourself, son. You too, Bella, and again, I'm so sorry for what happened."

Bella smiled at him and, with my mouth open, I saw how she went to my uncle and gave him a quick hug.

"I hope you feel better Mr. Cullen, and I hope you get to visit us soon," she said.

I could see the surprise in my uncle's face too and for a moment all drama was forgotten.

After that we said a quick good-bye and I even made my uncle smile when I told him Bella was right and he had to visit soon and met his new niece. He said he would and we both promised to call each other more often. And this time I was set on keeping that promise.

"Edward?" my girl said once we were both back at the hotel and ready to sleep.

"What babe?" I asked as I placed the TV remote down and turned towards her, giving her my full attention.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice sounded tentative. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I placed a kiss on her temple and raised her chin with my fingertip.

"You can ask me anything, you know that," I said honestly, but dreading the question at the same time. Because there was only one single thing she could be wondering right now...

"What happened that day? In your uncle's house?" she asked.

_Shit!_ I knew she would want to know about that. I was just hoping that she would forget about it. But of course she didn't and it didn't matter anyways, because one day or another I had to man up and tell her about it.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked.

"Of course I do," she said. "But if you don't want to…"

"It's not that B, it's just," I sighed and disentangled myself of the embrace, "I'm not proud about it, I was stupid and..." I trailed off; shame and guilt cursing through my body.

"You don't have to..."

But before she was able to continue I pushed myself away from her and took off my shirt. Bella's eyes went wide and I knew she thought I was just trying to diverse the conversation, but I wasn't.

Taking a huge deep breath I closed my eyes and turn my arms wrists up. "You know the tatts I did in memory of my parents?" I asked.

Bella nodded and her eyes quickly went to both my wrist. She carefully lifted one of her hands and started tracing the ink with her fingertips with so much reverence that it broke my heart. Because my actions had been weak and coward.

"They..." I stammered. "They have another purpose too."

Bella raised her brow, not really understanding what I meant.

"I...I...Bella..." I took a deep breath and willed myself to tell her. "Bella, these tattoos cover scars," I finally said. "Scars that I inflicted on myself."

"Edward." Her voice trembled as the wheels in her mind started to put together what I was so ashamed to say.

"That day in my uncle's house...that day Bella," I looked at her and looking her and just said it. "I tried to kill myself."

**A/N: Evil cliffy! Upssss...**

**Yes! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! It's me with an update!**

**Finally I got the time to finish and update this chapter and I really hope you enjoyed it and most of all that you haven't forgotten about the story! Comes & Goes is still here! We still have a couple of chapters to go and I'm doing my best to work on it. I already started the next chapter and it may take me a while but I'll update as soon as I can. I**** hope you understand, being a mommy is not an easy job believe me! But I can't complain, I'm enjoying it more than I ever thought and my little one is just the apple of my eye.**

**As always thanks to my girls Lynn and Mony! I love you both and without your support this story wouldn't be here!**

**And thanks to all of you for remaining here, I can't say how much it means to me!**

**Lots of hugs and please leave some love,**

**Alexa :D**


	40. Chapter 40

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

_**Previously on C&G (EPOV Ch. 39) …**_

_Taking a huge deep breath I closed my eyes and turn my arms wrists up. "You know the tatts I did in memory of my parents?" I asked._

_Bella nodded and her eyes quickly went to both my wrist. She carefully lifted one of her hands and started tracing the ink with her fingertips with so much reverence that it broke my heart. Because my actions had been weak and coward._

"_They..." I stammered. "They have another purpose too."_

_Bella raised her brow, not really understanding what I meant._

"_I...I...Bella..." I took a deep breath and willed myself to tell her. "Bella, these tattoos cover scars," I finally said. "Scars that I inflicted on myself."_

"_Edward." Her voice trembled as the wheels in her mind started to put together what I was so ashamed to say._

"_That day in my uncle's house...that day Bella," I looked at her and looking her and just said it. "I tried to kill myself."_

**CHAPTER 40**

**BPOV**

"Edward...wha..." I just couldn't even understand what he had just told me, or maybe I just didn't want to understand it. It was too much, too painful to even try and comprehend it.

He had tried to... _No!_ I couldn't even say it in my own mind. A world without him, a life without Edward wouldn't be possible for me. I was here because of him. I needed him!

"Bella I..."

But I didn't let him finish, I knew I had heard him right and I wanted to know. I needed to know.

"Why?" I asked.

Edward lowered his eyes, shame coloring his features and for a second I thought it was better to tell him that it didn't matter, that the past was in the past and it was better to forget it. But it did matter, at least to me and I wanted to know if it had been a one time occurrence or if he had tried more than once.

"I..." He stammered, "I don't really remember much Bella, I mean I remember my aunt coming to my room and taking my tattoo supplies away from me, I remember getting pissed and stealing alcohol from my uncle. I told you that remember? I told you that after getting wasted I had done something; something I wasn't proud of."

I nodded. I did remember him telling me that a while back; when he had trusted me with his story just as I had trusted him with mine, but I had never thought he had gone to that extreme. Being honest I had even forgotten about that small part he had omitted while telling me about his past. I was sure whatever it was it may not be as bad as he thought it was. I guess I was wrong.

"Well," He sighed. "It looks like I drank myself into oblivion because I do not remember much after that. When I woke up I was already at the hospital. I had sliced my wrists with a blade." He chuckled, but there was not humour at all in the sound. "I don't even know where I got the blade from, but I did. I hit rock bottom at that point and I knew something had to change."

"So you didn't really want to..." I swallowed. "Die?" I knew it may have sounded stupid, but the way he said it, it looked like he wasn't thinking when he did it and even though it may have been stupid it gave me a little bit of comfort.

"No B," He shook his head. "My life wasn't in a good place, not by a long shot, but I had never considered not even once to take my life. I was so disgusted with myself after it happened, all I could think was how disappointed my parents would be, just like my aunt had said." He sighed sadly, "After that my uncle Carlisle asked me to start with therapy again and I swear I didn't even fight him on it I knew I couldn't continue with the path I was in so I started talking with a shrink and things got a little bit better after that. At least my aunt stopped being so obvious about her dislike towards me and as soon as I could I left that house, I left this city and started all over again."

"Your aunt, she is..." I sighed and tried to keep all the anger inside.

That woman didn't care about Edward, she had hurt him instead of helping him get over the loss of his parents. How could someone be so callous? And most of all, how his uncle could put up with her? It was obvious he was a good man, someone that cared for a little boy when no one would, because even though it was his responsibility as his uncle there were other relatives that didn't care, an example where Edward's maternal family, which as far as I knew had cut all ties with him after he went to live with Carlisle.

"She isn't worth it babe," Edward said, referring to her aunt Esme. "I just try to ignore her, but today she really got on my nerves and I couldn't just keep it together." There was a moment of silence both of us processing what had been said. "I'm sorry B,"

"You don't have to apologize for her Edward, you did nothing wrong tonight."

"I'm not apologizing for my aunt, I'm," And when he looked down at his hands, more specifically his wrists, where his tattoos –tribute to his parents- covered the evidence of that horrible day, I knew what he meant.

"You don't have to apologize for that ether." Because even though it did hurt me that he had tried to end his life, I knew deep in my heart that it had been a mistake and that he regretted it. Besides, I hadn't known him back then. It wasn't me who he needed to apologize to.

"I don't deserve you B, I don't..."

"Please don't say that Edward," I said as I slowly, but surely, made my way closer to him. "I love you, so much and all I want is for us to go back home and forget all the bad things that happened in our lives. I want us to start looking forward to the good things in life, to start and build a future. You, me and our baby."

His eyes bored into mine, like he was looking for something. Our eyes stayed locked for a while, and then suddenly a smile started forming on his lips, a smile that was mirrored in my own face.

"Hey! Don't forget T," He said. "She is part of our family too."

I chuckled, the tension of the talk totally melting away. "Yes, and our T."

He quickly pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my body. "Home," He sighed. "I like that."

"I do too."

"Let's go, right now." Edward said excitedly. He stood up turning on the lamp next to him. "Let's pack our bags and go to the airport, see if we can get a flight to New York tonight."

I didn't have to think it twice as I jumped to my feet as well. "Let's start packing. I want to go home right now!"

And that's just what we did.

* * *

"I missed you too my girl! So much!"

I couldn't stop giggling at the sight in front of me. Edward was sprawled on the floor as T jumped all over him, alternating between licking his face and biting his arms or legs playfully. It was good to be home. It really was.

"What about me T?" I asked. "Didn't you miss me?" I said as I took a sit on the couch.

She suddenly looked at me, her head went slightly to the side and a look of sock crossed her face as if she hadn't seen me before; she quickly made her way towards me, jumping on her little two back legs and trying to get on my lap.

"Be careful T," Edward said. "Don't forget your little sister is chillin' there!"

With some assistance on my part, T was able to get on my lap. She placed her head on my growing tummy and stayed quiet.

"That's my T," I said with a smile. "She knows she has to be gentle, right?"

T looked at me, gave a small bark and then went back to rest on my lap and liking my hands.

"Thank you so much Angela," Edward said as soon as he started to stand up. "I really can't say how much I appreciate that you did this for us, it means a lot."

Angela waved him off and took a sit on the couch next to me. "No problem Edward. T and I had a great time, right girl?"

But of course T didn't pay much attention to Angela now that Edward and I were here.

"Besides," Angela said. "Sam was beyond happy to have her there."

And as soon as T heard Sam's name she quickly looked around the room. I giggled at that while Edward just shook his head.

"Why didn't you bring him?" I asked as I petted T on her head.

"Jasper has him for the day," Angela said. "I thought it was better that way, you two must be really tired after your trip and if I had brought him here it would have taken hours for me to be able and leave. Which by the way I'm doing that right now!"

"You don't have to leave Angela, we are just going to order something out to eat. What would you like?" Edward asked.

"No thanks," Angela said. "I really have to go. I promised Jasper that I would cook something for him. I hope all those classes Bella dragged me to paid off because I don't want to embarrass myself."

"Hey!" I defended playfully. "I didn't drag you anywhere. Didn't you say you wanted to impress your in-laws?"

Angela blushed scarlet which made Edward and I laugh.

After a few more words Angela finally left and Edward and I order in, but not before promising me that we would go grocery shopping the day following day. I was completely over take out and hotel food, at least for a while.

That night after eating we went straight to bed and much to Edward's whining T slept right there on the bed with us.

We were finally at home, all of us together and all I could do was to thank the heavens for some peace after all we've been through in the last couple of weeks. I just hoped the bad times were behind us and that things started to look up from now on. We both deserved it.

I deserved it.

* * *

Time flies when life is busy and most of all when after so much turmoil in life you finally feel like happiness does exist.

I had been in high spirits this past couple of months. I was beginning to see happiness in my life. And time was passing faster than ever.

After our unexpected trip to Chicago Edward had changed, it was subtle, but I knew him well enough to notice this changes. It seemed as if a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he now smiled more, laughed more, sang more. He was writing more music now with the band and we spend many evenings in Mike's townhouse; the guys rehearsing while Jessica, Lauren, Angela and I cooked, laughed, joked and talked. Jessica and Lauren would tell me about their experiences as moms and Angela and I would listen with fascination at everything they said. I couldn't believe having a baby could be as hard as they said, they were just so small, how much trouble could they be? Of course when I voiced my thoughts they would laugh and said I would find out soon enough. I guess I would.

Edward's uncle hadn't come to visit us yet, but he and Edward had been talking regularly and their relationship -as per Edward's words- was better than ever.

The shop was getting so much business we could hardly keep up, we were all working hard and Edward had told me time and time again how proud he was of his crew. The guys knew this, and they in return worked with everything they had to prove themselves even more. We had even a new girl in the shop, her name was Leah and she was going to be with us for a few months, at least that was the plan as of right now. The shop couldn't be doing better.

With Angela's help I had finally been able to get my GED and I couldn't feel more proud about it. I didn't know when and if I would pursue a College degree, but at least I had the option. Maybe one day, the possibilities were endless now. For the first time in my life I felt like I could do what I wanted to when I wanted to and I knew that if I wanted to study in the future I could, just because that had been my choice.

The lawsuit against the hospital had ended before it even started, because thanks to Caius and a friend of him -who was an excellent lawyer- we were able to get a settlement. The hospital had agreed on paying me a good amount of money for what they called a 'mistake'. Edward was not too happy with the decision, saying we needed to take them to trial and make them pay even more, but being honest I didn't have the time nor energy to do that, besides I couldn't say I didn't feel a little bit guilty, because even though at that time it had been an extremely horrible situation to be in, now I couldn't wait to meet my little girl and I felt bad for getting money suing people because of her existence.

To add to that, I was just a few weeks away from my due date and I had told Tanya that I wanted to start fresh, that I didn't want to taint my daughter with my past and all I wanted was a new and fresh start, so I wanted everything over and done with.

Of course I knew it was impossible to erase my past and start anew. All the things that happened to me would always be there, but I hoped I saw them now as that, my past. It would always hurt, of that I was sure, but it wouldn't stop me from being happy, not anymore.

With everything settled and Edward's house in Chicago sold we had jumped right into buying a place for us, for our family. We had found a small three bedroom town-home close to the shop that we hoped to call our own if everything went well with the negotiations. It was a scary thing, but I couldn't deny the exciment I felt at contribuiting to our future since we both were going to pay part of the mortgage. It hadn't been easy to convince Edward but in the end he understood that I wanted, needed to do this, for him, for our little one, for me.

And one of the changes I was the most happy about was the growth in my relationship with Edward. My Edward.

Our emotional relationship had always been strong, but now it seemed as if we had known each other since the day we had been born, as if our souls had been created for one another; and our physical relationship -I smiled just thinking about it- was great despites me getting bigger by the day. We hadn't made love, not yet, but we didn't need that to go all the way to show the love we had for each other, at least that's what Edward told me every time we tried but I just couldn't go through with it. We were taking everything day by day and I was sure soon enough I would be able to show Edward my devotion with my entire body, it was just a matter of time.

"What are you thinking B?" Edward said as he placed a kiss on my shoulder and embraced me from behind.

I shivered at the contact and smiled. "About everything," I sighed.

"What does that mean?" He asked with a small chuckle. "You can't possibly be thinking about everything at the same time."

"Just that time is going by so fast," I sighed as I placed a hand on my belly. "She will be here soon,"

Edward smiled. "Four weeks," He said.

"Yes," I smiled as well. "Four weeks and we'll have our little girl here with us. Or who knows it can be sooner or later, you heared what the doctor said, you just never know for sure."

Edward didn't say anything and when I turned my face to look at him I could see it was his turn to look deep in thought, maybe even a little nervous, which puzzled me. As of lately I would caught him all lost in his own mind and when I asked he would always say it was nothing, that he just had a lot on his mind, but I was starting to believe it wasn't just that.

"What's wrong? What are you thinking?" It was my turn to ask.

He shook his head and took a step back. "Nothing, well...ok I have to... I think, ugh!" He groaned. "I have to tell you something,"

My face must have been full of worry because he quickly added.

"Is nothing bad, I swear. Well at least I think is not."

"What? Tell me,"

"Come sit with me," He said as he guided me to the sofa.

Once we were both sitting down he took a deep breath and looked at me right in the eye.

"Bella," He said. "I want you in my life forever, both of you," He said as he placed a hand atop my tummy.

"I know you do. I want that too, you know that right?" I asked.

He nodded his head and took a deep breath. "I want...I mean if you want..." He stammered.

"Just tell me Edward, please," I begged.

"I want our baby to be my daughter, in every sense of the word." I must have looked a little bit confused because he clarified. "I want her to have my last name B, I want to adopt her as my own."

There was never a doubt in my mind that Edward wanted this child, not a doubt that he would love her as his own, but I had never even thought about the fact that he may want to share his last name with her, which was kind of stupid since we were already a family, at least in our hearts we were. Of course he wanted our girl to be legally his as well.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..." He quickly amended. "I was just thinking, I..."

"Edward stop," I said placing my hand atop his mouth. "Do you really mean it?"

He looked into my eyes and with my hand still pressed on his mouth he nodded. "I do, I really do B,"

I couldn't have been able to stop the tears even if I wanted to, it was just too much; this man, my man, he was way and beyond what I deserved.

"Of course I want her to be yours Edward. I want our little girl to be a Cullen."

"You do?"

I nodded through blurry vision.

"But not just her," Edward said, a blinding smile on his face.

"What?" I asked totally confused, my tears halted for the moment.

"T! Come here T!" Edward quickly yelled and not a second later I could hear tiny steps coming towards us.

I didn't know how or when Edward had gotten that ridiculous outfit for T, but there she was in a pink tutu with a horrible hat that was almost bigger than her head. _Poor thing_. She seemed totally ok with it though, not at all uncomfortable as she walked towards Edward.

He quickly picked her up and with one hand started removing the contraption on her little head.

"Good idea!" I laughed, throwing my head back into the couch. "That thing is bigger than her,"

Edward didn't seem to be paying any attention to me as he maneuver the hat out of T and when I looked towards him I realized why; my laugh stopping alltogether at the sight in front of me.

Edward wasn't sitting on the couch anymore, he was sitting on the floor, at my feet, with the contraption on his hands.

It was there when I realized that T wasn't wearing an actual hat, but a proof of this beautiful man's love for me.

"Bella, would you marry me?"

**A/N.- Is anybody there? Are people still reading my story?**

**I'm so sorry for the delay and thanks so much for being so patient with me. I can't thank you enough for your support and please believe me I'll try to have this story finished as soon as I can. ****The story is almost closing, don't know how many chapters left so I won't give you an exact number, just a couple more I think. **

**This chapter wasn't pre-read or betaed so all mistakes (which may be a lot) are completely mine, don't blame Lynn or Mony please! Love you my girls :) I just wanted to have it out there for you to read and didn't want to bother my girls since they are both super busy!**

**Next week I'm off to Los Angeles for a very deserved vacation! I'm taking my little one with me of course; he is already 8 months! Can you believe it? Wish me luck on the flight because I'm a little bit nervous, is just a 3 hours flight but still, it's the first time I do it as a mommy!**

**Lots of love for all of you :D**

**Alexa**


	41. Chapter 41

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**No! Your Eyes aren't deceiving you! This is an actual update. This chapter isn't pre-read or betaed so all mistakes are my own :) ENJOY!**

_******Previously on C&G (BPOV Ch. 40) …**_

_"T! Come here T!" Edward quickly yelled and not a second later I could hear tiny steps coming towards us._

_I didn't know how or when Edward had gotten that ridiculous outfit for T, but there she was in a pink tutu with a horrible hat that was almost bigger than her head. Poor thing. She seemed totally ok with it though, not at all uncomfortable as she walked towards Edward._

_He quickly picked her up and with one hand started removing the contraption on her little head._

_"Good idea!" I laughed, throwing my head back into the couch. "That thing is bigger than her,"_

_Edward didn't seem to be paying any attention to me as he maneuver the hat out of T and when I looked towards him I realized why; my laugh stopping alltogether at the sight in front of me._

_Edward wasn't sitting on the couch anymore, he was sitting on the floor, at my feet, with the contraption on his hands._

_It was there when I realized that T wasn't wearing an actual hat, but a proof of this beautiful man's love for me._

_"Bella, would you marry me?"_

**CHAPTER 41**

**EPOV**

"By the power vested in me by the state of New York I pronounce you husband and wife. Mr. Cullen you may..."

I didn't even wait for the Justice of the Peace to tell me I could kiss my bride when I did just that and pulled my girl in for a kiss.

_MY girl._

_Mine. _

But not in a possessive, asshole kind of way.

Her heart was mine to love freely, just as mine was hers.

I was a goner, but a happy one at that.

I just couldn't believe in a matter of days my life had changed that much already. And there was still a bigger change to come soon enough. But for now I would take this and enjoy it.

After my proposal Bella launched herself at me and made me the happiest motherfucker when she said yes over and over again. I had never seen her smile so bright and I was sure I had a similar look on my face as well. Not even T biting my leg could sour my mood and after some hugs and kisses I even took that little fucker on my arms and hugged both my girls at the same time to celebrate.

Celebration that was short lived since we decided to not wait and get married right away. Long engagement be damned.

It took all of five days to met all the legal requirements, find someone to marry us and for Angela, Jessica, Lauren and Lesley to plan a reception, which in reality was more like a get together since there weren't more than thirty people there, but it was perfect and all the persons I cared about where there; even my uncle Carlisle -who against his doctor and wife wishes- had taken a flight to New York to be at my side by himself.

The party had taken place at 'Benny's' it was a Friday so Jason –the owner- couldn't close the entire place for us but with him being a good friend of everyone at the shop he agreed to close the top floor. They provided the beer and some appetizers while the girls got food catered and of course a cake. They decorated the entire room with balloons and twinkle lights; even I could say it didn't look bad at all.

But the most important thing was watching my girl smile, laugh and enjoy. And every single time her eyes turned to mine I had not a single doubt in my mind she loved me as much as I did her. Her happiness was my happiness now more than ever and I would make damn sure she never stopped smiling for the rest of our lives.

If Bella had wanted a big ass wedding I would have given her that, if she had wanted to do it later in life I would have waited, no doubt about it, but we were both on the same page and for us the importance was not in the wedding itself but in the commitment we were both making and we were both sure that's what we wanted. So why wait?

Besides our little one was due any time now and we wanted to give her a real family and sharing a last name was a good start to that. So after talking it out all night long after my proposal, we decided to just go for it and the next day when I told the guys at the shop and when Bella told Angela and the other girls all the preparations had started. Even I was running errands left and right taking papers here and there, folding invitations and choosing colors for the decorations. Who would have thought?

Between all the preparations Bella and I had decided not to have a honeymoon, at least not just yet, since there wasn't just much time for it. For starters we were still in the hunt for a new place. Well, Bella thought we were. I knew better. Adding to that, Bella was in her last weeks of pregnancy and the doctor had told us it was a matter of time before our little girl came into the world, it could be at any time now and we were both more comfortable being home, and then B had told me she much rather me taking some time off once the baby was born. I was going to do it regardless but Bella being her had said she wouldn't feel comfortable making me lose so much work with the baby and then a honeymoon; silly girl. Our plan was to go somewhere once we could do it as a family. So we would wait for that.

Still I had planned a weekend just for the two of us where I would hopefully give her the surprise I've been keeping a secret from her, which was the lovely three bedroom townhome she had fallen in love with. It was a really ideal place since it was quiet close to the shop and just a few blocks from the subway. The price was a little bit more than we wanted to spend and it needed some TLC I wasn't counting on when we started looking for a place, but I knew it was worth it and it would pay off in the long run since I was planning on finishing the basement and fix everything that was needed before we moved in. I wanted a perfect place for mi girls.

"Son, I think I'm going to leave now. I'm not as young anymore."

I turned and smiled at my uncle who had a content expression on his face. I had been so lost in thought I hadn't even realized he had made his way towards me.

"I understand. Thank you so much for coming," I said as I gave him a warm hug. "When are you going back to Chicago?"

"About that," He said. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Maybe we could get together sometime next week?"

"Next week?" I asked surprised.

"Let's just say, I'm going to stay in the city for a little bit longer," My uncle chuckled. "I hope you are ok with that."

"Of course I am!" I responded.

"I'm glad then," He chuckled. "So if you and Bella have time we could go somewhere for dinner, or I could go to your place, whatever is more comfortable for you both."

"Great! Just tell me when and I'll let you know," I agreed.

"What has you so happy Edward?" Bella said as she walked towards me from her washroom break.

I quickly pulled my beautiful wife into my arms and gave her a small kiss on the cheek. "Besides being married to the most beautiful woman in the world?"

Bella giggled and pressed her face into my chest.

"And on that note I'm off." My uncle said.

"Oh no Carlisle! I didn't mean to interrupt you at all." Bella said in embarrassment.

"No need dear. I was leaving anyways. This old body isn't really cooperating and I think its time for me to listen to it and go to rest." He said. "I was just saying Edward here that I'm staying in the city for a while, so I'll be seeing you both next week, we could go to dinner or something. If you have time and feel like it of course."

"I'm sure we can arrange that." Bella said nodding. "Thank you so much for coming all the way here to be with Edward, Carlisle. I really appreciate it." And with that Bella let go of me and gave my uncle a warm hug.

It still surprised me how great Bella was doing, she was becoming so confident of herself and around others. I couldn't be more proud.

"I'm here for both of you Bella. You are both family, don't forget it."

"Thank you."

And after a few more words my uncle was off.

We danced some more, we ate a lot and enjoyed the company around us. I knew Bella was getting tired, heck she was tired most of the time now but still every time I asked her if she wanted to leave she would just shake her head and smile this huge smile. I just couldn't say no to her even if I tried.

"So are you ready to head home and enjoy your wedding night Mr. Cullen?"

_Fuck me!_ Just the way she said it made me gulp in surprise.

"I am, if you are." I said quickly.

"I am my husband."

And the way she said it made me think there was more to that statement but I didn't want to get my hopes up. So with a nod and a reassuring smile I held her hand and we walked towards our guest to let them know we were done for the night. _Freaking finally!_

* * *

"B, are you ok?"

"Yes, give me a minute, I'm almost done." She said quickly, which did little to stop me from pacing the room.

I had been waiting for over ten minutes and Bella wouldn't come out of the bathroom. I was worried she was feeling unwell but she assured me time and again she was doing fine and that she only needed a couple of extra minutes. That was ten minutes ago.

I had moved T's bed to the living room, I had changed into some pajama pants, I had drunk two glasses of water and paced the room a hundred times.

It took a few more minutes but finally Bella emerged from the bathroom. I didn't want her to see me walking around the room like a mad man so as soon as I heard the door opening I jumped on the bed and made myself look occupied with my phone.

"Sorry it took me so long," Bella said. "I was just..." She trailed off.

I put my phone back on the night stand and looked at her. She was wearing her usual pajamas pants with one of my t-shirt, her face was now free of make-up and her hair was pulled up on top of her head; she looked more beautiful than ever before to me.

"You were just what?" I asked her.

She shrugged and looked down at her feet.

"What happened B?"

"Nervous," She whispered so softly I almost didn't heard her.

"Nervous about what babe? Is just me, it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed for a while now. Come here," I said patting her spot on our bed. She did so and quickly enough I was hugging her towards me. "Or are you nervous about the baby? She is almost here and I know it's going to be a big change,"

"I don't know. I feel a little bit overwhelmed." Bella said softly.

"I know B, but you aren't alone love, I'm here for you, we are in this together from now on. Do you understand Mrs. Cullen?" Her tentative smile and small nod told me I had said the right words. "Give me a kiss wife."

So she did just that and soon enough we were a mess on the bed, kissing and touching like we had done many times before, both partially naked and entangled as much as we could with the huge belly in between.

"Edward," Bella sighed as I kissed a trailed from her collarbone to her right breast.

"Mmm..." I kept with my ministrations as I circled her nipple carefully with my tongue. She was more sensitive than ever before and I knew I had to be gentle.

"Make love to me," She said in a breathy whisper.

I quickly moved away from my task and looked at her in the eye, hopping she could see my sincerity in the dim light coming through the window. "Baby we don't have to." I said slowly. "I know it's our wedding night and all but I'm not expecting anything else. Nothing has changed ok?"

"I know," She said with a smile. "But I want to. I want to before the baby is here, before our daughter is born. I want to be your wife for real."

"You already are my wife Bella," I said sincerely, "You have been since the moment I told you I would take care of you and our daughter. I love you no matter what remember? And I'll wait as long as it..." But she placed her hand on my mouth.

"I don't want to wait anymore. I'm ready Edward, I want you to make love to me, for the first time."

And I believed her. I knew I could tell her again and again that she didn't have to do it. But I was able to see it in her eyes, the determination, the fire that I was sure was mirrored in my face, the love and desire that we both had for each other. Her eyes didn't lie to me and I knew she was sure. If she told me to stop I would, no doubt about it but I knew she wouldn't say it this time.

"Are you sure?" I wanted to ask for the last time.

"Totally." She smiled, and that's all the response I needed.

As careful as possible I discarded the last pieces of clothing we were both wearing and tried to find a comfortable position for her. I was nervous as fuck, but the excitement was beyond belief. Being able to finally sharing something that special with the woman I loved was making my emotions go wild. I felt like crying when I started rubbing my cock into her sweet center and for a second I thought about taking off my frenulum, but Bella said to leave it so I did as she asked.

I made sure to look for any sign of discomfort, but Bella seemed as eager as me to do this and I couldn't be more thankful about it.

When I started pushing inside her I couldn't stop myself from closing my eyes and sigh in contentment, I was being extra careful making sure I didn't hurt her. But she seemed at ease and I kept going until I was finally all the way inside of her.

_Perfection._

"I love you," Was all I said.

"I love you too Edward, so much,"

Those were the only words that we spoke as we found a rhythm in our lovemaking. My eyes never left hers, I wanted to make sure she was comfortable and enjoying this as much as I was. By the little whimpers and gasps I was sure my girl liked what I was doing.

Before I reached my peak I made sure she came and once she did I couldn't hold back, I came as well while whispering her name.

And just like that I felt complete.

It didn't take long for both of us to start drifting into sleep. It had been a hectic day following a hectic week, so I just closed my eyes and made sure to have my girl secured between my arms.

"I love you Edward. Thank you for showing me what it feels to really be loved. Thank you for giving me life again." Was the last thing I heard before sleep finally took me.

_I love you too my beautiful girl. I love you._

**A/N.- First of all THANK YOU! Thank you so much for being so kind with me and waiting all this time. **

**I know it took me a long while and there isn't much of an excuse really. I've just been busy and hadn't found much time to write. The thing is I love this story so much I didn't want to just write filler stuff. I know I may not be the best writer, but I try to at least give you something you will enjoy reading.**

**We are at the end of the road with the story, maybe one chapter and an epilogue left and I'll try my best to finish it before the years end LOL. I'm kidding. I'm going to try and it have it done within a few months/weeks. We'll see.**

******I'm still around, I still love to read FF! (Send me some rec.'s cause I've run out of FF right now). I have my iPhone glued to my hand at all times so you can send a twitt, a PM or whatever. The problem is for me to get time and actually sit in front of the laptop. It's hard with a one year old that likes to grab everything at his reach, and when he sleeps at night -which isn't guaranteed since he still wakes up a few times- I try to rest as well.**

**For those who care I will tell you my baby is now 14 months old and I love him more than anything in this world. Seeing him growing and be this beautiful little man he is makes me want to cry at times. All of you that are mommies may understand a little bit LOL The love you feel for a child is just indescribable.**

**I got a call from my boss asking me if I wanted to go back to work and with a knot in my stomach I told him No! I just can't seem to be able and part with my baby just yet. So I'm a full-time-mommy now! If you are one, or even if you aren't PM me. Is nice to talk to other people besides my kid.**

**I know there is some drama around in the 'fandom' and let me tell ya' I don't give a shit! I'm here because of the Books, because of the friendships and beautiful stories. I respect the actors that gave life to this characters but to me Twilight is beyond that, beyond the movies and beyond the celebrities. **

**Love you girls!**

**Alexa :)**


	42. Chapter 42

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.**

**BPOV**

"I think is a great idea, son," Carlisle said in agreement.

"We are planning to buy most of the furniture though," Edward explained. "My parent's stuff are huge since their house was quiet spacious but here is just not like that."

"I understand." Carlisle nodded. "But I'm glad you will keep more stuff than you intended to. Just tell me what you want to keep and I'll arrange for them to be sent here. I'll arrange for the rest to be donated."

"Thank you Carlisle," I smiled and felt Edward's hand give mine a little squeeze.

"No need dear. I'm just so happy you both finally found a place for your family. When are you moving by the way?"

"In a couple of months I think." I said. "Edward wants to renovate before we move there."

"Yeah," Edward shrugged. "It'll be faster if the place is empty, besides I don't want to have our daughter there when they paint the place. It'll take days to get the smell out. And the dust," He groaned. "No way will I make my baby live in a place under construction."

I just rolled my eyes at his overprotection, but at the same time my heart melted at seeing how thoughtful he was and how much he already cared for our little girl. I was so excited that she would have a home of her own, a house for our little family. I was so happy about it.

I had fallen in love with the place the moment we walked in. It was not really well kept and the paint was fading in most of the rooms but still it called to me. I thought it wasn't a possibility when the realtor told us the price, it wasn't too much over our budget but with all the reparations it obviously needed I knew the cost would increase a lot, so I tried to just put it behind me and find another place that accommodated our needs. So when Edward took me to the townhome again and told me it was already ours I couldn't believe it. We were even able to get the home right under our initial budget since we were offering cash money. Money that had come from the settlement the Hospital had given me. The rest Edward and I placed it in a trust-fund for our daughter, and I had decided to put some in a savings account for myself as well. All in all, money well spent.

"I've talked with some people and the estimate is around 3 months or so." Edward explained.

The conversation kept going and Edward explained to his uncle what he wanted to do with the place. I on the other hand tried to keep myself from cringing at the pains I was feeling on my lower abdomen. They were irregular and more like menstrual cramps, so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. They were most probably Braxton Hicks and I didn't want to go to the hospital and make a fool of myself.

"Bella?" I felt Edward placed her hand atop my shoulder. "Are you ok B?"

"Yeah, yeah," I shook my head. "What was that Carlisle?" I knew he had been talking about something but I thought he and Edward were still engrossed in their own conversation and pay little attention.

"I was telling Edward that I have some news for you both," He said, and the hesitation in his voice had me a little bit worried.

"What's going on Carlisle? Are you ok? Did your doctor…." Edward was interrupted when Carlisle waved his hand to stop him.

"Esme and I are getting a divorce."

_Ok. What? _I didn't see that one coming.

"What?" Edward asked in shock.

"Are you really surprised Edward?" Carlisle asked with a humorless chuckle.

Edward opened his mouth but closed it up again. I knew he wanted to say something but he was trying hard to find the best way of saying it.

"Yes… I mean no, fuck!" He sighed. "You've been married for a very long time, I didn't think you were interested in separating."

Carlisle looked at both of us and nodded. "I know I've put up with many things over the years, but I just can't do it anymore. And after this heart attack I just knew something had to give. Life is too short and we just aren't happy with how things are going. I am not happy." He shook his head. "Besides Alice is moving out of the country; she got an offer in Spain and she is planning to move there. She is a big girl now, doing her own thing and living her own life. I think is time for me to start living mine, again."

After that Carlisle explained to us how he had gotten an offer to teach in NYU and how interested he was on taking the position and move permanently to New York. I knew Edward tried to hide his excitement, but it was impossible to mask the pure joy he felt at having his uncle move into the city and be a permanent and more constant part of his life, of our lives. Carlisle wasn't interested in going back to work full time after what had happened, but still he was not ready to retire and decided that teaching and taking some cases here and there would be a good compromise.

"How is Alice taking it?" Edward asked.

"Surprisingly fine, I guess she is just relieved she won't be in the country for the time being." Carlisle sighed.

"Ugh!" I groaned at the sharp pain that suddenly hit me on my back.

Both men stopped mid-talk and looked at me with worry in their eyes.

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you ok?" Edward said quickly, his eyes wide with apprehension.

"I don't know," I said between pants. "I've been feeling a little bit off today but the pains haven't been that strong so I…. Ahhhhh….!" I screamed again in pain.

Not a minute later we were out of the restaurant; Edward helping me walk while Carlisle open the door of a taxi cab and just before I was safely inside my water broke on the sidewalk.

It was time. My baby was on her way.

* * *

Elizabeth Angelic Cullen was born 26 hours later via C-Section.

She was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. She was our miracle, our angel.

If I ever worried there would be some kind of bonding issue when she was finally in my arms it was now totally forgotten. The moment I heard her cry for the very first time I fell in love all over again, and when Edward placed her close to me so I could look at her I knew there wasn't anybody in this world I loved more than that little girl in front of me and I was sure Edward felt the same way.

At my request he hadn't left her side for a second after she was born. While the doctor made sure I was put back in place Edward made sure the nurses where gentle with our little baby. When they told him she had to go on the plastic crib so we could be moved to the recovery room he agreed but only if he could be the one pushing it. He kept an eye on me at all times but his sight was mostly on our baby and I couldn't be happier about it.

"I love her B, so very much." Edward said once we were all set in our own room at the hospital.

"I love her too. She is just so precious." I said as I encouraged her take her nourishment from my breast.

Whoever said breastfeeding was a natural thing was crazy; this was way harder than I thought and due to my C-Section my milk wasn't flowing really well. Add to that the fact that my baby didn't know how to suck properly it wasn't an easy task at all, but we were trying and we will keep working on it. No matter how long it took.

"It's just," Edward spoke softly. "I knew I loved her, but this… this is something else B. She is my daughter."

I couldn't help the tears that streamed down my face at seeing this wonderful man, my husband profess his unconditional love to this little girl.

"I know what you mean." I agreed.

And nothing else was said. Nothing else was needed to be said.

* * *

"T! Stop it!" Edward groaned. "That toy isn't yours and you know it!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at those two; always fighting for some reason. T had grabbed one of the many toys our daughter had been gifted and had been happily playing with it until Edward saw it.

"I don't know B, I think she is really jealous, she is just acting up and I don't like it." Edward sighed. "She knows we still love her, right?"

"She isn't jealous Edward, she is just playful. Besides you have to understand this is a huge change for her as well. All in all she is acting fine to me. She loves Lizzy just as much as we do; haven't you seen she never barks when Lizzy is taking a nap and always stays close to the door guarding it."

"I know, but still. She knows these aren't her toys. Didn't I buy her a lot of them just so this wouldn't happen?"

"Well, she liked that toy," I said pointing towards the thing that was supposed to be a monkey "Let it have it, besides Lizzy doesn't even care about toys right now. She only wants boob and bottles. That's all she cares about."

"And his daddy's arms!" Edward pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you know she loves her daddy's cuddles. But right now she is eating and I'm sure she'll fall asleep; since you've been spending little to no time with T I say you and her go out for a walk, grab a coffee or something. Relax for a bit honey."

Edward rubbed the back of his neck and nodded in agreement. This past couple of weeks had been hectic beyond belief. Between our newborn baby, a wife recovering from surgery, his business and a home in the middle of a renovation Edward had slept even less than myself. I at least was lucky enough to have lots of help. He on the other hand needed to be supervising many things himself and I knew it was taking a toll on him. A little fresh air would do him a lot of good.

"Are you going to be ok?" He hesitated.

"Sure," I smiled. "Angela is coming soon, she'll help me do some laundry and stuff around the house."

"I don't want you to do too much babe,"

"I won't." I promised. "Angela is just as bad as you sometimes, so you don't have to worry at all."

As soon as T realized she was going out she dumped the toy next to the coffee table and ran towards Edward with a bounce in her step.

"I'll be back soon my loves," Edward said as he gave Lizzy and me a kiss.

"I love you Edward." I said to him as he gently rubbed a finger on Lizzy's cheek.

"I love you too B, I love you both."

And I knew he did.

**A/N.- What?! An update?! Is anybody there?! **

**And again I won't make excuses for the massive update fail but I realized that if I wanted to finish this story I needed to do it even if the chapters were shorter than I'm used to. So I hope you don't mind! And I didn't have a beta or a pre-reader for this chapter so all mistakes (which may be A LOT) are mine and mine only.**

**The story is pretty much done, but there are some small details that need to be told. I love stories that come to a full close and there is some stuff I need to work out to feel 'Comes & Goes' has done that, maybe 1 or 2 more chapters and we are done!**

**Thanks so much to everyone that is still reading. I can't promise you a time frame for and update, but know I'm going to work my hardest to finish this story soon enough.**

**My life gave a 180 when I had my little one and even though I'm still a huge FF reader is harder to write. I mean 99.99% of my FF connection is through my iPhone so writing is pretty much crazy to do from there. I'm still on twitter and all and I have a facebook acount (Alexa Urce) so please feel free to contact me! Sometimes being a full time mom can get a little bit lonely -in the grown up department- and making new friends and talking (even if it's just online) is something I truly enjoy! So if you have any questions or whatever feel free to contact me :)  
**

**Hugs my lovelies!**

**Alexa**


	43. Chapter 43

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them. **

_Dear Bella, my little Bells:_

_I know it may seem coward, foolish and weak for me to write you this letter, but trust me when I tell you I'm doing it for your own benefit. _

_I'm doing it for you my sweet girl. _

_To give you the opportunity to make your own decision; to give you a choice._

_Because of my wrongdoings your life was turn upside down and believe me when I say; the last thing I want is to disrupt your life, again. _

_So it's up to you if you want to just throw this letter and never read it, or if you want to know what is inside but don't care about it and want to just put it in the garbage bin. But if there is a small, tiny part of you that wants to see me again, even if just to curse the day I was chosen to be your father, trust me when I say I will stand in front of you and let you do and say whatever you need. And if you need for me to tell you all that is here all over again I would. Is the least I could do, the very least._

_I should ask you for forgiveness but it's not fair to ask that of you at all, less in a letter. _

_I was the worst father, I know that, I knew it back then and even though I tried it was just not enough, I wasn't strong enough. _

_I'm sorry I couldn't cope with your mom leaving us. I'm sorry my duty as a father wasn't enough to go out every day and work hard. There is no excuse for it. I was a poor excuse of a father, I know that. But never, never doubt the love I had for you Bells. You were the only thing that kept me going, you were the only thing that gave light to my life. You were, and still are the person I love the most; even if I didn't show it at the right time. Even if I didn't show it the right way._

_I was in and out of rehab during most of your childhood after you mom left. You never noticed since it just didn't seem to really work and I didn't want to tell you and let you down even more. I tried, I really did. At least that's what I told myself back then, but it was a weak attempt and I failed over and over again._

_But when they took you away from me, when they told me I was going to lose you for good I just knew I had to change, if not for me, for you; and this time it had to work, I couldn't fail. So I did. With the assistance of Bob, one of my ex co-workers I got into a program, he loaned me the money and trusted me to do the right thing for once. The lady at social services told me if I was able to successfully complete it I would have a shot at getting you back. She promised to help me get you back if I truly changed my life around. So I had to decided if I was going to take that step or not._

_I was inside for three months and once I was out I realized things wouldn't be easy at all. When the neighbour told me you had been back at the house and she had called CPS I didn't know if I should thank her or yell at her for giving you back to them, still I knew she did the right thing._

_Because of that they wouldn't give me any information of your whereabouts, not even a general idea of where they had you staying at. They said you were a 'runner' and with my past they couldn't risk me going and taking you away illegally or some mumbo jumbo. I had zero information. _

_I waited a long time, way longer than I thought it would take but when I was finally able to get your information and got permission for a first visit with you everything came crashing back down. They told me you had run away from the foster home you were at; you and another kid that was staying there with you. _

_Not a week later I was informed the foster parents had been charged for child abuse and put in jail for a very long time. A little girl that remained in their care told everything to her social worker and they were quickly apprehended and convicted. _

_Child abuse. Sexual abuse._

_Is that what made you run away from there? Did that guy did something to you my love? I know is stupid to ask, and I live with the guilt every single day. Knowing most probably you were hurt deeply. Where you my Bells?_

_Because if he did hurt you believe me I would go to jail and kill him myself; if he wasn't dead already that is. Seems child abusers don't last long in jail and I'm glad for it. The woman was put in a mental facility or something like that. That woman is totally lost in her own crazy world now. At least that's what they told me._

_I spent years looking for you but there was just not much information, honestly there was just a bunch of nothing. But I never gave up. Believe me sweetheart, I never did._

_It was a total fluke Jerry, one of my friends at AA happened to meet your husband and you at an expo. I can't believe he recognized you; after all the picture I always carry with me is from where you were about 10. But he did and with what little you interacted with him he was able to put two and two together. I guess the fact that you were born in Forks tipped him off. When you didn't notice he took a picture of you and sent it to me and I knew it was you. I could recognize your beautiful face anywhere my girl._

_It took everything in me not flight to Portland that day and see you myself. Instead I made him promise to get your contact information, and that's how I got this address. From your husband's tattoo shop? Are you married now? He said you are Isabella Cullen now. And from what I hear you have a little girl? A beautiful little girl? _

_He told me you seemed, happy. That the man that is now your husband treats you with love and respect and that he only has eyes for you and your daughter. That you were all smiles and seemed to be in high spirits. _

_So the last thing I want to do is to cloud that happiness, and if you have come to terms with what has happened, if you want nothing to do with me I will totally respect that. _

_But if there is hope, if just a little bit of hope that you may want to contact me, please know I'll be waiting, from this day till the last of my days._

_I love you Bells. With all my heart,_

_Charles Swan_

__**A/N.- Surprise! Even though this isn't a regular chapter IT IS part of the story. Many of you were wondering about Charlie, what had happened to him and if Bella was going to ever look for him or him for her. Well I truly hope this little letter was able to answer some of your questions. I could have dragged it out and make Charlie look for Bella, confront her and tell her himself. But on this one I agree with him, Bella has to make the decision if she wants to meet him or not. He gave her the truth, now is her choice if she wants to approach him or not.**

**So what should Bella do now? I know what she will do but its always fun to have your input!**

**I think we just have an epilogue left and that's that! Can't believe it!**

**I just want to clarify the fact that I DO NOT write from my iPhone lol What I meant is that being a mommy 24/7 most of my interaction with the cyber-world is via my iPhone, I do all my reading, tweeting, facebooking from there. So finding time to actually open my laptop and write is sometimes hard. My little one is one picky boy and he doesn't like to see mom typing away in her computer hahahaha, and believe me when he falls asleep I'm not far behind! That's one of the reasons updating has been hard. I just have little time to actual type the chapters. No way could I do that from my iPhone! I'm not that awesome LOL ;)**

**Lots of hugs! Thanks for sticking around.**

**Love you my lovelies!**

**Alexa :)**


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